I shouldn’t be writing about Kevin Smith anymore. I really shouldn’t. It’s hard for me to share new content with you without bashing the living hell out of him.
I was a huge, no, massive fan back in the day. I still watch Mallrats religiously, and think Chasing Amy, while unintentionally misogynistic, is great stuff. I’m all about the old stuff.
But, man, I really think that Kevin Smith sucks now.
Cop Out was unwatchable, Red State lacked intensity and was dull, and Tusk was mean-spirited dribble.
Now, while we wait for Smith’s story in Holidays, he’s heading to Park City, Utah to premiere Yoga Hosers, a spinoff to Tusk, to critics, fans and buyers.
What can they expect? How about a box filled with “bratzi,” you know, Smith dressed up as a foot tall Canadian Nazi made of sentient Bratwurst. Not kidding. Take a look.
Wow.
We also get to see a film starring his and his BFF Johnny Depp’s daughters, Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp. Yay.
The two star as Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie, who are teenage besties from Winnipeg who love yoga and live on their smartphones. But when these sophomores get invited to a senior party by the school hottie, the Colleens accidentally uncover an ancient evil buried beneath their Canadian convenience store. They join forces with legendary man-hunter Guy Lapointe to fight for their lives.
The pic also stars Michael Parks, Justin Long, Genesis Rodriguez, Ralph Garman, Jennifer Schwalbach, Harley Morenstein, Stan Lee, Tony Hale, Natasha Lyonne, Austin Butler, Adam Brody, Tyler Posey, Jason Mewes, and Johnny Depp.
Look. I love horror movies. I love movies. I do not want to be disappointed. I’m crossing my fingers that something connects here and Yoga Hosers changes my opinion of Smith. Let’s talk after we’ve all seen it. Cool?