[BD Caption Contest] Win The Zombie Head Limited Edition Of “The Walking Dead” Season 2

The Blob (1988) Directed by Chuck RussellShown: Ricky Paull Goldin

The First Prize winner this week is WalkingDeadGuy (please DM me your US mailing address ro receive your Mystery Prize).

This week we don’t have a mystery prize, instead we’re giving away “The Walking Dead” Season 2 on Blu-ray. It’s the limited edition with the Zombie Head that you can check out here. It has an SRP of $99.99. That means you guys really have to BRING IT this week!

Head inside to see the runner-up and to start this week’s contest!

Our runner up is SIMPLY-EVIL. Sadly we can’t provide a prize for runner-up this week. Now, on to this week’s contest!

Rules:

1. We pick a still from a movie. You head to the comments section and submit your best one-liners, zingers, pathos riddled couplets etc…

2. You can enter as many times as you like and submit as many captions as you want, but each caption must be in a separate comment. Otherwise it will be too hard to tell where one caption ends and the other begins. Your entries can be posted anytime after the still is announced – just be sure to check that I haven’t announced that the contest is closed in the comments (you don’t want to submit your winning zinger after we’ve picked the winner). Also any racist, sexist, homophobic or generally hateful jokes will be disqualified. You don’t have to be insanely PC – just use your best judgement. Try and keep it brief! It has to fit on the photo now!

3. We pick the winner and announce them and their winning caption when the next photo in the contest is posted. We will address you by your BD Infected name. You can then DM me your US mailing address (no PO boxes) and I will send you your prize in a timely manner (i.e. you should have it in a couple of weeks). You must be a US resident to receive your prize!

First Prize is the Limited Edition Zombie Head “Walking Dead” Season 2 Blu-ray.

Source: Bloody Disgusting
  • Alex Brookshire

    Damn it, now I’m gonna be a virgin forever

    • Lisa Nodine

      Ok, MS. Johnson, If we do this, I’ll get an “A” in your class, right?

    • Tiffene

      “Yeah, my first tit!! Uhh…I thought they stayed attached…”

  • Fac3eater

    Ok lady, But if you want me to put my hand their its gonna cost EXTRA!

  • SpaceRocket

    Don’t turn her down! Turn her face down!

  • Alex Brookshire

    THIS IS HOW BOOBS FEEL!!?

  • Alex Brookshire

    So this is what happens if you don’t have a condom

  • Alex Brookshire

    Talk about fisting

  • SpaceRocket

    I Need a Necrophiliacs Anonymous

  • SpaceRocket

    Man! She looked so much better when I was drunk.

  • Alex Brookshire

    And then I jizz in my pants

  • Alex Brookshire

    The Blob: the new condom. Side Effect: may kill you

  • SpaceRocket

    She may just be a three bagger!

  • Alex Brookshire

    They look bigger than they feel

    • Donnie Baker

      Dad always said the real ones would feel a bit droopier.

  • SpaceRocket

    Wow! When did Sarah Jessica Parker make a horror film?

  • Alex Brookshire

    The Blob: The Boner Killer

  • SpaceRocket

    Why don’t you kiss me like you use to?

  • SpaceRocket

    O.k. I believe you! They are real.

  • SpaceRocket

    My face is up here!

  • PopcornBando

    I’m sorry babe! This has never happened to me before!

  • miradotheblack

    TUBESOCKS!!!!

  • wildgator25

    There’s a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you.

  • Rika-Hack

    Yep! They Are Fake

  • miradotheblack

    Now that

    Is a BUTTERFACE.

  • Joe-Banger

    Stiff competition? Sucks to be you!

  • miradotheblack

    Do Creature Boobs fight back on a squeeze?

    CONFIRMED

  • miradotheblack

    The original ending
    to The Crying Game

  • wildgator25

    I see the Precious, now let me show you Mount Doom.

  • wildgator25

    Wow! You should have really listened to those Truth commercials.

  • CptSpaulding135

    Socks with sandals? YOU’RE DISGUSTING!

  • alienxphile

    Wait a second! You’re not a woman!!!

  • Walsh79

    Your face is not the best..
    So hopefully you have a great chest!

  • alienxphile

    Wh . . . Where does your food go!?!

  • Walsh79

    Nice boobs, but her face!

  • WalkingDeadGuy

    “Yep, now I know I’m gay.”

  • Eric

    You said you were a 34D!!

  • katiehoff

    I’m glad I found a girl who likes Cronenberg as much as I do

  • alienxphile

    There is no way you are a size 6!

  • alienxphile

    3!?! Why are there 3!?!

  • Radicalex

    Remember boys: abstinence is the only real defense against loose women and gelatinous parasitic aliens.

  • miradotheblack

    Told you dude.

    Told you she was a man-eater.

  • Radicalex

    Oh god … there’s a lump!

  • Radicalex

    I told you not to! I warned you about Coke and Mentos!

  • Radicalex

    They’re eating her! And then they’re going to eat me! Oh my gaaaaahhhhhhdd!

  • Winter

    Oh baby, you know what I like

  • Radicalex

    Don’t let this happen to you on a first date.

    Noxzema. To Cover The Blob In You.

  • Winter

    If I told you you had a horrible body, would you hold it against me?

  • Radicalex

    God, grandma, next time you can put your own deodorant on.

  • Radicalex

    Aagh, I remember when remakes used to be good!

  • Radicalex

    Do you like it? It’s Vidal Sassoon.

  • miradotheblack

    “DAMN,underwires.”

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Standards…

    The root of all self cockblocking.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001539834880 Michael Sanchez

    I swear to god I thought you were a chick

  • WalkingDeadGuy

    “You don’t need to get bigger breast… Trust me, go for the face lift.”

  • Winter

    Ah!! Spider!!

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Ugghhh. I thought the pimp said “buy one get one half off” not “buy one get one half alive”

  • m-m-m-MONSTER_KILL

    Ogmygod…

    This would be SOOO much easier if you were a Tan-Tan.

  • wildgator25

    The seatbelt goes over the shoulder, not through the chest.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001539834880 Michael Sanchez

    That’s not how it looks like in the computer!

  • Alex Brookshire

    This is why if girls say no,
    you listen

  • m-m-m-MONSTER_KILL

    Why would Verhoeven lie to me?

    I KNOW Kuato’s in there SOMEwhere!

  • Alex Brookshire

    Scariest orgasm ever

  • m-m-m-MONSTER_KILL

    down, back, forward, back, X

    FATALITY!

  • Alex Brookshire

    So this is why girls fake orgasms

  • flesheater24

    This is the video they show when girls give their first BJ’s

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Ugghhh, why did I let Chris Brown go first!??

  • SRSLY_STFU

    My hands are freezing cold! Can I warm them on your breasts?… Wait, where ARE your breasts?!

  • Winter

    Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me

  • flesheater24

    What happens when you fuck a demon?

    She gets the killer semen.

  • flesheater24

    I fine this very hard to jerk off too

  • wildgator25

    America’s gonna love our talent! Liquor in the neck, shot glass in the chest!

  • kketchie44

    Momma says you the Devil…

    Momma’s right! Momma’s right!

  • Daniel

    Alright sweetheart, I think this lump might be the least of your problems.

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    I guess I’ll just tell my friends she had a great personality.

  • Winter

    Where’s the beef?…. oh, there it is

  • Winter

    Your boob looks like Keith Richards

  • wildgator25

    It’s ok… I’m a mechanic… I can fix this.

  • Winter

    Draw me like one of your french girls

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Stop bleeding all over my new shag carpeting!

  • Daniel

    No time for the old in-out, love, I’ve just come to read the meter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ryan.henry.543 Ryan Henry

    It’s True! It’s True! Susan Boyle’s carrying my baby!!! AHHHHHH!!!

  • Winter

    Oh god, it’s like squeezing a bag of raisins

  • Winter

    Oh you like it rough? Want me to punch your tits?

  • captainhair90123

    MY PRECIOUS!!! (Arrow points to ring around her neck)

  • Winter

    I can tell you like it rough. I can see it in your face.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ryan.henry.543 Ryan Henry

    Adam Sandler really knows how to please a woman!!!

  • captainhair90123

    OMG! Touching a nipple makes their faces implode!

  • wildgator25

    Don’t worry… I’m a master at Operation.

  • iarms

    Sure, I’ll take Chris Brown’s sloppy seconds!

  • captainhair90123

    Hey, now I know what it feels like to be James Woods.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ryan.henry.543 Ryan Henry

    Shit!! I thought Special Ed Bitches was tighter!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ryan.henry.543 Ryan Henry

    No dumbshit it unhooks in the back!!!

  • iarms

    I hope my boys don’t see me with this one.

  • captainhair90123

    I just realized my fly has been down all day!

  • iarms

    This chick needs to stay out of the sun, and the fight clubs.

  • raymond.creamer

    Wow. Rigor Mortis Does Have it’s Upsides.

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Seriously, Miss Streisand, you could’ve cleaned yourself up a bit first.

    • Skull-And-Crossbones

      *punctuation fix*

      Seriously, Miss Streisand. You could’ve cleaned yourself up a bit first.

