Editorials
Two Underrated Dario Argento Films Worth a Second Look
For us horror fanatics, we make it a point to seek out every single movie listed on our favorite director’s IMDb page. Sometimes, we don’t like what we see. Whether it’s John Carpenter’s Ghost of Mars or Wes Craven’s Deadly Friend (minus awesome “basketball to the head” death) – sometimes we’d just rather forget these titles littered our Masters’ filmographies. Well, distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I’m here to pinpoint at least two titles worth a second look. They might not be such sore spots on a director’s resume after all! Remember, critics and fans alike dismissed Carpenter’s The Thing as a dud upon release.
Fans are still reeling from the loss of Tobe Hooper. Personally, I remain unable to wrap my head around the loss of both Romero and Craven as well. There are moments I find myself thinking of the possibilities of a Scream 5, only to snap back to reality and realize it’s unlikely to happen without Craven behind the camera. Besides, without him who would want it? Despite the sadness of loss hanging over the legends of horror, today we have an excuse to celebrate. The Maestro, Dario Argento, is turning 77! Anyone who knows me knows Argento is one of my biggest influences. When I was a youngin, I made weekly trips to the mall’s Sam Goody to peruse their horror section. While DVD was a thing, I was still rocking a VCR back at home. And nothing caught my attention more than a thick, black, clamshell VHS from Anchor Bay.
My first introduction to Argento was through the amazingly over-the-top Demons. Granted, Argento only wrote/produced that film, but his name was plastered on the front cover as “Dario Argento Presents”. I was in love from the very first pustule burst. In a lot of ways, it felt familiar to the other 80’s horror I had been devouring. I could see shades of Night of the Demons, but the style and blistering gore were on a level I had yet to experience. The next week, I saw another clamshell calling my name. I noticed the name “Argento” on the box and immediately took my purchase to the front counter. That film was Phenomena. I was wholly unprepared for that night’s viewing.
Phenomena melted my fucking face…for lack of more eloquent wording. It was the first time a film caused me to jump up out of my bed and begin yelling at my TV, “No! NO! Run!” I’d witnessed a woman reacting similarly when I first saw Scream in a theater, but I’d never been driven to the edge of the seat in that same way myself. I realized in that moment of pleading with the girl from Labyrinth to vomit up a pill and flea, the name “Argento” truly meant something special. I watched Phenomena three times that weekend, twice alone and the third time forcing it upon my best friend. A love affair began with his work, and I snatched up every bit of it that I possibly could.
I was lucky to have the chance to meet the man recently at Texas Frightmare. He was there celebrating the 40th anniversary of what most consider his masterpiece, Suspiria. I tend to fluctuate on what I feel is my personal favorite (outside of Suspiria, there’s Phenomena, Deep Red, Tenebre). I’m not someone who gets starstruck at all. I’ve had the opportunity to be in the same room as quite a few “famous folk” and ultimately find them to be…ya know, normal people. When meeting The Maestro, I nearly started crying…nearly. Okay, maybe I shed a couple droplets? When I told him what a huge inspiration he was to me, I’m not sure he fully understood. His English isn’t that great. Nonetheless, it was a brief yet monumental moment for me. It was pretty much the coolest thing ever. That is, until the day I get flown to Rome to work on his newest script. Ahh, dream logic, right? While we may have lost several Masters of Horror in recent years, I’m so happy that today we can still celebrate the birth of Dario Argento.
In honor of his special day, I wanted us to focus on a couple of films that might be worth a revisit by fans. I’ve decided to pick something from the director’s heyday and one selection that’s a bit more recent. There are many who consider Opera to be his last great film. “Bollocks,” say I! Full Disclosure: from Argento’s massive filmography there are only three films that I simply don’t like. I mean, at least The Card Player, a somewhat stale procedural, is better than most episodes of something like CSI.
Sleepless (2001)
Easily the most underrated of Argento’s filmography, Sleepless is a full tilt homage to the director’s own work. While it certainly doesn’t feel as “fresh” as Gialli from the sub-genre’s golden era, it packs in some breathtaking set-pieces that make the film warrant “undiscovered gem” status. Despite this feeling like a Giallo through and through with a convoluted plot, each kill presented with operatic staging, and a lead who just barely remembers the one detail that will crack the case, Sleepless still manages to bare the marks of a film produced in the post-Scream horror landscape. The first scenes almost feel like Argento’s skewed way of trying to one up Wes Craven. There’s the raspy voiced killer taunting our victim on the telephone, only instead of one Drew Barrymore, we get two prostitutes. It all culminates with the type of suspenseful chase that slasher fans dream of.
