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14 Reasons You Should Have Played Shadows Of The Damned
I did it! I made a list. Put your shocked faces on. After Adam REPORTED that there is hope for a sequel to Shadows of the Damned after the game was lacking in sales I got excited. I also got to thinking about how awesome the game is, and how it seems like a lot of people don’t realize that.
So, I decided to make a list of many of the excellent reasons why you should pick this game up. Also, Adam got me all riled up because he was pretty convinced I would never get it done because I’m a slacker. Well I cranked it out in one night, suck it Dodd! Head past the break for the awesomeness you missed out on.
Shadows of the Damned will get you thinking about phallus more than a gay porn will. Johnson is Garcia’s floating skull best friend. He doubles as a torch, a hand gun, shotgun, machine gun, and a fucking motorcycle. Who wouldn’t want that as a best friend? He was also previously a demon in the City of the Damned. So he also doubles as an awesome tour guide.
You like the way Resident Evil 4, 5, and Dead Space 1 and 2 feel on your controller right? Well Shadows is right on par with all of those games. Except in Shadows you get a dive roll. How many times when being chased by a Necromorph, or a Majini throws a spear at you would you have wish you could have done a dive roll out of the way? (Drops the mic, walks off stage.)
No game that I can remember has ever offered me a foul mouthed, tattooed, leather jacket (no shirt underneath), skull befriending, Mexican demon hunter before. Garcia is straight out of a Grindhouse movie, a total badass who is never scared and doesn’t take any shit from anyone. Biggest demon ever? The devil himself? Garcia doesn’t give no fucks.
The banter of Garcia and Johnson is really what a lot more games need. You WILL laugh out loud regardless of whether you’re alone or not. If you’re not alone the people around you who have no idea what’s going on will more than likely also be in stitches. There are a lot of sexual jokes thrown around. And at certain points during the game you end up at these oversized story books that are read by Johnson to Garcia. I believe one is read by Garcia to Johnson, and Garcia is not a very good reader. But both of them throw comments back and forth during the story books that will have you in tears.
Your hand gun, the Boner is your basic weapon. At some point it becomes the Hot Boner allowing you to charge it and shoot sticky exploding balls at enemies. Your shotgun, the Monocussioner shoots skulls instead of bullets. That later becomes the Skullcussioner which you can charge and shoot a blast of 4 skulls. Last up is my favorite, the Teether. Your submachine gun that, yes you probably guessed, shoots demon teeth instead of bullets.
Ok, lets recap. Your handgun is called the Boner. You can charge up your Boner (because why wouldn’t you?) and at this point it becomes the Hot Boner and you can shoot explosive sticky balls at enemies. How could this get any better/more perverted? Well when you get to a certain area in the game you see a billboard for Angel Kiss Hostess Club. “Got a Boner already? Call us! We will turn it into a BIG BONER! Call us now! 03-666-6666” So what do you do? YOU CALL THAT FUCKING NUMBER! Who wouldn’t want a Big Boner?! The Boner extenze (see what I did there?) and get’s HUGE. Then you proceed to blast the hell out of some big Demons in a somewhat Godzilla like setting. All while holding the massive gun like you might hold something near your crotch and wave it in a friends face. Not that, I’ve ever done that…..
Have you seen these fucking out of control developer diaries? Dev diaries would get way more attention if they were all like this.
It’s basically an infomercial for getting a bigger boner.
I’m always happy to slay some demons. You should be too. The enemy design in the game is ridiculous. In a good way that is. The main antagonist Fleming who steals Garcia’s lady Paula has 6 eyes, 3 noses, and a dirty mouth. Demons riding horses, fucked up demon sisters, messed up regular demons, it’s all enough to want to keep you as far away from hell as possible.
The game is very punk rock. The devs even said it in the diaries above. Everything is metal, spiked, dark, studded, cold, leather, skulled and badass. A lot of games go straight to steam punk, but Suda and the gang went the old Punk Rock route and it turned out awesome.
If you haven’t played Shadows you’re like, what the fuck? Baby Gates? Every gate you find locked in the game is locked by a cranky babies face. You know those babies have some terrible back story otherwise why would that baby be in hell? Does a baby go to hell when it’s aborted? Probably. Ever met a baby who was a total dick? Probably got its ass kicked and ended up in hell. The only way to open these fucked up baby gates is to shove whatever they want in their mouths. Babies in hell want 1 of 3 things. Strawberries. Ok, that’s normal. A large eyeball? Yes. Lastly, a brain. Probably because they never got a fully developed one of their own. PRO CHOIIIIIICE!!!
The game takes place in hell. It’s always cool to see the different ways game developers design hell. I must say my favorite is Dante’s Inferno, but Shadows Of The Damned’s hell is pretty great also. It’s almost as if you took earth from centuries ago and turned it into hell. It looks very old school, with old buildings, stone streets, big horse pulled hay bails, old barrels. Take that and splash it up with gore, blood, demons, bodies, and I’m sure a fresh ripe stank and you’ve got your hell.
