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The Top Ten Devil-Themed Horror Films for Christmas!

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It’s easy to forget the true meaning of the Christmas holiday amidst all the bustle and forced calorie-laden cheer. At every turn, it seems we’re assaulted by sparkly displays in store windows, Perry Como songs on a loop, and those super annoying Gap TV ads with the blandly attractive dancing models. But see, all of that’s just a distraction – because the holiday was originally celebrated to commemorate the birth of this little guy named Jesus, you might have heard of him. Tall, bearded, long hair, white robes, Birkenstocks. Yeah, that dude. The one you’re supposed to accept into your heart if you’re to be saved from burning in hellfire for all eternity (or so I’ve heard). Ah, whatever. Forget Jesus – the Dark One is calling you. See, genre fans know what the holiday is really all about: bad-ass religion-themed horror films that utilize the fear of Hell and the Devil to leave us grabbing for those phantom rosary beads. Here’s a list of the ten best.

The Top Ten Devil-Themed Horror Films for Christmas!

10. The Beyond (1981)


When you think about it, Lucio Fulci movies are sort of like top-shelf pornography for gore-hounds. The dialogue is terrible, the acting is sub-par, and the plots are something of an afterthought, but they look great. And the money shots, well…they don’t come much better. This one involves an old hotel in Louisiana that just so happens to be built over one of the seven gateways to Hell (get out your crucifixes!). My favorite kill is probably the one with the man-eating spiders, but there’s a host of other great ones here.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “Woe be unto him who opens one of the seven gateways to Hell, because through that gateway, evil will invade the world.” – Emily (Cinzia Monreale), reading from the book of Eibon

9. The Sentinel (1977)


Think Models, Inc. meets Rosemary’s Baby, and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what’s in store here. Cristina Raines (who?) stars as a supermodel moving into an old apartment building that just so happens to be the gateway to Hell. The final sequence – featuring a host of actual deformed people portraying demons – is kinda awesome in a horribly offensive way. Added bonus: it features the mom from National Lampoon’s Vacation masturbating through a leotard!

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “You are the chosen of the lord God, the tyrant and our enemy.” – Charles Chazen (Burgess Meredith)

8. Blood on Satan’s Claw (1971)


This period British horror movie – in the tradition of films like The Wicker Man and Eye of the Devil — concerns a group of youngsters, led by the seductive Angel Blake (Linda Hayden), who have taken to Devil worship. The movie is relatively creepy, with a good evocation of the period and some fine performances. While by today’s standards it’s pretty tame, there are a few genuinely unnerving sequences, one that concerns the brutal rape and ritual sacrifice of a young girl.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “Spirit of the Dark, take thou my blood, my flesh, my skin and walk.” – Random Devil-worshipping chick chanting just before a virgin sacrifice

7. The House of the Devil (2009)


A special shout-out to this recent offering by auteur Ti West, which offers a period `80s horror film that looks as if it could have been shot during the early days of John Carpenter. Jocelin Donahue stars as Samantha, the unlucky girl who answers an ad for a babysitter and gets way more than she bargained for. The movie is a slow build, but the climax is a doozy. Particularly for children of the Satanic-ritual-abuse obsessed 1980s, this one is likely to stir up some long-dormant fears.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “Talk to me, Lord. Talk to me.” – Mrs. Ulman (Mary Woronov), praying to that other God

6. The Devil’s Advocate (1997)


Despite being burdened with the wooden presence of Keanu Reeves (although this is one of his better performances), The Devil’s Advocate is damn good fun, thanks to a boisterous over-the-top performance by Al Pacino (as Lucifer), a smart script, and some great visuals. Charlize Theron does her best Rosemary Woodhouse impersonation (complete with fab new short hairdo!) playing Reeves’ wife as she slowly descends into madness.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “Who, in their right mind Kevin, could possibly deny the twentieth century was entirely mine?” – John Milton aka Lucifer (Al Pacino)

