Best & Worst of 2009: The Year’s Worst One Sheets

Before any footage from a film is seen, typically a teaser or full one sheet is released by a studio. This is an incredibly important, even detrimental process as it is the first thing the consumers will see and identify with a movie. If the poster stinks, the consumer might write it off all together, while a good poster could lead to them checking out the official website, trailer and best case scenario, hanging it from their wall (the most personal relationship any of us have with a movie). To say the least, posters are damn important. As part of our year end coverage, we present to you the year’s worst theatrical posters.

WORST ONE SHEETS OF 2009

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Posters listed in no particular order

The Final Destination (Warner Bros. Pictyres)


In THE FINAL DESTINATION glass breaks and there’s a skeleton? The poster says absolutely nothing about the film to those who have never heard of the FINAL DESTINATION franchise. The worst part? It doesn’t even say it’s in 3-D!

The Uninvited (Paramount Pictures)


A ridiculous knock-off of THE RING posters from earlier this decade that says nothing about the film. In fact, it’s incredibly misleading. Apparently there’s a malevolent spirit ready to invade? Nope.

The Wolfman (Universal Pictures)


While one of Universal’s one sheets for THE WOLFMAN featured the beast in a remarkable way, the other is quite unflattering. What you’ll see is a shoddy FX shot that features The Wolfman? Not sure WHAT that is, but he’s ugly.

The Last House on Left (Universal Pictures)


Hi, I’m a house. Bad stuff happens here. Doesn’t this excite you?

Saw VI (Lionsgate)


While the other SAW posters were brilliant, I am still confounded by this one. Fist gloves that are transparent somehow tease the brilliance of Jigsaw? I still don’t get it.

A Perfect Getaway (Rogue/Universal)


Floating heads went out in the 90’s, unless of course you’re a superstar. Steve Zahn is not. Milla Jovovich is not. Timothy Olyphant is not. Kiele Sanchez is not. Don’t get me wrong, I love all four, but none of them are star power.

Whiteout (Warner Bros. Pictures)


Again, star power, no one knows who the f*ck Kate Beckinsale is, nor do they give a sh*t. So how is having a poster with her giant mug rendered to not even look like her going to fill seats in a theater. I hate this poster and want to punch it straight in the kisser.

Sorority Row (Summit Entertainment


Summit Entertainment’s SORORITY ROW campaign was weak sauce, straight down to every single poster released. If people want to be sold SCREAM, they’d go rent it on DVD. And what the heck was going on with that Theta Pi Must Die teaser? Not a single person walking down a theater lobby would know what the heck that was, or care.

Paranormal Activity (Paramount Pictures)


Sure, our name is plastered all over this sucker, but I still think it’s an ugly poster. The wording is actually pretty effective (Don’t See It Alone), but nonetheless it hurts my eyes starring at it, especially the “Demand It” button (it’s like real-life internet!).

The Box (Warner Bros. Pictures)


What a lazy, lazy poster that assumes people will go to a theater to see James Marsden, Frank Langella and Cameron Diaz. I’m sorry but Diaz is finished. I don’t really understand why Warner Bros. didn’t release a one sheet featuring a big old box and a stack of money? Isn’t that what we’re going to go see? Ugh.

Transylmania (Freestyle Releasing)


Come on guys, I know you want to see a movie with the tagline “College kids, the other white meat,” especially when it stars rock hard abs. This one sheet screams comedy; he’s going to Romania to play basketball! Get it, Get it! HAHAHAHAH, wait, neither do I.

The Crazies (Overture)


Overture Films’ teaser poster for THE CRAZIES was pretty solid as the striking image was an attention grabber, especially to Romero fans, but this little fella is just plain painful. When I was in Chicago my dad walked by the poster in a theater and said to me, “What’s HELP US about?” No joke.

CHECK OUT THE BEST ONE SHEETS OF 2009