Editorials
Top 10 Most Awesome Chainsaw Scenes in Horror History!!
Ever since the dawning of the genre, the characters in horror films–villains and heros alike–have never been shy when it came to using all different kinds of tools and instruments as murder weapons. Jason, for example, hacked his victims to pieces with a machete in Friday the 13th: Part 2, Lionel used a lawnmower to make zombie gulash in Braindead, Lori ended her possessed boyfriend’s miserable life with a meat cleaver in Slime City and Richard Jennings, the misogynous antagonist of Mike and Robert Findlay’s infamous Flesh trilogy, even went as far as to kill his female prey with a poisoned g-string, a blowtorch and a lobster claw! Sure, these are all pretty kick-ass ways to end some poor bastard’s miserable life, however, there’s one particular object that towers proudly above all the others as the undisputed queen of horrendous murder weapons: the chainsaw! Her thundering roar is music to every splatter fans’ ears and her razorsharp teeth have granted us dozens and dozens of helluva cool and brutal on-screen killings… so, as a longtime overdue homage to this wonderful instrument of carnage and destruction, here’s my Top 10 of most awesome chainsaw scenes in horror history!
Yeah, I know what you think… what a lame way to start a list. No blood, no guts, no dismemberment, no nothing… except, of course, for a good dose of hilariously self-deprecating Bruce Campbell humor! And at least for me that’s more than enough to grant this funny little scene–in which fanboy Jeff offers his idol Bruce Campbell a kick-ass, custom-made chainsaw to battle the Chinese demon-god Quan-Di, only to find out that the EVIL DEAD-star prefers a lighter handgun to the “too damn heavy” powertool–the opening slot in my list of best chainsaw moments ever. I mean, Bruce’s stout-hearted monologue about the importance of the chainsaw in his life would even make Jean-Claude Van Damme blush and the disappointed look on Jeff’s face, when his hero turns away empty-handed, is absolutely priceless, so yeah, I guess that should be enough to justify why MY NAME IS BRUCE has made it to this list, too, despite the flick’s obvious lack of graphic violence… and don’t worry, fellas, we’re only at the beginning of our journey and we’ll come to the reel gore soon enough… 😉
I’ve seen THE VIDEO DEAD as a teenager and one scene that for some reason kept stuck in my mind ever since is the one where the film’s protagonist Jeff and his cowboy buddy Joshua have just killed an approaching zombie and start to argue about who’s going to dismember it with a chainsaw. To be honest, the scene is pretty inaptly made, the chainsaw is far from being impressive and now that I’ve watched it again, the humor isn’t exactly laugh-your-socks-off material either, but for reasons of nostalgia I still wanna include it to my list anyway… so don’t be mad at me, guys, cause despite all its flaws, THE VIDEO DEAD is still a pretty charming and helluva corny b-movie cheese fest and at least the rats, that come out of the bisected ghoul’s torso, are a nice gimmick, too…
Brett Piper’s episodic horror film SHOCK-O-RAMA is one of the most genuine and highly entertaining homages to yesteryear’s drive-in cult flicks that I’ve ever seen. I love every second of it and hence it’s no wonder that the movie’s second episode, Zombie This!, ended up here in my list as well. It’s funny, it’s charming, it’s well made and it features a very pissed off Misty Mundae, who finally turns the tables on her zombie persecutor and goes after him with a roaring chainsaw… the frightend expression on the ghoul’s face when Misty cuts through the door behind which he’s hiding, the funny dance he performs when her chainsaw doesn’t start up at first and the pitiable way he begs for his life when she’s about to finish him for good, it’s all comic genious at it’s very best!
Well, HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS ain’t exactly one of the best movie’s ever made, but the film’s pseudo-serious private dick approach is pretty funny and the its big finale is certainly worth more than just a little mention as well… after all, we got two of the biggest b-movie icons of all time, Linnea “Trash” Quigley and Gunnar “Leatherface” Hansen, lined up against each other and once the bare-breasted Linnea has cut through Gunnar’s guts with one of the gruesome tools that gave the film its hilarious title, she goes after his vicious henchwoman (played by scream queen Michelle Bauer) as well and fights her to the death in a no-holds-barred catfight… only that the two kitties give each other hell with chainsaws instead of paws!! Now that’s what I call entertainment, isn’t it!?
I’m by far not the biggest fan of the not-so-recent-anymore trend of remaking just about every cult horror film of last 30 years, but one film that really turned out mighty fine in my opinion and that made almost everything right is Zack Snyder’s remake of George A. Romero’s classic zombie massacre DAWN OF THE DEAD. One scene, that particularly struck me, is the survivors’ escape from the mall in a heavily armed and armored autobus. When the hordes of zombies outside start to crawl up to the bus and try to turn it over, all the driver needs to say is “Hit `em with the saw!” and only a second later, the chainsaw is runnin’ and the zombies’ limbs start falling apart in all directions. I know, this pariticular chainsaw moment does only last for a couple of seconds, but it’s still one of the most powerful displays of chainsaw dismemberment I’ve ever seen.
