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Best & Worst ’10: MICAH’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2010

Not every film released to direct-to-disc can be a winner. This list contains five such disc only releases from 2010. I attempted to not pick on the little guys (too much) and instead took a look at some of the larger disc release disappointments of the year. Luckily or unluckily depending on your outlook, it wasn’t hard to come up with a list of failures. Check `em out below. While this list is only DVD releases I would feel guilty if I didn’t at least mention widely released Legion in this intro. So I will. Legion. You suck.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best/Worst) | David Harley (Best/Worst)
BC (Best/Worst) | Micah (Best/Worst) | Keenan (Best/Worst) | Theo (Best/Worst)
Best One Sheets | Worst One Sheets
Most Memorable Moments | Top Trailers | Memorable Quotes


5. Growth (September 7; Anchor Bay)

A terrible clone of much better parasite worm films (Slither, Night of the Creeps) that offers nothing new, interesting or even remotely worth watching. There is a reason this one was direct-to-disc. Growth features a nonsensical, long-winded plot with holes big enough to drive Mack trucks through, zero interesting characters and no real scares.

4. Necromentia (September 14; Image Entertainment)

Dull, poorly executed and hack-ish sum up this knock-off of contemporary horror classics. Director Pearry Teo attempts to combine blatantly steals elements from Hellraiser and the Saw franchise to create a mash-up that doesn’t go anywhere or do anything. The potential was there, but ultimately this one falls flat on its face. At least the suicide pig song was catchy.

3. Altitude (October 26; Anchor Bay)

Altitude contains so much to dislike: The Hills-like dialogue, poor direction and a ludicrously dumb ending. And that’s just for starters. The characters in the movie, all of them, are annoying and incredibly unlikeable, to the point that the only joy derived from this movie is rooting for all the snot-nosed bastards to die (in painful manners). Hype machine fail.

2. Mirrors 2 (October 19; 20th Century Fox)

Yeah, not sure anyone asked for this sequel, but we got it anyway. This time around, audiences are treated to stilted dialogue and actors who give next to nothing in their performances. Mirrors 2 is a run-of-the-mill, dime-a-dozen Hollywood attempt to turn a quick buck. It fails, and does so rather miserably. If you do come across this, you at least can take comfort in the fact that the excellent original Japanese version is included on the DVD.

1. Animals (June 15; Maverick)

Between the piss-poor special effects (they had a decent-sized budget) and the lack of anything resembling a plot, this turned out to be one of the absolute worst releases of the year. And to think, this film somehow made it to Redbox locations across the country. Who paid for that to happen? Are you f*ckin’ kidding me? Not even worth a dollar rental.

2010 Accolades/Honorees

Better Than It Should Have Been: Paranormal Activity 2. Better in almost all respects, minus the possessed pool cleaner, naturally.
Lived Up To The Hype: Piranha 3D. Not having real 3D almost made it a bust. Thankfully, Kelly Brook’s bust managed to save the day…and then some.
I Was So Wrong About Award: Parasomnia. Assuming this film was a Paranormal Activity knock-off, I avoided watching it for months and months. That was a dumb move. I ended up loving it.
Best Bat Sh*t Crazy Japanese Film of the Year: Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl. Honorable Mention: RoboGeisha.
Best Worst Film: 2010: Moby Dick. Asylum put it all together for this one. Go Barry Bostwick!
Hurry Up Already!: The Loved Ones. A UK disc release, but not a U.S. one? Ugh. C’mon!
Biggest Flop of the Year: Supporting unrated horror. I think I was one of six people that saw both Hatchet 2 and I Spit on Your Grave in theaters. Where was everyone at?
Best Disc Release of an Old Favorite: Three way tie between: Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Hausu and Night of the Hunter. All of them excellent in their own unique ways.
Best Kills of the Year: Hatchet 2. Adam Green’s controversial film seems to have divided horror fans (love or hate), but one thing is for sure. The kills are absolutely spectacular. Six foot chainsaw. `Nuff said.



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