The main 2 behind Shadows of the Damned are video game industry veterans. Goichi Suda (Suda 51) and Shinji Mikami. Suda, the CEO of Grasshopper Manufacture, you may know from Killer7 and No More Heroes. Also the upcoming amazing looking Lollipop Chainsaw. Shinji fucking created Resident Evil. Enough said. The completion of the dream team includes Akira Yamaoka. The magical genius behind the music for Silent Hill. He left Konami after finishing his work on Shattered Memories and joined Suda and Grasshopper Manufacture. That says enough about why you should play this game right there.
Look around. The game got GREAT reviews. The lowest score I saw was a 67/100. Which still isn’t bad these days. The rest of them floated in the 4/5, B+ area. In return, from my research, the game sold about 260,000 copies worldwide. That isn’t so good. Especially for a game that got such great reviews and was praised by many reviewers and fans, and Dodds. With any luck the good reviews will be enough to spin a sequel off of this amazingly original demon killing romp through hell.
We are now one full month into Spring 2024, which kicked off on Tuesday, March 19 and comes to an end with the start of Summer on Thursday, June 20. This year’s summer movie season has a whole bunch of exciting horror highlights, including A Quiet Place: Day One, MaXXXine, and Alien: Romulus, but let’s hold that particular thought until June rolls around.
We’re here today to talk about Spring 2024 and the many horrors we still have left before the weather gets warmer and we find ourselves in the heat of one hell of a spooky summer.
Here are 12 horror movies you don’t want to miss in Spring 2024!
STING – April 12
Two words: SPIDER HORROR. Writer/Director Kiah Roache-Turner (Wyrmwood) hopes to induce eight-legged terror with his brand new horror movie Sting, only in theaters April 12.
Of particular note, Sting features practical spider effects from 5-time Academy Award Winner Weta Workshop, with the spider in this one inspired by H.R. Giger’s Xenomorph!
In Sting, “One cold, stormy night in New York City, a mysterious object falls from the sky and smashes through the window of a rundown apartment building. It is an egg, and from this egg emerges a strange little spider. The creature is discovered by Charlotte, a rebellious 12-year-old girl obsessed with comic books. Keeping it as a secret pet, she names it Sting.
“But as Charlotte’s fascination with Sting increases, so does its size. Growing at a monstrous rate, Sting’s appetite for blood becomes insatiable.”
BLACKOUT – APRIL 12
Indie darling Larry Fessenden is back with new horror movie Blackout this Spring, Fessenden’s third movie – following Habit and Depraved – to put his own spin on classic monsters.
While Habit was centered on vampires and Depraved was a fresh take on Frankenstein’s Monster, Larry Fessenden’s Blackout is the filmmaker’s contribution to werewolf cinema.
The film follows Charley, an artist whose drinking binges blur with his sneaking suspicion that he might be a werewolf. He distances himself from those he loves and sinks deeper into solitude, his flashes of memory of his nighttime grisly acts manifested through his artwork.
ARCADIAN – APRIL 12
If Nicolas Cage is covered in blood, you better believe we’re going to be watching. Cage gets his own A Quiet Place with Arcadian, a new creature feature coming to theaters April 12.
In Arcadian, which also comes to Shudder later this year, “After a catastrophic event depopulates the world, a father (Nicolas Cage) and his two sons must survive their dystopian environment while being threatened by mysterious creatures that emerge at night.”
Jaeden Martell (IT 2017) also stars in the post apocalyptic monster movie.
ABIGAIL – APRIL 19
If you’re bummed about Melissa Barrera being fired from the Scream franchise, you’ll definitely want to get out to your local theater this month to support Abigail, the new VAMPIRE BALLERINA horror movie from Scream and Scream VI directors Radio Silence.
Barrera stars alongside fellow horror favorite Kathryn Newton (Freaky) in Abigail, which is actually the latest horror movie in Universal’s relaunched Universal Monsters Universe.
In the film, “After a group of would-be criminals kidnap the 12-year-old ballerina daughter of a powerful underworld figure, all they have to do to collect a $50 million ransom is watch the girl overnight. In an isolated mansion, the captors start to dwindle, one by one, and they discover, to their mounting horror, that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl.”
LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL – APRIL 19
One of the most talked about horror movies of Spring 2024 has been the Halloween 1977-set Late Night With the Devil, which has been playing in theaters since its premiere on March 22.
Late Night with the Devil will begin streaming at home on April 19, 2024, less than one month after arriving in theaters. Shudder will be the exclusive streaming home of the movie.
David Dastmalchian (Dune, The Suicide Squad) stars as the host of a late-night talk show that descends into a nightmare in Late Night with the Devil, set on Halloween 1977.
In the found footage-style film that captures a period aesthetic, “A live television broadcast in 1977 goes horribly wrong, unleashing evil into the nation’s living rooms.”
INFESTED – APRIL 26
Spring 2024 is all about SPIDERS – sorry, arachnophobes! – with the previously mentioned Sting being followed by the French creature feature Infested (Vermines) later this month.
What’s particularly exciting about Infested is that its director, Sébastien Vaniček, has been hired to direct the next installment in the Evil Dead film franchise, so this will be our first taste of what Vaniček is capable of within the genre. And the buzz for this one is strong.