5. The Omen (1976)


The hokiest and possibly the most dated of the three American-made late-`60s/`70s Satanic blockbusters (including The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby), The Omen still stands head and shoulders above most other horror films. Young Harvey Stephens is genius as Damien, the cherubic little boy with the big bad secret (he’s the Antichrist, in case you didn’t know). The final shot still chills my blood.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “Look at me, Damien! It’s all for you!” – Nanny (Holly Palance), just before hanging herself from the roof of the house

4. Drag Me To Hell (2009)


This film is pretty much a literal interpretation of every God-fearing Christian’s worst nightmare – the pits of Hell opening up to devour their sinful asses. Yeah it’s PG-13, but there’s still plenty of gross-out material to rank with Raimi’s best. Overall the movie has a lot of fun with its premise, but the final twist is still liable to send all the good Catholics rushing for the confession box.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “I desire the SOUL of Christine Brown. We will FEAST upon it while she festers in the grave!” – Shaun San Dena [possessed by the Lamia] (Adriana Barraza)

3. Hellraiser (1987)


Hellraiser may not be your typical Christian-themed horror movie, but any film where a character utters the phrase “Jesus wept” before being ripped to pieces is just begging to be included on a list like this. The main idea behind the film is that pain and pleasure (those two seemingly contradictory sensations functioning as tidy metaphors for good and evil) are essentially indivisible. Confirming the suspicions of many of us that all those hours spent seat-squirming in Sunday school were a total waste of our time.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “We’ll tear your soul apart!” – Pinhead (Doug Bradley)

2. Rosemary’s Baby (1968)


Possibly director/child-rapist Roman Polanski’s greatest film, Rosemary’s Baby manages to do what most horror movies fail at: it gets right under your skin. It also functions as the blackest of comedies, helped along by a game cast including John Cassavetes as the actor willing to do anything – and I mean anything – to become a movie star. Not showing the Devil child at the end was a masterstroke (the film is a genius exercise in less-is-more filmmaking); Polanski understands that what viewers work up in their minds is more terrifying than any visual he could have come up with.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “God is dead! Satan Lives!” – Roman Castevet (Sidney Blackmer)

1. The Exorcist (1973)


Not only the best Christian-themed horror film of all time, but one of the best horror films of all time period, The Exorcist retains its power to disturb and fan the flames of religious fear to this day. You’re all gonna gripe that this is an obvious choice, but it’s an obvious choice for a reason: because it’s a great film that holds up like a champion, 36 years after its debut.

Choice sacrilegious dialogue: “Let Jesus fuck you! Let Jesus fuck you!” – Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair), whilst masturbating with a crucifix

Editorials

André Øvredal’s ‘Troll Hunter’ Remains One of the Best Found Footage Movies

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André Øvredal's Troll Hunter

In this day and age, the wordtrollis often used to describe various online nuisances. Yet as abundant and irksome as the modern troll can be, they aren’t usually as fearsome as their mythological counterparts. I’m not talking about the small and gentler versions that have become more common to see in media. No, there are much bigger and scarier trolls out there—and André Øvredal’s movie Troll Hunter is one of the best places to find them.

It doesn’t take long for Troll Hunter (or Trolljegeren) to dump the Blair Witch Project-esque setup and aim for something a lot fresher. The trajectory of the story is augmented by Otto Jespersen’s character Hans, the titular Troll Hunter. The second he comes barreling out of the deep, dark woods and shoutstrollat the camera, this movie takes a turn into what feels like uncharted territory. Not only subject-wise, but also conceptually.

For fantastical and made-up subject matter in cinema, found footage is a fast way to add a guise of believability. After all, what we accept to be the most crucial aspect of documentaries—the truth—rubs off on pseudo-documentaries, despite our understanding of the pretense involved. That is what Øvredal delivered with Troll Hunter: a movie so convincing that some viewers wondered if trolls really do exist. So, had this been straightforwardly made, it likely wouldn’t have been as effective. Conventional narratives would be more inclined to treat something like trolls as flat out unreal, and never try to convince the audience to think otherwise.

troll hunter

Hans petrifies the three-headed Tusseladd troll.

