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“The Walking Dead” Just Killed These 10 Characters in One Harrowing, Horrifying Episode

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Spoilers. Obviously.

Not since Negan bashed out Glenn’s eyeball has “The Walking Dead” been quite so harrowing as it was last night, as ‘The Calm Before’ went full “Red Wedding” and left us with our jaws open and our hearts shattered. We knew it was coming. But we definitely were not prepared. Season 9’s penultimate episode was titled ‘The Calm Before.’ Yeah. So much for that.

Setting the tone right off the bat, ‘The Calm Before’ kicked off with two lovebirds from Hilltop traveling to the Kingdom’s fair on their anniversary, armed with big smiles and bigger hopes. But that happy, bright future was cruelly shattered by Alpha and her Whisperers, who massacred the couple en route to Kingdom; to create her own disguise and slip into the fair undetected, the bald Alpha scalped the young woman and turned her hair into a flowing blonde wig. Mind you, even those who haven’t read the comics probably knew that the fair wasn’t going to be a very joyous experience, but the opening sequence of ‘The Calm Before’ ensured that a dark cloud was hanging over the fun proceedings before they even began.

There were some happy moments during the fair, at least, which included everything from a dunk tank to a movie. Reunions between Carol and Judith, as well as Connie and Kelly, were incredibly emotional, and it was nice to see some of the characters cut loose and have a good time for a change. The leaders of each community even managed to sign a bill into law that ensured their unity going forward: if someone wrongs one community, they’re wronging *all* communities. And, well, let’s just say that Alpha had no problem forcing that into effect.

Alpha snuck into the inter-community fair to take back Lydia, but she quickly realized that her daughter isn’t quite her daughter anymore. Lydia finally stood up to her mom and severed the ties that bind, sending Alpha on an emotional and devastating warpath. But Alpha’s goal wasn’t to kill the major players involved with taking her daughter from her. Not yet, at least. Wanting to cut even deeper, Alpha targeted their own friends, family and loved ones.

The episode was capped off with a definitive statement from Alpha and the Whisperers, in the form of TEN human heads on pikes. Members of Alexandria, Hilltop, Kingdom and even the leader of the Highwaymen were attacked and brutally beheaded by the Whisperers, their heads cut off – brains still in tact – and stuck onto individual pikes as the ultimate threat from Alpha. It was a brutal display of dominance that would make even Negan shake in his boots.

The lives lost in ‘The Calm Before’? Some big names were among the fallen:

Henry (Matt Lintz)

Enid (Katelyn Nacon)

Tara Chamblers (Alanna Masterson)

Ozzy (Angus Sampson)

Tammy Rose (Brett Butler)

Alek (Jason Kirkpatrick)

D.J. (Matt Mangum)

Frankie (Elyse Nicole DuFour)

Rodney (Joe Ando Hirsh) & Adeline (Kelley Mack)

The most gut-wrenching loss was Henry, the son of King Ezekiel and Queen Carol. Not just because Henry was so young, but also because we had to endure seeing his mom’s reaction to Alpha’s disturbing display. For Carol, who had finally found happiness with a loving husband and son, it was a devastating return to the dark days when her daughter Sophia had to be put down after turning into a zombie. No character on the show has been put through the wringer quite like Carol has, and for her, losing Henry was arguably more heartbreaking than if the events had played out like they did in the comics, where Ezekiel’s head ended up on a pike.

For us, as viewers, we had spent even more time with two other characters who didn’t make it out of ‘The Calm Before’ alive, with Tara having arrived in Season 4 and Enid coming onto the scene back in Season 5. We didn’t actually *see* any of these characters die, but seeing their heads up on pikes – and subsequently being told the story through Siddiq’s eyes, wherein he revealed how heroic they each were in their final moments – made for some of the most genuinely devastating losses in the show’s history. And with 10 characters being killed off in one shot, ‘The Calm Before’ simply had to be the single most gut-wrenching episode to date.

If this was ‘The Calm Before,’ we shudder to imagine what’s coming in next Sunday’s ‘The Storm.’ Needless to say, it promises to be one of the most must-watch finales of them all.

Season 9 isn’t messing around, you guys. We hope you’ve been watching.

Writer in the horror community since 2008. Editor in Chief of Bloody Disgusting. Owns Eli Roth's prop corpse from Piranha 3D. Has four awesome cats. Still plays with toys.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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