Connect with us

Editorials

My Sister is a Werewolf?!: The Best (and Silliest) Horror Sequel Subtitles of All Time!

Published

on

When you make a sequel to a horror movie you have a choice. You can just slap a number on it, like it’s the latest issue of a comic book, or you can get creative.

Horror movie subtitles, the titles that come after the franchise’s main title (usually preceded by a colon), are a great way to keep the original franchise title alive while declaring that the new installment has its own personality. When done right, they’re witty, exciting or even just laugh-out-loud hilarious.

With the announcement of the awesomely-titled The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, we thought it would be a good idea to look back at the delightful history of horror movie subtitles and highlight the best of the best. These are the subtitles that were genuinely great, or were so damned silly you gotta love ‘em… whether the movie was any good or not!


Honorable Mention: Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn

There has long been a controversy amongst fans of the Evil Dead movies as to whether “Dead By Dawn” is an official subtitle for the movie Evil Dead, or just a tagline on the poster that sounds like a really great subtitle. (See also: The X-Files: Fight the Future.) The words “Dead By Dawn” never actually appear on screen in Sam Raimi’s splatstick masterpiece, but to many of us they are as deeply ingrained in the film’s identity as any of the subtitles that made the official list. So we have to give it credit either way.


11. Hellraiser: Deader

What’s worse than being dead? Being deader, of course! The seventh film in the Hellraiser series (which, like many Hellraiser sequels, has almost nothing to do with the original) is about a reporter investigating a modern day death cult, whose members call themselves “Deaders.” So although the subtitle sounds ludicrous, it actually does make sense in context.


10. Critters 2: The Main Course

The second Critters movie has a subtitle that works on multiple levels. The series is about a species of aliens which lands on Earth and starts eating everybody, and so the food-centric phrase “The Main Course” perfectly applies. But also, Critters 2 is superior to the original in arguably every way, from the great ensemble to the witty script to the bizarre and wholly original set pieces. The first Critters really was just an appetizer. This is the real deal.


9. Amityville: It’s About Time

The Amityville Horror series got pretty silly pretty quickly – don’t get me started on the one about an evil lamp – but you gotta admire whenever a horror franchise says “screw it” and just does a time travel installment, especially when it’s the sequel to an allegedly true story. “It’s About Time” is a great subtitle because… well, yeah, this one is about time. They’re not being clever about it, they’re just announcing that they basically gave up and are committing to the franchise’s total weirdness.


8. The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie

Say what you will about Troma, but the little horror studio that could is not afraid to self-aggrandize. The third film in the monster/superhero/horror/comedy Toxic Avenger series is no mere sequel, it’s a story about the Toxic Avenger selling out by selling his soul. Of course it’s utterly absurd, but evoking the controversial but acclaimed Martin Scorsese classic The Last Temptation of Christ – thus comparing not just Toxie to Christ, but the filmmakers to Scorsese himself – is a power play if ever I’ve heard one. Bonus points for confidence!


7. Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

The sequel to the surprisingly entertaining and successful Anaconda could have just been called Anacondas, since in the follow-up there’s a whole bunch of them. But no, oh no, they didn’t put a bunch of blood orchids in this movie just to let the snakes steal the spotlight. People need to know about those blood orchids, otherwise they might not be interested in the film. You know how much people love blood orchids, right? They’re so popular right now. Anyway, that’s probably why the sequel to a giant snake movie has a title that’s more about flowers than snakes. I assume. Probably.


6. Tremors 3: Back to Perfection

The Tremors movies have consistently been producing quality straight to video sequels for decades now, and the subtitles are mostly just fine. You gotta respect “Back to Perfection,” though. It sounds like a huge boast but it’s actually totally banal. The original Tremors took place in Perfection, Nevada, and the third film takes place there too. But also it’s fair to say that the third film in the series ably captures the ensemble charms and monsteriffic humor of the original, so yeah, it kinda actually is “back to the perfection.” In addition to being “Back to Perfection,” of course.