In his review out of Fantastic Fest last year, for starters, Bloody Disgusting’s own critic Trace Thurman raved that Infested is “one of the best spider attack movies in years.”
In the upcoming horror film, “Fascinated by exotic animals, Kaleb finds a venomous spider in a shop and brings it back to his apartment. It only takes a moment for the spider to escape and reproduce, turning the whole building into a dreadful web trap.”
HUMANE – APRIL 26
The daughter of horror master David Cronenberg, Caitlin Cronenberg is making her own mark in the genre filmmaking space with IFC Films’ Humane, coming to theaters this month.
The film is described as “a dystopian satire taking place over a single day, months after a global ecological collapse has forced world leaders to reduce the earth’s population.”
The wild premise? 20% of the world’s population must VOLUNTEER TO DIE!
“In a wealthy enclave, a recently retired newsman has invited his grown children to dinner to announce his intentions to enlist in the nation’s new euthanasia program. But when the father’s plan goes horribly awry, tensions flare and chaos erupts among his children.”
I SAW THE TV GLOW – MAY 3
Fresh off the haunting and singularly creepy indie We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, Jane Schoenbrun is back with A24‘s I Saw the TV Glow, releasing only in theaters this May.
Meagan Navarro wrote in her Sundance review for BD, “I Saw the TV Glow offers a layered and authentic portrait of identity, wrapped in ’90s nostalgia and surreal imagery that embeds itself deep into your psyche.” Meagan continues, “Schoenbrun delivers a singular vision of arthouse horror that entrances for its fevered dream style and insanely cool imagery.”
In A24’s latest, “Owen is just trying to make it through life in the suburbs when his classmate introduces him to a mysterious TV show — a vision of a supernatural world beneath their own. In the pale glow of the television, Owen’s view of reality begins to crack.”
TAROT – MAY 3
Originally titled Horrorscope, a much better title if you’re asking me, Screen Gems returns to the big screen with studio horror movie Tarot this Spring, a Tarot-card themed spookshow.
When a group of friends recklessly violates the sacred rule of Tarot readings – never use someone else’s deck – they unknowingly unleash an unspeakable evil trapped within the cursed cards in the upcoming Screen Gems horror movie Tarot. One by one, they come face to face with fate and end up in a race against death to escape the future foretold in their readings.
The hook for this one? Artist Trevor Henderson designed the film’s eight monsters!
THE STRANGERS: CHAPTER 1 – MAY 17
Bryan Bertino’s 2008 home invasion classic The Strangers spawns a brand new reboot trilogy this year, with first film The Strangers: Chapter 1 kicking things off in theaters on May 17.
The Strangers: Chapter 2 is expected to follow in Fall 2024.
Madelaine Petsch is the lead of the new reboot trilogy, playing a character who drives cross-country with her longtime boyfriend to begin a new life in the Pacific Northwest.
When their car breaks down in Venus, Oregon, they’re forced to spend the night in a secluded Airbnb, where they are terrorized from dusk till dawn by three masked strangers.
IN A VIOLENT NATURE – MAY 31
Slasher fans who have been hungry for a new Friday the 13th movie won’t want to miss In a Violent Nature, which plays out like a Friday movie… entirely from Jason’s perspective!
IFC Films will release In a Violent Nature exclusively in theaters on May 31.
In the film, “When a locket is removed from a collapsed fire tower in the woods that entombs the rotting corpse of Johnny, a vengeful spirit spurred on by a horrific 60-year old crime, his body is resurrected and becomes hellbent on retrieving it. The undead golem hones in on the group of vacationing teens responsible for the theft and proceeds to methodically slaughter them one by one in his mission to get it back – along with anyone in his way.”
Meagan Navarro wrote in her Sundance review for Bloody Disgusting, “In a Violent Nature may offer slasher thrills and a delightfully gory rampage across the wilderness, but the approach captures the carnage through ambient realism. It results in a fascinating arthouse horror experiment that plays more like a minimalist slice-of-life feature with a grim twist.”
THE WATCHERS – JUNE 14
M. Night Shyamalan returns with the new thriller Trap this coming August, but the road to that film’s release will be paved by the feature debut of his daughter, Ishana Night Shyamalan.
Ishana Night directed The Watchers, in theaters from WB/New Line on June 14.
The film follows Mina, a 28-year-old artist, who gets stranded in an expansive, untouched forest in western Ireland. When Mina finds shelter, she unknowingly becomes trapped alongside three strangers who are watched and stalked by mysterious creatures each night.
Which Spring 2024 horror movies are YOU most looking forward to?
4 New Horror Movies Releasing This Week Including ‘Late Night with the Devil’ at Home
Spring 2024 Horror Preview: 12 Horror Movies You Don’t Want to Miss
The ‘Scary Movie’ Spoof Franchise Is Getting a Reboot at Paramount!
‘Ready or Not’: Radio Silence Filmmakers Tease the “Absolute Banger” of a Sequel That’s Taking Shape
“We Built Every Creature” – ‘Alien: Romulus’ Goes Heavy on the Old School Practical Effects!
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