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Horror’s 10 Funniest Moments In 2017

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*Keep up with our ongoing end of the year coverage here*


Simply saying that 2017 was a banner year for the horror genre might just be the understatement of the century. The literary master of fright, Stephen King, made this past year his bitch with an array of his stories being adapted for both the big and small screen. The long-awaited Stack-infused episodes of Unsolved Mysteries finally found its way to a streaming service, and the slasher favorites of the genre, such as Jigsaw and Chucky, made a welcomed cinematic return to horror fans. Hell, we even got to venture back to Twin Peaks for fuck’s sake!

In short, pretty much every horror fan got something they wanted this year.

Horror and comedy have an unusual, yet incredible relationship in the world of cinema (even if it’s sometimes unintentional – like Pennywise dancing his clown ass off for Bev – you just can’t help but snicker a little). With 2017 being no exception to the occasional soda-through-your-nose moments, I gave myself the daunting, yet awesomely amusing task of sifting through some of the hilarious moments of this past year. So get yourself ready by grabbing a fresh change of underwear because as good ole’ Negan would say, “It’s gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon.”


“American Horror Story: Cult”: Cheeto Face

The controversial seventh season, and arguably one of the best entries of American Horror Story, came full circle in November with a respectable eleven terrifying episodes. With each installment of Cult digging deeper into a psychologically unnerving storyline, AHS alumni Evan Peters shined the brightest by portraying multiple characters. Peters’ performance as Kai is easily considered one of the series’ most disturbed. Even so, early on Kai was kind of… hilarious. If you didn’t let out a little chuckle when he smeared blended Cheetos puffs all over his mug in honor of his candidate’s electoral victory, you might need to work on your sense of humor.


Kong: Skull Island: “Bitch Please…”

2017 not only marked a triumphant return for the slasher, but also a giant welcome back to one of horror’s greatest movie monsters, Kong! The action-packed Skull Island was pretty generous with throwing around a few laughs and memorable one-liners; a lot from John C. Reilly. Still, Reilly was no match for the king of cinematic swearing, Samuel L. Jackson.

Jackson’s gloriously colorful vocabulary has become sort of a calling card for the veteran actor. We just expect the man to drop a “motherfucker” line towards someone in anything he appears in. Kong was no exception, well, sort of. He almost had the line out before meeting his fate with Kong’s fist, who wasn’t having any of his mouth. As amusing as that was, it was Jackson’s verbal display of aggravation with Mason Weaver (Brie Larson), that had us all roaring with laughter. A true classic never goes out of style.


“Stranger Things 2”: “How Was the Pull Out?”

Stranger Things 2 was one among one of the greatest goddamn things to hit Netflix this year. Given the number of genre gems the streaming service put out in 2017, that’s quite a feat. The Duffer Brothers creation is known for throwing your emotions all over the place, whether it be terror, fuzzy-heartfelt exchanges, and of course laugh-out-loud moments.  There were plenty of the latter, especially, the morning after our Nancy and Jonathan finally hook up. Murray Bauman is that immature seventh grader in all of us who catches our friends doing naughty things… “How was the pull out?”


Get Out: Rod’s TSA Spidey-Sense

I suppose seeing as how Jordan Peele’s phenomenal psychological mind-fuck Get Out is labeled as a comedy/musical from the Golden Globes, may as well throw it on this list as well, right?! Seriously speaking though, supporting character Rod is pretty damn funny and a much-needed dose of comic relief from one twisted tale of brainwashing fuckery. When speaking with Rose on the phone attempting to locate his buddy, Rod’s “TSA shits are a-tinglin'” and things escalate pretty quickly. Rod lets out a string of WTFs in response to creepy-as-shit Rose’s bullshit accusations, with a random as hell ‘bye from Rod at the end of the conversation.

Now that was pretty funny.


The Babysitter: Blood Soaked John

As I mentioned earlier, Netflix brought horror goods aplenty in 2017 and The Babysitter ranks right up there with its off-the-wall humor and gore. Comedian and internet personality King Bach (Andrew Bachelor) plays one of babysitter Bee’s minions in her satanic cult. The Babysitter has an abundance of shit-your-pants funny moments, but John here really stands out among his devil worshipping buddies as the comedic frontrunner. Easily one of the funniest scenes from the film was John getting doused with blood not once, but twice. Welp, if a RC car didn’t take him out, AIDS would have.


