Editorials
5 Films I’d Love to See Rob Zombie Remake
I want to go ahead and get it out of the way now that I am a Rob Zombie fan. Always have been all the way from the days of White Zombie to some of his newest stuff like Lords of Salem. I can’t say, however, that I’ve loved everything that he’s done. In reality, there are very few artists in music, film, or any other mass media for that matter that I or anybody else could say that they have never made a misstep. If I wanted to get even more subjective, I could say that today’s misstep is tomorrow’s cult classic. Sometimes, the key ingredients are equal measures of time and nostalgia. It’s just too random to call. I can give it a go and suggest some cult classics that would be well suited to Mr. Zombie’s wheelhouse.
The great thing about him is that he is the elder statesman of the Gen X generation of writer/directors that enjoyed the first wave of a prolific access to films from multiple genres and decades. Through crazy independent local UHF channels that included Saturday afternoon double features of everything from The Devil’s Rain to Sugar Hill, and video store shelves lined with likes of video nasties, Blaxploitation films, and early to mid-1980’s action and horror, the Splat Pack directors are the first product of such a pivotal time that was the precursor for the all access, multi-format platforms we have today. In simpler terms, I just love Zombie because he seems like the cool kid from the trailer park that has the assigned seat next to you at school. He tells you all about the movies he watches completely unsupervised and shows you his cool drawings. It’s nice to know that we did end up hearing about one of those kids that grew up to make good.
So far, RZ has tackled one remake with extremely divided reactions and sentiments. Every now and then, we’ll get wind of a Blob remake from him, but I’m more inclined to think that his talents would be better utilized for remakes of films that are just as loved, but maybe not as high on the radar. So here are some suggestions in no particular order.
THE HIDDEN

For anyone that hasn’t heard of this early feature from the revitalized New Line Cinema after it had the shot in the arm from the first A Nightmare on Elm Street films, it is a bona fide underground classic. The tale of a body swapping alien with a penchant for violence, fast exotic cars, and heavy metal begs for Zombie’s stab at it. He hasn’t made an effects laden piece yet, and this could be the one. He also hasn’t made a horror film that blends action with horror as heavily as this one does. His experience directing music videos gives him an edge for perspective, quick cuts and integrating the music into the imagery. Just think what he could do with the concept of the possessed stripper. The soundtrack could also be epic.
TRICK OR TREAT

The Halloween remake is a sore spot for discussion and usually gets about as far as discussing politics. Maybe another Halloween cult classic that is imprisoned in music rights hell could be the common ground for the Halloween right and left. Trick or Treat was a low budget, but really fun ride made by Dino De Laurentiss in the mid 80’s that capitalized on the rock and metal censorship craze of the time. I don’t know if it would play as topical now, but it’s not even necessary to make it current. Set it in 1986. Rob thrives on retro callbacks, and the casting possibilities for Eddie and Sammi Curr are almost limitless. Just think of cameos from actual rock stars if Zombie calls in a few favors. Once again, excellent soundtrack possibilities.
COUNT YORGA

Maybe the lesser known of the vampire franchises. Only two films were made, but veteran actor Robert Quarry classed it up as San Francisco’s premier purveyor of the undead. The first one was originally developed as an erotic film, but the decision was made to make it more mainstream. The eroticism still resonates and Zombie could make it a very hard R with an unrated version to boot. It very much has the Dracula storyline but without all the baggage and expectations of making a Dracula remake. I would love to see what he could do with the 1970’s aesthetic and a vampire film in general.
THE BEAST MUST DIE

I’ve loved the concept of this film from the very first time that I saw it. It’s one of the last films from Amicus, the studio that brought some classic horror anthologies to the screen. The Beast Must Die is about an eccentric millionaire/hunter that invites carefully chosen guests to his secluded compound to find out which one is a werewolf. The characters are eclectic themselves and could give Zombie some creative license to put his spin on them. What made this film even more unique was that it had a “werewolf break” for the audience to finally decide who it was. That might still work with internet savvy audiences today if they can stay clear of spoilers. A better choice may be an app for the film that allows the audience to vote on the outcome from multiple filmed endings, sort of like the old school “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. The app could have probability statistics integrated within, promote an audience participation experience, and be a fun ride for even the most horror phobic. The millionaire role was played originally by suave black actor, Calvin Lockhart, and the doctor was played by the great Peter Cushing. To miscast these roles would be to damn the remake. Zombie could possibly use Ken Foree, a beloved genre favorite to bring the absolutely necessary swagger to the part of the millionaire, and Malcolm McDowell for the gravitas as the good doctor.
HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH
I saved the best for last. This one has Zombie written all over it and is definitely the Halloween I wish he would do. Beloved, but without the purist stigma attached to it. Zombie knows how to do an occult film, and turning him loose on this one doesn’t limit him as much as taking on the lore of Michael Myers. The chips in the Silver Shamrock masks could get an update, and the danger of the internet, satellite TV, and streaming services trumps just the three channels that our hero had to stop in the original.
I keep hearing about an original biker flick that Rob Zombie wants to do. I think he could do it justice, and I’m looking forward to some more original stuff from him. It’s a tough gig to tackle something that someone else has put their mark on already. Especially, when that particular thing has legions of loyal fans. I’m not anti-remake, except when it’s an obvious cash grab with little to no regard for the original. As I grow and appreciate horror and filmmaking in general, I try to have an open mind and understand what a sincere filmmaker was trying to do for something that may have been a pivotal film for them. After all, Carpenter’s The Thing was a remake.
Editorials
Before ‘The Blair Witch Project’, ‘Alien Autopsy’ Showed How Real Found Footage Could Feel
The line separating artist from con man is a lot thinner than you might initially believe. While I think we can all agree that lying for the sake of profit is actively malicious behavior, isn’t it also true that the faux documentary aspect of The Blair Witch Project is half the reason why that film became such a cultural phenomenon? After all, if there’s one thing filmmakers have in common with stage magicians, it’s that misleading and misdirecting audiences is simply part of the job.
That’s why I’ve developed a habit of mostly ignoring the moral quandaries behind many of film and television’s biggest “hoaxes” in favor of appreciating the narrative elements that drive productions like Mermaids: The Body Found and even Animal Planet’s highly underrated The Cannibal in the Jungle. However, if there’s a definitive case of a highly publicized broadcast fooling the world into taking it seriously, it has to be Fox’s infamous 1995 TV special Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction.
It’s been over three decades since that eerie footage first haunted television screens right at the peak of the ’90s ufology craze, and in that time, the video has taken on a life of its own. From countless parodies and references in everything from The X-Files to Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater (as well as John Dower’s recently released tell-all documentary The Alien Autopsy Scandal, which I’d highly recommend to genre fans everywhere), there’s no denying the legacy of the Alien Autopsy video. However, I rarely see the tape discussed as what it truly is: a highly convincing found footage film directed by a passionate stage magician and brought to life by masterful practical effects work.
That’s why I’d like to invite readers to join me on a deep dive into one of the most infamous broadcasts of all time in an attempt to reevaluate the footage as a fascinating narrative experience rather than a complete hoax.
The TV Special That Convinced Millions It Was Real

