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10 Most Brutal and Punishing Character Beat Downs In Horror

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One of the things we most enjoy about horror are the insanely memorable death scenes. Horror often introduces new ways to die that we hadn’t yet thought of, from chest bursting baby aliens in Alien to group bisection by wire in Ghost Ship, it’s often easier to remember the deaths more than the characters. Luckily, for the characters suffering these creative deaths, they’re over in a moment. Their only respite for major trauma and pain is that it passes quickly before the villain or killer moves on to their next target.

Sometimes, though, horror reminds us that death isn’t always swift at all, no matter how vicious. Some characters are put through the wringer, dealt blow after blow in cringe-inducing fashion as their wounds pile up, proving that the human body can handle quite a lot before finally succumbing to injury. In honor of those characters, the ones that are forced to crawl, limp, and squirm their way to the end due to extreme torture and agonizing bodily damage, we salute the 10 worst character beat downs in horror.


Sheriff Franklin Hunt – Bone Tomahawk

The most memorable death hands down goes to poor Deputy Nick, the victim brutally scalped, and bisected alive like a human pistachio by the Troglodytes. But, however painfully, it happens quickly. That’s not the case for Sheriff Hunt (Kurt Russell). Like the true hero he is, he goes down in a blaze of glory, but that’s only after having his abdomen sliced open, a hot flask shoved inside the gaping wound, and then getting shot twice by own gun. Even still, he stays behind to kill the remaining cannibals, mortal wounds and all.


Mari Collingwood – The Last House on the Left

Both in Wes Craven’s original 1972 film or the 2009 remake, teen Mari Collingwood is put through the absolute worst. Yet, in the 2009 remake, Mari’s torture is drawn out for a lot longer, giving even more heightened suspense but also hope. Her torture and eventual rape at the hands of Krug and his gang stretch out a bit further, with unflinching gaze. This version of Mari does manage to break free and escape their clutches, but she’s shot in the back and left for dead in the lake. Mari manages to make it back to her parents, barely alive, who are unable to rush her to the hospital as Krug and the gang are there. This means Mari’s suffering in pain for hours, leading to one of the most severe tracheotomies by way of household objects committed on screen. Mari’s story had a mostly happen ending, but boy was she put through a lot.


Wade Felton – House of Wax

This underrated gem has a lot of memorable deaths, and the typical go to is that of Paris Hilton’s infamous demise. But the worst death is that of Wade Felton (Jared Padalecki), the unsuspecting boyfriend of lead heroine Carly Jones (Elisha Cuthbert) who earned the most prolonged death for being the most curious. Snooping around the Sinclair household after using their restroom, a trap door opens behind him and the killer cuts through his Achilles tendon with large shears. The ensuing battle finds Wade getting stabbed and then knocked out. Then, we see a long drawn out sequence that shows him getting painfully prepped for a scalding hot wax shower. You’d think it’d end there, but his friends find him later in the house of wax, try to free him only to gruesomely discover the wax has fused to his skin. The killer slashes his face with a machete when trying to attack his friend Dalton, and it’s still not clear if he finally took his last breath in that moment or later in the climax’s fire. Either way, it was not slow.


Shigeharu Aoyama – Audition

This film will make you think twice about dating. Long after director Takashi Miike lulls the viewer into thinking they selected a quaint romance, he flips it on his head with one of horror’s most disturbing villains in Asami. She can’t stand the concept that her lover could love anyone else but her, including his own son and the memory of his long-deceased wife, so she does what any disturbed individual does and drugs him. When he comes to, he finds himself unable to move due to a paralytic agent that means that while he can’t move he can feel every bit of the torture Asami inflicts. Needles in his eyes, unhurried piano wire amputations, and watching her attack his son while powerless. That Asami giggles as she slowly tortures her lover is unnerving.


Steve – Eden Lake

James Watkins directorial debut is as harrowing as it is infuriating. For Steve (Michael Fassbender) and his girlfriend Jenny (Kelly Reilly) a romantic camping trip by the lake turns to hell when delinquent teens steal their car and belongings. Steve should have just walked away or called the police. Instead, he confronts them. It escalates when they come at him with knives and the dog winds up the victim. He escapes, but the resulting car crash leaves him banged up. The kids tie him up, with barbed wire no less, and take turns choking him with a chain, shoving things in his mouth, cutting him, and stabbing him. Battered, bruised, and bearing deep wounds that won’t stop bleeding, the proverbial knife is twisted further when he proposes to Jenny in his weakened state when she stumbles upon the engagement ring he intended for her.


Andy – The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Marcus Nispel’s remake ups the ante on the gore, and none of the characters come away unscathed by the twisted Hewitt family. The characters that do perish tend to go quickly, by way of chainsaw or sledgehammer to the head. Except for poor Andy, that is. Trying to find his lost friend Kemper, Andy enters the Hewitt home only to lose a leg during an encounter with Leatherface. Then he’s impaled on a meat hook. Erin later finds him in the basement, still alive and suspended by hook, and having endured a lot of painful torture by way of dipping his raw stump in salt. A lot of it. Inflicting even more damage by trying to remove him from the meat hook, Erin eventually ends his suffering.


