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Best & Worst ’10: MICAH’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2010

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Not every film released to direct-to-disc can be a winner. This list contains five such disc only releases from 2010. I attempted to not pick on the little guys (too much) and instead took a look at some of the larger disc release disappointments of the year. Luckily or unluckily depending on your outlook, it wasn’t hard to come up with a list of failures. Check `em out below. While this list is only DVD releases I would feel guilty if I didn’t at least mention widely released Legion in this intro. So I will. Legion. You suck.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best/Worst) | David Harley (Best/Worst)
BC (Best/Worst) | Micah (Best/Worst) | Keenan (Best/Worst) | Theo (Best/Worst)
Best One Sheets | Worst One Sheets
Most Memorable Moments | Top Trailers | Memorable Quotes

MICAH’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2010

5. Growth (September 7; Anchor Bay)


A terrible clone of much better parasite worm films (Slither, Night of the Creeps) that offers nothing new, interesting or even remotely worth watching. There is a reason this one was direct-to-disc. Growth features a nonsensical, long-winded plot with holes big enough to drive Mack trucks through, zero interesting characters and no real scares.

4. Necromentia (September 14; Image Entertainment)


Dull, poorly executed and hack-ish sum up this knock-off of contemporary horror classics. Director Pearry Teo attempts to combine blatantly steals elements from Hellraiser and the Saw franchise to create a mash-up that doesn’t go anywhere or do anything. The potential was there, but ultimately this one falls flat on its face. At least the suicide pig song was catchy.

3. Altitude (October 26; Anchor Bay)


Altitude contains so much to dislike: The Hills-like dialogue, poor direction and a ludicrously dumb ending. And that’s just for starters. The characters in the movie, all of them, are annoying and incredibly unlikeable, to the point that the only joy derived from this movie is rooting for all the snot-nosed bastards to die (in painful manners). Hype machine fail.

2. Mirrors 2 (October 19; 20th Century Fox)


Yeah, not sure anyone asked for this sequel, but we got it anyway. This time around, audiences are treated to stilted dialogue and actors who give next to nothing in their performances. Mirrors 2 is a run-of-the-mill, dime-a-dozen Hollywood attempt to turn a quick buck. It fails, and does so rather miserably. If you do come across this, you at least can take comfort in the fact that the excellent original Japanese version is included on the DVD.

1. Animals (June 15; Maverick)


Between the piss-poor special effects (they had a decent-sized budget) and the lack of anything resembling a plot, this turned out to be one of the absolute worst releases of the year. And to think, this film somehow made it to Redbox locations across the country. Who paid for that to happen? Are you f*ckin’ kidding me? Not even worth a dollar rental.

2010 Accolades/Honorees

Better Than It Should Have Been: Paranormal Activity 2. Better in almost all respects, minus the possessed pool cleaner, naturally.
Lived Up To The Hype: Piranha 3D. Not having real 3D almost made it a bust. Thankfully, Kelly Brook’s bust managed to save the day…and then some.
I Was So Wrong About Award: Parasomnia. Assuming this film was a Paranormal Activity knock-off, I avoided watching it for months and months. That was a dumb move. I ended up loving it.
Best Bat Sh*t Crazy Japanese Film of the Year: Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl. Honorable Mention: RoboGeisha.
Best Worst Film: 2010: Moby Dick. Asylum put it all together for this one. Go Barry Bostwick!
Hurry Up Already!: The Loved Ones. A UK disc release, but not a U.S. one? Ugh. C’mon!
Biggest Flop of the Year: Supporting unrated horror. I think I was one of six people that saw both Hatchet 2 and I Spit on Your Grave in theaters. Where was everyone at?
Best Disc Release of an Old Favorite: Three way tie between: Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Hausu and Night of the Hunter. All of them excellent in their own unique ways.
Best Kills of the Year: Hatchet 2. Adam Green’s controversial film seems to have divided horror fans (love or hate), but one thing is for sure. The kills are absolutely spectacular. Six foot chainsaw. `Nuff said.

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Editorials

6 Dark Fantasy Films That Every Genre Fan Should Watch

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Dark Fantasy Films

From child-eating witches to village-burning dragons, fairy tales have always had a foot in the horror genre. That’s why it makes sense that, for every The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia, there are also darker and more adult-oriented stories about magical worlds inhabited by ravenous monsters and cruel villains.

