Editorials
[TV Terrors] “The Elvira Show” Was Cancelled By CBS Before It Even Aired
Horror and science fiction have always been a part of the television canvas, and constant attempts have been made over the years to produce classic entertainment. Some have fallen by the wayside, while others became mainstream phenomena. With “TV Terrors,” we take a look back at the many genre efforts from the 80’s, 90’s, and 00’s, exploring some shows that became cult classics, and others that sank in to obscurity.
“The Elvira Show” was filmed in 1993 for CBS… but never aired
The past three years have seen a major resurgence of the Mistress of the Dark that we know as Elvira. Elvira has always had that wonderful ability to disappear for a few years, re-emerge in full force for a long time and creep back in to the shadows for a little bit. It’s pretty much why everyone loves her. Cassandra Peterson has turned the character into a bona fide franchise, especially in the digital age, selling branded merchandise, her own book, and even collectible dolls from Funko.
In the cable television days and video age, Elvira was an—ahem–asset you saw often, and one of my earliest memories of the horror host came through her introductions to movies on television and appearances on MTV. I could go on and on about how her 1988 movie “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark” is a childhood favorite of mine, but I digress.
That said, as many know, her 1988 movie was intended as a back door pilot for a potential sitcom on NBC, and I can think of no one better suited for their own sitcom than Elvira. Spending years in development, Elvira finally got her wish in 1993, when she filmed her very own pilot for the CBS Network. Her show entitled “The Elvira Show” (starring Elvira as herself!) offered a unique spin on the sitcom, with a horror based premise less about family values and more about Elvira’s razor sharp wit, rapid fire double entendres, and huge pair of—uh—eyes.
Officer: This is a bust!
Elvira (pointing at her cleavage): “No, this is a bust!”
Loosely set after the events of the movie, Elvira moves again, this time to Manhattan Kansas where she ends up in another conservative small town. There, she resides with her fun aunt Minerva (who also happens to be a quirky witch), and their smart mouthed cat named Renfield. Elvira hides in plain sight pretending to read fortunes and create potions for the superstitious folks in town, but things get complicated when long lost niece Paige is dropped off at the house and forced to live with her aunts.
After her parent died, she was sent to live with nuns on an island, and then—dropped off at the door for some reason. As a conservative religious girl, Paige finds herself struggling to keep up with their antics, especially as she begins to realize she might have powers of her very own. She has to come to her family’s aide when Elvira accidentally casts a spell on a hunky local police officer.
“The Elvira Show” was pretty much a series intended for the fans, and hoping to breed a new audience that could appreciate the “Three’s Company” shaded humor filled with innuendos, and winks at the audience here and there. Katherine Helmond (“Soap,” “Who’s the Boss?”) is kind of like an older Elvira, but one who isn’t as out there as her long lost niece. The pilot only seems to have a little bit of money to play with, so a majority of the episode’s events take place in the house and the house alone.
With so much set up and potential, you assume the show would have too many storylines for one episode, but there’s shockingly very little to be had. A majority of the comedy is reliant more on how many sex jokes Elvira can shoot out before the end of the episode. All the while Paige is basically the foil of her two aunts, working to keep the uptight town folks at bay. Beyond that there isn’t much of a storyline aside from someone trying to catch Elvira and or Minerva in the act, and looking for a reason to put them in jail. I would have loved to see a sleeker series with Elvira leading the life of a superstar and supernatural being, or maybe experiencing a double life as a super powered witch trying to fit into nineties city culture.
“The Elvira Show” inexplicably repeats the same beats from the 1988 movie, right down to Elvira moving in to an old house, and fending off cantankerous old neighbors. Apparently based on many reports, when “The Elvira Show” was filmed, CBS went crazy over the immense usage of boob and sex jokes and cancelled the series before it ever premiered. The pilot never even aired. Years later, oddly enough, the G rated “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” rose to mega popularity, sharing essentially the same plot and structure as the failed “The Elvira Show.” Granted, “Sabrina” was based on comic books that predate “The Elvira Show,” but it’s interesting to note nonetheless. It’s just a shame that Elvira’s show was never picked up, while “Sabrina” became a household favorite just a few years later.
Regardless, Elvira continued her long and admirable career as a horror hostess, comedienne, performer and entrepreneur, still going strong to this day. If you have twenty five minutes to spare, give “The Elvira Show” a shot. I can’t guarantee a laugh riot, but you can never go wrong with Elvira.
Is It On DVD/Blu-Ray? Absolutely not, but the pilot has circulated online for many years in its complete form (below). Hopefully someday it can be restored and included in an “Elvira” box set. Sure would be nice if Arrow included it in their upcoming special edition of “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.”
Horror was thriving so well in the 1980s that movies like Pen Densham’s The Kiss (1988) would understandably get lost in the shuffle, only to then gain their fans later on in life. Even still, this one Canadian-American curio has had a more challenging time than others, as far as contemporary reevaluations go, which is very likely due to the movie’s limited availability—at least as of this write-up.
However, the scarceness of The Kiss, while a bit annoying, makes it like catnip for ‘80s horror completists everywhere. Hopefully, a lot of them will walk away satisfied after watching this hidden gem.
Even though The Kiss was intended as the first of several horror collaborations between Astral Pictures and TriStar, as well as the first feature produced by Densham, Richard B. Lewis and John Watson’s Trilogy Entertainment Group, it ended up being the only one produced from that former union. Once the movie was released, TriStar’s distribution jitters—they opted for a regional rollout—did the $6-million flick no favors. TriStar’s cold feet toward horror releases have been well noted, but The Kiss still did a tad better than Night of the Creeps (1986), another genre outing that flopped due to its regional opening.
