Connect with us

Editorials

[15th Anniversary] 60 Thoughts I Had While Watching John Carpenter’s ‘Ghosts of Mars’

Published

on

Today marks the 15th anniversary of what is arguably legendary horror filmmaker John Carpenter’s worst film: Ghosts of Mars. In the film, a Martian police force is sent to a remote mining facility to transport a dangerous criminal named Desolation Williams back to the city. Upon arriving, they discover that all members of the facility have become possessed by the titular Martian ghosts and are now waging a war agains the humans.

Originally planned to be the third installment in the Escape From… franchise, the studio cancelled plans for a sequel when Escape From L.A. failed to make much of an impression at the box office in 1996. Carpenter then created the character of Desolation Williams for Kurt Russell. Unfortunately, the studio then decided that he was no longer a bankable star, and insisted that Ice Cube be cast in the role.

The role of female lead Lieutenant Melanie Ballard was originally going to Courtney Love, but she had to pull out at the last minute when her then-boyfriend’s ex-wife ran over her foot. Natasha Henstridge was brought in at the last minute, rounding out the cast that included Pam Grier, Clea DuVall and Jason Statham (who was also considered for the role of Williams, but the studio didn’t think he had a career as a bankable movie star in his future). With all of the behind the scenes drama, it’s no wonder John Carpenter has only made two movies in the last 16 years (the last of which being 2010’s The Ward). His disinterest shows in Ghosts of Mars, as everyone involved seems to just want the thing to end.

Even though I write for a horror site, I confess that I am not exactly up to date on my Carpenter. Yes, I’ve seen the big ones like HalloweenThe ThingChristineThe Fog and even Village of the Damned, but I haven’t watched most of his remaining filmography (Assault on Precinct 13, the Escape From…. films, Big Trouble in Little China, They Live, etc.). So I thought I would remedy that by starting with Ghosts of Mars just in time for its 15th anniversary. Was it as bad as I had heard? Or did I find an underrated gem in the film? What follows below are 60 thoughts I had while watching the film. Read them and find out!

