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[Review] Even the ‘Critters’ Franchise Deserves Better Than “Critters: A New Binge”

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Nearly 30 years after the last installment in the franchise – that’d be 1992’s direct-to-video Critters 4… the one in space – those lovable Crites are back in “Critters: A New Binge, a brand new Shudder Original Series from director Jordan Rubin (Zombeavers). Made up of eight episodes, the very first Critters TV series actually runs shorter than even the shortest film in the franchise, making for a binge event that’ll take up around 70 minutes of your time.

Trust me, that’s a blessing in disguise.

“Critters: A New Binge,” which is essentially a reboot that bears no storyline connection to the movies, sees the Crites returning to Earth on a mission to rescue one of their own. The journey takes them to California, instructed by their President to bring back the missing Crite and… keep their hunger at bay. Naturally, it’s not long before they get really, really hungry.

After 27 years without the Critters franchise in our lives, the premiere episode of “Critters: A New Binge” is, well, an instantly sobering reminder that we’re a long way from the heartfelt ’80s charm that made so many of the decade’s horror movies – Critters most definitely included – such beloved classics. Even on a budget of just $3 million, Critters managed to take us into a fully realized, super charming world filled with tiny monsters and shape-shifting bounty hunters back in 1986, but “Critters: A New Binge” is playing with what I can only assume to be far less than 1/3 of that budget and it shows every single step of the way.

The series’ CG effects are so Syfy-level bad that they wouldn’t have even passed muster back in the ’90s, and the bad news is that “A New Binge” is absolutely loaded with that bargain basement effects work. If you thought the Silly Putty-looking green heads of the bounty hunters looked, well, silly in the original Critters, just wait until you see how they look when they’re entirely computer-generated. There was a charm even to the bad practical effects of decades gone by, but there’s just nothing even remotely charming about low-grade CGI.

On the plus side, the Crites in “A New Binge” are practically realized, the work of puppeteer Glenn Williams and his team. In a series that’s so CG-happy it’s damn sure nice to see some practical puppets on screen, but at the same time, the Crites never quite feel like real characters so much as they do rubber Halloween decorations that are being shaken around by human hands just out of frame. That said, I do appreciate the effort to imbue some of the Crites with individual personalities, and the puppet work is unquestionably the strongest suit of the whole series – props must also be given for the massive Crite Ball, which Critters 2 fans will get a kick out of. But more than anything, watching the series left me yearning for the classic effects work of the Chiodo Brothers, whose Crites felt more *alive* than they do here. There’s something about magical ’80s effects that seemingly just can’t be replicated today.

As for the other iconic characters from the franchise, well, let’s just say that the presentation of the Bounty Hunters leaves a whole lot to be desired. There are three of them in the series, and both Ug and Charlie – the only two characters who had appeared in all of the Critters films – are sadly absent this time around. The shape-shifting effects work is rough – the green-screen presentation of Australia, where we meet the show’s two main Bounty Hunters, is even worse – and the characters are a far cry from Ug and Charlie. In the original franchise, the Bounty Hunters were one of the most interesting pieces of the puzzle, and they were clearly being treated as an afterthought in the “New Binge” writers room.

The human characters don’t fare any better, unfortunately. The series primarily centers on Christopher (Joey Morgan) and his mom Veronica (Kirsten Robek), characters entirely defined by single traits: Christopher eats a lot, which the series never lets us forget, and Veronica sleeps around a lot, which the series never lets us forget. Both of these character traits, it turns out, are tied to a reveal that comes in Episode 6, which is so unbelievably absurd that you might have found me praising it if it were nestled inside of a series that delivered on the entertainment factor necessary to pull off such an out-there bit of nonsense. It’s either an amusing idea or the worst idea, and I’m leaning towards the latter.

Of course, I won’t sit here and pretend that the Critters franchise set a very high bar beyond the first couple films – I’ve seen Critters 4 – but “A New Binge” doesn’t even manage to clear that low bar. Your enjoyment of this particular entry in the franchise will probably depend on how humorous you find the line “big hairy balls” in reference to the titular creatures, and it seems clear to me right now that I’m probably just too old for such lowbrow humor.

Cheap, unfunny and more Troma (minus the gore) than Critters, “A New Binge” hardly captures the spirit of the films. I’ve seen fan films better than this (in fact, there actually is a Critters fan film titled Critters: Bounty Hunter that’s quite exceptional), and that’s just not something you ever want to say about the official return of a franchise you love.

I want more Critters in my life. Just not like this.

“Critters: A New Binge” heads to Shudder on March 21st.

