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Bring Back These 5 Retro Cereals!

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Growing up, Saturday mornings were for cartoons and cereal. The most sugary, colorful cereal that was often selected based on the mascot on the box and the temptation of prizes within. The cereal aisle felt like a decent second to browsing a toy store as a kid, with so much selection between quirky original mascots and cartoon and movie tie-ins. And did I mention the temptation of cool toys within? Even the beloved Monster cereals, like Frankenberry and Count Chocula, were year-round options, not just relegated to the Halloween season. Though the cereal aisle is just as vast today, it doesn’t quite feel the same as it did decades ago. With so many cereals that have come and gone, these are 5 retro cereals that the horror fan would love to make a comeback:


Jurassic Park Crunch

Introduced in 1997, as a tie-in with The Lost World: Jurassic Park, this General Mills was a lot like Lucky Charms, but with “Prehistoric marshmallow shapes.” As a movie tie-in, this cereal went extinct soon enough, but since the film franchise that inspired this sugary breakfast made a return in 2015 with a sequel soon on the way, it’s time for a dinosaur revival in cereal form, too. If they could also bring back the weird box roar, that’d be great too.


Freakies Cereal

This cereal ran from only 1972 to 1976, with a failed attempt at a comeback in 1986, but it was a cereal that featured seven monster mascots. Each one had their own color, personality, and name that was described on the cereal’s box and it was the mascots themselves that made the cereal such a hit during its short run. The little rubber toy Freakies that came in the box was a must-have collectible too. If you’ve never seen this cereal before, you can spot Tom Hanks’ character eating from a box of Freakies in 1989’s The Burbs. The cereal aisle is largely devoid of original monster mascots, so Freakies deserves another shot at a comeback.


Gremlins

Essentially Mogwai shaped Cap’n Crunch cereal, Gremlins cereal was released in 1984 and stuck around pretty much solely for the duration of the theatrical run. The cereal and Gizmo gracing the cover of the box was cool enough, but it also came with a free Gremlins sticker and the opportunity to buy a Gizmo plus for $9.95. Marketing genius at its finest, boys and girls. Because, what kid didn’t eat that cereal and beg mom and dad to get them a Gizmo plushie? Gremlins has become requisite Christmas viewing for many, which would make this cereal a great seasonal treat.


Sugar Rice Krinkles

Post’s sugar-coated crisp rice cereal was first introduced in 1950, with a very different mascot on the box. Eventually, they switched marketing gears for this sugary cereal, replacing the Asian So-Hi with the cereal’s creepiest mascot ever: Krinkle the Clown. Having Krinkle’s appearance on the box was creepy enough, but the commercials with Krinkle were downright terrifying. Overall, Sugar Rice Krinkles’ marketing was ill-conceived from conception up until the cereal’s discontinuation in 1969. But this scary clown mascot would make Sugar Rice Krinkles an excellent tie-in with It: Chapter Two. And instill coulrophobia in kids at a very early age.


Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal

This cinnamon oat square cereal with musical note marshmallows was in introduced in 1990 as a tie-in to the Bill & Ted movies and cartoon. It sadly didn’t run long, but it did feature two really cool dudes that delivered a most awesome breakfast adventure. Since Bill & Ted Face the Music is in the works, with William Sadler set to return as Death, I’d like to mark this my official request to bring back this cereal as a tie-in.  Maybe this time with scythe and evil Easter Bunny marshmallows?

Which discontinued cereal do you miss?

Horror journalist, RT Top Critic, and Critics Choice Association member. Co-Host of the Bloody Disgusting Podcast. Has appeared on PBS series' Monstrum, served on the SXSW Midnighter shorts jury, and moderated horror panels for WonderCon and SeriesFest.

Editorials

Nintendo Wii’s ‘Ju-On: The Grudge’ Video Game 15 Years Later

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Nintendo Wii Ju-On

There was a moment in Japanese culture when writers and filmmakers began to update centuries-old fears so that they could still be effective storytelling tools in the modern world. One of the best examples of this is how extremely popular stories like Ringu and Parasite Eve began re-interpreting the cyclical nature of curses as pseudo-scientific “infections,” with this new take on J-Horror even making its way over to the world of video games in titles like Resident Evil (a sci-fi deconstruction of a classic haunted house yarn).

However, there is one survival horror game that is rarely brought up during discussions about interactive J-Horror despite being part of a franchise that helped to popularize Japanese genre cinema around the world. Naturally, that game is the Nintendo Wii exclusive Ju-On: The Grudge, a self-professed haunted house simulator that was mostly forgotten by horror fans and gamers alike despite being a legitimately creative experience devised by a true master of the craft. And with the title celebrating its 15th anniversary this year (and the Ju-On franchise its 25th), I think this is the perfect time to look back on what I believe to be an unfairly maligned J-Horror gem.

