Assuming your date or significant other isn’t totally repulsed by the horror genre, a lot of our favorite films around here actually make for decent date movies. Especially suspenseful ones that feature scares and tension over gore. Hearts are racing, blood is pumping – your date may even be clutching your arm tighter than usual. It’s good stuff!
However, there are a few films you don’t EVER want to put on if you’re planning on getting intimate with someone. Movies you don’t show the object of your desire should you want a second date. Some stuff, when viewed within the context of a budding relationship or a romantic evening, just can’t be unseen.
Head below for 5 Horror Movies To Avoid On Valentine’s Day!!!
I dig a lot about director Eric England’s recent body horror homage. In fact, I like most of the films on this list. But that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate date material. IFC gave out condoms at the special screenings, and I guarantee you those are the least used prophylactics in the history of birth control. There’s not a pleasant sexual experience or healthy relationship in the entire film. Plus? Teeth. Cadavers. Maggots. Save it for the 15th.
Tom Six’s incendiary sequel isn’t exactly a study in bad sexuality. But it is a study in the amount of revolting things that can be done to (or with) the human body. I had trouble eating meat for three days after watching this. It features mouth upon anus stitching, diarrhea and rampant bludgeoning- just to get things started. But the film’s coup de grace is a shot of a newborn infant having its head crushed by the accelerator pedal of a car. Don’t watch it before dinner, don’t watch it before making your move, don’t watch it on this day ever.
If you haven’t seen Ben Wheatley’s wonderfully gory and funny comedy, it’s definitely required viewing. But again, not this Friday! There’s a chance your significant other will watch this, stewing the entire time about the mistakes you’ve made in your relationship that echo some of the selfish shenanigans Chris (Steve Oram) subjects Tina (Alice Lowe) to. As the film wears on we find out that Tina’s not exactly as innocent as she appears, but this brilliant depiction of a doomed romance reaches a pleasingly logical conclusion. And if you’ve been less than fair to your loved one, you don’t want them getting inspired.
Roman Polanksi’s 1968 masterpiece is, of course, a wonderful film. But it carries such a palpable sense of violation that I doubt anyone in the room will be in the mood for anything even remotely romantically inclined.
This movie isn’t gross or scary at all. In fact, it features some rather attractive people! But if you show this to someone, they will break up with you. I don’t care how much you like it, the very fact that you’re recommending it is a huge red flag. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first date or if we’re talking about your husband/wife/partner of 50 years. They will rethink the entire relationship and leave you that very night.
AROUND THE WEB
this week in horror
First Look: David Harbour is Incredibly Badass as ‘Hellboy’
[Exclusive] Leatherface Joins Slasher Game ‘Dead by Daylight’ TODAY!
Jamie Lee Curtis Playing Laurie Strode in Blumhouse’s ‘Halloween’!
John Carpenter Just Directed a ‘Christine’ Short Film and You Can Watch Right Now
[Exclusive] AMC FearFest 2017 Start Date and Films List; ‘Cult of Chucky’ Included!