Brent – The Loved Ones

I suppose there’s no better way to appreciate life than to undergo harrowing torment at the hands of a deranged princess, Lola, and her father. For Brent, he’s attacked from behind, tied to a chair, and his voice box injected with bleach to render him unable to speak or scream. Then, he’s pelted with rocks, his feet are nailed to the floor with knives, and initials are carved into his chest. Still not enough, Lola drills a hole into his skull to lobotomize him by way of boiling water, but laments that the hole isn’t big enough. After going through all that, he still must fight off Lola and her father if he has any hope to live.


Meg Loughlin – The Girl Next Door

Adapted from Jack Ketchum’s novel and loosely based on the true events surrounding Sylvia Likens’ murder in 1965, The Girl Next Door is downright grim. It’s not an easy watch, nor was it meant to be, and the slow torture of teen Meg over the summer of 1958 at the hands of her own aunt and her sons is nightmarish. It begins small enough, with Aunt Ruth starving Meg and verbally abusing her. It soon escalates to tying her up in the basement and degrading her, all the while withholding the necessity of water. Aunt Ruth allows her sons and other neighborhood children to beat, cut, and burn Meg, cauterizing all wounds with cigarette burns. She’s branded, carved into, raped, and devastatingly given a clitorectomy with a blowtorch. It’s sick, and worsened by its loose truth basis. In terms of sheer level of suffering, Meg ranks near the top.


Eric – Evil Dead

A pure descent into insanity, none of the characters get off easy. As the one responsible for loosing the demons from the book of the dead, though, poor Eric gets it worst of all. Of all the characters in horror, Eric can truly take a beating. From getting stabbed in the shoulder with glass, a syringe needle broken under his eye, nearly breaking his back crashing into the toilet, a brutal beatdown by crowbar (that splits his hand down the middle), multiple nail gun injuries, it’s insane just how much damage Eric takes. It doesn’t even touch on the box cutter stab wounds. That he humorously tries to contain it all with duct tape only further illustrates just how brutal Fede Alvarez’s film really is.


Anna Assaoui – Martyrs

Martyrs

Pascal Laugier’s extreme French horror film is not for the faint of heart. While the first half follows the very traumatized and unbalanced Lucie, clearly still reeling from a horrific childhood, it’s Anna that gets it the worst. Discovering a secret dungeon beneath the family home of Lucie’s victims, Anna is captured and subjected to systematic torture for scientific/religious purposes. Beaten, degraded, and inhumanely tormented on repeat for an unbearable length of time, Laugier lingers on Anna’s physical and mental breakdown for what feels like an eternity. So, drawn out that it would be enough on its own to count as among the worst beatdowns in horror history, but then Laugier takes it a step further by having Anna flayed alive. Poor Anna suffers most of all.

Horror journalist, RT Top Critic, and Critics Choice Association member. Co-Host of the Bloody Disgusting Podcast. Has appeared on PBS series' Monstrum, served on the SXSW Midnighter shorts jury, and moderated horror panels for WonderCon and SeriesFest.

Editorials

‘Amityville Karen’ Is a Weak Update on ‘Serial Mom’ [Amityville IP]

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Amityville Karen horror

Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”

A bizarre recurring issue with the Amityville “franchise” is that the films tend to be needlessly complicated. Back in the day, the first sequels moved away from the original film’s religious-themed haunted house storyline in favor of streamlined, easily digestible concepts such as “haunted lamp” or “haunted mirror.”

As the budgets plummeted and indie filmmakers capitalized on the brand’s notoriety, it seems the wrong lessons were learned. Runtimes have ballooned past the 90-minute mark and the narratives are often saggy and unfocused.

Both issues are clearly on display in Amityville Karen (2022), a film that starts off rough, but promising, and ends with a confused whimper.

The promise is embodied by the tinge of self-awareness in Julie Anne Prescott (The Amityville Harvest)’s screenplay, namely the nods to John Waters’ classic 1994 satire, Serial Mom. In that film, Beverly Sutphin (an iconic Kathleen Turner) is a bored, white suburban woman who punished individuals who didn’t adhere to her rigid definition of social norms. What is “Karen” but a contemporary equivalent?

In director/actor Shawn C. Phillips’ film, Karen (Lauren Francesca) is perpetually outraged. In her introductory scenes, she makes derogatory comments about immigrants, calls a female neighbor a whore, and nearly runs over a family blocking her driveway. She’s a broad, albeit familiar persona; in many ways, she’s less of a character than a caricature (the living embodiment of the name/meme).

These early scenes also establish a fairly straightforward plot. Karen is a code enforcement officer with plans to shut down a local winery she has deemed disgusting. They’re preparing for a big wine tasting event, which Karen plans to ruin, but when she steals a bottle of cursed Amityville wine, it activates her murderous rage and goes on a killing spree.

Simple enough, right?

Unfortunately, Amityville Karen spins out of control almost immediately. At nearly every opportunity, Prescott’s screenplay eschews narrative cohesion and simplicity in favour of overly complicated developments and extraneous characters.