While the film might reach its peak early on, there are plenty of trademark Argento flourishes that keep it a fun ride from beginning to end. The stylistic standout is an amazing tracking shot along the aisles of a theater during intermission that culminates in quite a gruesome discovery. Plus, you get Max von Sydow in an uncharacteristically subdued performance. I can’t understand why this film hasn’t begun to build up its following. Availability could be an issue. I know Arrow UK has polished the film up for Blu-ray, but the US has been stuck with the cruddy full frame, slightly edited, Artisan DVD since the film’s initial release. Lucky for us, rumor has it that Scorpion Releasing is planning to rectify that issue in the near future.
Inferno (1980)
Here’s the deal. I’m sure most fans of the director’s work have seen this quasi-followup to Suspiria. The problem is, if you’re like me, you saw Suspiria, were blown away by it and then realized there was a sequel. You were all, “What? Argento made a sequel to Suspiria? I have to see it, like, right now!” And so you did. You tracked down a copy of Inferno and were hypnotized by the gorgeous underwater photography (scenes rumored to have been directed by Lamberto Bava). You then noticed the score by English composer Keith Emerson was…not Goblin. After about twenty minutes into the film your excitement likely waned, and by the time a hot dog stand chased a character down to a lake, you had likely given up any hope of Inferno matching the excellence of Suspiria. Now that the initial disappointment is out of the way, go back and see it again!
Trust me. When I first saw Inferno I barely made it to the end credits. The second time I saw it, I did NOT make it to the end credits. I finally revisited the film after many years, not too long ago. I’ve got to say, it’s a damn fine work of art. I think the general disdain for Inferno comes part and parcel with the built in expectations set by following Suspiria. Naturally, nothing can live up to to the experience of witnessing Suspiria for the first time. Argento and his then wife, Daria Nicolodi, even manage to take the relative narrative incoherence of the previous film and shove it into a wood burning stove. This movie is balls to the walls phantasmagoric imagery with only the barest thankful bits of voice over to help string us from scene to scene. Despite the lack of any real narrative structure, Inferno succeeds by unleashing one gloriously photographed nightmare scenario after the other onto the audience. If it’s been awhile since you checked this out, go into it with an open mind. View the tale of Mater Tenebrarum as its own thing separate from Suspiria. There’s some genuine skin crawling stuff here just waiting to be rediscovered.
Also Worth A 2nd Look: Do You Like Hitchcock, Masters of Horror: Pelts
While Argento’s latest filmography might not reach the soaring heights of his early output, I think there’s a lot more to mine than the usual suspects. Besides, I’m still excited by the prospect he may one day soon step behind the camera again. Plus, we have Synapse’s amazing looking restoration to look forward to by year’s end. I know I’ve preordered my Blu-ray.
We salute you, Argento. Happy Birthday, Maestro! What are you favorite underrated or overlooked Argento flicks?
Editorials
Not Another ‘Scary Movie’: Revisiting Forgotten Parody ‘Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th’
After Scream (1996) made a killing at the box office, as well as won over critics and audiences, a lot of folks in the movie biz thought they could do the same thing (and yield similar results). That thing, of course, being a slasher. Most of these opportunists wound up being pretty straightforward; they were low on humor or commentary. Yet others, like Scary Movie (2000), saw the potential for spoofing Scream, and acted on that impulse with both haste and excitement.
A few months after the Wayans’ comedy first hit theaters, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th landed on the USA Network, as part of the channel’s “Shriek Week” programming. That straight-to-cable (then home video) destination is possibly why many people still don’t know about this one. Or they simply chose to forget. Whatever the reason, only one of these two horror parodies came out on top—and it’s certainly not the movie where Coolio channeled Prince, and Tom Arnold saved the day.
Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th previously went by the name of I Know What You Screamed Last Semester. That Trimark acquisition then settled on a wordier title, just so it could avoid the litigious wrath of Miramax Films. Folks may or may not remember that Columbia Pictures was sued over the “implied connection” between I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) and Scream. So, yeah, there was no way that this competing Scream parody wasn’t going to be kept on a tight rein.