  • captainhair90123

    Hey, Betty White! Wanna see my Sylvester Stallone face?

  • romero1985

    Kinky…but I’m into it

  • romero1985

    So this is what third base feels like…

  • TwistedCritic

    The lucky winner of the Meet & Greet with Joan Rivers.

  • romero1985

    Kali Ma Shakti de!

  • romero1985

    Don’t worry, it happens to every guy

  • captainhair90123

    What does second base feel like?
    Cool, squishy catfish.

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    I don’t think I can motorboat these.

  • robertmpatterson

    Mason Verger’s drag night gone wrong.

  • coldblood

    What the hell are you going to do when I get to THIRD base??!!

  • FallenOne74

    OH MY GOD!!! They said it was like warm apple pie!

  • coldblood

    OK fine – no blow job.

  • coldblood

    IMPLANTS!!!

  • coldblood

    Do you mind if my friend joins in?

  • http://www.facebook.com/FPJ666 FPJ666

    Where’s a paper bag when I need one???

  • alienxphile

    Oh my god! I found the door to Narnia!

  • J-MAN28

    Ah, come on, baby! It’s my birthday!

  • nystromo

    yeah, uh-huh, I’m getting a HEART on!

  • alienxphile

    VAGINA DENTATA!

  • alienxphile

    I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!

  • DJofTheDead

    Have some heart, baby. I’m not like the other guys!

  • DJofTheDead

    Seriously, when I said I wanted penetration, this is not what I had in mind.

  • glorificus5884

    This is how you get a 40 year-old virgin.

  • Trixxxster

    This is my “Oh gawd I’m gonna regret this in the morning” face

  • Trixxxster

    So this’s why you Jersey girls need all that make-up and hairspray!

  • Trixxxster

    Stop! Stop. . .okay dont!

  • playback.delete.rewind

    This gives a whole new meaning to the “Ribbed” condom.

  • BadCrumbs

    …And you’re sure it’s not contagious?

  • Redchevy14

    Do I unhook your bra from the front or the back?

  • Blackheart77

    That’s it, No More Dates from Zoosk.

  • glorificus5884

    Go out with her, they said. See has a great personality, they said.

  • glorificus5884

    Doesn’t matter. Had sex.

  • Squizzdoodle

    Why would the keys fall in here?!

  • BadCrumbs

    VD: Name Your Contacts.

  • J-MAN28

    I wish I was blind on this date!

  • Squizzdoodle

    Aw, man! Now there’s boob on my watch…and whatever that is…

  • Squizzdoodle

    “Find a Frito. Pick it up. The rest of the day, you’ll have good luck!”

  • mjagr26

    “C’mon baby, its just second base! Don’t get all ‘inside out face’ with me!”

  • mjagr26

    Mannequin 3! The Return of Kim Catrell!

  • Jared

    WTF?!? I thought you said they were real!

  • Jared

    First your face, now this shit? Are you
    kidding me?

  • Jared

    This is the only memory from last night’s party.

  • Squizzdoodle

    I’ve heard of breaking ribs during CPR, but this is just ridiculous!

  • burningfeeetman

    Drew Barrymore returns in: Never Been Kissed 2

  • sleeper14

    you don’t always die from tabacco…

  • WalkingDeadGuy

    “Don’t give me that face, baby. I know what I’m doing.”

  • Whatsamovie

    You’re A guy!?!

  • sleeper14

    it’s so veiny…

  • Jawesome87

    I’ve felt flat chested before but this is just ridiculous!”

  • EvilDead-Deuce

    They are soft Grandma!

  • Beezle2112

    50 Shades of Ichor

  • Beezle2112

    I know you wanted to hold my hand, but come on!

  • Beezle2112

    She’s got me on lock-down.

  • Beezle2112

    I can’t believe your OB/GYN left that in there!

  • Beezle2112

    The consequences of over stimulating the G-Spot.

  • Joeman

    Have you ever had one of those days where you just can’t win?

  • DDexGaige

    This is my horny face! Like it?

  • DDexGaige

    Worst Date EVER! I’ll be forever alone

  • DDexGaige

    Why can’t I be accepted just like everyone else.

  • DDexGaige

    300 year old virgin.

  • DDexGaige

    I couldn’t get laid when I was alive, now that I’m dead people can’t even look me in the face.

  • Redchevy14

    And for my next trick… I will get laid

  • alienxphile

    Nipples . . . There should be 2!

  • DDexGaige

    Why do I fall for all the freaks?

  • DDexGaige

    “I’m gonna find it, One way or another.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/andrew.halsey.98 Andrew Halsey

    The boy found the hard way, he does indeed have the bad touch

  • http://www.facebook.com/andrew.halsey.98 Andrew Halsey

    Dammit! The curtains do match the drapes!

  • DDexGaige

    Best orgasm ever!

  • DDexGaige

    That’s what it looks like? I never made it this far.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chewy.chew.1 Chewy Chew

    If this is what your hand job is like, than let’s just forget the blow job!

  • http://www.facebook.com/chewy.chew.1 Chewy Chew

    Ouch! So I guess that’s what they mean by death grip…

  • http://www.facebook.com/chewy.chew.1 Chewy Chew

    50 Shades of Zombie

  • SelfishMan912

    i gave my word to stop at third…

  • SelfishMan912

    “i don’t want to scare you… but i think i feel a lump”

  • VillainousOne

    HEY! Get your finger out of there!

  • Smashdevour

    I’ve heard of sunken chests before but this is ridiculous!

  • cursum_perficio

    that awkward moment when your blow-up date deflates

  • cursum_perficio

    purple nurple of doom

  • cursum_perficio

    damn atkins diet

  • cursum_perficio

    “Sex and the Titty: Ewww”

  • joekohler85

    “This is going to take way more than a paper bag!”

  • wildgator25

    Tales from the Clit

  • Mr_Darko

    I’m just gonna tell all the guys I got to 2nd Base.

  • Stu-Boffin

    ‘This cougar’s roadkill’

  • Stu-Boffin

    ‘You’re a double D-dead and decomposing’

  • Stu-Boffin

    ‘Do you take it up the Buttgereit?’

  • Stu-Boffin

    ‘I’m supposed to be the one that’s stiff’

  • Stu-Boffin

    ‘Smint?’

  • Stu-Boffin

    ‘Do you smell almonds?’

  • wtbfishes

    Whassa matter? Not firm enough for you?

  • vulpine987

    I don’t want to undo the strap anymore!!!

  • Evil_Nik

    Feels like cold apple pie…

  • Deadamongmen

    First listerfiend, then pillowpants, what the hell is this troll called?

  • Deadamongmen

    Zyngia, he’s got the bite!

  • Deadamongmen

    Tastes great less filling.

  • pootie_tang516

    Hey I just met you…and this is CRAZY…but here’s my liver…so call me maybe

  • StangChick

    Chinese, Japanese, Dirty knees, what are these!

  • wickedweasel

    Are you sure you don’t have herpes?

  • wickedweasel

    I told you Marie, I just don’t feel like any road head tonight!

  • Raze55

    Hy shit Melanie Griffith got ugly quick.

  • Raze55

    All that hairspray in the 80′s did some damage.

  • CoreyJ

    Sure it felt good, but Cindy had the worst “O” face of all time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/zoranface lowcarbcomedy

    EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE WARM APPLE PIE!!!

  • stonebone

    C’mere Baby

    Give me some sugar

  • FahKauffBono

    I don’t want to spoil the mood but….

    You’ve been tested, right??

  • InvisiGoth

    Come on…OH, COME ON! The box SAID there was a prize inside!!!

  • TheGonzoJoint

    Grope your girlfriend’s breasts, they said. It will be fun, they said.

  • FatGod

    You think YOU love the dead?

    Beat this Alice Cooper!!

  • Isaac Urquiza

    IT’S GOOEY!!!!!!!!

  • FatGod

    Ya know what babe? I was wrong….

    You don’t look good without make-up

  • FatGod

    Wow, and I thought that Jenifer broad from the argento flick was ugly.

  • SRSLY_STFU

    You had me at… HELLO! WTF IS THAT?!

  • SRSLY_STFU

    What would you do-ooh-ooh! for a Klondike Bar!

  • SRSLY_STFU

    Smells like teen spirit!

  • TEDDYX

    Oh Crap… She’s losing air. Where is the valve ….???

  • ljsikes

    Teri Hatcher – age 136. They’re real and they’re spectacular.

  • damonater

    And the winner for wingman of the year is…..!

    • TheOlive

      Hilarious!

  • carlosrossi

    I see London, I see France… NOW GIVE ME BACK MY EFFING HAND!!!!

    • carlosrossi

      I thought they smelled bad… …. …. … .. on the outside!

  • carlosrossi

    Grandma…? ARE YOU OK?

    • carlosrossi

      this is NOT what I meant by HANDJOB!!!!!!

  • RedDead83

    It was then he realized…Some girls are allergic to Latex.

  • K31SH1

    I don’t want to alarm you, babe, but there’s a lump in your breast.

  • K31SH1

    Sorry, I don’t dig girls with implants.