Take, for example, the wine tasting event. The film spends an entire day at the winery: first during the day as a band plays, then at a beer tasting (???) that night. Neither of these events are the much touted wine-tasting, however; that is actually a private party happening later at server Troy (James Duval)’s house.

Weirdly though, following Troy’s death, the party’s location is inexplicably moved to Karen’s house for the climax of the film, but the whole event plays like an afterthought and features a litany of characters we have never met before.

This is a recurring issue throughout Amityville Karen, which frequently introduces random characters for a scene or two. Karen is typically absent from these scenes, which makes them feel superfluous and unimportant. When the actress is on screen, the film has an anchor and a narrative drive. The scenes without her, on the other hand, feel bloated and directionless (blame editor Will Collazo Jr., who allows these moments to play out interminably).

Compounding the issue is that the majority of the actors are non-professionals and these scenes play like poorly performed improv. The result is long, dull stretches that features bad actors talking over each other, repeating the same dialogue, and generally doing nothing to advance the narrative or develop the characters.

While Karen is one-note and histrionic throughout the film, at least there’s a game willingness to Francesca’s performance. It feels appropriately campy, though as the film progresses, it becomes less and less clear if Amityville Karen is actually in on the joke.

Like Amityville Cop before it, there are legit moments of self-awareness (the Serial Mom references), but it’s never certain how much of this is intentional. Take, for example, Karen’s glaringly obvious wig: it unconvincingly fails to conceal Francesca’s dark hair in the back, but is that on purpose or is it a technical error?

Ultimately there’s very little to recommend about Amityville Karen. Despite the game performance by its lead and the gentle homages to Serial Mom’s prank call and white shoes after Labor Day jokes, the never-ending improv scenes by non-professional actors, the bloated screenplay, and the jittery direction by Phillips doom the production.

Clocking in at an insufferable 100 minutes, Amityville Karen ranks among the worst of the “franchise,” coming in just above Phillips’ other entry, Amityville Hex.

Amityville Karen

The Amityville IP Awards go to…

  • Favorite Subplot: In the afternoon event, there’s a self-proclaimed “hot boy summer” band consisting of burly, bare-chested men who play instruments that don’t make sound (for real, there’s no audio of their music). There’s also a scheming manager who is skimming money off the top, but that’s not as funny.
  • Least Favorite Subplot: For reasons that don’t make any sense, the winery is also hosting a beer tasting which means there are multiple scenes of bartender Alex (Phillips) hoping to bring in women, mistakenly conflating a pint of beer with a “flight,” and goading never before seen characters to chug. One of them describes the beer as such: “It looks like a vampire menstruating in a cup” (it’s a gold-colored IPA for the record, so…no).
  • Amityville Connection: The rationale for Karen’s killing spree is attributed to Amityville wine, whose crop was planted on cursed land. This is explained by vino groupie Annie (Jennifer Nangle) to band groupie Bianca (Lilith Stabs). It’s a lot of nonsense, but it is kind of fun when Annie claims to “taste the damnation in every sip.”
  • Neverending Story: The film ends with an exhaustive FIVE MINUTE montage of Phillips’ friends posing as reporters in front of terrible green screen discussing the “killer Karen” story. My kingdom for Amityville’s regular reporter Peter Sommers (John R. Walker) to return!
  • Best Line 1: Winery owner Dallas (Derek K. Long), describing Karen: “She’s like a walking constipation with a hemorrhoid”
  • Best Line 2: Karen, when a half-naked, bleeding woman emerges from her closet: “Is this a dream? This dream is offensive! Stop being naked!”
  • Best Line 3: Troy, upset that Karen may cancel the wine tasting at his house: “I sanded that deck for days. You don’t just sand a deck for days and then let someone shit on it!”
  • Worst Death: Karen kills a Pool Boy (Dustin Clingan) after pushing his head under water for literally 1 second, then screeches “This is for putting leaves on my plants!”
  • Least Clear Death(s): The bodies of a phone salesman and a barista are seen in Karen’s closet and bathroom, though how she killed them are completely unclear
  • Best Death: Troy is stabbed in the back of the neck with a bottle opener, which Karen proceeds to crank
  • Wannabe Lynch: After drinking the wine, Karen is confronted in her home by Barnaby (Carl Solomon) who makes her sign a crude, hand drawn blood contract and informs her that her belly is “pregnant from the juices of his grapes.” Phillips films Barnaby like a cross between the unhoused man in Mulholland Drive and the Mystery Man in Lost Highway. It’s interesting, even if the character makes absolutely no sense.
  • Single Image Summary: At one point, a random man emerges from the shower in a towel and excitedly poops himself. This sequence perfectly encapsulates the experience of watching Amityville Karen.
  • Pray for Joe: Many of these folks will be back in Amityville Shark House and Amityville Webcam, so we’re not out of the woods yet…

Next time: let’s hope Christmas comes early with 2022’s Amityville Christmas Vacation. It was the winner of Fangoria’s Best Amityville award, after all!

Amityville Karen movie

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