Two regular guys–one of `em carrying a hammer and the other a chainsaw–on the one side and a dozen blood-thirsty Nazi zombies on the other? Who would you bet your money on? Sure thing… the regular guys! And you’ve made the right decision, cause once the chainsaw’s running, the snow is painted red with zombie blood and the sky is filled with dismembered limbs that fly in all directions. Tommy Wirkula’s over-the-top horror comedy DEAD SNOW was one of the goriest and most entertaining flicks I’ve seen in 2009 and the scene mentioned above is one that chainsaw afficionados will definitely still be talking about in aw many, many years from now. Hence, my #5 is none other than Norway’s very own DEAD SNOW!
I know you’ve all been waitin’ for her to hit the stage… and here she is: everybody’s favorite Nazi bitch goddess Ilsa! A woman so vicious and ice-cold that her sheer presence would turn the explosive warhead of any V2 missile into an icycle within just a couple of seconds! You don’t believe me? Well, then why dontcha visit the infamous She-Wolf of the SS in Siberia, where she rules a Russian prison camp with an iron fist and tortures her poor victims by diving `em headfirst into ice water, feeding `em to her pet tiger or forcing `em to arm-wrestle over two running chainsaws until one of the contenders has not only lost the challenge… but also a hand!
Being a prostitute isn’t always an easy job. Especially, when a slick and thoroughly morbid yuppie called Patrick Bateman is your customer. At first he might appear pretty charming with his romantic talk about Whitney Houston’s kitchy lovesongs and all, but before you can say knife you suddenly see him kill your mutual playmate right infront of your eyes and when you try to flee and get out of his stylishly equipped apartment as fast as possible, he ultimately comes after you with a chainsaw, completely nude and with a mad expression on his face. Honestely girls, you definitely wanna think twice whether or not you really want to end up in this fucked-up psycho’s bedroom…
Without a doubt, Tobe Hooper’s gross `n outrageous shocker THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE from 1974 is THE archetype of all chainsaw movies… and the one scene that always pops up infront of my eyes when I think of that film is the big finale: Sally’s jump through the window to escape the grotesque family dinner, her pursuit by Leatherface and the Hitchhiker, the truck running over Leatherface’s filthy sibling as if he was a coyote, Leatherface cutting his own leg with his chainsaw and finally Sally’s escape and Leatherface’s totally fucked-up chainsaw ballet against the setting sun… say what you want, fellas, but when it comes to legendary horror film scenes that involve chainsaws, this is one scene that you definitely wanna see right on top of your list… however, there’s one groovy son-of-a-bitch whom I like even more than good ol’ Leatherface and his name is…
…Ash! Yeah, there you got it! For me, the demon-killing hero of Sam Raimi’s EVIL DEAD trilogy is by far the coolest and most badass cat in chainsaw town! The girls succumb to his charms, the guys admire his guts and every Candarian demon from here to Michigan fears the baneful roar of his chainsaw more than the purifying words of even the most skillful exorcist. So, without a doubt, if there’s one guy who really belongs right on top of this list, it’s our trusty old friend Ashley J. Williams! And, at least in my opinion, one of Ash’s best and most memorable moments is his battle for life and death down in the medival castle’s clammy pit in the trilogy’s big finale, ARMY OF DARKNESS. Man, I really wouldn’t wanna be in the shoes of the gruesome fiends who made the unpleasant acquaintance of Ash’s chainsaw on that particular day. In all honesty, I’ve never seen anyone who looked more groovy when he chopped up lots `n lots of nasty demons with his custom-made chainsaw, and since being groovy is all that counts these days, Ash is my personal #1 chainsaw hero of all freakin’ time! Amen!!
No conversation about cartoons based on live-action movies is ever complete without mentioning The Real Ghostbusters.
This animated continuation is, warts and all, a notable example of turning a hit movie into a hit series. And although the new target demographic skewed a little younger, even kids-at-heart could partake in the further adventures of Peter Venkman, Ray Stantz, Winston Zeddemore and Egon Spengler.
For a good part of its run, the show required fans to wait at least a week for more Ghostbustin’. That’s torture for a kiddo. Luckily, though, the entire series, or at least most of it, is now available for streaming.
So, as you revisit The Real Ghostbusters on Tubi—for now it’s just the first five seasons there—use this guide to help prioritize some must-see episodes.
The Boogieman Cometh
“The Boogieman Cometh” (Season 1)
Season One’s “The Boogieman Cometh” is a classic episode featuring one of the show’s more iconic villains. It’s hard to forget the unique character design used for the Boogieman (whose creepy voice was provided by Ray and Slimer’s actor, Frank Welker). In this story, Egon is reunited with that bump-in-the-night entity who haunted his own childhood, all while trying to keep him away from his latest targets: the brother and sister claiming to have the Boogieman in their closet. Although the Ghostbusters do save the day here, the Boogieman eventually returns (“The Bogeyman Is Back“). That same episode also features the love-’em-or-hate-’em Junior Ghostbusters.
Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream
“Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream” (Season 1)
You could say the namesake of “Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream” had good intentions for putting mankind to sleep for the next few centuries—he wanted to end war and keep everyone dreaming. Sounds nice until you remember that whole free will business. But when it seems like the Ghostbusters have lost to their latest foe, the last one standing, Winston, gains a sudden ally. Janine’s dream of becoming a Ghostbuster is manifested, and she helps put this rogue spirit to bed.
When Halloween Was Forever
“When Halloween Was Forever” (Season 1)
Before the show’s execs capitalized on Slimer’s popularity by making him the focus of later episodes, early stories like “When Halloween Was Forever” better utilized that gooey ghost. Here, the spirit of Halloween itself, Samhain, hopes to make the holiday a permanent thing by stopping time. And who does the embodiment of All Hallows’ Eve use in his nefarious plot? Slimer, of course. Thankfully, the lil’ green bud knows where he really belongs, and Samhain is banished (at least until Season 3’s “Halloween II 1/2“).
Night Game
“Night Game” (Season 2)
Because Season Two was rather long, in comparison to other seasons, it accumulated quite a few solid episodes. One of the most beloved, though, is that ultimate good-versus-evil story, “Night Game“. Winston gets to shine here as he participates in a battle that was 500 years in the making. Except this time, the fighting is done on the baseball field. The other-dimensional settings in The Real Ghostbusters are always great, but the one here is particularly memorable.
Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin
“Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin” (Season 2)
Not all ghosts and whatnot were bad in The Real Ghostbusters. As “Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin” showed, some were actually benevolent. Sadly, it took a lot of convincing, and one very heroic act, for Peter and the others to see past this goblin’s grotesque appearance. The heroes find more than one shapeshifter at a sideshow carnival in the Poconos; a sinister Class-4er called the Metamorph does a swell job of menacing the Ghostbusters before they finally realize Drool’s not their culprit. The good guys indeed win here, but that victory is a bittersweet one.
The Collect Call of Cathulhu
“The Collect Call of Cathulhu” (Season 2)
While “The Collect Call of Cathulhu” does misspell “Cthulhu” in the title (probably to avoid legal issues), it is clearly the Old One in this Lovecraft-inspired episode. The story kicks off with the Necronomicon being stolen by the deity’s modern-day cult, who then raise their ancient god at Coney Island. From there, the Ghostbusters’ typical methods don’t work on the big guy, so they seek advice from an old issue of Weird Tales (or “Wierd Tales”, as it’s spelled on screen). That build-up to the finale comes with a decent amount of dread before the Ghostbusters, as well as a scholar named Alice, face off with one of the show’s most powerful entities.
Knock, Knock
“Knock, Knock” (Season 2)
A number of Real Ghostbusters episodes could be reworked into big-screen features, but perhaps “Knock, Knock” is the most hopeful. It helps that this story feels in step with the first two movies. Here, some ignorant construction workers accidentally uncover and open an ancient door in the subway. What’s behind said door is none other than those unspeakable evils that only the Ghostbusters can quell. A good deal of the imagery here is prime for adaptation.
The Grundel
“The Grundel” (Season 3)
One of the darker episodes, which was written by the prominent J. Michael Straczynski, is “The Grundel“. Here, a boy is being influenced by the titular entity, a type of ghost who ultimately turns his targets into new Grundels. The episode does have something of an after-school special quality to it, but that doesn’t take away from the eerier moments. For more Grundel lore, be sure to check out the episode “Grundelesque” from the sequel series, Extreme Ghostbusters.
Standing Room Only
“Standing Room Only” (Season 4)
It’s no secret that The Real Ghostbusters experienced multiple changes after the second season. Out of all of them, though, retooling the show so that Slimer would get more of the spotlight is maybe the most egregious. Thankfully, Season Four (the first to be called Slimer! and the Real Ghostbusters) didn’t completely obey that new directive; episodes like “Standing Room Only” felt more like the old days. The focus here was on the well-being of the city and its people, rather than on the series’ green mascot (or the Junior Ghostbusters). In the episode, Peter’s new ghost attractor isn’t to blame for the ensuing chaos; the ghost-eating Mee-Krah is what’s really imperiling everyone. And the Ghostbusters must dish out everything they have to avoid a doomsday situation.
The Halloween Door
“The Halloween Door” (Season 5)
While many fans will skip the later seasons in their rewatches, episodes like “The Halloween Door” are still worth checking out. This colorful helping of Halloween pandemonium premiered on primetime, so the animation is better than usual. And save for a random musical moment, it’s an enjoyable event. Here, a group of anti-Halloweeners tries to cancel the holiday, but they only end up making things worse by unleashing a baddie named Boogaloo.
The first five seasons of The Real Ghostbusters are available on Tubi, starting on July 15.
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