Bring Back These 5 Retro Cereals! - Bloody Disgusting
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Bring Back These 5 Retro Cereals!

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Growing up, Saturday mornings were for cartoons and cereal. The most sugary, colorful cereal that was often selected based on the mascot on the box and the temptation of prizes within. The cereal aisle felt like a decent second to browsing a toy store as a kid, with so much selection between quirky original mascots and cartoon and movie tie-ins. And did I mention the temptation of cool toys within? Even the beloved Monster cereals, like Frankenberry and Count Chocula, were year-round options, not just relegated to the Halloween season. Though the cereal aisle is just as vast today, it doesn’t quite feel the same as it did decades ago. With so many cereals that have come and gone, these are 5 retro cereals that the horror fan would love to make a comeback:


Jurassic Park Crunch

Introduced in 1997, as a tie-in with The Lost World: Jurassic Park, this General Mills was a lot like Lucky Charms, but with “Prehistoric marshmallow shapes.” As a movie tie-in, this cereal went extinct soon enough, but since the film franchise that inspired this sugary breakfast made a return in 2015 with a sequel soon on the way, it’s time for a dinosaur revival in cereal form, too. If they could also bring back the weird box roar, that’d be great too.


Freakies Cereal

This cereal ran from only 1972 to 1976, with a failed attempt at a comeback in 1986, but it was a cereal that featured seven monster mascots. Each one had their own color, personality, and name that was described on the cereal’s box and it was the mascots themselves that made the cereal such a hit during its short run. The little rubber toy Freakies that came in the box was a must-have collectible too. If you’ve never seen this cereal before, you can spot Tom Hanks’ character eating from a box of Freakies in 1989’s The Burbs. The cereal aisle is largely devoid of original monster mascots, so Freakies deserves another shot at a comeback.


Gremlins

Essentially Mogwai shaped Cap’n Crunch cereal, Gremlins cereal was released in 1984 and stuck around pretty much solely for the duration of the theatrical run. The cereal and Gizmo gracing the cover of the box was cool enough, but it also came with a free Gremlins sticker and the opportunity to buy a Gizmo plus for $9.95. Marketing genius at its finest, boys and girls. Because, what kid didn’t eat that cereal and beg mom and dad to get them a Gizmo plushie? Gremlins has become requisite Christmas viewing for many, which would make this cereal a great seasonal treat.


Sugar Rice Krinkles

Post’s sugar-coated crisp rice cereal was first introduced in 1950, with a very different mascot on the box. Eventually, they switched marketing gears for this sugary cereal, replacing the Asian So-Hi with the cereal’s creepiest mascot ever: Krinkle the Clown. Having Krinkle’s appearance on the box was creepy enough, but the commercials with Krinkle were downright terrifying. Overall, Sugar Rice Krinkles’ marketing was ill-conceived from conception up until the cereal’s discontinuation in 1969. But this scary clown mascot would make Sugar Rice Krinkles an excellent tie-in with It: Chapter Two. And instill coulrophobia in kids at a very early age.


Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal

This cinnamon oat square cereal with musical note marshmallows was in introduced in 1990 as a tie-in to the Bill & Ted movies and cartoon. It sadly didn’t run long, but it did feature two really cool dudes that delivered a most awesome breakfast adventure. Since Bill & Ted Face the Music is in the works, with William Sadler set to return as Death, I’d like to mark this my official request to bring back this cereal as a tie-in.  Maybe this time with scythe and evil Easter Bunny marshmallows?

Which discontinued cereal do you miss?


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