Attn Studio Execs: You’re Delusional, and Your CGI SUCKS.

Dear Hollywood Executive,

Your CGI sucks. You’re delusional to think that it doesn’t. And don’t deny it, because I know damn well that most of you use it because it’s “easier”.

Nowadays, video game graphics look better than the crap you use in your movies. Just to put it in perspective for you, most game graphics even look better than James Cameron’s $500 million Avatar. Your average movie rarely tops $50 million. Think about that.

Using CGI to clean up “problematic” practical effects or for very miner touch-ups is acceptable, maybe even applicable, but should only be used in the case of an emergency. (Don’t break that glass unless you have to.)

The use of CGI has hit an all time low this summer, especially after witnessing DreamWorks cover up KNB’s work in Fright Night 3D. Not only does it look like absolute sh*t, but it’s already dated. Have you guys heard the public wisecracking about how the Phantom Menace and the other two Star Wars prequels are already more dated than the original trilogy? They’re right, and it’s true, which is the most bold piece of evidence to your CGI sucking. Also, see the theatrical ending to Paranormal Activity, I Am Legend, Van Helsing, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Final Destination, Super 8, Season of the Witch, Skyline, Case 39, the attack scene in Let Me In and much, much more.

Look at the past 50 years of film. Practical effects look real, while the majority of CGI work looks like a video game. The fact that practical work is physical also gives the actors something to react to on set and looks way better on screen. It affects nearly all facets of a production. Foreign filmmakers apparently “get it” as they’ve delivered some of the only new horror masterpieces that range from Inside to Martyrs, Frontier(s), [REC], [REC]2 and High Tension.

I’ve just about had it with this crap. The blatant and lazy approach to filmmaking is a disgrace to everyone who put their hearts and souls into making a movie. It’s time to dial it back, it’s time to stop trying to make everything “epic” and “over the top.” If you and your production crew can’t figure out how to do something as simple as vampire teeth, with physical products, I think you shouldn’t even waste your time.

But I digress. CGI can be cool (see Jurassic Park), but it’s being overused. Calm the f*ck down, take a look in the mirror and reflect on what you’re doing. You’re creating a product and what you’re selling is cheap garbage that’s going to leave the buyer feeling ripped off. At least pretend that you give a hoot about what we think…

Love, Sincerely, Your BFF, XOXO,

Mr. Disgusting