A Heavy Reliance on Late ’90s TV References
Simon Rex, Julie Benz, Majandra Delfino, Harley Cross, Danny Strong, Tom Arnold and Tiffani-Amber Thiesen in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th.
Naturally, there would be similarities between Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th and Scary Movie—their scripts are built on the backs of the same two movies. It goes without saying that the other big slasher of the 1990s, I Know What You Did Last Summer, was as much of a target as Scream. However,the film pads itself with more TV references than Scary Movie did.
Half the cast coming off of (and in some cases, returning to) a WB show could be a reason why. Dawson’s Creek is particularly zeroed in on, based on how there’s a central character named “Dawson Deery“, and how the teen drama’s teacher-student affair plotline is satirized to the nth degree. As if there weren’t enough nods to television, Baywatch, VH1’s Pop Up Video, and even those cheesy Mentos commercials all serve as joke prompts.
Shriek director John Blanchard and writers Sue Bailey and Joe Nelms all hailed from television, so it’s understandable that they would stick close to home. The movie’s humor in general makes more sense, in light of learning that Blanchard worked on SCTV, Kids in the Hall, and MADtv. The writers, on the other hand, were each fairly green, with Bailey being the most experienced of the two; she wrote and produced the game show BattleBots. Nevertheless, they, plus Blanchard, churned out a passable, joke-a-minute movie. The whole thing is staggeringly of its time, but no one here was aiming for longevity.
Having seen enough of these kinds of movies, we know to expect jokes of the low-hanging fruit variety. That’s the parody’s whole prime directive. From the characters having names like “Screw Frombehind” and “Doughy Primesuspect”, to stereotyping that feels taboo nowadays, this is a movie from a different era of comedy. Its coarse, corny, and unapologetic sense of humor won’t sit well with everyone in these more enlightened times. In which case, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th can be treated as a time capsule.
Does Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th Humor Still Hold Up Today?
“You may already be a victim”—Someone receives a most peculiar threatening piece of mail in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th.
Although Shriek doesn’t live up to its own claims of being so funny that you’ll die of laughter, its bawdier parts could still lead to some nervous laughter. For instance, after this movie’s parallel to Drew Barrymore’s Scream character is done in—not by the killer but by a bug zapper—the movie throws a newspaper next to the victim’s fresh corpse. The headline? “Popular slut killed! Football team mourns”.
We then move on to the wacky and inappropriate goings-on at Bulimia Falls High School, home of the Hurlers. At this nexus of constant absurdity, indecency, and surrealism, students are seen fornicating on the lawn, cheerleading squad applicants are advised to be comfortable with partial nudity, and terrorists openly prepare for an anthrax attack. It can be a tad jarring to watch, especially if you didn’t grow up witnessing this style of comedy firsthand. Hell, even if you did, you may still have a “what the hell were they thinking?” reaction.
It’s not just the aggressively edgy humor here that can make you chuckle—the slapstick, the sight gags, and the ribaldry all have a decent chance of landing. The movie’s own villain, whose hockey mask was instantly transformed into a crudely Ghostface-esque one after coming in contact with an open flame, commits more cheap laughs than kills. His and his victims’ chase sequences, most of which are cartoonish in nature, left this writer grinning. The Scooby-Doo fan in me also totally ate up that clever unmasking joke.
Final Thoughts on This Forgotten Horror Parody
Shriek If You Know What Did Last Friday the 13th
Now, the jury is still out on whether these comedies are to blame for the death of the first slasher revival. There is more to consider than some parodies. At the very least, the likes of Scary Movie didn’t exactly encourage big studios to put their money on a trend that was being derided to death (and not as profitable as the spoofs). These sorts of movies also felt unnecessary at the time, given how their principal inspiration is already a deconstruction of the genre. But like anything else that quickly becomes popular, mockery is unavoidable.
Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th is indeed a movie nobody asked for, much less needed. As a sample of pre-millennium humor and cultural attitudes, it’s not always precise. But as I’ve laid out, your mileage may vary. Horror parodies typically don’t have the best track record, so managing one’s own expectations here is recommended.
Upon rewatching, I for one laughed a bit more than I did back then. Only this time, I responded to the jokes that my younger self didn’t notice or find all that amusing. So it just goes to show that the movies don’t change—we do.
Harley Cross and Majandra Delfino must unmask the killer a number of times in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th before learning their true identity.
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