Reviews
‘There’s Something in the Barn’ Fantastic Fest Review – Evil Elf Comedy Has an Identity Crisis
Christmas horror movies don’t come around too often, but every now and then we get gems like Black Christmas, Gremlins, Rare Exports and Krampus. Magnus Martens‘ evil elf horror comedy There’s Something in the Barn tries to hit that holiday horror comedy sweet spot that falls somewhere between Gremlins and Krampus, but misses the mark on both counts. It winds up being a forgettable, if mildly amusing, movie that doesn’t seem to know which audience it’s playing to.
After inheriting his uncle’s estate in Norway, Bill (Martin Starr), his second wife Carol (Amrita Acharia) and their children Lucas (Townes Bunner) and Nora (Zoe Winther-Hansen) move into their new home with the dream of turning the property into a bed and breakfast. The family adapts to their new Scandinavian lifestyle differently, with Bill and Carol trying to make the best of it, and the children feeling trapped by their father’s impulsive decision to uproot the family. Eventually, Lucas discovers an ancient elf (Kiran Shah) living in the adjoining barn and learns that there are three rules to keep it happy (no bright lights, no loud noises and no changes to the farm). Lucas does his best to follow them, but after Bill ignores Lucas’ warnings and plans a Christmas party in the barn, the elf plots to get rid of the intruders at any cost.
Something that often makes its way into film reviews is the “who is this for?” critique. I’ve always found this to be a particularly lazy subject to base a review around because, while the target audience may not be the critic asking the question, there’s at least one person out there who is likely to be the target audience. That being said, I’m truly at a loss for the audience for There’s Something in the Barn. Save for a couple of uses of the word “fuck,” the first 50 minutes plays out like a PG-rated family Christmas movie, full of unimpressive attempts at humor (this is more Christmas With the Kranks than Elf).
Then the carnage starts, shutting out younger audience members who might get more of a kick out of the film we’ve seen so far. While there’s enough blood and gore to earn it an R rating, it’s still far too tame for the gorehounds that might show interest in a movie about killer elves. It also takes far too long to get to the violence, a fact that even the filmmakers seem to know because a semi-violent prologue exists solely to assure horror-loving audiences that people will start dying…eventually. To be fair: deaths do happen. They just happen to tertiary characters that swing by the farm at inopportune moments. Never for a second do you get the feeling that any member of the family is in any real danger of being killed, removing any kind of suspense that Martens tries to build up.
None of this would be too big an issue if There’s Something in the Barn were funny, but it’s not (though your mileage may vary). Jokes run from the obvious (did you know that all Norwegians think that Americans walk around with guns shooting people in the face? This joke is made twice.) to the juvenile (some of these elves really like to fart). The actors do their best with what little they have (Acharia is the best at this), but Aleksander Kirkwood Brown’s screenplay doesn’t give them a lot to work with. It’s not that the jokes are cringe-inducing. It’s just that they are, for lack of a better term, basic.
What does work in the film, however, is its heart, and that goes a long way. Despite all the forced humor and minor bloodshed, the bond between family members is at the center of There’s Something in the Barn. Yes, the story is something we’ve seen a thousand times before, but the actors sell it with a necessary sincerity in their performances. Production design is bright and colorful, making for some gorgeous holiday-themed visuals. They get even better once the blood starts flowing, especially since most of the action takes place in the snow.
This review might sound harsher than its 2.5-skull score would have you believe, but the fact is that, if not for the gore in the back half, There’s Something in the Barn would make for a perfectly serviceable holiday horror comedy for younger audiences. As it stands, it’s a movie with an identity crisis that is too violent for its seemingly intended audience and too childish for the older crowd that might be drawn in to the more chaotic antics of the back half.
There’s Something in the Barn made its world premiere at Fantastic Fest. Release info TBA.
Death Down the Aisle begins with the tantalizing image of a bride, Malorie (Jess Brown), dressed in a wedding dress splattered with blood.
