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Ask Beefcake: Advice For Forlorn Lovers Volume 2

Published

15 years ago

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It’s time for yet another volume of Ask Beefcake: Advice For Forlorn Lovers! The great Beefcake The Mighty has blessed two of you readers with his answers to your love and relationship issues. Care to learn from this man’s great advice and possibly ask him a question of your own? Then go forth past the jump and learn how YOU can become a great lover!

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Photo Courtesy Of Adam Dodd

I have a pussy of a boyfriend… But he’s really good in bed… Anyway to make him act like a man so I won’t be so embarrassed to be seen with him?
 
Sounds like you should dump the chump! If he’s a pussy, he’ll never ever not be a pussy. Even if he does get tough, he’ll always carry around that inner pussy, cradling it close to his bosom like a favorite stuffed bunny. He’s probably secretly gay. Leave him immediately. You must remember, guys are easy and you could probably have any guy you want. Unless you’re fat and/or ugly, then you might wanna stay with what you got. If you’re not particularly hideous to look at or touch, might I suggest you bang as many guys as you can, until you find just the right one. I suggest you start with each and every one of his friends, you might have more in common with those close to home. Also, you should print his name here so everyone can make fun of him too.
 
 
 
Hey Beefcake, how can a young guy like myself spice up his sex life? I am so desensitized (Thanks Internet!), that nothing really excites me anymore, and almost all my sexual encounters get boring within 5 minutes, no matter how rough or crazy it gets. How do I get excited about sex again?
 
Well, first of all I think you should try having sex with another person involved. Usually one would mate with a member of the opposite sex. I do detect a bit of confusion on that subject from your end, so I would suggest that you dive headlong into a hopeless heroin addiction and become a cheap and shameless prostitute. Take on all comers (literally) regardless of sex, race, or species . No matter how bizarre and potentially harmful or dangerous the request may be. Stop bathing and don’t use condoms. In fact ignore your health and sanity altogether. Become a receptacle for all forms of excretion and abuse. After a couple of soul destroying years you should have a better idea of what you enjoy or don’t care for. But by then you’ll likely O.D. and die, so it doesn’t really matter that much what you do. But it would be pretty funny.



To submit YOUR questions to Beefcake The Mighty:
Just leave a comment with your question! 
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Music

‘The Vampire Lestat: One Night Only Live’ Concert Event to Make Streaming Debut Next Month

Published

1 week ago

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July 14, 2026

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The Vampire Lestat: One Night Only Live

AMC has announced that The Vampire Lestat: One Night Only LIVE, the standing-room-only performance celebrating AMC’s premiere of its newly-released The Vampire Lestat at New York City’s iconic Beacon Theatre last month, will debut on streaming.

The Vampire Lestat: One Night Only LIVE begins streaming on AMC+ on August 23.

Ahead of its streaming premiere, fans can preview the concert event, featuring original songs from series composer Daniel Hart and performed by Sam Reid, in Hall H at Comic Con International on July 24. 

Our own Daniel Kurland attended the special event, highlighting how electric the Immortal Vampire is on stage: “It’s clear in this season of television that Reid was born to be a rock star, but it’s surreal to see him effortlessly command the stage — and the audience — at every step of the concert. He recites Shakespeare monologues and bitches out Armand between songs, all while the audience screams in support. For the duration of this concert, Reid is Lestat, and he’s given thousands of fans a memory that’s as immortal as any vampire.”

Based on Anne Rice‘s The Vampire Chronicles book series, The Vampire Lestat is the rock and roll-centric third season of AMC’s “Interview with the Vampire” created by showrunner Rolin Jones.

The Vampire Lestat goes on an electric multi-city tour while being haunted by “muses” from his wild and rebellious past. As his band’s popularity and star power rises, so does Lestat’s influence over vampires and humans alike, leaving others to contend with Lestat’s power in the face of the Great Conversion, an unnatural surge in the vampire population.

Jacob Anderson, Assad Zaman, Eric Bogosian, Delainey Hayles and Jennifer Ehle star with Reid. Executive producers include Jones, Mark Johnson, Hannah Moscovitch, the late Anne Rice, and her son Christopher Rice.

The series finale airs this Sunday, July 19, on AMC and AMC+.

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