“Twin Peaks: The Return”: Dougie Jones

26 years after its primetime debut, David Lynch’s wonderful oddball world set in Twin Peaks made good on its promise to, “see us again in 25 years.” As a huge “Peaks” dweeb, I couldn’t wait for another dive into a puzzling world with the Log Lady, Audrey Horne, and of course, Agent Dale Cooper. Except in perfect Lynch fashion, the Eraserhead director blue-balled Coop’s return for an agonizing 16 episodes. In his place, we got Dougie fuckin’ Jones.

Albeit, for the most part, Dougie was certainly amusing. Watching Coop as Dougie trying to figure out the world around him, like an alien from another planet, made up for some pretty funny TV. From Dougie doing endless pee-pee dances to his rise as Mr. Jackpots, and my personal favorite, his undying love for a damn, fine cup of coffee, Dougie was pure entertainment.


Little Evil: Father Therapy

Netflix’s comedy spin on an Antichrist child Little Evil is without a doubt one of the funniest damn things I’ve seen all year. With the horror-comedy starring genre vets such as Adam Scott (Krampus) and Tyler Labine (Dale and Tucker vs Evil), I didn’t really expect any less. However, the greatest aspect from this little gem is the Stepdad Club.

The initial introduction of the whole group in a father therapy session is probably one of the best things you’ll see all day if you’ve yet to get around to this one. Also, if you think you have a troubled kid, this oughta make you feel a little better about life. At least your little monster isn’t shitting in your sock drawer.


Cult of Chucky: “You fucking with me?!”

Underneath that homicidal plastic exterior is a comedic national treasure. Even going back to the serious tone of the first film, Chucky had a hilariously twisted sense of humor. Need I remind anyone of the elevator scene with the old couple? Thirty years later, I’m still laughing at that epic, “Fuck you.”

This year’s Cult of Chucky had plenty of those types of moments. This one scene, in particular, tops all others as a confused Chucky gets seriously annoyed with crazy Angela in the psyche ward and promises to return and take care of business in the only way he knows how.


“The Walking Dead”: “Stupid little prick named Rick…”

Here’s the thing: I have been a faithful viewer of The Walking Dead since it’s Halloween debut back in 2009, and have never missed an episode. Over the past eight years, the series has had its ups and downs, much like any other program, but hoo boy, when Jeffrey Dean Morgan stepped out of that trailer whistling like a demented zippity-doo-da-derie psychopath, The Walking Dead was forever changed.

I never thought I would replace my beloved Governor as my main dream squeeze, but in all seriousness, I’m pretty sure Negan could kick the shit out of Phillip. What can I say, I love the bad boys…

Since Negan’s loud debut in the finale of season six, it’s been one dirty joke and incredibly awesome insult one right after another. Sure, he’s a total bastard, but it’s hard to hate a guy who goes around using phrases like, “Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy!” or, my personal favorite, “Stupid little prick named Rick who thought he knew shit, but didn’t know shit…” Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks so either. Youtuber SoppySofax made an epic Negan musical mash-up from that line alone, plus a few other notable Negan euphemisms.

You’re welcome.


IT: Richie Tozier’ Roasts

I’m just gonna say it: Finn Wolfhard should be declared a goddamn national treasure.

Between Stranger Things and the massive success of Stephen King’s IT this year, Wolfhard is riding high as one of the coolest kids ever in the horror genre. The fourteen-year-old actor who portrayed one of the Loser’s Club fan favorites, Richie Tozier, slayed not just Pennywise, but our guts with all those glorious roasts in the film… particularly those directed at Eddie’s mother. Attempting to pick a singular funny as hell moment from little Tozier in IT just doesn’t seem fair as they’re all equally a riot.

No, your mom…

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Editorials

How Marina de Van Uses Body Horror and Pain to Explore Trauma in ‘In My Skin’ and ‘Dark Touch’

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Marina de Van horror movies

Pain is the language of New French Extremity.

Known for excruciating violence and gore, what often distinguishes these visceral films is the depiction of emotional turmoil manifested as the destruction of human flesh. Few filmmakers make this comparison so literally as Marina de Van.

The French writer/director burst onto the scene in 2002 with her shocking In My Skin, a tale of self-discovery via grisly self-harm. Eleven years later, she would write and direct Dark Touch, the harrowing story of a traumatized girl who expresses her pain through telekinetic force.

Though they differ wildly in tone and subject, both In My Skin and Dark Touch deal with the horror of unexpressed agony and its tendency to break the skin, ripping and shredding through anything in its path.