After dozens of sequels, spin-offs and crossovers, it’s hard to believe that the Ju-On franchise originally began as a pair of low-budget short films directed by Takashi Shimizu while he was still in film school. However, these humble origins are precisely why Shimizu remained dead-set on retaining creative control of his cinematic brainchild for as long as he could, with the filmmaker even going so far as to insist on directing the video game adaptation of his work alongside Feelplus’ Daisuke Fukugawa as a part of Ju-On’s 10th anniversary celebration.

Rather than forcing the franchise’s core concepts into a pre-existing survival-horror mold like some other licensed horror titles (such as the oddly action-packed Blair Witch trilogy), the developers decided that their game should be a “haunted house simulator” instead, with the team focusing more on slow-paced cinematic scares than the action-adventure elements that were popular at the time.

While there are rumors that this decision was reached due to Shimizu’s lack of industry experience (as well as the source material’s lack of shootable monsters like zombies and demons), several interviews suggest that Shimizu’s role during development wasn’t as megalomaniacal as the marketing initially suggested. In fact, the filmmaker’s input was mostly relegated to coming up with basic story ideas and advising the team on cut-scenes and how the antagonists should look and act. He also directed the game’s excellent live-action cut-scenes, which add even more legitimacy to the project.

Nintendo Wii Ju-On video game

The end result was a digital gauntlet of interactive jump-scares that put players in the shoes of the ill-fated Yamada family as they each explore different abandoned locations inspired by classic horror tropes (ranging from haunted hospitals to a mannequin factory and even the iconic Saeki house) in order to put an end to the titular curse that haunts them.

In gameplay terms, this means navigating five chapters of poorly lit haunts in first person while using the Wii-mote as a flashlight to fend off a series of increasingly spooky jump-scares through Dragon’s-Lair-like quick-time events – all the while collecting items, managing battery life and solving a few easy puzzles. There also some bizarre yet highly creative gameplay additions like a “multiplayer” mode where a second Wii-mote can activate additional scares as the other player attempts to complete the game.

When it works, the title immerses players in a dark and dingy world of generational curses and ghostly apparitions, with hand-crafted jump-scares testing your resolve as the game attempts to emulate the experience of actually living through the twists and turns of a classic Ju-On flick – complete with sickly black hair sprouting in unlikely places and disembodied heads watching you from inside of cupboards.

The title also borrows the narrative puzzle elements from the movies, forcing players to juggle multiple timelines and intentionally obtuse clues in order to piece together exactly what’s happening to the Yamada family (though you’ll likely only fully understand the story once you find all of the game’s well-hidden collectables). While I admit that this overly convoluted storytelling approach isn’t for everyone and likely sparked some of the game’s scathing reviews, I appreciate how the title refuses to look down on gamers and provides us with a complex narrative that fits right in with its cinematic peers.

Unfortunately, the experience is held back by some severe technical issues due to the decision to measure player movement through the Wii’s extremely inaccurate accelerometer rather than its infrared functionality (probably because the developers wanted to measure micro-movements in order to calculate how “scared” you were while playing). This means that you’ll often succumb to unfair deaths despite moving the controller in the right direction, which is a pretty big flaw when you consider that this is the title’s main gameplay mechanic.

Ju-on The Grudge Haunted House Simulator 2

In 2024, these issues can easily be mitigated by emulating the game on a computer, which I’d argue is the best way to experience the title (though I won’t go into detail about this due to Nintendo’s infamously ravenous legal team). However, no amount of post-release tinkering can undo the damage that this broken mechanic did on the game’s reputation.

That being said, I think it’s pretty clear that Shimizu and company intended this to be a difficult ordeal, with the slow pace and frequent deaths meant to guide players into experiencing the title as more of a grisly interactive movie than a regular video game. It’s either that or Shimizu took his original premise about the “Grudge” being born from violent deaths a little too seriously and wanted to see if the curse also worked on gamers inhabiting a virtual realm.

Regardless, once you accept that the odd gameplay loop and janky controls are simply part of the horror experience, it becomes a lot easier to accept the title’s mechanical failings. After all, this wouldn’t be much a Ju-On adaptation if you could completely avoid the scares through skill alone, though I don’t think there’s an excuse for the lack of checkpoints (which is another point for emulation).

It’s difficult to recommend Ju-On: The Grudge as a product; the controls and story seem hell-bent on frustrating the player into giving up entirely and it’s unlikely that you’ll unlock the final – not to mention best – level without a guide to the collectables. However, video games are more than just toys to be measured by their entertainment factor, and if you consider the thought and care that went into crafting the game’s chilling atmosphere and its beautifully orchestrated frights, I think you’ll find that this is a fascinating experience worth revisiting as an unfairly forgotten part of the Ju-On series.

Now all we have to do is chat with Nintendo so we can play this one again without resorting to emulation.

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