  • MinaDoll7

    Ugh there’s stuff oozing out! But hold on, I got Wet Ones in the back seat!

  • rawheart

    Omg you said you wanted to “Suck face”!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003525301662 Martin Collins

    lady….
    i think your a quart low.

  • SRSLY_STFU

    … It was then that young Scottie realized not all sex dolls are created equal.

  • AdamFearson

    “And I thought they felt bad… on the outside!”

  • pyrepunk

    Blue waffle…the true face of fear.

  • FarmerWaits

    This is your “O” face ???!!!???!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/secretusername Shad Youngblood

    This is what happens when you’re married and make out with Kristen Stewart.

  • BornVillian

    Beetlejuice!BeetleJuice!BeetleJuice!….That doesn’t work on me sweetheart

  • BornVillian

    I’ve never felt so alive!!!! Sshh stop talking.

  • BornVillian

    I hate finding your key’s grandma…..Heh Heh Heh.

  • BornVillian

    Do you wanna know how I got these scars?

  • BornVillian

    Why so serious?!? Eww you told me you were Beetlejuice!!!

  • wildgator25

    Val Kilmer’s stunt double gets all the love from the ghouls.

  • Laugh Riot

    Sometimes the rapist is more the victim…

  • wildgator25

    New Olympic sport for 2016… the pancreas grab.

  • Blodulv

    OMG…so much skin!

  • Laugh Riot

    So… is, uh, is this like the part where you guys have your way with me?

    OH, NO! Oh, God! Oh, no, no no no!

  • Laugh Riot

    I have protection but against that…

    No I do not….

  • Laugh Riot

    How can I resist that face my little cutie pie.

  • Laugh Riot

    Clark Kent’s first BJ didn’t end so well….

  • Laugh Riot

    Well baby I need you to look deep in the brown bag for the condoms then we’ll continue… Leave it on I got them…

  • wildgator25

    Awww man, I just shot martha in the face.

  • Laugh Riot

    You found me beautiful once….
    “if anyone else used this b4 ignore this one.”

  • Laugh Riot

    Elephant Man’s Parents Found!!!!!

  • wildgator25

    C’mon baby, I loved you in Alien Resurrection, trust me.

  • Laugh Riot

    Why didn’t you tell me your allergic to lemon flavored condoms???

  • Laugh Riot

    They say Hit and Run, I say Hit and Have Fun!!!

  • captainhair90123

    Is this the button I push to see your O face?

  • Laugh Riot

    Nail and bail seem outta order this time….

  • Laugh Riot

    Ever had that moment when things seem awkward….

  • Laugh Riot

    WHERE’s THE FUCKING TROJAN MAN!!!

  • J-MAN28

    Poor Jimmy. …That means two things.

  • Laugh Riot

    Reggie thinks he was better off with the chick that had death ball knockers…

  • alienxphile

    That’s it I’m done! It is a train-wreck down here! I don’t care how hot you are!

  • Laugh Riot

    Baby I wanted you to do it harder but not that much…

  • Laugh Riot

    So this is what hey meant by entering the horror movie business…..

  • Laugh Riot

    Pimp + Funeral Home = This

  • Laugh Riot

    Go Go Gadget Impact Drill Deactivate!!!!DEACTIVATE!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    SHIT THE FAMILY JEWELS HAVEN’T BEEN STOLEN!!!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    That’s Right I Fucked A Monster… Right In It’s Face!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    So How Drunk Was the Guy That Did Your Boob Job??? One on the right keeps looking at me…..

  • Laugh Riot

    OK OK I’ll get you some Ice Cream!!! Enough with the face!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Sneezing and Fellatio can be deadly combination…

  • Laugh Riot

    She’s gone from suck to blow!

  • Laugh Riot

    Those Anti-Drug commercials are going all out….

  • Sawdust98

    So what base would you consider this?

  • eddi

    Is it supposed to feel like jello?!

  • Winter

    TITTY TWISTER!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/iamdarby gnarlydarby92

    Pity dates are a bitch.

  • http://www.facebook.com/iamdarby gnarlydarby92

    Can I please but a bag over your head and get this over with?

  • http://www.facebook.com/iamdarby gnarlydarby92

    *Can I please put a bag over your head and get this over with?

  • http://www.facebook.com/iamdarby gnarlydarby92

    Looks aren’t everything.

  • http://www.facebook.com/iamdarby gnarlydarby92

    You’re cute when you’re angry

  • Carb

    Sally had a good body, BUTTERFACE!

  • Carb

    Ribbed!

  • Evan3

    “Damnit,…. I hate a girl with perfect tits.”

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Ew! Bitter Beer Face!

  • TheOlive

    TROJAN Maaaaaaaaaan!

  • TheOlive

    Second base would never be the same.

  • TheOlive

    Sex Ed didn’t cover this.

  • TheOlive

    Tell me again about my eyes…

  • TheOlive

    No one likes sloppy seconds…

  • wildgator25

    Another Great Moment in Hookup History: The Ghoul Grab

  • Exploitastic

    Roses are red
    So is my blood
    My face is imploding
    Are we still good?

  • drek

    My preciousss

  • Bwasson

    Damn girl, you have your nipples pierced?!?

  • http://www.facebook.com/jack.ripple Jack Ripple

    You would have to have a ‘screw loose’ to not want to win this awesome contests! This is so ‘in your face’ awesome!! Cheers!!

  • Phreak9mm

    This is what happens when you tune in Tokyo.

  • darkrequiem1134

    Three tits, that’s awesome

  • solidjim

    Maaaan. This is the last time I give handjobs to make rent!

  • Phreak9mm

    I swear! I dropped my gum!

  • shauniepants

    Hey, I just met you… And this is crazy… But here’s my number… Call me maybe?

  • darkrequiem1134

    you said you were all natural…i’m gonna have to call bullshit!

  • Phreak9mm

    OMG! I told you not to use the shop vac!

  • thefrozenburrito

    OH MY GOD SHE HAS TEETH DOWN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jennifer

    Next time she says “Not now baby I’ve got a headache”….you’ll listen won’t you?!

  • shauniepants

    She redefines butterface… because her face is spreadable!

  • Phreak9mm

    Blow Up Wanda is NOT how she looked on the box!

  • sai_justin

    Second base never felt so right

  • elitebuffalo

    At least let me see one of them sweetheart !

  • Gozar

    Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.

  • Phreak9mm

    Holy crap! They do deflate!

  • Gozar

    John realizes that there is no a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs.

  • Gozar

    Puberty hit Jane very hard

  • Phreak9mm

    Damn. Last call really means last call.

  • Phreak9mm

    So this is why mom said wait until you’re married.

  • starla torres

    Last time I let Justin Beiber set me up on a blind date!

  • Phreak9mm

    Worst. Date. Ever.

  • starla torres

    Oh hell I’ve done worse!

  • IanGibbons

    This Joan Rivers sex-tape is simply disgusting.

  • Phreak9mm

    This is the last time I’m Wing Man.

  • ACEJT

    I don’t remember 2nd base being like this?!?!?

  • thefrozenburrito

    Where’s Bruce Campbell when you need him!!

  • smoscar_01

    Ehrmahgerd!! Fernallee ahm gerrting sohme

  • enigmaaz

    Get the damn screwdriver out of my eye!!!

  • azneck1

    Embarrassed, Joan Rivers suddenly wished she had more work done to her breasts.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    You think you love her, but you don’t.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    Don’t die on my Trinity!

  • shauniepants

    Got your noooossseeeee!!!

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    Don’t die on me Trinity!

  • Sjonskald

    Tune in Tokyo!

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I have done a lot of nasty things. But feeling your boobs take the cake, or should i say raisins.

  • Donnie Baker

    MMM! Mashed Potatoes!!

  • shauniepants

    “Grave Encounters” escort service. Our girls are so gorgeous.. You’ll be “Screaming” with joy…

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I know you deflating. You want me to put my mouth where?

  • Donnie Baker

    Good News! I don’t feel any cancer!

  • shauniepants

    BEST NIGHT….. EVER!!!

  • russellg79

    Don’t tell me they remade “127 HOURS.”

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I told you not to get the botox full body supreme last year.

  • Jon Norton

    Kali Ma… Kali Ma… KALI MA!!!

  • chade

    She might be a butterface but I’m still gettin some.

  • Jon Norton

    A young Mola Ram practices his heart removal technique on his girlfriend.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I told you not to spit all you bile out at once. Those four people got away.

  • chade

    Oh baby! You give me rigamortis.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven. I bet it did.

  • mcslange

    I’m sorry I called you a butter-face! There’s obviously plenty of butter down here too!

  • chade

    Once you go dead, you’ll never leave the bed.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    Sorry Ma’am. I only give old CARS tune ups.

  • russellg79

    Hey dude… smell my finger.

  • Raw10Luck

    “OMFG! You have a lump in your breast!”

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    So you brothers name was Humpty Dumpty?

  • HeyRed23

    I thought you said you got tested!

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I’m here about a leaky faucet.

  • russellg79

    I thought Farrah Fawcett was dead… Oh, now I get it.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    THIS! IS! ANGINAAAAA!

