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Breaking Down the Traps from ‘Jigsaw’!

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Jigsaw is coming. The eighth film in Lionsgate’s long running Saw franchise is set for release on October 27th. I’m definitely a fan of the series, even though my interest started to wane halfway through the initial run. Nonetheless, checking out the newest sequel in a packed theater of gorehounds became a holiday tradition…for Halloween, of course. Thankfully, producers have had a healthy amount of time to concoct new ideas. They brought on an amazing duo of directors (the Spierig Brothers) to help Saw “take back Halloween.” After months of waiting, the current SDCC finally provided us with our first look at the all the mayhem we have in store for us. While new ground does not appear to be broken here, the more colorful look is refreshing. Ol’ Billy the Puppet has gotten a fresh coat of paint, and Jigsaw looks to be the kind of film that will have audiences laughing and screaming all at once.

With a new sequel, there are, of course, new traps. Combing through the insanity and quick cuts of this 2 minute 20 second clip, I’ve rounded up all the possible “games” our new round of victims…er, characters will have to play. With each trap, I’m going to make a prediction as to what the ultimate threat is from the game at hand.


Bucketheads and Buzzsaws

The first trap, right out of the gate is a fun one, signifying the beginning of a new game. We have five people who appear to be waking up in a room, with buckets on their heads (for some reason), chained to a wall lined with buzzsaws! What could go wrong? A lot, naturally. It’s a safe bet that much like Saw 2 and most of the later entries, this will be the main story we’ll follow throughout the film. Basically, a group of strangers unsure of how they’re connected must work together, or against one another, to make it through Jigsaw’s house of horrors.

In this particular scenario, the chains binding these poor folk to the wall begin retracting, pulling them closer and closer to the spinning blades.  I’m not sure how they could possibly get out of this one, or is it merely that one must be sacrificed to spare the rest?


New Lair? Trap Redux

The two traps above appear to be homages to previous films. The first resembles “The Magnum Eyehole” from Saw 2. The second image displays “The Angel Trap” (Saw 3) wherein the victim’s torso was flayed open. Perhaps I’m wrong, but this version seems smaller and more suitable for one’s head. Considering this scene is likely taking place within the new Jigsaw’s lair, we probably won’t see these bad boys in action. Imagine, though, those nail pressing into a victim’s face only to end with their head being split open, straight down the middle. Grand Guignol at its finest.

There’s also this blink and you’ll miss it throwback that takes us all the way back to the beginning – the trap that started it all!


Edward Needle Hands

At this point, our gang of survivors has been strung along from the wall of buzzsaws into an adjoining room resembling an empty farmhouse. Judging by the trailer, a majority of the film will take place in this area with one puzzle, booby trap, or test after the other. In this case, it seems one of our own has been gifted the power. All in all, I’d say this one is fairly straightforward. The only real questions, what’s in the syringes, and what effect will they have once injected? I’m hoping for some Cronenberg-ian body bleeding, and maybe some foaming at the mouth action.


Silo of Death

This is a terribly escalating situation. It has to suck being trapped in a silo as grain pours down on you. The risk of suffocating is incredibly high; the grain itself acts like quicksand. Each pebble slowly filling up your lungs, the pressure building up around you as the well continues to fill. Finally, you manage to make it to the top and find your footing. Then, without warning, sharp pointy objects begin raining down on you. That’s the situation two of our characters find themselves in. With proper staging, this could prove to be the suspenseful highlight of the film.

Stray thought: All of this farming imagery makes me wonder if the “big evil” of this entry is a Monsanto-like corporation.


Roped and Ridden

After someone falls through the floorboards, they’re quickly lassoed up by another Rube Goldberg style booby trap. We can speculate that the unfortunate soul is going to be dragged straight into the wheels of this revved up motorcycle. Will their face get shredded à la Ash vs Evil Dead? Or are we looking at more of a drawn and quartered…bisected situation?


Laser Neck Bomb

I honestly have no idea just what is going on here. Yes, it’s clear that the man is attached to the wall via a gadget resembling the shotgun collar from Saw 3. However, this being 2017, our new Jigsaw has updated his tech considerably. We’re dealing with friggin’ laser beams, yall! If he moves his head just a hair in either direction, we’ll be seeing that pretty mug fall to the floor in pieces. Could this be the cold open to the film? It surely has the feeling of being contained enough to work as such.


Saw-nado?

Red swirl designs have been an integral part of the Saw franchise’s style. They adorn the rosy cheeks of Billy the Puppet, and they’re constantly being found in videos and messages from the master tormentor. They’ve never actually been the trap. It’s a cool idea to bring such an iconic image to life in a presumably deadly way. In the middle of Farmville, standing all the way to the ceiling is a red swirl tornado thingy. Our victim is being hung upside down within the chamber and lowered to certain death. Just what lies at the bottom of this cyclone? My bets are on decapitation with this one.

Well, how close was I at pegging the various outcomes for all of these wicked devices? We’ll find out soon enough when Jigsaw hits theaters on October 27th!

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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