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Here’s How To Bring ‘Jaws’ Back and Make Fans Happy

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Whether you loved it (like me) or hated it (like someone who’s not me), one thing you should at least appreciate about The Shallows is that it’s one of the very few serious shark movies to come along in the past several decades. Save for so few notable exceptions that I can count them on one hand, minus a couple fingers, post-Jaws shark flicks have been laughably bad and over-the-top silly, often quite intentionally. But with his latest film, Jaume Collet-Serra admirably does a whole lot of course correction for the sub-genre that began with, and was totally defined by, Spielberg’s legendary classic.

The surprising box office success of The Shallows certainly seems to prove that audiences are hungry for shark cinema that packs a bite, especially when it’s smartly timed to the start of Discovery’s hugely popular Shark Week, and I can’t help but wonder if we may have a new annual tradition on our hands. Will Collet-Serra’s horror hit lead to a resurgence of sharksploitation films? More importantly, has the groundwork just been laid for the inevitable return of the long-dead Jaws franchise?

Given how dominated the current summer landscape is by reboots and sequels to beloved properties, it’s surprising that Jaws, the film that essentially coined the term “summer blockbuster,” has managed to avoid the remake chopping block these past 40 years. The franchise last swam its way onto the big screen with series-killer Jaws: The Revenge back in 1987, and in the past thirty years, not a peep has been heard from it. You won’t find me complaining about that, but if you know how Hollywood works, you’ve probably realized by now that it won’t be much longer before Jaws surfaces from the deep.

The smartest way to bring Jaws back? It’s damn sure not with a remake.

While watching The Shallows, I was struck with the feeling that I was watching a Jaws movie that wasn’t marketed as a Jaws movie. In other words, if it was re-branded in post-production and released into theaters as Jaws: The Shallows, I’m not sure anyone would’ve bat an eye or cried foul. And I believe that therein lies the key to bringing Jaws back to life in a way that fans will actually be on board with.

[Related] We Need More Killer Shark Movies

Earlier this year, 10 Cloverfield Lane brilliantly pushed the boundaries of franchise cinema and in many ways shattered all the molds, showing that the future of movie franchises may very well be much broader “cinematic universes.” The J.J. Abrams-produced film, which began its life as a standalone indie movie titled The Cellar, didn’t actually have much of anything to do with the found footage flick Cloverfield, but tethering it to the franchise proved to be a smart way to both get asses in the seats and give fans of the 2008 film something different yet something part of that same universe.

Which reminds me of something.

If John Carpenter had his way, the Halloween franchise would’ve ditched the Michael Myers story post-Halloween 2 and instead been used as an umbrella under which to tell stories that shared nothing in common aside from all being set on Halloween night, and he was pretty far ahead of his time in thinking that way. What he hoped to create was what we’d now call the Halloween Cinematic Universe, and it’s still kind of a bummer that it didn’t work out. But fans today, as evidenced by the success of 10 Cloverfield Lane and the years-later appreciation of Halloween 3, seem much more willing to accept that anthology approach to franchise cinema. And Jaws may be the perfect candidate to test those waters.

Rather than foolishly attempt to remake Spielberg’s original or somehow try to continue the Brody family’s increasingly strange and utterly nonsensical saga, it’d probably be much smarter business on the part of Universal Studios to instead give rise to a “Jaws Cinematic Universe.” The franchise, for starters, allows for limitless creative freedom, as any movie released under that umbrella need only feature a killer shark in order to technically pass as a Jaws movie. Each new film could be set in a different location and feature different characters, allowing for an innovative new franchise that wouldn’t have to ever worry about continuing previous storylines or setting the stage for future installments.

If the Jaws franchise must come back, why not bring it back in the most palatable form possible? We get more original shark movies on the big screen and Universal gets to inoffensively milk a massive cash cow that they’ve refrained from touching these past three decades. Sounds to me like a win-win for all.

The Jaws Cinematic Universe. I like the sound of it.

Writer in the horror community since 2008. Editor in Chief of Bloody Disgusting. Owns Eli Roth's prop corpse from Piranha 3D. Has four awesome cats. Still plays with toys.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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