Reviews
“AHS: Delicate” Review – Part One Finale Satanically Conjures a Whole Lot of Nothing
‘AHS: Delicate’ struggles to practice what it “Preech”-es as generations of Satanic conspiracies bring the audience back to start.
“You’re having a fucking baby. Of course it hurts.”
American Horror Story is no stranger to more intimate seasons that largely rest on the shoulders of one or two characters. This approach can be successful, but this horror anthology series usually feels the most effortless when it operates like a proper ensemble piece. AHS: Delicate has focused almost entirely on Emma Roberts’ Anna Victoria Alcott and the ticking time bomb that gestates inside of her. It’s proven to be a mixed bag of an approach that becomes even more questionable in “Preech,” Part One’s “finale,” which emphasizes that Anna is not in fact special. She’s merely the latest trend in Satanic subjugation as dark forces give their master plan another go. It’s a turn that presents AHS: Delicate as a much bigger story than it’s initially let on. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that it’s a better one and “Preech” reflects a weak formula that’s in dire need of prenatal vitamins to nurse itself back to health.
“Preech” begins with another blast to the past, this time to 1987, as a young Io Preecher (Julie White) experiences her own Satanically-intervened pregnancy. A sprawling exposition dump is never a productive way to advance a story, especially when it conveniently happens out of nowhere. Curiously, Ms. Preecher’s harrowing story isn’t told to Anna, but rather Dex’s mom, Virginia (Debra Monk), which lessens its impact. It feels like AHS: Delicate wants to keep Anna so badly in the dark that it’s willing to give every other character vital information. Virginia has also been subjected to Satanic torture because apparently when it comes to the show’s supporting female characters: all of them witches. “Preech” continues to reiterate the season’s dominant theme wherein “women will do anything for each other,” yet at the same time Anna seethes over Babette Eno’s success and twitches as her pastries get purloined.
The most fascinating turn of events that’s introduced in “Preech” is one that threatens to undercut the entire season’s message. Matt Czuchry is doing as much as he can with Dexter Harding, but he’s hardly been the season’s breakout character. He’s been given even less to do than Roberts as he perpetually vacillates between supportive and skeptical. This makes it especially confusing to hear that Dex is evidently the most important character in American Horror Story: Delicate and the true cause for everything that’s happened. Anna’s Satanic pregnancy is somehow all just a way to get revenge on Dex for his past life decisions. It’s somehow all-too fitting that this feminist slant on Rosemary’s Baby ends up being all about a man.
Ms. Preecher drops her share of bombshells in “Preech.” Unfortunately, Anna–and by proxy, the audience–remain in a frustrating echo chamber of cheap thrills. AHS: Delicate cycles through the same creepy images and ideas that have been around since the season’s start, whether that’s goat midwives or voodoo Barbies, without really developing them or taking them to fresh places. These visuals are even less effective now than before since the audience has grown numb to them at this point. Anna’s recurring blemish is distressing, sure, but does anyone expect it to pay off in a way that’s better or different than Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark’s “Spider Zit” scene? A PG-13 movie shouldn’t be able to dunk on a M-rated cable series.
The same issues are faced when it comes to Roberts’ languishing performance across this season. Roberts is often one of American Horror Story’s strongest players, but Anna Victoria Alcott is no Madison Montgomery. In fact, there aren’t any characters in AHS: Delicate that truly stand out. The closest success story is Siobhan Corbyn, but even she’s sparse by American Horror Story standards. Kim Kardashian is actually really fun in this episode, especially when she’s bouncing off of Dominic Burgess’ Hamish, but it’s camp over quality. Even Annabelle Dexter-Jones doing double duty as Sonia and Adeline isn’t enough to wake this season up. “Preech’s” last act finally allows Roberts to break out of her shell a little, show some range, and do something different. This hints at a promising return for American Horror Story: Delicate, but the season has just been too slap-dash and reliant on vibes over validity. Remember Cara Delevingne’s weird character, Ivy? Remember when Anna ate a rotting raccoon?
“Preech” puts in its due diligence, but the biggest problem with this “finale” is ultimately not American Horror Story’s fault. “Preech” is just a standard episode that ends without much fanfare. Granted, AHS: Delicate attempts to cram a few more revelations into its final moments, but none of these are the major gamechanger or cliffhanger that the season needs in order to keep audiences invested for whenever Part Two rolls around. “Preech” was never written to function as a finale and it’s only being presented this way because of production complications from the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. It’s an unfortunate situation that American Horror Story finds itself in and I’ll be genuinely curious to see if viewership retains over the season’s second-half.