In My Skin (2002): Self-Harm as a Response to Emotional Repression

This intensely personal film stars de Van as Esther, a corporate analyst on the verge of having it all. Her adoring boyfriend Vincent (Laurent Lucas) is poised to move in, and she’s been targeted for promotion thanks to her diligent work. During a high-pressure networking party, Esther wanders outside and trips over an open construction site, ripping her pants on an abandoned tool. It’s only later that she notices blood on the floor and realizes that she’s torn the skin of her calf as well. Surprisingly, Esther has not felt a thing.

The surgeon who stitches up the wound marvels at this lack of sensitivity, wondering if the problem is not her shredded flesh — she’s still able to feel the lightest touch — but a misalignment in her head. This wound unlocks a disturbing pattern of dissociative self-mutilation as Esther begins cutting and gouging her skin to cope with moments of emotional stress. 

Her first intentional act of self-harm follows a minor mistake in a document. After noticing that she’s misused a word, Esther fixes the error, then sneaks away to slice her thigh with a stray piece of metal. Though she has caught the mistake herself, Esther anticipates punishment for imperfection. The subsequent wound on her thigh is proof that she has paid for her transgression and can now return to solid ground, having completed the cycle of shameful correction. 

As we peel back the layers of Esther’s life, we’re aghast at the toxicity of her environment. The inciting fall happens shortly after she politely declines a dinner invitation from her older colleague, an inappropriate sexual advance dressed up as an offer for mentorship. At another party, her male coworkers drag her towards the pool, threatening to pull off her pants when she screams that she’s not wearing a bathing suit.

Esther flees this disturbing scene, but not because of the men’s aggressiveness. She’s disturbed to find that her struggle to break free has reopened the still-healing wound on her leg, causing unsightly blood to seep through her pants. Like many women in the corporate world, she’s been conditioned to view her presence as an optional privilege and to create comfort for her male colleagues. Should she negatively react to their atrocious behavior, they may deem her “too emotional” and take away her hard-earned position. 

But this toxic environment only exacerbates Esther’s need to self-harm. At a working dinner, a wealthy client pressures her to drink expensive wine, then continues to refill her glass. Increasingly unmoored, Esther finds her hand creeping onto her dinner plate. After repeatedly dragging it out of her food, she notices the appendage lying limp on the table, completely disconnected from her upper arm. This surrealist moment in an otherwise grounded film is a turning point in her violent journey. Esther sees how desensitized her body has become and the lengths she will go to perform unobtrusive compliance. 

Desperate to regain control, Esther gouges her forearm with a steak knife stolen from the table, hiding the carnage under a napkin. Humiliated, she concludes the evening in a nearby hotel, where she indulges this dangerous new compulsion. For hours, Esther lovingly slices her arms and legs, gnawing on loose flesh and suckling blood from extensive wounds. She seems enamored with her ability to feel again without being perceived by anyone else. 

Disturbed by her scars, Vincent offers shaky support while contributing to Esther’s unexpressed pain. During an intense discussion about buying their first home, Esther forgets her PIN at an ATM and bursts into tears on the street. Vincent offers an easy solution, only showing his frustration behind closed doors. He lashes out at his stunned girlfriend, conflating her emotional stress with his own inadequacy.

Clearly destabilized by her tears, Vincent baits Esther into soothing him, an echo of the cycle she performs at work. We see that even at home, her emotional needs come second to men who are unequipped to handle their own feelings. Esther has internalized the responsibility of managing Vincent alongside the message that any break in her calm demeanor will lead to more suffering later on. 

In the wake of this argument and a rebuke from her boss, Esther suffers a panic attack while walking to work. In a daze, she buys another knife, then takes a hotel room for the day. Blood runs over Esther’s face as she again luxuriates in self-mutilation. De Van finds an uneasy juxtaposition between gruesome carnage and euphoric escape. Alone again with her exquisite pain, Esther seductively runs the knife over her face, digging into the skin around her eye. She chemically preserves a severed piece of flesh then lovingly tucks it inside her bra, a keepsake to honor this violent vacation.  

The next day, Esther prepares for work, pulling office attire over her blood-stained skin. De Van does not follow her out the door, leaving us to imagine how she will be received by the men in her life. Will they finally see what they’ve put her through, or will life continue as before, with Esther pretending that nothing is wrong and performing perfection until her body gives out? De Van ends the film with the striking image of Esther lying on the hotel bed, fixing the audience with a knowing stare. Though she carefully hides her fragility, we alone have seen the true cost of survival in this destructive world. 


Dark Touch (2013): Trauma, Abuse, and Supernatural Revenge

In many ways, this shocking story of catharsis through violence feels like a thematic response to In My Skin and Esther’s unexpressed pain. Also written and directed by de Van, Dark Touch follows an Irish girl named Niamh (Missy Keating) who becomes the sole survivor of a massacre.

