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[Review] ‘Slender Man’ is a Tedious Paint-by-Numbers of Horror Clichés

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Since its creation in 2009, the internet-based urban legend of Slender Man became a modern boogeyman of the internet age as images were copied and pasted around all corners of the web.  The rail-thin, tall man in a black suit and devoid of facial features targets children in a sort of horror twist to the classic legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. The creepypasta has also drummed up notoriety with the Slender Man stabbing in 2014. With viral nature of the Slender Man offering a wealth of story potential, the first horror film based on the Slender Man instead opts to apply its internet-based origins over the blueprint of the VHS era’s boogeyman, The Ring.

Set in a small town in Massachusetts, four teen girls learn that their male friends intend to summon Slender Man at a sleepover and decide they should do the same. They gather around a laptop and hit play, unleashing a video montage of horrific imagery ripped right out of The Ring, and thus succeed in summoning the very thing they didn’t believe was real. Shortly after, Katie (Ouija: Origin of Evil’s Annalise Basso) goes missing, strange things start happening, and the remaining girls follow the exact same footsteps we’ve seen before as they’re plagued with the curse-like haunting of the boogeyman.

Much has been debated about ratings in horror films; namely PG-13 versus R-ratings and what it means for the horror. The truth is that none of that matters if the story is good and the scares are well executed. Here, there’s no amount of gore or any R-rated content that could have made Slender Man less tedious to sit through. Despite a run time of only 91 minutes, it feels more like a slow crawl through a 3-hour movie instead.

That’s because there’s nothing new in Slender Man. Writer David Birke homed in on the viral nature of the internet and applied it to this modern boogeyman, but in doing so he created an overly familiar retread of boogeyman type stories that we’ve seen many times before. Sylvain White has crafted a competently made feature, but it’s also uninspired. Slender Man essentially feels like a movie created from a how-to guide to horror. Step one: apply drab color palette with hazy blues, greens, and neutrals. Step 2: make sure all set pieces look like generic, creepy locations. Step 3: insert tried-and-true jump scares. Step 4: do not deviate from horror formula. When some of the girls start hallucinating, you’ll yawn when normal faces become skewed with the familiar CG black eyes and gaping mouth that plagues so many horror films. And sometimes even laugh.

Generic horror blueprint aside, the narrative also actively works against making Slender Man scary. Katie is painted as a girl with a troubled home life that desperately wants to run away, making Slender Man more her savior than scary. Her friends Wren (Joey King) and Chloe (Jaz Sinclair) also have indications of troubled homes, leaving lead heroine Hallie (Julia Goldani Telles) as the sole teen with a level head. Sort of. The actresses do their best to imbue these teens with endearing friendships and plausibility, but the script is riddled with plot holes. Horror favorite Javier Botet is credited as portraying the Slender Man, but he’s so heavily CG’ed over it’s impossible to notice his contribution to the character.

Slender Man took a blank slate of possibilities and turned it into a tired retread. It’s a strange choice made even more curious considering the popularity of the creepypasta seems to have waned in the last few years. There’s a chance that Slender Man will work for a group of teen girls during a sleepover, but for everyone else, it’ll be a maddening experience in tedium. There’s some imagery from earlier trailers missing in the final cut, making me wonder what White might have originally envisioned, but even then I don’t know that anything could’ve saved this.

Horror journalist, RT Top Critic, and Critics Choice Association member. Co-Host of the Bloody Disgusting Podcast. Has appeared on PBS series' Monstrum, served on the SXSW Midnighter shorts jury, and moderated horror panels for WonderCon and SeriesFest.

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SCREAMBOX Investigates UFOs and Extraterrestrials: Several Documentaries Streaming Right Now!

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As someone who is obsessed with UFOS (or more recently known as UAPs) and the concept of extraterrestrials, I love a good documentary. Sightings have been on the rise since the 1940s, with the atomic bomb seemingly acting as a catalyst for new visitors. But what are these UFOs/UAPs? Is there an explanation or are they simply beyond our explanation? Why are they here? Who are they? How much do our governments know? The questions are endless and so are the documentaries that attempt to uncover the secrets behind decades of sightings and alleged confrontations.

Whether you’re a seasoned viewer or new to the rabbit hole, there’s always a handful of interesting documentaries to get your neurons firing and leave you with sleepless nights. SCREAMBOX is investigating with the addition of several docs, all streaming now on the Bloody Disgusting-powered service. Here’s the breakdown:

Aliens (2021): Beam into this unidentified streaming documentary for a glimpse into Extraterrestrial life. Aliens are hypothetical life forms that may occur outside Earth or that did not originate on Earth.

Aliens Uncovered: Origins (2021): Before Area 51, hidden deep in the desert, the military discovered a hidden gem that helped them create Project Bluebook.

Aliens Uncovered: ET or Man-Made (2022): The crash of Roswell wasn’t meant for New Mexico. In 1947, a neighboring state had 3 major sightings that were swept under the rug.

Aliens Uncovered: The Golden Record (2023): In the late 70s, the US government launched a message to our distant neighbors.

Roswell (2021): This high-flying documentary examines the July 1947 crash of a United States Army Air Forces balloon at a ranch near Roswell, New Mexico. Theories claim the crash was actually that of a flying saucer, but what is the truth?

Also check out:

The British UFO Files (2004): Since the 1940’s the British Government has been investigating the Flying Saucer phenomenon. High-ranking military and government personnel, speak out for the first time, offering unique eyewitness accounts and inside information.

Alien Abductions and Paranormal Sightings (2016): Amazing Footage and stories from real people as they reveal their personal encounters of being abducted by Aliens.

And do not miss Hellier (2019): A crew of paranormal researchers find themselves in a dying coal town, where a series of strange coincidences lead them to a decades-old mystery.

These documentaries join SCREAMBOX’s growing library of unique horror content, including Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls, Here for Blood, Terrifier 2, RoboDoc: The Creation of RoboCop, Hollywood Dreams & Nightmares: The Robert Englund Story, The Outwaters, Living with Chucky, Project Wolf Hunting, and Pennywise: The Story of IT.

Start screaming now with SCREAMBOX on iOS, Android, Apple TV, Prime Video, Roku, YouTube TV, Samsung, Comcast, Cox, and Screambox.com.

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