Shot in Montreal, but set in Albany, New York, The Kiss—which was still called The Host just a few months before its October premiere—concerns an average middle-class family and their forthcoming situation. The uncanny problem in store for them was, in fact, set in motion some years earlier. As that hot and dusty flashback to the Belgian Congo shows, a familial curse was set upon the two Dunbar sisters well before Meredith Salenger’s teenage character was born.
Meredith Salenger, Nicholas Kilbertus and Mimi Kuzyk in The Kiss
The Kiss, which was based on a story by co-writer Stephen Volk (Ghostwatch) and penned by both Volk and Tom Ropelewski, has the outward appearance of The Stepfather (1987). This movie, though, is anything but a gender-flipped retread of that classic domestic disturber. For starters, The Kiss is far less grounded in reality—that much is clear from its unsettling opening scene. There, a trusting girl (Priscilla Mouzakiotis) is the victim of her own deceptive aunt (Céline Lomez); the movie’s titular act, and the story’s first shock, becomes the means of transferring an ancient evil from one host to another.
In the present day, Salenger’s role of Amy Halloran, a religious schoolgirl, is dealt a harsh blow in life once her mother, Hilary Halloran née Dunbar (Pamela Collyer), suddenly dies in a freak accident. But rather than a complete stranger sweeping the Halloran widower (Nicholas Kilbertus) off his feet some months later, Joanna Pacula’s character is that chosen temptress. Here, Pacula plays the grown-up version of the afflicted girl last seen in the movie’s opener. Since Amy’s mother is insistent about there being no reunion between estranged sisters, and she even contemplates buying a gun shortly before her tragic demise, it’s presumable that Aunt Felice poses a threat to her family.
The Kiss isn’t a movie ever too concerned about its own predictability. The audience is indeed often one step ahead of the story here, but also keep in mind how every one of those steps is loud. Take, for instance, the death of Amy’s mother; the Halloran matriarch goes out in garish, gruesome fashion, as a supernaturally commandeered truck sends Collyer’s character through a store window first, then leaves her one leg short. The directorial enthusiasm truly comes out in horrific moments such as these.
The Kiss is always sure to revel in its characters’ ills and misfortunes. So if the plot doesn’t impress, then its lurid parts should. Amy’s mother’s exit scene was proof of an eager, first-time horror director proving his worth. Then, bestie Heather (Sabrina Boudot) survives to tell the tale of a bizarre escalator mishap that, despite showing relatively less gore, spikes viewers’ empathy meter. The wilder bits of this movie, however, commence with that inevitable hookup between Felice and Amy’s bewitched father; their kitchen coitus is paralleled by Amy’s feverish classroom terror. The outcome there is a disquieting cross-cut of sex magic and a young woman’s menstrual onset plus hallucinations.
Sabrina Boudot in The Kiss
From foam appliances to bladders, that parade of special effects in The Kiss casts its own spell on the audience. Felice’s familiar, a visibly malevolent cat, was realized here with several models, some more articulate than others. Admittedly, the demon cat’s not as convincing as most of the effects here, but accepting that artifice, as opposed to fighting it, will make the whole experience way more enjoyable. As for the makeup used to manifest Felice’s inner villainy, it is more minimal and subtle than one might like; yet the work done to turn Pacula into an antithesis of herself is nonetheless compelling.
The otherworldly perils and dreadful goings-on wouldn’t work half as well as they do in The Kiss without the story’s contrast effect. Finding frights in picturesque, extremely ordinary settings was something that took off in the ‘80s, thanks to that sweeping shift to locales like the suburbs. And Amy’s home, a replica of a real Montreal suburban house, is the ideal battleground for any proper good-versus-evil story. It’s also prime real estate for this movie’s satanic panic-inspired horrors.
Because of their ostensibly similar plots, The Kiss has been compared to The Exorcist (1973). Except in Densham’s movie, the sinister, non-Christian entity targeting a teen girl lies within something less apparent and, perhaps, more devastating upon its exposure. To an outsider, Pacula’s Aunt Felice is too beautiful and unobjectionable to ever suspect of being a monster. More suspicious is how quickly she rips into the fabric of the Halloran home. Felice’s mere presence upsets the “texture of family life,” according to the director.
The demon cat in The Kiss
Taking out Amy’s mother and best friend, and distracting her father, would suggest The Kiss is playing by a different set of rules. It is initially leaving its adolescent target unsupported in a rather grim scenario. In contrast, though, this story offers up a surrogate parent who does her best to fill in the holes of Amy’s eroding home life. Mimi Kuzyk does good work as that family friend and doctor, Brenda, who guides the lost child without also steering her in any one direction; she is naturally skeptical of Amy’s accusations until it’s almost too late to do anything about them. So although The Kiss does an admirable job of undoing the main character’s support system, it never leaves her without a lifeline. This dark movie, in spite of everything that’s transpired, doesn’t deprive itself of light and hope.
The Kiss is a potent mélange of familiar ideas. If not for the director’s surprise flair for horror, though, the movie would have been less effective. What a shame that Pen Densham didn’t continue with the genre. As for Joanna Pacula, she is, too, owed credit as the wicked vixen opposite Meredith Salenger’s pitiable Amy; she never fails to be unsettling in her role. Pacula makes Aunt Felice a sexy yet intimidating character.
For horror that steadily doles out madness and menace, while also delivering a flashy and ghastly conclusion, The Kiss is certain to please. Yes, it’s cheesy all the way, but most favorably, everyone involved plays everything straight. That kind of commitment goes a long way with this movie.
The Kiss
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