5. Hello, Mary Lou: Prom Night II

Sometimes a subtitle is so good it’s better than the actual title. Such is the case with Hello, Mary Lou: Prom Night II, in which the title of the movie gets demoted to subtitle status, and with good cause. The absolutely insane sequel to Prom Night has almost nothing to do with the original, to the point that calling it a sequel at all is practically a joke. The supra title “Hello, Mary Lou” puts this cult classic’s wonderful villain front and center; and as a welcome bonus, it rhymes!


4. Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood

This was a tough call between Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood and Leprechaun 4: In Space, two titles which both sound more like fake movies than real ones. But you have to give the edge to Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood. It’s the sixth film in the series, but instead of admitting that, they’re calling it the first sequel to Leprechaun in tha Hood, as though putting a Leprechaun in “tha hood” was the original blockbuster idea that gave birth to the franchise in the first place. It’s not just a catchy, funny title, it’s actively rewriting history to elevate Leprechaun in tha Hood to classic status. Kudos for moxie.


3. The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia

It’s a “Haunting in Connecticut.” And it’s set in “Georgia.”

I repeat.

It’s a “Haunting in Connecticut.” And it’s set in “Georgia.”

This title is a masterpiece of misplaced marketing bravado, as the follow up to the successful supernatural thriller The Haunting in Connecticut was originally going to be called “The Haunting in Georgia.” But because the franchise’s branding took priority over what words actually mean, they renamed it The Haunting in Connecticut 2 and gave it a laugh-out-loud subtitle to announce that it’s actually set in Georgia.

Dang, that’s funny.


2. The Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf

The Howling II is our number two pick for a variety of reasons. First off, it’s called “Your Sister is a Werewolf.” That’s just funny on its surface. Not many films are bold enough to use second-person in the title, and fewer still are bold enough to announce that you, the audience member, has a werewolf for a sister. It’s like they’re trying to start a bar fight with you or something.

But this particular sequel has had multiple subtitles over the years, and one of them is yet another prime contender. The Howling II: Stirba – Werewolf Bitch is almost if more more eye-catching than the one accusing your sister of lycanthropy. They’re both classic horror subtitles.


1. The “Final” Anything

There’s one cardinal rule of horror sequel subtitles, and that is if you call your film the “final” installment, it won’t be. And it’ll get a laugh out of horror fans forever. Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Lake Placid: The Final Chapter, Saw 3D: The Final Chapter, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare and Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice all continued after their allegedly “final” installments, in many cases for a very, very long time. It’s extremely ironic that if you call your sequel the “final chapter” as a marketing ploy to sell tickets, and it works, then the sequel will be so successful that the studio demands another one.

So far there’s one exception to this rule, and that’s Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, which has yet to either produce another sequel or reboot itself.

But they’re working on it, so it’s only a matter of time…

William Bibbiani writes film criticism in Los Angeles, with bylines at The Wrap, Bloody Disgusting and IGN. He co-hosts three weekly podcasts: Critically Acclaimed (new movie reviews), The Two-Shot (double features of the best/worst movies ever made) and Canceled Too Soon (TV shows that lasted only one season or less). Member LAOFCS, former Movie Trivia Schmoedown World Champion, proud co-parent of two annoying cats.

Editorials

What’s Wrong with My Baby!? Larry Cohen’s ‘It’s Alive’ at 50

Published

on

Netflix It's Alive

Soon after the New Hollywood generation took over the entertainment industry, they started having children. And more than any filmmakers that came before—they were terrified. Rosemary’s Baby (1968), The Exorcist (1973), The Omen (1976), Eraserhead (1977), The Brood (1979), The Shining (1980), Possession (1981), and many others all deal, at least in part, with the fears of becoming or being a parent. What if my child turns out to be a monster? is corrupted by some evil force? or turns out to be the fucking Antichrist? What if I screw them up somehow, or can’t help them, or even go insane and try to kill them? Horror has always been at its best when exploring relatable fears through extreme circumstances. A prime example of this is Larry Cohen’s 1974 monster-baby movie It’s Alive, which explores the not only the rollercoaster of emotions that any parent experiences when confronted with the difficulties of raising a child, but long-standing questions of who or what is at fault when something goes horribly wrong.