Writer in the horror community since 2008. Editor in Chief of Bloody Disgusting. Owns Eli Roth's prop corpse from Piranha 3D. Has four awesome cats. Still plays with toys.

Books

‘In Search of Darkness’ Book Review: A Must-Have for ’80s Horror Fans

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In 2019, the documentary of 80s horror In Search of Darkness became an instant hit with horror fans. Now, a beautiful coffee table style companion book is available and is a must-own for all fans of one of horror’s greatest eras. The book is a walk down the horror aisle of the best mom and pop video store in the heyday of VHS, featuring full color photos, poster art, insightful essays and more. More than just a nostalgic throwback, In Search of Darkness is the kind of book I wish I’d had back in my years as a burgeoning horror fan but is also satisfying for the film fanatic I have become in the years since.

The format is beautifully and simply laid out, with at least a dozen (usually more) movies from each year of the decade presented in order of release accompanied by informative and insightful essays by the authors Heather Wixson and Patrick Bromley. Both authors have been mainstays of film journalism, specializing in horror, for many years. Wixson began her career in 2007 with Dread Central and has spent the past ten years as the Managing Editor of Daily Dead, from which she recently retired to focus on books and other projects. She has devoted the past several years to interviewing and writing books about the Make-up and Special Effects wizards that have brought so much to film over the years, specifically the horror genre.

Bromley is a film journalist and critic whose work can be found all over the place including right here on Bloody Disgusting. He recently provided the commentary for the Vinegar Syndrome release of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and is known as something of a Tobe Hooper expert. He is also the founder and editor of F this Movie!, an eclectic film website, and host of its accompanying podcast. So, to be clear, the authors know their stuff.

Wixson and Bromley divide writing duties roughly in half and though each has a distinctive voice, their writing styles dovetail beautifully into a cohesive whole. Each author plays to their strengths. Being familiar with both their work I didn’t even have to look at the bylines to know that Heather covered Christine and Terror in the Aisles and Patrick took on The Funhouse and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. Wixson’s passion for make-up effects is clear and comes through in many of her contributions. In general, Wixson takes on the “big” titles, the movies that defined the decade the most, and Bromley covers what the more cynical among us might call schlock, but he would likely call pure cinematic bliss. There are exceptions and surprises, of course, as there should be (Patrick covers The Shining for example). Each essay dives into the history behind the film, the major players involved, the reception, and legacy with often surprising aspects drawn from interviews with the filmmakers from various sources and insights from the authors.

For all their in-depth explorations of each film, in general the authors keep their critics’ hats safely stowed, keeping in mind that every entry on the book has its fans. In fact, they may well have sold me on finally hitting play on some of the schlockier offerings of the decade like Evilspeak, Nightbeast, and Blood Diner. Hell, I may even give The Beast Within a spin for shits and giggles. The point is that this book is a celebration through and through. The authors are honest about the critical receptions of the films, which were often unkind, and sometimes let their own opinions shine through, but recognize how beloved even the schlockiest films can become given time and availability. And that is an ongoing theme of In Search of Darkness. What may have been dismissed in its day often becomes revered as the years pass. Variations on the phrase “the years have been kind to…” referring to various maligned projects like The Thing, Halloween III: Season of the Witch, The Blob and many, many others, can be found throughout the book for good reason.

Each chapter of the book also includes a rundown of the top horror movies at the box office for the year as well as the top movies of all genres for context. The final page for each year highlights some of the major news and pop culture events including the top songs, albums, and television shows. There is a large central section that pays tribute to the talent involved with the greatest horror films of the 80s including directors, actors, effects artists, and more. This section includes brief biographies of John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Stephen King, Tom Savini, Barbara Crampton, Robert Englund, and many others presented in a dynamic and engaging fashion.

One of the beauties of the book is that it covers so much ground. Sure, you’ll find Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, and the Halloween sequels in it, but you’ll also find deeper cuts like The Changeling, The Being, and Tetsuo: The Iron Man. I was happy to find the same love given to Frank Henenlotter and Larry Cohen as to George A. Romero and David Cronenberg. In other words, In Search of Darkness is extraordinarily eclectic, highlighting the diversity that truly defined what is often viewed as a homogenous decade. The authors make the case that the 80s was horror’s greatest decade, and with what they lay out throughout this book, it’s tough to argue against that. I even came across a film or two I hadn’t even heard of before, which has become increasingly rare as the years go by.

At just shy of $85, the cover price may give some horror hounds pause, but believe me, it’s worth every penny. This is a beautiful volume that every fan of 80s horror will want on their shelf or prominently displayed on their coffee table. Filled with favorite titles, hundreds of full color photos, insightful and informative writing, this is simply a must own.

You can order your copy now.

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