Music
Billy Corgan Promotes His Wrestling Federation By Appearing In A Furniture Commercial
Billy Corgan, the man most known for fronting the powerhouse rock group Zwan, is promoting his wrestling company Resistance Pro by creating a commercial that is quite possibly the most intense, raw, and realistic wrestling battle ever to be put to celluloid. The commercial is, at its base, in fact a promotion for furniture company Walter E. Smithe Furniture but the gripping tale in the video overshadows that fact entirely.
The commercial opens with several grown men playing musical chairs in the middle of a wrestling ring. Immediately the lighting, tone, and gritty, grimy atmosphere drew me in, droplets of testosterone-filled sweat beading my forehead. When Corgan wins one of the chairs, Unnamed Music Chairs Man #1 shoves him, bringing to mind the great many playground fights that I witnessed in my elementary school career. It is then that Corgan’s wrestling entourage bursts onto the ring from places unknown (behind the couch, maybe?) and begins wreaking havoc upon the men in suits.
I jest you not when I say that what unfolds is nothing short of the most brutal attack ever put on television. The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan pales in comparison. This apocalyptic clashing of the titans puts Greek mythology to shame. If you dare, the video is below. However, you have been warned.
I would be incredibly excited to watch Resistance Pro if I knew that Corgan were on the roster as a wrestler. However, I think I know what his finisher would be. You see, before each fight, he would run his bald head through a bowling ball cleaner until it shone clearer than any mirror. Then, in the ring, he would reflect the overhead lights into his opponent’s eyes, blinding him, whereupon he could do his signature takedown, “The Rat In A Cage”. This move involves him pinching his nose to create an even more nasal voice that would cause his opponent’s head to explode, a lá Scanners. Using this technique he would become the next Undertaker by never being defeated in a main event.
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It’s a new day, and you’ve got new John Carpenter to listen to. John Carpenter, Daniel Davies and Cody Carpenter have released the new track He Walks By Night this morning, the second single off their upcoming album Lost Themes IV: Noir, out May 3 on Sacred Bones Records.
Lost Themes IV: Noir is the latest installment in a series that sees Carpenter releasing new music for John Carpenter movies that don’t actually exist. The first Lost Themes was released in 2015, followed by Lost Themes II in 2016 and Lost Themes III: Alive After Death in 2021.
Sacred Bones previews, “It’s been a decade since John Carpenter recorded the material that would become Lost Themes, his debut album of non-film music and the opening salvo in one of Hollywood’s great second acts. Those vibrant, synth-driven songs, made in collaboration with his son Cody Carpenter and godson Daniel Davies, kickstarted a musical renaissance for the pioneering composer and director. With Lost Themes IV: Noir, they’ve struck gold again, this time mining the rich history of the film noir genre for inspiration.
“Since the first Lost Themes, John has referred to these compositions as “soundtracks for the movies in your mind.” On the fourth installment in the series, those movies are noirs. Like the film genre they were influenced by, what makes these songs “noirish” is sometimes slippery and hard to define, and not merely reducible to a collection of tropes. The scores for the great American noir pictures were largely orchestral, while the Carpenters and Davies work off a sturdy synth-and-guitar backbone.
“The trio’s free-flowing chemistry means Lost Themes IV: Noir runs like a well-oiled machine—the 1951 Jaguar XK120 Roadster from Kiss Me Deadly, perhaps, or the 1958 Plymouth Fury from John’s own Christine. It’s a chemistry that’s helped power one of the most productive stretches of John’s creative life, and Noir proves that it’s nowhere near done yielding brilliant results.”
You can pre-save Lost Themes IV: Noir right now! And listen to the new track below…
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