 We first meet this little girl screaming from her bedroom window, then running through the stormy night to the house of family friends Nat (Marcella Plunkett) and Lucas Galin (Pádraic Delaney). Niamh’s parents smooth over the incident, presenting the illusion of a happy home. It’s only when the doors are closed that we realize something is dreadfully wrong. De Van implies the worst as the sinister couple creeps into their daughter’s room, commanding her to be a “good girl.” But Niamh is saved from horrific abuse by furniture that seems to move on its own. 

De Van leans into her French Extremity roots in what will become a gruesome execution. Niamh’s mother is crushed by a splintering bureau, a loose screw driving itself into her face. Her father watches his wife’s grisly death, then falls on the blades of an ultra-modern light fixture. Flames spread through the house as Niamh cradles her infant brother in a tiny cupboard. When rescuers arrive on the scene, we learn that the baby boy has died, mysteriously smothered by an inhuman force. Now an orphan, Niamh goes to stay with Nat and Lucas, who struggle to meet her emotional needs. Unable to explain her traumatic past, Niamh finds that things move whenever she cries, an outward manifestation of her silenced rage. 

Though Nat and Lucas offer support, they only seem to make things worse. Lucas volunteers to stay in Niamh’s room when she has a bad dream, oblivious to the discomfort his presence might cause. Growing impatient when she can’t fall asleep, a snide comment betrays his empty concern. Niamh finally finds solace in photos of the couple’s older daughter, who died from cancer years ago. She clings to an image of the little girl blowing out birthday candles while covered in bruises, drawn to the familiar juxtaposition of a child suffering through visible pain while going about life as if nothing is wrong.

But this too enrages Lucas. When he finds the pictures under her bed, the weeping father shakes Niamh and demands to know what gives her the right to bring up such a devastating memory. While perhaps understandable, Lucas’ reaction tells the traumatized girl that his comfort is the true priority, and she is not allowed to soothe herself. 

Niamh’s only friends in the tiny town are young siblings from a similarly violent home. Whistling to them in the night, Niamh uses her emerging telekinesis to kill their abusive mother in an attack similar to the one that destroyed her own family. When Nat arranges for Niamh to attend a birthday party, she bristles at the other girls’ treatment of their baby dolls. They slap and rip at their faux children’s hair, seeming to process their own quasi-abusive upbringing. As she bursts into tears, Niamh spreads fire through the party and melts the faces of the mistreated dolls. That night, she lures the children to school and then destroys the building, violently disrupting what she interprets as a continuous cycle of child abuse. 

Next, Niamh turns her attention to her foster parents, telepathically trapping them in her former home. For hours, she puts them through a series of torturous humiliations we assume she endured at her own parents’ hands. Now, Nat and Lucas must suffer in silence as Niamh finally reveals the extent of her misery. Forced to sit with their tormentor at a dinner table, Nat and Lucas quietly weep as flames spread throughout the home. Like Naimh once did, they go through the motions of a happy family, unable to protect themselves. Their foster daughter smiles as the fire consumes them all, finally putting an end to her tragic life. 

Despite this murderous conclusion, Niamh is not a traditional villain. She’s a horrifically abused little girl who can’t find a way to express her pain. Though she’s managed to remove herself from immediate danger, every attempt to heal is met with stigma, resentment, or the burden of caring for someone else. When her trauma becomes too uncomfortable, she’s advised to simply stay out of sight.

Like Esther, Niamh exists in a world that expects her to create comfort for everyone else, regardless of the suffering it causes her. But Niamh’s agony can no longer be contained. Abandoning all hope for a happy life, she channels her rage and destroys anyone who crosses her path. Perhaps this is not fair to Nat and Lucas or the children of this tiny town. But what happened to Niamh is also unfair, and her trauma can no longer be ignored

Though they do not narratively connect, Dark Touch feels like a spiritual successor to In My Skin. Both Esther and Niamh try to swallow their pain, but find it too great to be contained. We leave Esther struggling to stay afloat in a world of male toxicity. Picking up Niamh’s story at a similar moment, we watch the child escape her own abuse only to find that the world doesn’t really care. Her community will only offer support if it doesn’t disrupt their own lives.

Though de Van does not offer us hopeful endings, there’s grim satisfaction in revealing the world as it is, one built on the expectation that women will suffer in silence. Both In My Skin and Dark Touch seem to argue that a society built on women’s pain does not deserve a second chance. 

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