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    How did you eat the car keys?

  • SW1134

    I always have trouble un-doing these bra’s

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I can see my house from here!

  • Screamz

    Damn mail-order brides, never look like their photos.

  • Screamz

    That’s not what I meant by “Suck Face.”

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    This is not the best place to leave you money.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I FOUND AN ALIEN WORM!

  • AlecHorror

    Golly Sandy…

    You could have told me you where on your period.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    You want to break up? FINE! I want my hotdog back.

  • Ronald Finch Jr

    I see a light on the other side. Oh, nvm.

  • Screamz

    I’ve heard of sagging breasts, but I think yours just fell off.

  • melissags

    Second base? Priceless.

  • Screamz

    Does this blouse make me look melty?

  • AlecHorror

    so you agree..?

    The plastic surgery worked!

  • Screamz

    It may feel like I’m putting my hand in sludge…but I got to touch her boobies…

  • Cruchot

    C’mon, catch a ride!
    Damn you Scooter…

  • Screamz

    Girl: My eyes are up here, perv.

    Guy: No, I just found one in your colon.

  • mistress_macabre

    I knew it… You are a heartless bitch!

  • AlecHorror

    ….

    And that is why you don’t go tanning.

  • mistress_macabre

    That is nothing like apple pie!

  • mistress_macabre

    Fingering… You’re doing it wrong.

  • mistress_macabre

    When I told you I wanted to be inside you, I didn’t think it would be anything like this!

  • sk1994

    Hey hey! You didn’t mention THIS over the dating site!

  • mistress_macabre

    Usually I have a hard time getting the bra off, but yours, just kind of melted away!

  • jamesgormley

    God! You aren’t supposed to have teeth down there!!

  • mistress_macabre

    Wait a minute…. I thought the breasts were supposed to be up here! Eh… Screw it.

  • Screamz

    Yes, it’s that time of the month.

  • Screamz

    Why does every girl I try to sleep with melt?

  • woahtherewyatt

    am i doing this right? i’m so sorry, it’s my first time…

  • woahtherewyatt

    my god, it DOES feel just like pie!

  • woahtherewyatt

    so is this where i find the clitoris?

  • hlshubert

    Oh man – those are fake!!!!!

  • woahtherewyatt

    ohhhh yeah, that’s the spot. rightttt there.

  • peedy2000

    Yep theres definitely a leak down here!!!

  • woahtherewyatt

    when you told me you like it rough, this is not what i was expecting.

  • woahtherewyatt

    the term “fisting” now takes on a whole new meaning.

  • braindead32

    is this it? wait… no. what about this? okay, no… this?

  • peedy2000

    MAN these front fastening bras are a bitch!!!

  • braindead32

    mumbling to self: ok, remember… little man in the canoe, little man in the canoe…

  • HouroftheWolf

    BOOBIES…Teenage Boys Don’t Care Where They Come From, Just That They Get Some !

  • braindead32

    no man, i never called her again. she smelled like something died in there.

  • btweakb

    Still a better love story than Twilight

  • btweakb

    Sex And The City 3:
    The Samantha Jones Diaries

  • scottbeloved

    I thought ugly girls were supposed to be better at this kind of thing!

  • Screamz

    Hold still, I think my watch is caught on a rib.

  • scottbeloved

    Never feel up your cousin.

  • Screamz

    Sorry, that’s never happened to me before. You’re just so beautiful.

  • scottbeloved

    C’mon, lady! Beggars can’t be choosers!

  • Screamz

    Okay, fine. I’m doing that same thing when you drag me to the new Twilight movie.

  • JimboBruno

    The Blob.
    Dependable contraception since 1988.

  • Screamz

    Did…did you just…Oh, I am the MAN!

  • scottbeloved

    Woah, woah, woah! I’m not okay with the Jersey Meat Hook!

  • DamnRightRebelProud

    I thought you said these were real!

  • DamnRightRebelProud

    They feel like bags of sand…

  • JimboBruno

    The “hole in the popcorn bucket” trick.
    Whole. Other. Level.

  • Screamz

    When you said you’d just melt when I touched you…I didn’t think you were being literal.

  • scottbeloved

    That fingernail is sharp, lady!

  • Screamz

    This is normal, right?

  • Zak Saleh

    Wingman my a**, This is the last time I take one for the team!

  • Zak Saleh

    So you say the more you drink the better they look……..How is that working out for you?

  • Screamz

    I have a confession: I’m anorexic.

    No shit! Your stomach just caved in.

  • Zak Saleh

    OK last one…..

    I Think the lump on your left breats is the least of your worries!

  • JimboBruno

    Sex Ed Class
    failed to mention this even once.

  • Screamz

    Think I should see a doctor about this?

    Yes, but after sex.

  • MrSir

    Oh god, I found a lump

  • JimboBruno

    Oops.
    Wrong hole.

  • JimboBruno

    Your First Time
    Never as good as you think it will be.

  • JimboBruno

    It was kind of like flopping around on a waterbed.
    That’s what she said.

  • Screamz

    Closing my eyes and imagining Angelina Jolie naked isn’t helping…

  • Screamz

    Couldn’t you just give me the silent treatment instead?

  • JimboBruno

    Movie ticket: $8.00
    Popcorn: $4.50
    Drink: $3.00

    Realizing the fluid on your fingers isn’t all what you thought it was: Priceless

    • JimboBruno

      *
      Movie ticket: $8.00
      Popcorn: $4.50
      Drink: $3.00

      Realizing the fluid on your fingers isn’t at all what you thought it was: Priceless

  • Zak Saleh

    This just dosen’t seem right……Aawww what the Hell nobody will find out……Right?

  • ssjtrunks756

    What do you mean the insurance from working with AMC doesn’t cover your breast enhancement?!

  • JimboBruno

    It’s not you. It’s me.
    Nevermind. It’s totally you.

  • ssjtrunks756

    If I go through with this, do you swear you can get me a walk-on role on The Walking Dead?…

  • bmeadowcroft

    How did she look last night guys. I was pretty wasted.

  • ssjtrunks756

    This is the worst game of spin the bottle ever!

  • JimboBruno

    Abstinence.
    Making a comeback since 1988.

  • Ronster

    I want to feel you on the inside.

  • kaylaxchaos

    Feeling up a Blob isn’t normal, but on Meth it is. Meth: Not Even Once.

  • ssjtrunks756

    Believe it or not, this is normal in some fraternity initiations…

  • JimboBruno

    Dealbreaker.

    Doesn’t even begin to cover it.

  • Exploitastic

    Tenafly Viper is not a suitable date beverage.

  • JimboBruno

    Roses are red.
    Violets are blue.
    Totally just realized I have my hand in your goo.

  • ZombieJay

    Dear diary,
    jackpo….oh god!!!

  • ssjtrunks756

    What do you mean George Romero said you didn’t look dead enough for the role? He’s crazy!

  • Ronster

    No, I never tried chest fisting before.

  • copydawg

    Nope, no fat in there too.

  • copydawg

    Oh look, zero percent fat!

  • Slashley0921

    Ermahgerd! Zermbie berbs!

  • JimboBruno

    “It’s your basic slice and dice… but don’t worry, there’s no sex or anything bad.”

    How’s that working out for you?

  • copydawg

    Man, this is what I get for seeing Never Say Never for a drive-in.

  • Ronster

    Okay, you can give me back my hand now.

  • copydawg

    Dropped my popcorn, oooh a raisin… errr

  • copydawg

    Okay, you got me under your skin. You can let go, like now.

  • Ronster

    So this is what you meant by having safe sex?

  • ljsikes

    To all the girls I’ve loved before….

  • JimboBruno

    The most important sex organ is the brain.
    Uh, yeah… What’s the second most important?

  • Ronster

    I once was told that I was drop dead gorgeous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/zach.caylor Zach Caylor

    These aren’t boobs, they’re lies!

  • Ronster

    I’ll give you your hand back if you will French kiss me.

  • JimboBruno

    Sorry. My heart’s just not in it.

  • JimboBruno

    I love you.
    From the bottom of my heart.

  • http://www.facebook.com/zach.caylor Zach Caylor

    Oh please no, implants!!!

  • Ronster

    Momma told me I’d meet a girl like you one day.

  • JimboBruno

    “Close your eyes. Give me your hand. Can you feel my heart beating?”

    The Bangles music videos have gotten really weird.

  • Ronster

    Aaahh…that hurts! And this is how your kind does it?!

  • JimboBruno

    Reason #132 for not being a douchebag:

    Someone might take that sh*t literally.

  • Zak Saleh

    Oh you dropped your nipple let me get that for you.

  • Zak Saleh

    I’m no doctor but I dont think its supposed to feel like that.

  • Ronster

    I’m gonna need therapy after this!

  • Ronster

    I have never met a guy who touches my heart the way you do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/zach.caylor Zach Caylor

    Hey you guys! It feels like cold spaghetti!

  • Ronster

    You’ve found your way to my heart, and I love you…kiss me now!

  • Ronster

    So this is where you keep your condoms?

  • Ronster

    Give me a little piece of your heart now baby! Ugly women turn me on!