Cohen begins making his underlying points early in the film as Frank Davis (John P. Ryan) discusses the state of the world with a group of expectant fathers in a hospital waiting room. They discuss the “overabundance of lead” in foods and the environment, smog, and pesticides that only serve to produce roaches that are “bigger, stronger, and harder to kill.” Frank comments that this is “quite a world to bring a kid into.” This has long been a discussion point among people when trying to decide whether to have kids or not. I’ve had many conversations with friends who have said they feel it’s irresponsible to bring children into such a violent, broken, and dangerous world, and I certainly don’t begrudge them this. My wife and I did decide to have children but that doesn’t mean that it’s been easy.

Immediately following this scene comes It’s Alive’s most famous sequence in which Frank’s wife Lenore (Sharon Farrell) is the only person left alive in her delivery room, the doctors clawed and bitten to death by her mutant baby, which has escaped. “What does my baby look like!? What’s wrong with my baby!?” she screams as nurses wheel her frantically into a recovery room. The evening that had begun with such joy and excitement at the birth of their second child turned into a nightmare. This is tough for me to write, but on some level, I can relate to this whiplash of emotion. When my second child was born, they came about five weeks early. I’ll use the pronouns “they/them” for privacy reasons when referring to my kids. Our oldest was still very young and went to stay with my parents and we sped off to the hospital where my wife was taken into an operating room for an emergency c-section. I was able to carry our newborn into the NICU (natal intensive care unit) where I was assured that this was routine for all premature births. The nurses assured me there was nothing to worry about and the baby looked big and healthy. I headed to where my wife was taken to recover to grab a few winks assuming that everything was fine. Well, when I awoke, I headed back over to the NICU to find that my child was not where I left them. The nurse found me and told me that the baby’s lungs were underdeveloped, and they had to put them in a special room connected to oxygen tubes and wires to monitor their vitals.

It’s difficult to express the fear that overwhelmed me in those moments. Everything turned out okay, but it took a while and I’m convinced to this day that their anxiety struggles spring from these first weeks of life. As our children grew, we learned that two of the three were on the spectrum and that anxiety, depression, ADHD, and OCD were also playing a part in their lives. Parents, at least speaking for myself, can’t help but blame themselves for the struggles their children face. The “if only” questions creep in and easily overcome the voices that assure us that it really has nothing to do with us. In the film, Lenore says, “maybe it’s all the pills I’ve been taking that brought this on.” Frank muses aloud about how he used to think that Frankenstein was the monster, but when he got older realized he was the one that made the monster. The aptly named Frank is wondering if his baby’s mutation is his fault, if he created the monster that is terrorizing Los Angeles. I have made plenty of “if only” statements about myself over the years. “If only I hadn’t had to work so much, if only I had been around more when they were little.” Mothers may ask themselves, “did I have a drink, too much coffee, or a cigarette before I knew I was pregnant? Was I too stressed out during the pregnancy?” In other words, most parents can’t help but wonder if it’s all their fault.

At one point in the film, Frank goes to the elementary school where his baby has been sighted and is escorted through the halls by police. He overhears someone comment about “screwed up genes,” which brings about age-old questions of nature vs. nurture. Despite the voices around him from doctors and detectives that say, “we know this isn’t your fault,” Frank can’t help but think it is, and that the people who try to tell him it isn’t really think it’s his fault too. There is no doubt that there is a hereditary element to the kinds of mental illness struggles that my children and I deal with. But, and it’s a bit but, good parenting goes a long way in helping children deal with these struggles. Kids need to know they’re not alone, a good parent can provide that, perhaps especially parents that can relate to the same kinds of struggles. The question of nature vs. nurture will likely never be entirely answered but I think there’s more than a good chance that “both/and” is the case. Around the midpoint of the film, Frank agrees to disown the child and sign it over for medical experimentation if caught or killed. Lenore and the older son Chris (Daniel Holzman) seek to nurture and teach the baby, feeling that it is not a monster, but a member of the family.

