Editorials
[Special Feature] Top Kills From Previous ‘Final Destination’ Entries!
Coming out this Friday, New Line’s Final Destination 5 (official website) is the latest sequel in the horror franchise that with every entry sees a new set of unlucky characters ripped, shredded, maimed, burned, stabbed, beheaded, disemboweled, and generally tormented by that most relentless of all movie killers: Death itself.
In anticipation of the film’s release, I’ve compiled a list of my choices for the top kills from the last four movies, each of which I’ve embedded a clip of for your viewing pleasure. So enjoy – and when you’re finished reading through my list, be sure to let us know in the comments what your favorites are!
So let’s cut the crap, shall we? The fun of the FD films is the opportunity they afford us in watching a bunch of good-looking actors die in unimaginably gruesome ways. I ask you: in what other franchise have you seen Seann William Scott’s head sliced in half by a sharp sliver of flying metal? Or Ali Larter’s face instantaneously broiled by an explosion? I rest my case.
As with anyone, of course, I can’t help but play favorites, so in honor of the release of the fifth entry, coming out this Friday, I culled through every single FD kill scene on YouTube to come up with my top pick from each installment. Look, it’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
Victim: Ms. Lewton (Kristen Cloke)
Cause of Death: Impaled by a kitchen knife
Though the first movie suffered a bit from post-Scream “self-aware-itis”, it’s still my favorite of the series. The deaths weren’t quite as gruesome, sure, but in my opinion it gave us the best set of characters in any FD movie to date.
Not that it didn’t feature some pretty neat kill scenes, my favorite being the unfortunate chain of events that result in the death of teacher Valerie Lewton (Get it? Val Lewton? Ha!). Not only is the nifty Rube Goldberg aspect of the series in full force here, but having the entire ugly spectacle soundtracked to her mom’s favorite John Denver record is just beyond cruel.
Victim: Brian Gibbons
Cause of Death: Blown apart by an exploding barbeque
The main strength of FD2 lies in the inventiveness of the kills, so I’m a bit ashamed to say that my favorite death in the film involves a gag at the end where a kid is instantly incinerated by a freak barbeque explosion.
But I can’t help it. When a mother witnesses the death of her child in real life, it’s horrifying. When a mother witnesses the death of her child in the movies, it’s still pretty horrifying. When a mother witnesses the death of her child in the movies and then his flaming, severed arm lands on her dinner plate, that shit is funny.
Victims: Ashley Freund (Chelan Simmons), Ashlyn Halperin (Crystal Lowe)
Cause of Death: Roasted alive in tanning beds
My favorite deaths of the entire series thus far are those of Ashley and Ashlyn, best friends who go for a little indoor tanning session and come out, shall we say, a few shades darker than they intended.
What makes this particular bit so fantastic for me is that I live in L.A., and you can’t throw a rock without hitting some crazy, narcissistic bitch just like these girls. So sue me if I happen to enjoy watching two fictional characters modeled off of this totally warranted stereotype catching fire and screaming in agony. Besides, aren’t the movies all about wish fulfillment?
Victim: Hunt Wynorski (Nick Zano)
Cause of Death: Sucked through a swimming pool drain
This, friends, is why I’m scared shitless of pool drains. If you ever find yourself tempted to sit on one for whatever stupid reason, don’t. If it’s cracked or broken, it will suck your insides out through your ass.
While I’d have to say the most painful death imaginable probably involves some combination of fire and an intestinal crank, Hunt’s death ranks pretty high up there as one of the scariest. Imagine: you’re stuck at the bottom of a public pool, drowning, your entire body being sucked through a drain about the size of a baseball, and to top it all off you’re swallowing water made up of about 29% urine. Really, does it get any worse?
Victim & Cause of Death: Watch the trailer and tell us what “death” you’re looking forward to the most!
‘Final Destination 5’ comes out nationwide on Friday, August 12th.
From child-eating witches to village-burning dragons, fairy tales have always had a foot in the horror genre. That’s why it makes sense that, for every The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia, there are also darker and more adult-oriented stories about magical worlds inhabited by ravenous monsters and cruel villains.