  • http://www.facebook.com/JasonJKelley Jason Kelley

    “Oh my god! I’m sooo sorry I popped your boob!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/JasonJKelley Jason Kelley

    “I don’t think I’m takin’ you home to Mama!”

  • JimboBruno

    Hey girl,
    I love you because of what you have inside.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JasonJKelley Jason Kelley

    This will be the last time Keith allows his dad to pick the hooker.

  • JimboBruno

    The dark side of May/December romances.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JasonJKelley Jason Kelley

    Pay attention kids…this is what happens when you pick up hitchhikers.

  • JimboBruno

    I don’t always feel a girl up in the theater.
    But when I do, I prefer weaponized biological agent.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JasonJKelley Jason Kelley

    “And THAT was MY BOOMSTICK!”

  • JimboBruno

    First date etiquette:
    A little ghouling around in the back of the theater is appropriate.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JasonJKelley Jason Kelley

    “Haven’t we met somewhere before? Like maybe at THE HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES?”

  • JimboBruno

    I just have a gut feeling this isn’t going to work out.

  • JimboBruno

    Necking at the point just ain’t what it used to be.

  • mandykhaos

    “BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE A VIRGIN!!”

  • JimboBruno

    The Blob
    Giving the term “loose women” a whole new meaning.

  • mandykhaos

    “You were way hotter on your dating site profile”

  • JimboBruno

    Dear horror fans: I’m sure you’ll be all over the internet telling me how boring this is too.

    -Sincerely, Frank Darabont

  • zomblue

    Remember it’s a REAL boob…SLIMY yeah, but a REAL boob!

  • zomblue

    Just a little bit further – ah! was that a nipple or a riblet?

  • zomblue

    I will not throw up…I will not throw up -Gah puked a lil in my mouth!

  • zomblue

    She was SO hot, She Melted! oh well, still going for it!

  • zomblue

    Sorry Darling, I know My class ring is in there somewhere…

  • zomblue

    Tickle Tickle – Gag! Gonna be messy, but a piece is a piece – just wonder what THAT one was?

  • Ronster

    This happened to me when my breast implants started leaking.

  • dondi

    That’s not what I meant with a handjob, you saggy bitch!

  • Ronster

    Pamela Anderson: This happened to me when my breast implants started leaking.

  • Ronster

    That’s okay..look away. But just remember that I’m still beautiful on the inside.

  • Ronster

    I’ve been told that I’m a monster in bed.

  • LarkOnMyGoKart

    Stacy’s Mom has got it going on!

  • miradotheblack

    “Come here baby, LET’S SUCK FACE!”

  • popeofbaltimore

    “And a young Mitt Romney soon regretted the horrors of premarital sex.”

  • L.o.v.e.Horror

    It’s all fun and games…until she starts bleeding from the eyes.

  • miradotheblack

    They both maintained lovely hair.

  • L.o.v.e.Horror

    Hey! Those aren’t my glasses I dropped!

  • miradotheblack

    CHANGE THE STATION QUICK

    IT’S GAGA!

  • miradotheblack

    Yeah baby, tonight’s the night.

    I FORGOT MY BEER!

  • miradotheblack

    She Meant It When She Said

    “Move It Or Lose It.”

  • miradotheblack

    The Moral Here Is

    Stick To Humans.

  • miradotheblack

    $50, he changes teams if he survives.

  • miradotheblack

    The old Asian man told him

    “Never Grope a MogWai after midnight.”

  • miradotheblack

    Joanie does not love ChaChi.

  • miradotheblack

    The ring video affects everyone differently.

  • L.o.v.e.Horror

    That’s one nasty Secret, Victoria!

  • DrDerekDoctors

    “Oh, Jeeze. You could have told me you were on the blob.”

  • Lisa Nodine

    Now that the end of the world is near, Jimmy was determined to lose his V-card any way he could…

  • Lisa Nodine

    Well, Rob did promise her “In sickness and in health”….

  • Lisa Nodine

    Oh God, next time, I’ll spring for the $50 hooker!

  • Raffeala

    “Lets “face” it…your not my type.”

  • Raffeala

    “So, what? You don’t wanna suck face now?”

  • Raffeala

    That’s gonna leave a stain.

  • Raffeala

    “This is definitely more than a handful.”

  • Raffeala

    “I Told you No Titty Twisters!”

  • Raffeala

    “I don’t always Kiss and melt on a first date.”

  • Raffeala

    “I’m not really A mushy type of girl.”

  • Raffeala

    “You made my heart and face melt.”

  • Raffeala

    “I told you I had to be home by midnight!”

  • Raffeala

    “Didn’t your mom ever tell you it is not polite to get freaky on the first date?”

  • Raffeala

    “Well, this is definitely going to be a double bag deal. One for my head and one for yours in case mine falls off.”

  • Raffeala

    “Argh! I just realized I forgot protection! You don’t have anything right?”

  • Raffeala

    “EW. It’s all gooey”

  • Raffeala

    “How many guys have you been with anyway?”

  • Raffeala

    “I thought you said sex wouldn’t change things?”

  • Raffeala

    “Butter Face!”

  • Raffeala

    “You’re bending it!”

  • Raffeala

    “This lighting and angle must make me look horrible.”

  • iHeartDVanity

    Doesn’t Matter, Had Sex.

  • Raffeala

    “Gross! I feel like I’m squishing One big meatball!”

  • Raffeala

    “It’s what is on the inside that counts.”

  • iHeartDVanity

    It Looks Like You’re Enjoying This More Than I Am.

  • Raffeala

    “Don’t judge a face by it’s cover.”

  • Raffeala

    “When I get that feeling I need Sexual Peeling…..”

  • kaustik

    Woah there, that’s a bit more than just an inverted nipple!

  • iHeartDVanity

    I’m Done With Blind Dates

  • J-SiN

    Having one of those “not so fresh” days?

  • Corpse-Licker

    Is… is that a PENIS!!

  • Corpse-Licker

    Is… is that a PENIS?!?!?

  • DadOfNight

    Call me crazy…but I’d STILL do her!

  • DadOfNight

    Almost instantly Sally regretted giving her heart to Jimmy.

  • DadOfNight

    When you said you felt hollow inside I thought you were speaking metaphorically.

  • DadOfNight

    Disgusted, Timmy’s erection left, never to be heard from again.

  • halloweenlee

    I see your Aunt Flo is here!

  • Ranon1313

    Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!

  • Ranon1313

    So that is where my watch has gone!

  • Ranon1313

    I don’t know what I’m touching, but it seems to do the job.

  • Ranon1313

    Death to Videodrome! Long live The New flesh!

  • Lou

    Oh right!! Like I’m the only guy who ever got a slumpbuster.

  • Lou

    They told me she has a wonderful personality.

  • melissags

    Orgasmic expression. Have you seen yours lately?

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    My eyes are down there, why do men always confuse my eyes with my virgina

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    I asked do you want to see “Face/Off” not for you to take your face off

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    So that is the story of why my aunt is also my mother

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    If you excuse me, I have to put on my face

  • muceo13

    Then she showed me her “O” face…

  • SuperKilla

    fuck! I didn’t know your titties had teeth too!

  • SuperKilla

    I’m about to just fuck the hole in your throat.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Yeah those are also not there

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    See no evil, hear no evil….feel no boobies

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    See no evil, hear no evil…..what do you expect…no face

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    I was told you had a great personality….I shouldve listened

  • Tom

    KAA LI MAA! KAA LI MAA SHUKTIDAY! KAAAAAA LI MAAAAA!

  • SuperKilla

    :O Why is your breast milk clumpy ?!!!

  • chade

    I’m not sure who’s O face is worse.

  • chade

    Oh she gives the best dead head.

  • chade

    Thats what happens when you divide by zero during an orgasm.

  • Tuner1313

    Finally made it to second base with Lindsay Lohan.

  • bub4president2012

    Serenity now !!!!

  • Tuner1313

    Shane’s first date.

  • bub4president2012

    I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue…

  • bub4president2012

    p…p….p….pokerface, muh muh muh muh.

  • bub4president2012

    Some corks are better left unpopped.

  • but-sir-the-piranha

    You have great New York boobs.

  • but-sir-the-piranha

    It’s a trap, a boobie trap!

  • dead_babies

    yes Mary, they do feel a bit lopsided

  • DeathRite

    Chris Brown and Chuck Norris would be proud!

  • DeathRite

    “Thanks for helping me change my appearance. Golem’s been after this ring.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Well I am blind, but I can tell you are telling the truth you look like Beyonce

  • DeathRite

    “I TOLD EVERYONE I WAS A MAN IN A WOMAN’S BODY! NOONE BELIEVED ME! NOW IM OUT!”

  • IGETIGETBLOODY

    I just want the FUCKING Blu-Ray!

  • IGETIGETBLOODY

    Ah! Yeah baby! Uh uh! Ah! Oh shi…Ah! Yes! AHHHHHHHH! Uhhh.

  • EvilDeadAsh666

    give a mama kiss!!!,

  • EvilDeadAsh666

    just when you think it’s save then your girlfriend wants more than just some lip action. Rememeber after three, grab some seat.

