Movies
The Evil Woods (V)
“With bad writing, a languishingly slow pace, almost zero blood shed, poor—and at times seemingly purposefully grating on my last nerve—performances and virtually no sparkling direction to speak of, there is just absolutely nothing to recommend about this flick—unless you’re looking for something to hold you over till the next Ulli Lommel film arrives to challenge THE EVIL WOODS in a grudge match for worst film of the year.”
ZOMBIES GONE WILD, S.I.C.K, GREEN RIVER KILLER—every year, one film rises up and coagulates like an oil slick of rendered fat in the cinematic melting pot that is my DVD player. Every year, one film gets a distribution deal which forces me to question my belief in the justice of the world even more readily then when I read stories of convicted pedophiles winning the state lottery. Every year, one film tests the very limits of my patience and frays the microscopic threads of my remaining sanity with its utter ineptitude. This year, THE EVIL WOODS looks to be that inglorious film.
The plot as best I can describe it is about a group of teenage friends who head out into the woods for a weekend of drinking, doping and debauchery. This unholy quintet of meat puppets is comprised of: The whipped stoner guy, his uninteresting and unsupportive girlfriend and a pair of moronic sex kittens involved in a threesome with inarguably the most obnoxious character I’ve seen in a film in a very, very, very long time.
Once the gang sets up camp they run into a local mountain-type man who decides to regale the dimwits with a spooky fireside story. This one involves a Park Ranger who, tired of the mess that drunken, doped up and debaucherous denizens were making all over his hallowed grounds decides to axe them all into itty bitty pieces.
I’ll bet you’ll never guess what happens next?
Actually, that’s the trick, because for about an hour, nothing happens next! That’s nearly 60 minutes of a possible 83-minute running time where we have to watch this group of amateur actors spout inane dialogue that is amazingly credited to a screenwriter. Never have I been so utterly convinced that everyone was just making it up as they went along.
The choice utterances of this clan consist of repetitions of the same core group of phrases. Obnoxious guy shouts all of his single-sentence-dialogue like it’s a punchline to a joke by the world’s least respected comic. On top of that, the script is peppered with more F-bombs than a 24-hour marathon of GOODFELLAS. But my favorite scene comes when Whipped Guy finds out his right-rear tire is flat. He exclaims “Dude come here…check this out” then moments later while Obnoxious Guy laments the flat, Whipped guy discovers the left-rear tire is also sans air. His next line is…wait for it…wait for it…OK. “Dude, come here…two flats!” Pure genius! Who writes this stuff? Oh, I know this one. Jason Melling wrote this film! If I were Jason, I’d reconsider my career path.
The direction from Aaron Harvey is hardly any better but he does manage a few interesting camera set-ups when the kills finally kick into gear. Also, you should know that all the kills are off camera. So, if somewhere near the 63 minute mark, you suddenly thought that the gore was gonna make it all worth sticking through, you’re gonna be extra pissed off.
With bad writing, a languishingly slow pace, almost zero blood shed, poor—and at times seemingly purposefully grating on my last nerve—performances and virtually no sparkling direction to speak of, there is just absolutely nothing to recommend about this flick—unless you’re looking for something to hold you over till the next Ulli Lommel film arrives to challenge THE EVIL WOODS in a grudge match for worst film of the year.
A very hungry hippopotamus leads the charge for this week’s brand new horror releases, with Hungry now available at home along with four other new genre movies on Digital outlets.
Here’s all the new horror that released on Tuesday, June 23, 2026!
After a limited theatrical run, hippo horror movie Hungry is now available at home.
From writer and director James Nunn (Shark Bait, One Shot), Hungry follows thrill-seeking tourists on a riverboat tour through the treacherous Louisiana swamplands. Lured off the beaten path by the promise of an exclusive adventure, they soon find themselves fighting for survival against a ravenous hippopotamus lurking beneath the bayou’s murky waters.
Madison Davenport (It’s What’s Inside), Tracey Bonner (Greenland), Michel Curiel (“She-Hulk: Attorney at Law”), Jim Meskimen (“Parks and Recreation”), Samantha Coughlan (Arcadian), Olivia Bernstone (Fighting with My Family), River Codack (“Happy Face”), and Joaquim de Almeida (Desperado) star.
