Movies
[BD Review] Script Issues Hamper Action-Packed ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 3D’
In a world shrouded with remakes, reboots and pre-makes, it’s incredibly rare when a studio gets behind something wholly original. Twentieth Century Fox, who has been working diligently at getting back into the good graces of movie fans, made a bold move in adapting Seth Grahame-Smith’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter into a major motion picture. Unfortunately, it’s not a product that’s going to inspire other studios to jump on the bandwagon. This new trend of “historical retellings” could already be dead…
Day Watch and Wanted’s Timur Bekmambetov gets behind the camera for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, a should-be action-packed epic that becomes muddled with a lengthy timeline and weak character development. The story follows Lincoln, played by Benjamin Walker, as he grows up to become the 16th President of the United States. Along the way he witnesses a vampire murdering his mother and exacts revenge with the help of Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), a Robert Downey Jr.-esque vamp slayer.
The main problem with the film is twofold, beginning with the tone of both the script and Honest Abe. First, the pic is missing a slightly comedic edge. Grahame-Smith’s screenplay takes itself way too serious, which is odd considering the “Scooby-Doo”-like plot/reveals. The audience is watching Walker caked in weak Abraham Lincoln make-up (that makes him look like a young Liam Neeson) fighting CGI-laden vampires on a blazing train, and they’re supposed to take it seriously? Come on now. But this issue wouldn’t be as glaring if Grahame-Smith had actually done research on the real Abraham Lincoln, a man who was beloved by his Illinois companions, who filled bars with jokes and conversation. In Vampire Hunter, Abe is told he must be a loner with no friends, family or loved ones. Thus, he’s portrayed as a boring recluse with zero personality, a complete 180 from historical facts. The movie strips him of personality and turns him into a revenge-obsessed junkie. It’s an amusing oversight as it literally destroys the fun of the movie and turns it into an overbearing bitch-fest filled with cool FX and fight scenes.
Grahame-Smith’s script gets even worse when it turns into the “Seinfeld” episode “The Yadda Yadda”. The first half establishes Lincoln’s character and early years before trailblazing over most of the Civil War to get to the climax. The second to third act transition completely loses the viewer and it’s muddled with exposition attempting to bridge act 1 and 3. In short, the middle of the movie is extremely boring. It’s as if he starts to explain what happens and then goes, “So the Civil War begins and yadda yadda, Abraham Lincoln is President now.”
And while the character development and screenplay are a complete mess, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, at times, is an incredibly interesting movie. The flick features some brilliant CGI work, incredible choreography, and even the vampires look dope. The fight scenes, while far and few between, are edge-of-your-seat exciting; the vampires are fierce, vicious and look terrifying (even though it’s all CG); and the finale is absolutely mind-blowing. If there were one reason to see this in fake, post-converted 3-D, it would be to see the epic battle sequel on the flaming train (as teased in the trailers and posters).
(Speaking of the 3-D, the cinematography was either garbage or Bekmambetov decided to turn up the contrast so the 3-D wouldn’t look so dark (a regular complaint along viewers). The entire film was blown out, so much so that I had to ask a Fox rep if we were watching the finished film (we were). Saying it looked terrible is an understatement.)
In the end, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is kind of fun, but wholly forgettable. It’s the kind of movie you see just to get out of the brutal summer heat by enjoying the theater’s cool air conditioning. By the time you leave the cinema you’ll be more concerned with finding the next air-conditioned establishment than talking about what you just saw. In fact, when your parents ask you what you did today, odds are you won’t even remember that you saw it.
Described as “Ted meets ET,” David Mikalson’s raunchy comedy Goblin is being brought to life over at A24, and Will Forte (“The Four Seasons”) is now in talks to star.
Deadline first reported the news this afternoon.
Kenneth Branagh has been cast to voice the titular Goblin in the upcoming A24 movie, with the character said to be “green-colored” as well as “anatomically correct.”
Skyler Gisondo (Superman) is reportedly playing the Goblin’s human best friend.
The mysterious project sounds a bit like films including A Gnome Named Gnorm and more recently, Frankie Freako, though it’s important to note that it’s not billed as a horror movie.
Deadline details, “After [Mikalson] hatched the idea to make an outrageous buddy comedy about a goblin, using a practical puppet and operating outside the Hollywood system, his script quickly got him a rep team. While others might have eyed the raunchy comedy as a writing sample or planned to wait to see the micro-budget version Mikalson has been directing in Kentucky, A24 jumped all over it. The hot indie essentially has agreed to finance a full feature.”
“There was a lot of interest, but A24 came with what Mikalson really wanted, after spending all his money crafting the puppet title character: they acquired the movie and agreed to let him make it with a significantly increased budget than what he had left after creating the anatomically correct title character,” Deadline’s report goes on to explain.
What does the titular Goblin actually look like? Well, a cake that Mikalson had whipped up for his reps might give us our first look at what to expect. Deadline explains the photo you’ll see down below, “Take a look at the cake he commissioned with Marc Gravelle at Cake Art in West Hollywood, to present to his reps as thanks for making his dream come true.”
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