Funnily enough, these sinister tales were precisely the ones that I gravitated towards back when I was a kid, and I was reminded of this while watching Netflix’s recently released I Am Frankelda, Mexico’s first ever feature-length stop-motion animation and one hell of an entertaining parable about the intersection between fiction and reality.

In honor of this special kind of horror-adjacent fairy tale, today I’d like to share this list recommending six Dark Fantasy films that horror fans might enjoy.

For the purposes of this list, we’ll be defining Dark Fantasy as fantastical stories that don’t shy away from the more macabre elements that fuel classic fairy tales. That being said, don’t forget to comment below with your own grim favorites if you think we missed a particularly thrilling one.

With that out of the way, onto the list!


6. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

I’m fascinated by bizarre attempts at blockbuster filmmaking – especially when the resulting movies are somehow still fun despite their corporate-mandated origins. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is precisely one of these strangely compelling studio projects, as this surprisingly successful action-thriller boasts a lot of heart (and tongue-in-cheek humor) for a CGI-heavy creature feature.

Directed by Dead Snow’s Tommy Wirkola, Witch Hunters re-frames the classic fairy tale as an origin story for a duo of badass monster-slayers. Of course, it’s the flick’s anachronistic aesthetic and overall visual flair that make it stand out from other action-horror endeavors from around the same time.


5. The Wolf House (2018)

Made in the tradition of faux cursed films in the same vein as Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made, the eerie backstory to 2018’s Chilean animated flick The Wolf House (La Casa Lobo in the original Spanish) already makes it a nightmarish experience before the flick even really begins.

After all, the movie is presented to us as a faux propaganda film produced by the leader of a death cult (heavily inspired by the real life Colonia Dignidad), with this hybrid animated feature using complex movie magic to simulate a single uninterrupted shot as it tells the story of a lazy young girl who runs away from an isolated colony and encounters a creepy old house in the woods.


4. The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Out of all the Monty Python alumni, Terry Gilliam has had the most interesting career outside of the original comedy group. From fascinating canceled projects (such as his scrapped adaptation of Watchmen) to dystopian parodies that feel more relevant by the minute (1985’s Brazil), even his “lesser” films are still intriguing in their own way.

2005’s The Brothers Grimm is one such project, with this peculiar movie attempting to combine the comedian-turned-filmmaker’s unique visual style with a more blockbuster-oriented plot reimagining the titular brothers as con-artists rather than mere writers. The end result isn’t exactly a masterpiece, but it’s still a legitimately fun ride with plenty of memorable monsters and wonderful performances by both the late, great Heath Ledger and Matt Damon.


3. Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010)

2010’s Dante’s Inferno game may have a reputation as something of an unapologetic God of War clone, but I’d argue that the now-obscure game was aesthetically unique enough to deserve a bigger fanbase. However, while the title remains trapped on the seventh console generation, its highly underrated anime adaptation is a lot easier to get a hold of!

Animated by 6 different studios in order to make the 9 circles of hell feel unique from each other, this may not be a completely faithful adaptation of Dante Alighieri’s poem, but it’s still one heck of a great (not to mention gory) time that I’d highly recommend to fans of Netflix’s take on Castlevania.


2. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

My personal favorite entry in the Underworld franchise, Rise of the Lycans, is a highly ambitious prequel that actually works better if you haven’t had the story spoiled to you by the previous Underworld films.

While the rest of the series features plenty of urban fantasy elements as the movies combine machine guns and modern environments with gothic storytelling, Patrick Tatopoulos’ prequel fully embraces its fantastical origins and tells a classic tale about a doomed romance between a werewolf and a vampire amid a medieval uprising.

And the best part is that we get a lot more Michael Sheen as the fan-favorite Lucian.


1. Solomon Kane (2011)

One of my personal favorite movies on this list, MJ Basset’s criminally underseen adaptation of Robert E. Howard’s other iconic warrior is thoroughly steeped in horror ambience and features plenty of memorable monsters. However, it’s also a classic origin story for a swashbuckling hero that wouldn’t feel out of place in a tabletop RPG.

While I’ve already written about how the film deftly combines both horror and fantasy elements without breaking the bank, I’ll never pass up an opportunity to recommend the bizarre movie where James Purefoy expertly plays a puritan John Wick.

It’s just too bad that we never got the other films in this intended trilogy.

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