  • spydr36

    Alright Ms. Anderson let me just push that implant back in.

  • spydr36

    So you think you can bite my junk, cause I dont think itll naturally rise for this occassion.

  • restedbones

    You look better when I’m drunk.

  • restedbones

    I knew I should’ve left the light off.

  • Stephen Michaud

    “oh baby I love it when you finger my lungs”

  • Stephen Michaud

    “damn virgins getting blood everywhere”

  • Stephen Michaud

    “baby I take body cavity searches to a whooooole new level”

  • Stephen Michaud

    “So ummmm….what base is this?”

  • Stephen Michaud

    “boobs…you have none”

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    Joan rivers… I love you

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    On the next episode of jersey shore

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    Note to self: stick to donkey punching

  • Laugh Riot

    You really are the Wicked Witch’s Daughter. So anything liquid does that huh… Should have told me sooner….

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    Dead girls need love too

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    If there are no worms on the field, PLAY BALL!

  • Laugh Riot

    I’m Old Greg!!!!

    • Laugh Riot

      I HAVE A MAN-GINAAAAAAA!!!!!1

  • Laugh Riot

    Babe there blood in ur seamen….

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    Wow! Baby! You do look like kristen stewart!

  • Laugh Riot

    ANY EXCUSE NOT TO PUT OUT FUCK!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Told you your face would freeze like that…..

  • Laugh Riot

    AHHH PENIS GOBLIN!!!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    FUCK CAUGHT IT IN THE ZIPPER!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    A great Viagra commercial in the making….

  • Laugh Riot

    You had Cabin Fever and didn’t tell me!!!!

  • Magikarp

    OMG I felt a lump!

  • Magikarp

    This still counts as second base right?

  • Magikarp

    That Klondike bar better be worth it!

  • Magikarp

    What would you do for a Klondike bar!

  • Christopher Lockhart

    After all that beer, Im still not feeling it …

  • c0r3t3x

    I said $50.00 for the finger but another 400 for kissing…

  • swonx13

    please don’t eat me, I didn’t mean to twist it!

  • swonx13

    you had me at “Awwwwwww”

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Im sorry! I shouldve never had give you that atomic Warhead candy!

  • swonx13

    oh yeah, OH YEAH THATS THE SPOT BABY!

  • swonx13

    Remember 50 no’s and a punch in the face means yes

  • swonx13

    steve’s dad was right, it does feel like warm apple pie!

  • Alex Brookshire

    It seems here that we have a failure to consummate

  • Zak Saleh

    All the booze in my trunk gone..F*ck it its go time!

  • swonx13

    CDC’s ad for bath salts

  • Zak Saleh

    EEWWWW I dont think thats supposed to feel like that. Hell who am I kidding, Jason Vorhees’ mother was worse…..at least this one has a head on her shoulders

  • wildgator25

    Next time we got to Arby’s, your ass is wearing a bib!

  • braindead32

    what the… ?! that’s it! no dick for you!

  • wildgator25

    His mom told him to liver alone…. he took that shit seriously.

  • WEROREW

    ¨Crap! I just dropped your nipple¨

  • ILoveSaw

    Another Zombie, F**k

  • ILoveSaw

    god Damnet

    not again

  • ILoveSaw

    woahh

    wasn’t expecting hat to drop

  • ILoveSaw

    Whoaa,

    Wasn’t expecting that to drop

  • ILoveSaw

    I swear,

    this is the only type of chick i can get!

  • ILoveSaw

    Thank God your a zombie,

    thought you were another freaking vampire

  • ILoveSaw

    Honestly,

    you’re not that bad.

  • ILoveSaw

    wouldn’t of done that

    sober

  • ILoveSaw

    ill go grab a mask for you

  • ILoveSaw

    first time

    worst time

  • ajoe1982

    hey! you wanna see somethin gross?

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    You know this is not the ugliest date Ive ever had

  • ajoe1982

    damn! you have one of those too…

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    This is what happens when you stare at Chuck Norris long enough

  • ajoe1982

    BLUE WAFFLES…………it dont get much better than that.

  • ajoe1982

    dont know what that is right there…but ill lick it anyway

  • wickedweasel

    The moment Cheaters detectives swoop in to confront Ted Bundy.

  • nebula

    Any hole’s a goal.

  • 6gray6brown6

    Sometimes being a gigolo is more work than it’s worth!

  • Lou

    Rookie ventriloquist! The arm is supposed to go in through the back!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    How was I supose to know the old tnt cigarett gag from cartoons did this

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Wait you are actually a dude!

  • Radicalex

    This is almost as bad as having to read over 650 captions for BD’s caption contest…

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    They’re eating her…then they are going to eat me….OH MY GOD!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    You know what….Ive seen orst

  • Belokk

    You can call me . . . Scarlett Johansson, and as you can see, I’m alot happier.

  • Zak Saleh

    Mom.. seriously this is the last time I’m gonna itch that.

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Uhhhh…no. It’s defenitely not cold in here.

  • todd-j

    Damn, baby, this isn’t what I meant when I suggested we ‘play doctor.’

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    Okay, now turn your head and cough.

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    You have no nipples!!!!??

  • bub4president2012

    Always establish a “safe word”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.rebollo Anthony Rebollo

    Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a snickers.

  • Laugh Riot

    When I said I wanted a piece… I didn’t wanna take any with me!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    If the torso is separated from the lower body does that count as a three-some???

  • AlecHorror

    After 10 years of marriage…

    thats how you will see your wife

  • AlecHorror

    Bloody hell…

    its like putting stuffing in a turkey

  • Laugh Riot

    Damn dating site.. Some assembly required they weren’t fucking around!!!

  • AlecHorror

    i knew it..

    they gave me the wrong instructions!

  • Laugh Riot

    Putting the condom on your head feels safer than putting it on mine……

  • AlecHorror

    Look..

    She texted me back “K.”!!!!!!!

  • AlecHorror

    Mom!

    You’re embarrassing me!!

  • AlecHorror

    I told you..

    Stop eating your brother!

  • AlecHorror

    How many times do i have to tell you?

    keep your hands out of the cookie jar!

  • AlecHorror

    uh…

    i really wish this costume would fit!

  • Laugh Riot

    When Chuck Norris say swallow.. HE MEANS IT!!!!

    • Laugh Riot

      When Chuck Norris says swallow.. HE MEANS IT!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    I think I’m ready… Ready for abstinence…

  • Laugh Riot

    Dammit I’m Leper!!!

    • Laugh Riot

      Dammit I’m a Leper!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    I just cant… I just cant get it up!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Mick Jagger I’m your “BIGGEST” fan. ;)

  • thebogeymaniscoming

    “Oh Sandy! Don’t worry about it! Nobody’s watching!”

  • SelfishMan912

    this doesnt look anything like it does in dad’s magazines…

  • ThatMovieNerd

    Is that your Large Intestine, or are you just happy to see me?

  • ThatMovieNerd

    It was either “Necro” or “No go”

  • ThatMovieNerd

    Sex Ed never prepared me for anything like this!

  • ThatMovieNerd

    Wrap it, before you tap it

  • wickedweasel

    No…that wet patch on her seat is most definitely NOT Coca Cola

  • romanthemysterian

    On second thought, I think I’ll put on an extra condom.

  • romanthemysterian

    Ok, ok! I promise I’ll never ask you to try anal ever again!

  • romanthemysterian

    Jeez, I heard you were a pretty hollow girl, but this is ridiculous!

  • AlecHorror

    Are you serious?

    I just got my nails done!

  • Decapitated_Dave

    I love birthday presents, Aunt Meredith, but this having to fish them out of your body?

  • glorificus5884

    When says she has a headache, you listen.

  • glorificus5884

    Ted Mosby finally met your mother.

  • glorificus5884

    Kids, I’m gonna tell you a story, a story of how I met your mother.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Ooohhh the…..nose is connected to the ffaaccee, the right eye is connected above, the left eye is connected to the riiigghhht!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    You ever have one of those nights? You know when you’re date reveals she has a flesh eating virus? No….. Well to bad for Johnny

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    I knew I shouldnt have made a deal with the devil for a girl with a great personality

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Oh I forgot to mention. I got an infectious flesh eating virus

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Hey can you do me a favor and re attach my nose.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    This is was I asked you to not scratch my nose with your hook hand

  • Joey_Redballs

    Fugly Face guarantees Second Base

  • Joey_Redballs

    You’d think these front hook bras would be easier to undo.

  • Lou

    No, breast implants probably aren’t gonna help

  • Joey_Redballs

    This just feels wrong, Grandma.

  • Joey_Redballs

    Dead girls can’t say No.

  • Joey_Redballs

    It’s so SOFT!

  • Joey_Redballs

    That’s a really nice necklace you have.

  • Joey_Redballs

    It felt like…a bag of sand.

  • Joey_Redballs

    C’mon already! I’ve only got 5 minutes left for my break.

  • Joey_Redballs

    Dead girls don’t say No…but they don’t scream Yes either.

  • Joey_Redballs

    That’s it…stroke the shaft. I’m just gonna squeeze your boob until…unghahh!