  1. Here we go. This can’t be that bad, can it?
  2. I didn’t know Screen Gems produced this.
  3. Oh God. This voiceover is terrible. And so it begins.
  4. There sure is a lot of expository text happening on screen right now.
  5. Interesting choice of music for these opening credits.
  6. Joanna Cassidy is in this??? Right on top of that Rose!
  7. The freight train that went missing is called Transmarinara and now I want pasta.
  8. Whatever happened to Natasha Henstridge?
  9. Oh.
  10. The sexual chemistry between Henstridge and Grier is pretty intense. Were they meant to be lovers?
  11. Hey it’s Lizzie McGuire’s dad!
  12. These sets look like they were made for a stage play.
  13. You see a bunch of flashing lights in a deserted mining town that should be filled with residents and you’re first thought it “It’s probably nothing”???
  14. This is sort of like if the Resident Evil movie had a baby with Pitch Black.
  15. These wide shots of the Martian landscape are Syfy levels of bad.
  16. Joanna Cassidy does not look upset enough for realizing that her hot air balloon is about to crash.
  17. Wait, why is there a hot air balloon in this movie?
  18. Clea DuVall is a really underrated actress. I mean, not in this movie, but just in general.
  19. The editing in this movie is not the best.
  20. The ghost vision would be a pretty good Instagram filter.Ghosts of Mars
  21. Henstridge sounds so uninterested in everything she is saying. Example: “He said something like ‘Stay away. Don’t open the door. Stay away.'” No emotion whatsoever in that ominous warning.
  22. “Drop the weapon before I cut this dyke bitch’s head off!” -Was that meant to be funny? It must have.
  23. So these glasses are supposed to help them do what, exactly?
  24. The ghosts can’t go through solid objects when they’re outside of a host? Sort of defeats the purpose of being a ghost, doesn’t it?
  25. Oooooh a flashback within a flashback!
  26. Bye, Pam Grier. You were too good for that role anyway. And you certainly deserve better than an off-screen death.
  27. I don’t know what Carpenter was doing when he was directing Joanna Cassidy, but I like it.
  28. That ghost wasn’t very smart. It had its choice to possess anyone in that room and it went for the person in the prison cell.
  29. A flashback within a flashback within a flashback. Jesus Christ. This movie is the matryoshka doll of flashbacks.
  30. Ahhhhh piercing the face! That was a pretty nifty effect.
  31. That face mask, however, was not.
  32. “I’ll cut your fuckin’ titties off!” – This made me laugh out loud. That had to be intentional humor.
  33. Why is this guy getting so high before going into battle?
  34. 50 minutes have gone by and there hasn’t been a Martian battle.
  35. “Hey bro, I don’t see no muthafuckin’ train.” “Hey lady, we don’t see no train.” Seems like that second line wasn’t exactly necessary.
  36. The energy in front of and behind the camera is so low. Did anyone have a good time making this movie?
  37. “Second time I’ve saved your life.” “Yeah, run a tab!” – Cringe.
  38. Damn, those ghosts aren’t fucking around with those circular saws!
  39. Another flashback within a flashback…..
  40. The exposition in this movie is handled so clumsily.Ghosts of Mars
  41. Wait, so now they can see the ghosts when they leave a body? Why couldn’t they see them before?
  42. Ohhhh that’s why he was doing drugs. Ghosts don’t want to possess someone who’s high.
  43. I just spent a full 30 seconds watching Natasha Henstridge look constipated as she tried to push a ghost out of herself.
  44. Yay! She got the ghost out of her!
  45. How a character in this movie would have delivered that line: “Yay. She got the ghost out of her.”
  46. I feel like Clea DuVall is about to bite it.
  47. These vehicles look faker than the APC’s in Aliens.
  48. Oh no! Joanna Cassidy done got a ghost in her!
  49. I repeat: The ghosts do not. Fuck around. With those circular saws.
  50. Oh shit. Bye Clea DuVall. You bit it.
  51. Bye Jason Statham.
  52. Bye Lizzie McGuire’s dad. They just killed the whole cast in the span of two minutes. It’s like that plane scene from Jurassic Park III (which coincidentally came out one month before Ghosts of Mars). That plane scene was pretty cool though. What movie am I watching again?
  53. I’m still confused as to why the ghosts can’t go through solid objects.
  54. Oof. That green screen effect on top of the train is not good.
  55. The whole climax is set on a train. I feel like Paul W.S. Anderson borrowed from this movie a lot when he was writing the script for Resident Evil.
  56. “I didn’t know you was cut this deep. Should have taken care of this hours ago.” – Didn’t she just get that cut in the battle before they got on the train?
  57. “That’s all you have to tell us?” -Are you fucking kidding me? That was a long story!
  58. The Big Bad is credited as “Big Daddy Mars.” That is hilarious.
  59. HOLY SHIT this thing had a budget of $28 million. WHERE DID IT GO?
  60. Well, that was about as bad as I heard it was. Poor Carpenter. His heart just wasn’t in that one. On the plus side, my dog seemed to enjoy it:

Ghosts of Mars

Happy anniversary Ghosts of Mars! I wish you were better.

A journalist for Bloody Disgusting since 2015, Trace writes film reviews and editorials, as well as co-hosts Bloody Disgusting's Horror Queers podcast, which looks at horror films through a queer lens. He has since become dedicated to amplifying queer voices in the horror community, while also injecting his own personal flair into film discourse. Trace lives in Austin, TX with his husband and their two dogs. Find him on Twitter @TracedThurman

Editorials

‘Leprechaun Returns’ – The Charm of the Franchise’s Legacy Sequel

Published

on

leprechaun returns

The erratic Leprechaun franchise is not known for sticking with a single concept for too long. The namesake (originally played by Warwick Davis) has gone to L.A., Las Vegas, space, and the ‘hood (not once but twice). And after an eleven-year holiday since the Davis era ended, the character received a drastic makeover in a now-unmentionable reboot. The critical failure of said film would have implied it was time to pack away the green top hat and shillelagh, and say goodbye to the nefarious imp. Instead, the Leprechaun series tried its luck again.

The general consensus for the Leprechaun films was never positive, and the darker yet blander Leprechaun: Origins certainly did not sway opinions. Just because the 2014 installment took itself seriously did not mean viewers would. After all, creator Mark Jones conceived a gruesome horror-comedy back in the early nineties, and that format is what was expected of any future ventures. So as horror legacy sequels (“legacyquels”) became more common in the 2010s, Leprechaun Returns followed suit while also going back to what made the ‘93 film work. This eighth entry echoed Halloween (2018) by ignoring all the previous sequels as well as being a direct continuation of the original. Even ardent fans can surely understand the decision to wipe the slate clean, so to speak.