This is a brief (unnecessary) in media res opening before writer Audrey C. Marie jumps the action back to earlier in the day. It’s the day of the wedding, Malorie is preparing to wed Jon (David Alexander) and there’s a whirlwind introduction of wedding guests, many of whom are either family, work associates from Jon’s legal firm, or both.
Most of these relationships aren’t clear until after Jon’s death (this isn’t a spoiler; his death is heavily telegraphed by director Roxanne Boisvert). Only after the murder does it become clear that Death Down The Aisle is primarily interested in exploring red herrings, gossipy busy bodies, and characters making A LOT of phone calls.
Let’s rewind: Malorie is marrying Jon, an older man with an adult daughter, Bridget (Anna Kopacek), who looks nearly the same age as her. Jon works at Stone Legal Services with his brother Zach (Scott Gibson), as well as Malorie’s mother, Pamela (Jayne Heitmeyer) and Zach’s younger girlfriend, Amy (Gracie Callahan).
Each of these characters hand Jon a drink before the wedding begins – Zach – a Scotch, Amy – a coffee, and Pamela – an energy drink. There’s also a mysterious glass of champagne delivered to Malorie’s room that Jon drinks and Boisvert ensures that the audience keeps track of each of them by zooming in each time. This is why it’s no surprise when Jon keels over mid-ceremony, coughs up blood on Malorie’s dress, and immediately croaks.
Naturally it turns out that nearly everyone had a motive to see him dead. Pamela recently quit the firm because Jon wouldn’t confirm her salary; Zach was pushing for a merger with rival Miles (Colin Price) that Jon was unsure about, and the dead man fretted that Amy was a gold digger, so Jon wouldn’t support her promotion, either.
Adding to the too plentiful number of suspects is Malorie’s ex-husband Ryan (Frank Fiola), a recovering addict. Even Jon’s own daughter ends up on the list when it’s revealed that they were fighting in the weeks leading up to his death.
The only one who doesn’t have a motive to kill Jon is Malorie’s best friend Francesca (JaNae Armogan), who works at the wedding venue and thinks she saw something fishy. Naturally she’s killed off before the end of the first act.
What follows is a lot of conversation between characters about the firm, the merger, Malorie and Jon’s relationship, and how everyone is lying to everyone else. The problem is that 90% of these conversations happen via phone or text and few of them are interesting. Marie’s script fails to develop the characters beyond their motive, which means that the majority of the plot developments aren’t particularly engaging because the characters are so shallow.
With so many people and interweaving relationships involved, it’s hard to zero in and identify with anyone. Malorie is clearly meant to be the protagonist because, like most Lifetime films, she assumes the role of investigator, despite the presence of Detective Levine (Christian Paul) on the periphery.
But even she is kept at a distance from the audience. Because we only see a few moments of her relationship with Jon, secrets that the pair were keeping from friends and family don’t carry any emotional resonance when they come to light later in the film. One in particular seems to come out of left field and seemingly only exists to introduce another red herring in order to prolong the mystery for another 20 minutes.
Alas none of the characters get much to do, so none of the performances pop. Kopacek and Callahan look too similar and are styled identically, which sometimes makes it hard to distinguish one from the other. Further issues with casting is that the age disparity between Malorie & Jon and Zach & Amy is never mentioned (neither is Jon’s paternity of Bridget). This may be an ageist observation, but even the fact that Pamela never comments that her daughter was marrying her (Pamela’s) boss seems unusual, especially when Death Down the Aisle regularly suggests that one or more character is a gold digger.
Arguably the film’s biggest issue is that everything circles around the business dealings of the firm, none of which is engaging or interesting (hilariously it’s never even made clear what kind of law they practice!) Without more distinct characters, there’s very little to hang the narrative on.
Unfortunately after a solid opening, Death Down the Aisle gets stuck spinning its wheels, endlessly recycling its red herrings and interminable phone calls between characters. The suspect list is long, but the film’s energy lags through the saggy middle section and the climax can’t bring Death Down the Aisle back to life.
This one could have easily been called “Business Phone Calls”…and that’s not great.
Death Down the Aisle premiered on Lifetime Thursday, June 13.
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