  • Joey_Redballs

    You’re even prettier than your profile picture.

  • Joey_Redballs

    It’s so SOFT…and MOOSHY?

  • Joey_Redballs

    Oh yeah…they’re real.

  • Joey_Redballs

    I don’t know what’s more fuggin’ gross, this movie still or TWD Season 2 screwdriver face box set.

  • Joey_Redballs

    She had a “butter face”, and me without a bag.

  • Joey_Redballs

    Love is more than skin deep. It requires penetration.

  • Joey_Redballs

    Easily rounding 2nd, Billy thought he should transition into some light skullF-ing.

  • Joey_Redballs

    Any chick who’s down to skullf**k will definitely give up 2nd base.

  • Joey_Redballs

    It’s always good to start with a little “goreplay”.

  • eddi

    Just hold still, I can’t tell if this is your tit or your stomach!

  • BabyJaneHudson

    Go go gadget vacuum arm RETRACT!!!!

  • Lou

    Wow! That 5 point palm technique DOES work!

  • FreddyKrueger13

    Any second now Freddy is going to come out and say “Got YA! HAHAHAHA”

  • DeathRite

    “DOES THIS SHIRT MAKE ME LOOK FAT?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/mike.fightmaster Mike Fightmaster

    OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!….You look SO skinny in that dress.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Billy is running second. The coach is waving him towards third….oh he is stopped by her face. Sorry Billy you will remain a virgin

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    For the love of god! Put a blanket on or something

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    My mom wasnt kidding, you do have a wonderful personality

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Face it tiger, there is no way you hit the jackpot

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Oo bad Johnny and Mandy shouldve waited. This is what happens when you have pre marital sex. Now Mansy wont have sex again

  • alienxphile

    Got milk?

  • alienxphile

    BILF (Blob I’d Like to Fuck)

  • alienxphile

    AH! Your nipples are like milk duds!!

  • Survivor21

    Is that your spleen, or are you just excited to see me?

  • Survivor21

    It’ll feel good, they said.

  • Decapitated_Dave

    If you wont give me my brain back, I’LL TAKE IT BACK!

  • michaelkiyoe

    Scott Jeske finds out what happens when one of those old silicone implants ruptures.

  • michaelkiyoe

    Pickle surprise!

  • michaelkiyoe

    Great moments in human history: Scott Jeske finds the elusive B-spot.

  • michaelkiyoe

    “Gah! You didn’t tell me you were on the rag!”

  • Earman

    I hope you have acute angina, cause your tits are making me sick!

  • BJohnson

    Yeah, those bath salts were a shitty idea.

  • Travis

    I thought this was supposed to feel like warm apple pie.

  • michaelkiyoe

    There’s more than one way to touch a woman’s heart.

  • TheDoctor

    You’re nothing like your picture but boobs are boobs!

  • TheDoctor

    Going where no man has gone before!

  • TheDoctor

    Boobs… men will do anything to get their hands on them.

  • TheDoctor

    You said you weren’t on your period.

  • TheDoctor

    Just when you think it can’t get any worse… Joan Rivers releases a sex tape.

  • chade

    Kids! This is what happens when you have pre-marital sex!

  • Earman

    Hold Still! I think I dropped my gum!

  • khaleesi_tjp

    No! I didn’t wrap it up, you said you DIDN’T have STD’s!

  • khaleesi_tjp

    Oh…Oh GOD! It’s STUCK!

  • KnightOfTears

    Beauty may be skin deep, but your ugliness goes clear to the bone!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    The mother of all sneezes

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    This is a story of how Mr. And Mrs. Kuger met

  • MrBitchen

    It ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none.

  • Evil_Nik

    She said she was into fisting, but this brings it to a whole new level

  • Kakihara666

    Man, talk about sloppy seconds!

  • Laugh Riot

    I’m sorry your milkshake has went sour and wont be bringing anyone else to the yard….

  • Laugh Riot

    I’m not interested in how many licks it takes to get in the center of your lollipop!!! LET ME THE FUCK OUT!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Next on to eat a predator!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    So you used to room with someone who done bath salts huh?

  • Laugh Riot

    Your made of Jello…. I love Jello!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    The Crypt Keepers first date and origin story….

  • Laugh Riot

    Hey… you wanna see something really scary?

    “Just being curious anyone else know where this line is from?”

  • Laugh Riot

    Oh, come on. There’s always room for Jell-O!

    “How about this one?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    I dont know what happened. All I said to her was I think I am your cousin and her face exploded

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    This my friends is why you never play Extreme Truth or Dare

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Oh why did she have to be the last woman on earth

  • donniedarko180

    My buddy said that playing Justin Bieber would make her melt, but i never exprected this.

  • donniedarko180

    My buddy said that playing Justin Bieber would make her melt, but I never expected this.

  • swonx13

    Put it back, put it BACK!!!

  • swonx13

    Got a cheating boyfriend? Then hire Vickiy the man eating slut!

  • swonx13

    CDC Warning: Bath salts are only fun till your face melts off!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Its all fun and games until your girlfriend’s face starts melting

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    I told you Im sorry, I promise Ill never try bath salts again

  • DeadManZombieFan

    hey andy was right! it does feel like a bag of sand!

  • DeadManZombieFan

    why do you always give me that same old look whenever I bring up sex with you?…

  • DeadManZombieFan

    why do you always give me that same GROSSED OUT look whenever I mention sex with you?…

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Before we start for the love of god put on a paper bag…..Billy

  • Lou

    Paradise by the dashboard light

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    My mother is my aunt, my father is my uncle and my brother is my cousin

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Warning: Eating an atomic sour ball will cause your face to cave in

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    When your uncle says he’s fot your nose it usually a joke on kids not actually real

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    When you said you were beauty queen pagent winner, you didnt say you were from Transylvania

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Yeah that is the story of when my dad Wilbur had sex with my mom Charlotte

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Yeah that is the story of when my dad Wilbur had sex with my mom Charlotte…by the way she did in fact scream “You are truely some pig”

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    The first image from the adult remake of “Charlotte’s Web” here Charlie has sex with Wilma the pig girl

  • Sloppy Joe Cocky

    You promised, to have and to hold, in sickness and in zombification, until death do us part. You see the ring around my neck? Never forget.

  • miradotheblack

    Folks saving at geico sure are happy.
    How happy?

    Happier than a waitress eating a greaser!

  • miradotheblack

    Protected Sex Should include a HandGun,

  • miradotheblack

    Lindsay Lohan still doing movies?

  • Laugh Riot

    I swear I thought I handed you bath salts not draino….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000280232569 Will Schuster

    Damn! What’s wrong with your “O” face?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Sir, I believe it was Cardiac arrest that killed her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    The other wound that never healed!

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Damn, girl, gravity gone done a trick on you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    It’s what’s inside that counts

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Did Sam Raimi do your makeup?

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    (Woman on left): Keep looking, it kind of looks like my face

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    I’m not the right guy for this job. Try Max Renn.

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Who’s eating who?

  • alienxphile

    When an ugly chick wants something, it’s like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can kick and scream all you want, but it, uh… it’s gonna happen.

  • Laugh Riot

    That’s the Last Time I have Gallagher check my melons!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Officer I was taking her out for a swim. The cinder blocks on her feet was her idea…

  • Laugh Riot

    Officer whatever you do don’t open the trunk….

  • Laugh Riot

    I swear I don’t know how all those dead prostitutes got there!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Hey in Silent Hill you take what you can get…

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Man who did your makeup job and what mov…..Oh my god. Im so sorry, I didnt know thats your real face

  • Laugh Riot

    As her top came off
    Her tits went pops
    Got puss all in my face
    Yeah , tasted like chicken…
    Chunky.. Pussy.. Chicken..

  • Laugh Riot

    I hate the faces guys make when they arrive…

  • Laugh Riot

    Another Camp Crystal make out scene…

  • Laugh Riot

    No wonder Jason kills.. While he was drowning… This was the last thing he saw…

  • Laugh Riot

    I don’t know how Jason got you but I’m getting you last…

  • sabreson360

    It would have probably been easier to just shoot her in the head…

  • sabreson360

    Now where did the guys say to insert fist again? Oh well this feels right to me.

  • sabreson360

    It didn’t get this messy playing Operation as a child.

  • sabreson360

    Just calm down Betty! I told you I have done this before!

  • sabreson360

    I told you I like it rough!

  • sabreson360

    I am going to stuff you like a turkey on Thanksgiving!

  • sabreson360

    Kali Ma!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Your face would too explode if you saw your dad doing doggie style with your mom

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    And that is how I learned the dynamite cigar gag only works in cartoons

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    “I got your nose”

    “Give it back!”

  • Fiesty-Cadaver

    ….but she has a great personality!

  • Fiesty-Cadaver

    Yaaagh…it looks like an orange in a tube sock!

  • Fiesty-Cadaver

    When you get to 3rd BASE…you get the GAS FACE!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Five pounds of pepper + a very bright sun= the mother of all sneezes

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Aaaughh there’s oozing

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Once you go witch you’ll never go bitch

  • JPSeeker

    Ewww!! When was the last time you shaved your armpits ?