Rob Hunter wrote in his review for Bloody Disgusting, “When all is said and done, Hungry is a genuinely solid animal attack film that succeeds in making its creature threat thrilling, entertaining, and, dare I say, educational?” Rob’s review continues, “Characters are grounded and engaging, the film moves well between suspense, character beats, and action, and the effects used to bring the hippo to life are highly effective and never feel like distractions.”
William Bagley‘s horror comedy Hold the Fort is now available on Digital.
In the film, “Lucas and Jenny think their life is finally coming together when the couple become homeowners. Little do they know that their new house comes with a big catch.
“Lucas and Jenny soon find themselves in a fight for their lives when they become trapped in a battle between their Homeowners Association and an onslaught of monsters from hell.”
Vertigo Releasing promises, “The horror-comedy takes the timely concern of home-ownership and wraps this up in an entertaining action-packed thrill ride.“
Chris Mayers (Adult Swim Yule Log), Haley Leary (“The Walking Dead”), Levi Burdick, and Julian Smith star in Hold the Fort, written and directed by William Bagley.
The latest from filmmaker Alex Noyer, Love Is the Monster is now available on Digital.
Madeline Zima (“Doom Patrol,” “Twin Peaks”) and Leonardo Nam (Werewolf by Night, “Westworld”) star as the unlucky couple discovering romance’s malevolent side.
“Following their marriage being rocked by infidelity, Ana and Justin attend an exclusive couples retreat in Finland, under the golden rays of the summer’s midnight sun. They join other international couples to experience the transformative teachings of the shaman and healer, Tiina, inspired by the ancient Finnish goddess of love and fertility, Lempo.
“Despite her doubts and some ominous first experiences, Ana gives the retreat a chance, but the thrill is quickly replaced by a battle for survival, as the influence of the divinity and the pagan rituals turn deadly. Couples’ problems lead to calamity, while Ana learns about the peculiar role she unwittingly plays in Tiina’s plans.”
Kimberly Sue-Murray (“The Boys”), Moe Jeudy-Lamour (“Ted Lasso”), Kristina Tonteri-Young (“Warrior Nun“), Milla Puolakanaho (Attack on Helsinki), and Sheila McCarthy (Women Talking) also star in Love Is the Monster.
Alex Noyer co-wrote the script with his Sound of Violence collaborator Hannu Aukia and Blair Bathory. Laurence Gendron joins Noyer and Aukia as a producer.
Samara Weaving (Ready or Not 2: Here I Come) and Kyle Gallner (Strange Darling) come together in Carolina Caroline, a sexy crime thriller now available at home.
It’s not a horror movie, mind you, but it’s worth a mention here all the same.
Kyra Sedgwick (Family Movie) and Jon Gries also star in the romantic crime thriller.
Director Adam Carter Rehmeier’s film stars Samara Weaving as Caroline Daniels, whose desire to leave her small Texas town brings her into the orbit of a charismatic con man (Kyle Gallner), and together they weave a path of crime and passion across the American Southeast.
Adam Rehmeier previously directed the films Dinner in America and Snack Shack.
Tom Dean wrote the screenplay for Carolina Caroline.
Described as a mash-up between Pumpkinhead and Cube, Round the Decay offers a fresh take on the monster movie formula with roots extending into psychological and folk horror.
The film is now available on VOD outlets at home.
Written and directed by Adam Newman (Everwinter Night), indie monster movie Round the Decay follows a young woman as she returns to the sleepy town of Newport’s Valley two years after a devastating tragedy and uncovers an all-consuming secret.
Victoria Mirrer leads a cast that includes Damian Maffei (The Strangers: Prey At Night), Sienna Hubert-Ross (Terrifier 3), Melody Kay (The NeverEnding Story III), Phil Duran (Breaking Bad), Sarah Nicklin (The Black Mass), Rachel Pizzolato (Mythbusters Jr.), and Roger Clark (Red Dead Redemption II).
Round the Decay boasts a practical creature designed by veteran special effects artist Greg McDougall (The Haunting of Hill House, Stranger Things, War of the Worlds).
This week’s new release roundups are presented by HUNGRY.
All aboard the swamp tour from hell – this hippo isn’t playing games…
HUNGRY is now available on Digital. Watch it now!
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