Funnily enough, these sinister tales were precisely the ones that I gravitated towards back when I was a kid, and I was reminded of this while watching Netflix’s recently released I Am Frankelda, Mexico’s first ever feature-length stop-motion animation and one hell of an entertaining parable about the intersection between fiction and reality.
In honor of this special kind of horror-adjacent fairy tale, today I’d like to share this list recommending six Dark Fantasy films that horror fans might enjoy.
For the purposes of this list, we’ll be defining Dark Fantasy as fantastical stories that don’t shy away from the more macabre elements that fuel classic fairy tales. That being said, don’t forget to comment below with your own grim favorites if you think we missed a particularly thrilling one.
With that out of the way, onto the list!
6. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
I’m fascinated by bizarre attempts at blockbuster filmmaking – especially when the resulting movies are somehow still fun despite their corporate-mandated origins. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is precisely one of these strangely compelling studio projects, as this surprisingly successful action-thriller boasts a lot of heart (and tongue-in-cheek humor) for a CGI-heavy creature feature.
Directed by Dead Snow’s Tommy Wirkola, Witch Hunters re-frames the classic fairy tale as an origin story for a duo of badass monster-slayers. Of course, it’s the flick’s anachronistic aesthetic and overall visual flair that make it stand out from other action-horror endeavors from around the same time.
5. The Wolf House (2018)
Made in the tradition of faux cursed films in the same vein as Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made, the eerie backstory to 2018’s Chilean animated flick The Wolf House (La Casa Lobo in the original Spanish) already makes it a nightmarish experience before the flick even really begins.
After all, the movie is presented to us as a faux propaganda film produced by the leader of a death cult (heavily inspired by the real life Colonia Dignidad), with this hybrid animated feature using complex movie magic to simulate a single uninterrupted shot as it tells the story of a lazy young girl who runs away from an isolated colony and encounters a creepy old house in the woods.
4. The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Out of all the Monty Python alumni, Terry Gilliam has had the most interesting career outside of the original comedy group. From fascinating canceled projects (such as his scrapped adaptation of Watchmen) to dystopian parodies that feel more relevant by the minute (1985’s Brazil), even his “lesser” films are still intriguing in their own way.
2005’s The Brothers Grimm is one such project, with this peculiar movie attempting to combine the comedian-turned-filmmaker’s unique visual style with a more blockbuster-oriented plot reimagining the titular brothers as con-artists rather than mere writers. The end result isn’t exactly a masterpiece, but it’s still a legitimately fun ride with plenty of memorable monsters and wonderful performances by both the late, great Heath Ledger and Matt Damon.
3. Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010)
2010’s Dante’s Inferno game may have a reputation as something of an unapologetic God of War clone, but I’d argue that the now-obscure game was aesthetically unique enough to deserve a bigger fanbase. However, while the title remains trapped on the seventh console generation, its highly underrated anime adaptation is a lot easier to get a hold of!
Animated by 6 different studios in order to make the 9 circles of hell feel unique from each other, this may not be a completely faithful adaptation of Dante Alighieri’s poem, but it’s still one heck of a great (not to mention gory) time that I’d highly recommend to fans of Netflix’s take on Castlevania.
2. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)
My personal favorite entry in the Underworld franchise, Rise of the Lycans, is a highly ambitious prequel that actually works better if you haven’t had the story spoiled to you by the previous Underworld films.
While the rest of the series features plenty of urban fantasy elements as the movies combine machine guns and modern environments with gothic storytelling, Patrick Tatopoulos’ prequel fully embraces its fantastical origins and tells a classic tale about a doomed romance between a werewolf and a vampire amid a medieval uprising.
And the best part is that we get a lot more Michael Sheen as the fan-favorite Lucian.
1. Solomon Kane (2011)
One of my personal favorite movies on this list, MJ Basset’s criminally underseen adaptation of Robert E. Howard’s other iconic warrior is thoroughly steeped in horror ambience and features plenty of memorable monsters. However, it’s also a classic origin story for a swashbuckling hero that wouldn’t feel out of place in a tabletop RPG.
While I’ve already written about how the film deftly combines both horror and fantasy elements without breaking the bank, I’ll never pass up an opportunity to recommend the bizarre movie where James Purefoy expertly plays a puritan John Wick.
It’s just too bad that we never got the other films in this intended trilogy.
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