Ray Santilli next to Extraterrestrial replica in ‘The Alien Autopsy Scandal’
For starters, regardless of whether or not you believe that there was in fact an extraterrestrial crash in Roswell during the summer of 1947 and that some form of autopsy was performed on the victims, the producers behind the black & white recordings, Ray Santilli and Gary Shoefield, insist that their video was a “restoration.” Though I’d argue that the proper word is “remake”of genuine footage that was too damaged to air on television. That’s why the duo went on to recruit filmmaker and eccentric magician Spyros Melaris and sculptor/monster designer John Humphreys to bring their version of the autopsy to life and sell it to the highest bidder.
This is where the story of the Alien Autopsy as a narrative experience really begins. Melaris claims that his approach to the faux recording consisted of striving for extreme period accuracy in both shooting equipment and setting while also planting subtle details that would initially seem like mistakes but could later be revealed to actually fit the time period. That being said, the filmmaker was under the impression that the short would be released for free as a PR stunt, with the team later producing and selling an informative documentary chronicling exactly how the footage was faked and commenting on how easy it is to manipulate public perception with a good old-fashioned magic trick.
This obviously isn’t how things went down, and that’s likely the reason why Melaris has since distanced himself from everyone else involved with the project. Yet, no amount of behind-the-scenes drama can undermine the genuine effort that went into making the short as impressive as it is. From the sourcing of real animal organs from a local butcher to make the organic part of the creature more lifelike to the highly detailed sculpt that made use of a hollowed-out underlayer that could be filled with fake blood and assorted viscera, there’s a reason why so many Hollywood specialists are still impressed with the artistry on display here.
Of course, the believability is only half the story, as I think that the best part of the autopsy is how Melaris builds on the existing tension by obscuring certain details and often embracing the chaos of what a real examination of extraterrestrial life could feel like. The camera often goes out of focus at just the right time to make certain effects hit even harder, and we can only speculate as to what the hazmat-suited doctors are gesticulating about during the operation. There’s a real air of mystery to the whole thing that almost makes it feel like a cosmically terrifying, cursed film containing forbidden knowledge that civilians were never meant to see.
So when Fox’s Fact or Fiction brings in the specialists to comment on the film and its otherworldly subject, it’s no surprise that we end up with one of the most memorable mockumentaries of all time – albeit one where the participants are unaware that the footage they’re commenting on is basically a large-scale practical joke. A joke that the network was obviously in on, as many participants claim that the TV special cut out significant portions where guests point out that they believe the footage to be an elaborate hoax.
The Lasting Impact of the Hoax Turned Cultural Event

Regardless, I remember going to bed terrified after watching reruns of the special and thinking about the respected pathologist who claimed that the body was almost certainly inhuman, with even effects maestro Stan Winston commenting on how difficult it would be to recreate some of these visuals through practical puppetry. That’s not even mentioning Jonathan Frakes’ dramatic hyping up of the disturbing imagery as if he was talking about the tape from The Ring, with his spooky demeanor here likely being responsible for his later role as the host of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction a few years later.
Personally, I’d argue that the Alien Autopsy phenomenon had just as much of an impact on me as a horror fan as The Blair Witch Project, a film that was almost certainly influenced by the success of this immensely popular hoax (to the point where they even produced their own TV special commenting on Heather’s found footage). Even if Fox didn’t intend to produce a narrative feature about the aftermath of the Roswell crash, the end product still holds up remarkably well as a highly entertaining mockumentary exploring the idea that we may not be alone in the universe.
While neither Santilli nor the rest of the production team has ever commented on this, I also think it’s very likely that the idea of a faux Alien Autopsy could have been influenced by Dean Alioto’s The McPherson Tape/UFO Abduction. I’ve already written about how this granddaddy of found footage was co-opted by rogue ufologists who began selling bootlegs of the tape at conventions as if it were real evidence of a close encounter, so it’s not that much of a stretch to imagine that Santilli and company could have heard about this phenomenon and been inspired to come up with their own highly profitable hoax.
At the end of the day, it’s unlikely that the Alien Autopsy film is recreating any real footage from Roswell, but I can still appreciate the short and the accompanying television event as a standalone horror story that still influences the way we see found footage to this very day.
After all, the possibility that something could be real is often much scarier than finding out for sure – and that’s why I think Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction is still worth revisiting three decades down the line.
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