It’s Alive takes these ideas to an even greater degree in the fact that the Davis Baby really is a monster, a mutant with claws and fangs that murders and eats people. The late ’60s and early ’70s also saw the rise in mass murderers and serial killers which heightened the nature vs. nurture debate. Obviously, these people were not literal monsters but human beings that came from human parents, but something had gone horribly wrong. Often the upbringing of these killers clearly led in part to their antisocial behavior, but this isn’t always the case. It’s Alive asks “what if a ‘monster’ comes from a good home?” In this case is it society, environmental factors, or is it the lead, smog, and pesticides? It is almost impossible to know, but the ending of the film underscores an uncomfortable truth—even monsters have parents.

As the film enters its third act, Frank joins the hunt for his child through the Los Angeles sewers and into the L.A. River. He is armed with a rifle and ready to kill on sight, having divorced himself from any relationship to the child. Then Frank finds his baby crying in the sewers and his fatherly instincts take over. With tears in his eyes, he speaks words of comfort and wraps his son in his coat. He holds him close, pats and rocks him, and whispers that everything is going to be okay. People often wonder how the parents of those who perform heinous acts can sit in court, shed tears, and defend them. I think it’s a complex issue. I’m sure that these parents know that their child has done something evil, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are still their baby. Your child is a piece of yourself formed into a whole new human being. Disowning them would be like cutting off a limb, no matter what they may have done. It doesn’t erase an evil act, far from it, but I can understand the pain of a parent in that situation. I think It’s Alive does an exceptional job placing its audience in that situation.

Despite the serious issues and ideas being examined in the film, It’s Alive is far from a dour affair. At heart, it is still a monster movie and filled with a sense of fun and a great deal of pitch-black humor. In one of its more memorable moments, a milkman is sucked into the rear compartment of his truck as red blood mingles with the white milk from smashed bottles leaking out the back of the truck and streaming down the street. Just after Frank agrees to join the hunt for his baby, the film cuts to the back of an ice cream truck with the words “STOP CHILDREN” emblazoned on it. It’s a movie filled with great kills, a mutant baby—created by make-up effects master Rick Baker early in his career, and plenty of action—and all in a PG rated movie! I’m telling you, the ’70s were wild. It just also happens to have some thoughtful ideas behind it as well.

Which was Larry Cohen’s specialty. Cohen made all kinds of movies, but his most enduring have been his horror films and all of them tackle the social issues and fears of the time they were made. God Told Me To (1976), Q: The Winged Serpent (1982), and The Stuff (1985) are all great examples of his socially aware, low-budget, exploitation filmmaking with a brain and It’s Alive certainly fits right in with that group. Cohen would go on to write and direct two sequels, It Lives Again (aka It’s Alive 2) in 1978 and It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive in 1987 and is credited as a co-writer on the 2008 remake. All these films explore the ideas of parental responsibility in light of the various concerns of the times they were made including abortion rights and AIDS.

Fifty years after It’s Alive was initially released, it has only become more relevant in the ensuing years. Fears surrounding parenthood have been with us since the beginning of time but as the years pass the reasons for these fears only seem to become more and more profound. In today’s world the conversation of the fathers in the waiting room could be expanded to hormones and genetic modifications in food, terrorism, climate change, school and other mass shootings, and other threats that were unknown or at least less of a concern fifty years ago. Perhaps the fearmongering conspiracy theories about chemtrails and vaccines would be mentioned as well, though in a more satirical fashion, as fears some expectant parents encounter while endlessly doomscrolling Facebook or Twitter. Speaking for myself, despite the struggles, the fears, and the sadness that sometimes comes with having children, it’s been worth it. The joys ultimately outweigh all of that, but I understand the terror too. Becoming a parent is no easy choice, nor should it be. But as I look back, I can say that I’m glad we made the choice we did.

I wonder if Frank and Lenore can say the same thing.

Continue Reading