Leprechaun Returns “continued the [franchise’s] trend of not being consistent by deciding to be consistent.” The retconning of Steven Kostanski and Suzanne Keilly’s film was met with little to no pushback from the fandom, who had already become accustomed to seeing something new and different with every chapter. Only now the “new and different” was familiar. With the severe route of Origins a mere speck in the rearview mirror, director Kotanski implemented a “back to basics” approach that garnered better reception than Zach Lipovsky’s own undertaking. The one-two punch of preposterous humor and grisly horror was in full force again.

LEPRECHAUN

Pictured: Linden Porco as The Leprechaun in Leprechaun Returns.

With Warwick Davis sitting this film out — his own choice — there was the foremost challenge of finding his replacement. Returns found Davis’ successor in Linden Porco, who admirably filled those blood-stained, buckled shoes. And what would a legacy sequel be without a returning character? Jennifer Aniston obviously did not reprise her final girl role of Tory Redding. So, the film did the next best thing and fetched another of Lubdan’s past victims: Ozzie, the likable oaf played by Mark Holton. Returns also created an extension of Tory’s character by giving her a teenage daughter, Lila (Taylor Spreitler).

It has been twenty-five years since the events of the ‘93 film. The incident is unknown to all but its survivors. Interested in her late mother’s history there in Devil’s Lake, North Dakota, Lila transferred to the local university and pledged a sorority — really the only one on campus — whose few members now reside in Tory Redding’s old home. The farmhouse-turned-sorority-house is still a work in progress; Lila’s fellow Alpha Epsilon sisters were in the midst of renovating the place when a ghost of the past found its way into the present.

The Psycho Goreman and The Void director’s penchant for visceral special effects is noted early on as the Leprechaun tears not only into the modern age, but also through poor Ozzie’s abdomen. The portal from 1993 to 2018 is soaked with blood and guts as the Leprechaun forces his way into the story. Davis’ iconic depiction of the wee antagonist is missed, however, Linden Porco is not simply keeping the seat warm in case his predecessor ever resumes the part. His enthusiastic performance is accentuated by a rotten-looking mug that adds to his innate menace.

LEPRECHAUN RETURNS sequel

Pictured: Taylor Spreitler, Pepi Sonuga, and Sai Bennett as Lila, Katie and Rose in Leprechaun Returns.

The obligatory fodder is mostly young this time around. Apart from one luckless postman and Ozzie — the premature passing of the latter character removed the chance of caring about anyone in the film — the Leprechaun’s potential prey are all college aged. Lila is this story’s token trauma kid with caregiver baggage; her mother thought “monsters were always trying to get her.” Lila’s habit of mentioning Tory’s mental health problem does not make a good first impression with the resident mean girl and apparent alcoholic of the sorority, Meredith (Emily Reid). Then there are the nicer but no less cursorily written of the Alpha Epsilon gals: eco-conscious and ex-obsessive Katie (Pepi Sonuga), and uptight overachiever Rose (Sai Bennett). Rounding out the main cast are a pair of destined-to-die bros (Oliver Llewellyn Jenkins, Ben McGregor). Lila and her peers range from disposable to plain irritating, so rooting for any one of them is next to impossible. Even so, their overstated personalities make their inevitable fates more satisfying.

Where Returns excels is its death sequences. Unlike Jones’ film, this one is not afraid of killing off members of the main cast. Lila, admittedly, wears too much plot armor, yet with her mother’s spirit looming over her and the whole story — comedian Heather McDonald put her bang-on Aniston impersonation to good use as well as provided a surprisingly emotional moment in the film — her immunity can be overlooked. Still, the other characters’ brutal demises make up for Lila’s imperviousness. The Leprechaun’s killer set-pieces also happen to demonstrate the time period, seeing as he uses solar panels and a drone in several supporting characters’ executions. A premortem selfie and the antagonist’s snarky mention of global warming additionally add to this film’s particular timestamp.

Critics were quick to say Leprechaun Returns did not break new ground. Sure, there is no one jetting off to space, or the wacky notion of Lubdan becoming a record producer. This reset, however, is still quite charming and entertaining despite its lack of risk-taking. And with yet another reboot in the works, who knows where the most wicked Leprechaun ever to exist will end up next.


Horror contemplates in great detail how young people handle inordinate situations and all of life’s unexpected challenges. While the genre forces characters of every age to face their fears, it is especially interested in how youths might fare in life-or-death scenarios.

The column Young Blood is dedicated to horror stories for and about teenagers, as well as other young folks on the brink of terror.

Leprechaun Returns movie

Pictured: Linden Porco as The Leprechaun in Leprechaun Returns.

Continue Reading