In case you haven’t heard, clowns have been in the news a lot lately. It’s a very off phenomenon that seems to be getting worse as time passes. Hell, even John Carpenter chimed in on the subject. It’s not as if clowns aren’t scary enough! Their sightings have caused school closings in more than 20 states and a panic among the residents of many suburbs (even our own Mr. Disgusting’s neighborhood has been affected) The onslaught of clowns in the country has of course got me thinking of many of the fictional clowns that inspired these creeps. Being scared of clowns may be silly to some people, but it’s always been one of those fears that I just can’t shake. I remember being taken to the Mardi Gras parades (I spent my early years growing up right outside of New Orleans) as a toddler and legitimately freaking out when I spotted a float full of clowns down the road. So here are some clowns that have gotten under my skin over the years.
Pennywise (It)
Let’s get the obvious out of the way first. Pennywise (Tim Curry) is terrifying, and while I’m excited for the remake coming out next September, I’m also legitimately scared to go see it. The original ABC mini-series has not aged well with time, but King’s novel is still capable of sending chills up the spine. Pennywise is one of the greatest villains ever created.
Captain Spaulding (House of 1000 Corpses)
Tutti fuckin’ frutti! If Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre had a clown in it and was also directed by Rob Zombie, then Sid Haig’s Captain Spaulding would no doubt be that clown. While his screen time is limited in House of 1000 Corpses, he is able to truly terrify in The Devil’s Rejects. Spaulding is a relentless and vicious psychopath that no person should ever hope to come into contact with.
Clown Doll (Poltergeist)
Did any child watch Tobe Hooper’s Poletergiest and not immediately become terrified of clowns (and possibly trees, pools and televisions)? I commend you if you didn’t! Watching this possessed doll attack poor Robbie will forever be permanently ingrained in my memory.
Art (All Hallows’ Eve)
I won’t even lie to you guys: Art the Clown (Mike Giannelli) creeps me the fuck out. Like a mix between a drag queen (the lipstick looks like something Trixie Mattell would wear) and a demon, Art is a mute homicidal clown. Watching him laugh silently as he stares at one of his dismembered victims is a visual you don’t want in your brain.
The Ghastly Grinner (Are You Afraid of the Dark?)
Children of the 90s should know who this bastard is. Are You Afraid of the Dark? is one of those shows that would probably seem laughable now (I haven’t seen it since I was a kid), but there’s a difference when you’re eight years old and watching it. The Ghastly Grinner’s (Neil Kroetsch) modus operandi would be to laugh maniacally in front of his victims, turning them into giggling idiots who drooled blue slime. It’s scarier than it sounds.
Needles Kane (Twisted Metal)
Surprise! The villainous clown in Sony’s Twisted Metal’s video games is named Needles Kane. Sweet Tooth is actually the name of the weaponized ice cream truck he drives. Kane is a serial killer who maintains that he is the greatest serial killer of all time. He will do whatever it takes to keep that title.
Cloyne (Clown)
It may have taken two or three years to see the Eli Roth-produced Clown see an American release, but it was worth the wait! Kent McCoy (Andy Powers) puts on a clown suit for his son’s birthday party only for it to permanently stick to his skin. It turns out the costume isn’t a costume at all, and is actually the skin of a child-eating demon named Cloyne.
Twisty (American Horror Story)
American Horror Story really screwed the pooch when they dispatched Twisty the Clown (John Carroll Lynch) four episodes into its Freak Show season didn’t it? Twisty was arguably the most interesting part of the series’s weak season, making it particularly front-loaded. Still, Twisty was an imposing presence who managed to leave a solid mark in American Horror Story history. At least we’ll always have those four episodes!
Doom-Head (31)
31 has received a mixed reception from critics and audiences alike (read our Sundance review here), but there is one thing we can (hopefully) all agree on: Richard Brake’s Doom-Head is the best part of the film. After he opens the film with a truly creepy monologue delivered to one of his victims, he remains off-screen until the film’s climax. It is then that he really gets to let loose.
Fizbo (Modern Family)
I don’t care what anyone says. Cam’s (Eric Stonestreet) alter-ego Fizbo the Clown is absolutely terrifying. After debuting in the ninth episode of the ABC comedy’s first season in 2009, Fizbo has been a recurring presence looming over the series, appearing in several more episodes in future seasons.
