Today is National Junk Food Day! That means for those us constantly turning to the latest app in order to tally up their calories, checking lists to ensure they’re within their “points” limit, or merely nuking another cardboard flavored Lean Cuisine – throw caution to the wind! Hit up that Krispy Kreme on the way home from work. No one is looking. They won’t know that you have Pizza Hut on speed dial, or that you keep that bag of Hershey’s Treasures hidden under the sofa for an occasion such as this. Celebrate your gluttony today, the day of Junk!
While you’re indulging in one of the seven deadly sins, I’ve lined up some viewing material to accompany your culinary journey. Below are five of the examples from horror cinema proving the obvious; junk food is bad for your health! Just how deadly can it be? Personally, I’ve never looked at a greasy cheeseburger the same after seeing one of the flicks on the list. Bon appétit!
Troll 2 – Popcorn
It’s time for an embarrassing confession. When I was little, my brother and I tricked our grandmother into letting us rent the “Best Worst Movie,” Troll 2. It legitimately terrified me! I went to bed that night crying, because I was so scared the trolls (nay, goblins) were going to crawl out from under my bed and…turn me into green goop? It seemed like a legit possibility at the time. Despite now realizing Troll 2 is one on the goofiest films of all time, the below scene still skeeves me out. There’s something about the odd sexuality mixed with the most glorious junk food, popcorn, that just doesn’t sit right with me.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space – Cotton Candy
No junk food binge would be complete without a sweet helping of something sure to rot your teeth. Enter, cotton candy. The Chiodo Brothers crafted a gonzo horror comedy that has left fans clamoring for a sequel ever since the film’s release back in 1988. Killer Klowns from Outer Space is the definition of a cult classic: over the top, absurd, and it plays by its own rules far off the beaten path. These Klowns have ray guns that when zapped trap their victims in cotton candy cocoons in preparation of being “processed” later. The below clip even throws in more popcorn for good measure. “Because they’re clowns!”
Feed – Cheeseburger
2005’s Feed is kind of like Seven or Silence of the Lambs, only it’s centered around a serial killer who feeds his victims to death. Let that sink in for a second, a serial killer thriller centered around the exotic subculture of “feeding”. It’s a grim film that also manages to be morbidly humorous as well. Directed by Brett Leonard (The Lawnmower Man), Feed isn’t for everyone but is certainly worth a watch for those who can stomach the absurdity of the premise. Just remember, “Jelly Baby”, you can always recycle that brown fast food sack. They’re great for catching your sick after watching this clip.
The Stuff – The Stuff (duh)
When Larry Cohen and Michael Moriarty get together (Q: The Winged Serpent, It’s Alive 3: Island of the Alive), it’s a good bet that good times will be had by most. In 1985, “no fat” was plastered all over foodstuffs across the nation, and Cohen lampoons the diet craze to perfection in The Stuff. An alien parasite, masquerading as a sweet yogurty substance is mass marketed and begins turning everyday folks into mindless zombies. It’s labeled as “fat free” and “healthy”, but thankfully we know now that most of those chemical laden products are just as bad for you as a greasy pizza.
Attack of the Helping Hand – Hamburger Helper
So far we covered some of the deadliest things you could possibly put in your body. This clip is actually more about food prep than consumption. In 1979, longtime Sam Raimi collaborator Scott Spiegel wrote and directed this short film all about the overeager sentient oven mitt on the Hamburger Helper boxes! It’s a fun short that shows the team at work only two years before their breakout with Evil Dead. The over the top, splatstick humor that would follow in ED2 is also on full display. You can spot Raimi in the role of the Milk Man, while the chin himself, Bruce Campbell, is the voice of the Hand.