The viewers, like the characters trailing Hans, are quickly thrown into the deeper end of that extraordinary story. They have to process all this new information while staying on the go. So, although there is no significant amount of meandering, narratively or physically, there is still a good amount of atmosphere, not to mention tension building. It’s never anything frightful, but then again, Troll Hunter isn’t your standard offering of horror; it’s more on the low end of the dark fantasy spectrum. We aren’t ever spirited away to a faraway world—we stay in rather familiar surroundings, as well as dip into those less so. The outcome is a movie where you’re constantly more in awe than in terror.

As fantasy fiction might do, Troll Hunter prefers not to deal with incredulity. There is no time to waste on doubt, as interviewer Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud), soundperson Johanna (Johanna Mørck), and cameraman Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen) all follow Hans around, recording whatever this character is willing to reveal about his bizarre job. Of course, the Troll Hunter himself is not an open book; in that respect, the diegetic documentary fails to fully capture and unpack the more interesting of its two subjects. Yes, all those giant, monstrous trolls are indeed incredible, but understandably, your mind wanders to their pursuer. What kind of person signs up for this gig and then chooses to stick with it for so long?

Reviews have called out Troll Hunter for its lack of character development. In regard to Thomas and his fellow documentarians, that criticism is valid, but bear in mind, they aren’t the focus of the story, either. Meanwhile, Hans is a well-crafted character. At least better than first realized. Before he was introduced, Hans had already grown tired of the troll grind. Fed up with that low compensation for his services, resentful of the bureaucracy, and wanting to expose his employer on a large scale, Hans’ discontent is glaring.

Then there are those finer details about the Troll Hunter, such as that indifference to both the natural splendor of his everyday surroundings and the affections of an obviously smitten colleague, that also suggest some level of despondency. So it is fair to say this movie doesn’t feature any sizable growth for its characters; however, the namesake isn’t underwritten. No doubt, putting a real-life character like Otto Jespersen in that role is partly why Hans is so fascinating—maybe even relatable.

Troll Hunter

Otto Jespersen as Hans the Troll Hunter.

There is always a small risk whenever using the termmockumentaryto describe a found-footage movie, as the word could imply humor where there is none. In the case of Troll Hunter, the term’s usage is appropriate. Some folks have claimed the English-dubbed version has the more comedic tone, however, the Norwegian cut isn’t exactly humorless. Apart from the trolls’ absurd appearances, this is a movie where the characters nearly choke on the monsters’ farts, and Christians are like walking targets. Hans’ complete apathy towards everything is another cause of laughter. Overall, the comedy is intentionally dry and inconsistent. Unfunny, though? Absolutely not.

In a movie where endemic creatures are maltreated, as well as disavowed from living freely and peacefully, it’s hard not to notice the ecological message buried beneath the story. In addition to that is the unmistakable political satire. There is this whole business about intrusive and unsightly power lines—like trolls, they’re big blemishes on the land—that leads to what is perhaps the movie’s funniest moment. The scene in question is that one where certain electric lines, the ones secretly being used to keep the trolls at bay, go in a loop and don’t actually send power to any residents. Yet the monitors of said lines don’t find this at all weird. So it stands to reason that Øvredal was having a go at those who accept the government’s doings without question.

Looking past the fact that trolls aren’t actually real, this movie is an enlightening source of information. And not just for international audiences; Norwegians, too, get schooled about their homeland’s own mythology. It’s also evident from everything on screen that Øvredal and his crew were enthusiastic about the topic. The creature designs are the most indicative of that zeal; those imaginative yet myth-accurate manifestations are equally amusing and grotesque. One second you’re laughing at their phallic noses, the next you’re white-knuckling during a hairy sequence. Most surprisingly is how well the trolls’ visual effects hold up after fifteen years. It’s not all spotless, but on the whole, they remain impressive.

Vouching for a mockumentary about trolls isn’t easy, but those who do come around and give it a shot will more than likely be grateful for the recommendation. For Troll Hunter is a real find in that vast and varied genre we callfound footage.

troll hunter

A bridge troll reaches up for food and finds Hans decked out in armor.

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