Part Two of AHS: Delicate really needs to up its oxytocin dosage and induce labor as quickly as possible.
Death Down the Aisle begins with the tantalizing image of a bride, Malorie (Jess Brown), dressed in a wedding dress splattered with blood.
This is a brief (unnecessary) in media res opening before writer Audrey C. Marie jumps the action back to earlier in the day. It’s the day of the wedding, Malorie is preparing to wed Jon (David Alexander) and there’s a whirlwind introduction of wedding guests, many of whom are either family, work associates from Jon’s legal firm, or both.
Most of these relationships aren’t clear until after Jon’s death (this isn’t a spoiler; his death is heavily telegraphed by director Roxanne Boisvert). Only after the murder does it become clear that Death Down The Aisle is primarily interested in exploring red herrings, gossipy busy bodies, and characters making A LOT of phone calls.
Let’s rewind: Malorie is marrying Jon, an older man with an adult daughter, Bridget (Anna Kopacek), who looks nearly the same age as her. Jon works at Stone Legal Services with his brother Zach (Scott Gibson), as well as Malorie’s mother, Pamela (Jayne Heitmeyer) and Zach’s younger girlfriend, Amy (Gracie Callahan).
Each of these characters hand Jon a drink before the wedding begins – Zach – a Scotch, Amy – a coffee, and Pamela – an energy drink. There’s also a mysterious glass of champagne delivered to Malorie’s room that Jon drinks and Boisvert ensures that the audience keeps track of each of them by zooming in each time. This is why it’s no surprise when Jon keels over mid-ceremony, coughs up blood on Malorie’s dress, and immediately croaks.
Naturally it turns out that nearly everyone had a motive to see him dead. Pamela recently quit the firm because Jon wouldn’t confirm her salary; Zach was pushing for a merger with rival Miles (Colin Price) that Jon was unsure about, and the dead man fretted that Amy was a gold digger, so Jon wouldn’t support her promotion, either.
Adding to the too plentiful number of suspects is Malorie’s ex-husband Ryan (Frank Fiola), a recovering addict. Even Jon’s own daughter ends up on the list when it’s revealed that they were fighting in the weeks leading up to his death.
The only one who doesn’t have a motive to kill Jon is Malorie’s best friend Francesca (JaNae Armogan), who works at the wedding venue and thinks she saw something fishy. Naturally she’s killed off before the end of the first act.
What follows is a lot of conversation between characters about the firm, the merger, Malorie and Jon’s relationship, and how everyone is lying to everyone else. The problem is that 90% of these conversations happen via phone or text and few of them are interesting. Marie’s script fails to develop the characters beyond their motive, which means that the majority of the plot developments aren’t particularly engaging because the characters are so shallow.
With so many people and interweaving relationships involved, it’s hard to zero in and identify with anyone. Malorie is clearly meant to be the protagonist because, like most Lifetime films, she assumes the role of investigator, despite the presence of Detective Levine (Christian Paul) on the periphery.
But even she is kept at a distance from the audience. Because we only see a few moments of her relationship with Jon, secrets that the pair were keeping from friends and family don’t carry any emotional resonance when they come to light later in the film. One in particular seems to come out of left field and seemingly only exists to introduce another red herring in order to prolong the mystery for another 20 minutes.
Alas none of the characters get much to do, so none of the performances pop. Kopacek and Callahan look too similar and are styled identically, which sometimes makes it hard to distinguish one from the other. Further issues with casting is that the age disparity between Malorie & Jon and Zach & Amy is never mentioned (neither is Jon’s paternity of Bridget). This may be an ageist observation, but even the fact that Pamela never comments that her daughter was marrying her (Pamela’s) boss seems unusual, especially when Death Down the Aisle regularly suggests that one or more character is a gold digger.
Arguably the film’s biggest issue is that everything circles around the business dealings of the firm, none of which is engaging or interesting (hilariously it’s never even made clear what kind of law they practice!) Without more distinct characters, there’s very little to hang the narrative on.
Unfortunately after a solid opening, Death Down the Aisle gets stuck spinning its wheels, endlessly recycling its red herrings and interminable phone calls between characters. The suspect list is long, but the film’s energy lags through the saggy middle section and the climax can’t bring Death Down the Aisle back to life.
This one could have easily been called “Business Phone Calls”…and that’s not great.
Death Down the Aisle premiered on Lifetime Thursday, June 13.
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