  • JPSeeker

    Hey not fair! Don’t go soft on me now!

  • Laugh Riot

    I didn’t come here for just a piece!!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    When you said you wanted to suck face.. You Weren’t Kidding…

  • Laugh Riot

    Baby that lump on your chest wont let go of my hand….

  • Laugh Riot

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN POST OP!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    I think you have a Collagen problem…

  • Laugh Riot

    This isn’t a vagina!!!! It’s not a vagina at all!!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    It’s not eating you baby its bringing us closer together.

  • Laugh Riot

    You expect me to believe you beat Mike Tyson at a Staring Contest…

  • Laugh Riot

    Mushrooms during a drive in movie worst idea ever!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Text-ting while driving is dangerous!!! Let go of my phone already!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Baby gimme the keys.. When has my drunk driving hurt anyone?

  • Laugh Riot

    Babe you have the grossest toes I have even seen…

  • Laugh Riot

    You and your damned book.. What does Klaatu Barada Niko even mean??

  • Laugh Riot

    Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal! Send me your kiss by wire, baby my heart’s on fire! If you refuse me honey you’ll lose me then you’ll be left alone, oh baby telephone and tell me I’m your own!

    • Laugh Riot

      It.. it.. it sings???

  • Laugh Riot

    Knock Knock
    -Who’s there?
    Time of the month.
    – Time of th Oh my god your so fucking gross!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Your not possessed.. Whats my crucifix doing in there???

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Klaatu Barada N… Necktie… Neckturn… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word!

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    If I hide it in here, the cops will never find it

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    I can’t. My hand fell asleep.

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Voodo? No! My guess: Bath salts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    They won’t stay dead!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Woman is the warmest place to hide

  • zwalton1

    I should have just taken that role in Footloose!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Wasnt this a great idea? Since I had my eyes and nose removed. I no longer can see ugly people or smell them

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    You want eyes with that?

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Yeah and I specifically said no eyes with th…..I said no ICE….ice with that

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    What my face? Its just a flesh wound. You should see the other guy

  • TEDDYX

    She can’t hear you. … Ever since she started smoking pot she just sits there.

  • plastik55912

    Seriously lady, whats with this bra?

  • plastik55912

    You want your keys, come and get them.

  • plastik55912

    Hey guys, I totally got to second base.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Mr. Lector told me he wanted me for dinner. I asummed it was an invitation, not actually have “me” for dinner

  • CDevil

    When I said I wanted to suck face, this wasn’t what I meant!

  • CDevil

    Holy crap! Altoids really ARE that strong!

  • CDevil

    When “doing it until her head caves in” goes horribly wrong…

  • andy213

    What a wonderful day! My best friend , she just has announced her wedding with a biker old man! They met via motodating.çòm -it is the largest and best club for bikers and friends to get to know each other, establish relationship and talk about their interests, or to help each other. if you are interested in it, just check it out.

  • CDevil

    I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!!

    I didn’t know playing Bieber backwards would do this!

  • CDevil

    The latest Romney/Ryan argument for abstinence-only sex ed.

  • CDevil

    Girls! Protect yourselves from hungry mutants and overly eager boys! Say “NO” to premarital sex!

  • Laugh Riot

    I didn’t know they made sex dolls with Kung Fu Grip!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Mini bear traps??? Foiled Again!!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    It took forever but one of those boys from Stand By Me finally found that corpse….

  • Laugh Riot

    Okay one more time before the smell get unbearable.

  • Laugh Riot

    TO HELL WITH CRADLES!!! I STEAL IT ALL FROM THE GRAVE!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    R.I.P. Bullshit One more time!

  • Laugh Riot

    ALRIGHT OPEN CASKET!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Z&D Auto
    Where we KILL the competition

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    If you say so. I just hope this isn’t the sequel to “Teeth.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    So this is how they shake hands in Alaska. Tell Bristol Palin, Hello…

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    I cordially invite you to Shockfest. Now, where did I …

  • http://www.facebook.com/balgar Benjamin Algar

    Zed Flakes.
    One stomach is not enough.

  • BaconSammich

    Fuck Yeah! Second Base!

  • BaconSammich

    Is this your G-spot?

  • BaconSammich

    OK, mom! But this is the last time

  • BaconSammich

    Walking Dead Spoilers: Laurie still can’t drive and Shane is still a perv

  • ZombiesWerePeopleToo

    eHarmony Match Made From Hell

  • Laugh Riot

    Not even Death can keep us apart!

  • Laugh Riot

    Was I really that bad baby!!!

  • Laugh Riot

    Zombrex or Condoms I couldn’t get both… Still I made the right choice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    Oh my god Imam having a fear boner

  • JimboBruno

    Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy…
    But your face is crumbling. Can I have my hand back, maybe?

  • SelfishMan912

    your face says “no”, but your body says “oh god help me”

  • SelfishMan912

    oh my god! that ring is fabulous!

  • Ronster

    You should be thankful that I even want you inside me! ..I told you that I wasn’t easy.

  • Ronster

    C’mon dude! Quit being a cry baby, and assume the position already!

  • Ronster

    Aaahhh…what’s that smell?! I think you need to freshen up!

  • Ronster

    GAWD!! It must be your time of the month!

  • Ronster

    I know my limited edition, The Walking Dead Season 2 zombie head is in here somewhere!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.zulli Thomas Zulli

    I told you…..DO NOT OPEN THE ARK!

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    1st Base: Kiss
    2nd Base: Boob
    3rd Base: Lower Intestine

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    Your Match.Com photo looked much different. Just sayin’.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    ..and the Oscar goes to…Miss Meryl Streep.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    I thought you said you WERE a cougar not that you were ATTACKED BY one.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    Nothing…and i mean NOTHING….beats an “old fashioned”.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head On. Apply directly to the forehead.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    “Love you for your money!?!? That’s an insult, my dear!”

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    If this is why my pizza was late…keep it.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    The Adam & Eve catalog said this thing was guaranteed not to deflate. LIES!!

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    Is that an exploded and festered labia or are you just happy to see me?

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    “..and then, Nana,the bully said ‘you’re grandma is a squish-faced whore!’ Can you believe that Nana??”

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    Mama said knock you out! Mama said knock you..oh, wait…nevermind.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    Maybe it’s Maybeline….or maybe its a flesh eating bacteria.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    “Listen, Adele, i know this hard. I really hope someday you find someone like me.

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    “No, Dan Akroyd, i DON’T wanna see something REALLY scary.”

  • TwoBitsTattoo

    Bloody? Check. Disgusting? Check.

  • SuperKilla

    They’re both making the same face.

  • alienxphile

    ADRIAN!!! ADRIAN!!!

  • alienxphile

    KHAN!!! KHAN!!!

  • alienxphile

    Operator! Give me the number for 911!

  • alienxphile

    Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

  • EvanDickson

    AMAZING JOB guys!! Contest is now closed! Winner will be announced tomorrow!!

  • Ronster

    You’re in the wrong hole! ..pull out, hurry! I’ve got to go crap!!

  • SkottJimenez

    “Wait…it THAT’S up here then…is your face down here?!”

  • Retrovertigostudios

    “And I thought touching my mom’s breast felt weird.”

  • tiffanylee

    Life is lonely and sometimes even boring. You may need– a fresh thing to excite your mind. — online dating — -cou’garK’iSS. C°_♡._°M°.——it’s- the- most effective— site in the world to connect- with,- date and marry— successful, beautiful– people.-Meanwhile, . It’s— worthy a try. You do– not have to be rich or famous. !–

  • Greg

    Check with your doctor before attempting fisting

  • BigBadQDaddy

    “Du-du-du-dudu-Du-du-du-dudu! You’re motoring!
    What’s your price for flight!”

  • jtrinc

    Don’t worry, baby, you’ll look hotter on Baywatch…

  • LASERBLAST

    Copping a feel…of intestine.

  • LASERBLAST

    That’s not my boob…that’s my pancreas.

  • LASERBLAST

    Must be gallbladder ’cause jelly don’t shake like that.

  • RCandy

    what about here?
    …any discomfort here?

  • Grim-Ocelot

    It’s $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ…

    What’s a ZJ?

    If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.

  • danielhegarty

    Well you told me to suck harder…

  • kiara.dorrell

    Hey!! That’s my masturbating hand!!

  • kiara.dorrell

    Oh my god!! You got blood on my new leather seats!!

  • kiara.dorrell

    Hey!! Why’s my wallet in here??!!

  • kiara.dorrell

    Sorry! I meant to punch your face!

  • kiara.dorrell

    Asked her if she knows what its like to be fisted. Asked me if I know what its like to be fistless.

  • kiara.dorrell

    Can I get my hand back please? I need it to get the hell out of this car!

  • kiara.dorrell

    Say cheese!

  • domlopez

    This isn’t what I meant when i said “inside you”

  • Raymu

    Did you find that bug? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  • http://www.facebook.com/striforce Tomache Vargas

    that akward moment…..when your girlfriend devours you.

  • cunninsa

    FATALITY!

  • Recarmdra

    NOOO! YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE A C CUP!