Reviews
[Review] ‘Oniken: Unstoppable Edition’ Feeds on 8-Bit Nostalgia and Frustration
Can JoyMasher bring some more feelgood nostalgia value to the Nintendo Switch? Find out in our Oniken Unstoppable Edition review.
There have been a decent smattering of 8-bit-inspired retro throwbacks in recent years. Games born from a love of classics such as Ghouls n’ Ghosts, Castlevania, Metroid, and Ninja Gaiden. Brazilian studio JoyMasher made two such games in the past seven years, and both are headed to Nintendos’ hybrid console. Starting with a port of 2012’s Oniken, now packaged as Oniken: Unstoppable Edition.
Oniken‘s influences lie squarely with Ninja Gaiden in a visual sense and a bit more Castlevania for mechanics. The question is, does it learn from the shortcomings of that era and modernize where appropriate? The answer? Not entirely as it should.
Oniken has a brief smear of a plot to tie together its six levels. We’re transported to a dystopian future where an evil corporation rules the world, and you play Zaku, a Ninja Mercenary billed as humanity’s last hope. How? Well, let’s just say it involves a lot of hacking, slashing, and blowing shit up. Standing in your way are a host of goons and extravagant boss fights. Oh, and a difficulty setting best described as ‘extremely challenging’.
Zuku wields a sword, for the most part, a sword you can upgrade for more damage and reach as you go. Given how deadly the game can be, having extra reach soon becomes a must, as merely touching an enemy on higher difficulties can lead to near-instant death. He’s a tad slow to react despite being y’know…a ninja. As a result, there are lots of failures, learning of patterns and hit ranges before making progress. Satisfaction is there to be earned, but the frustration comes for free.

There’s some small mercy from the punishment. You’re able to sacrifice your power up to go into ‘Berserk Mode’ which essentially lets you do stupid amounts of damage whilst taking less. It’s tough to make it count, but when you do, it obliterates all and sundry in a laughably simple manner. It’s a brief respite rather than game-breaking, though it would be nice if it was a little more balanced in gameplay terms to begin with.
Lucky for Oniken it has plenty of character. The level design shifts and changes in new and enjoyably daft ways, with the futuristic landscape being home to some pretty intriguing vistas. If Oniken gets anything right about the 8-bit era then its in the presentation. This is an impressive-looking update of the classic 2D side-scroller design. Sharp, bursting with color, and far more joyful than the gameplay suggests. Even the soundtrack feels like it was ripped straight from childhood. Both sight and sound are limited in a tribute to the era, and it absolutely works.
Coming back to how Oniken plays, it is clearly trying to be a loving homage to 80’s side-scrollers, but it misses the point in how it uses its challenge. Rather than have proper structure and reliance on muscle memory as the games of that era did, Oniken often relies on cheap and nasty death traps that are very much designed to be ‘tough’ instead of challenging. Yes, you can ‘beat’ it and muddle through, but there’s little warmth or enjoyment to it.
On the upside, playing it on the Switch’s handheld mode in bursts does alleviate some of the frustration. The only problem there being the Switch already has plenty of 8-bit games of higher quality both old and new to play. So, pretty or not, it’s hard to recommend Oniken to all but the most ardent retro gaming fan.

Oniken Unstoppable Edition review code provided by the publisher.
Oniken Unstoppable Edition available now on Nintendo Switch and PC. Available later in 2019 on PS4 and Xbox One.
Reviews
‘I Hate Found Footage’ Review: A Clever Puppet Horror Parody That Becomes the Joke
The problem with parodies is that there’s an extremely fine line between precise mockery and simply creating a genuine example of what was being made fun of in the first place. That’s why the best kind of cinematic satire comes from a place of love, as unironic appreciation for the material being parodied means that you’re still left with something fun to watch even when the humor fails.
I was reminded of this while watching I Hate Found Footage, the latest horror comedy by Michael Rock, director of the Tahoe Joe trilogy and founding member of Horror Dadz Productions. This cheekily titled parody has just been released on Found TV as one of the budding streamer’s first exclusive productions, and while I commend the folks at FTV for enlisting a found footage veteran to help popularize their fan-funded platform, the ensuing product might just be a little too accurate for its own good.
Taking inspiration from classic Muppets spoofs as well as a lifetime of experience with some of the best and worst that found footage movies have to offer, I Hate Found Footage may not be the very first comedy to poke fun at the FF genre, but it’s certainly the first one to feature colorful puppets as the protagonists.
In this decidedly meta experience, we follow Eddie Blake and Michael Rock himself as Ollie and Filbert – a duo of talkative hand puppets who embark on a quest to shoot a no-budget found footage movie in the middle of the Nevada wilderness. Unfortunately for the budding filmmakers, their cameras end up picking up much more than they bargained for when their impromptu monster movie accidentally puts them in the path of a masked gang of ritualistic murderers.

What follows is a self-conscious comedy of errors poking fun at all of the most hated and some of the most beloved tropes that the found footage genre has to offer. Ollie and Filbert frequently interrupt their terrifying POV misadventure with jabs at common faux pas like their own inability to stop filming even under risk of death, as well as multiple instances of puppet-based physical humor.
In general, this is far from a bad premise. The kid-friendly puppetry might be a bit jarring during the first few minutes as you get used to seeing this playful duo interact with the gritty real world, but there’s an undeniable charm to the way that these unorthodox characters record ironic versions of the familiar exposition dumps and ominous testimonials that we’re so used to seeing in “serious” found footage flicks.
Unfortunately, Rock is so dedicated to recreating an authentically terrible found footage production that the finished film often feels more like a failed attempt at an earnest project than an enjoyable parody. Sure, the copious amount of jokes and the fact that our leads are played by fluffy masses of felt should indicate that the film isn’t meant to be taken seriously, but pointing out how amateur found footage productions suffer from long stretches of dead air and unnecessary build-up is only funny until the movie becomes the very thing it’s supposed to be criticizing.
I get that having Ollie and Filbert’s ill-advised cinematic endeavor be a laughably bad movie is itself part of the joke, but unlike similar genre parodies in the vein of Ed Wood or even stuff like Sharknado and Velocipastor, which benefit from the fun parts of traditionally “bad” horror filmmaking, I Hate Found Footage has to contend with the fact that poorly-made found footage tends to be more boring than ridiculous.

That’s not to say that there’s no enjoyment to be found here, as I especially appreciate absurdist jokes like when the characters encounter the murdered “corpse” of another hand-puppet, and his full skeleton only consists of a bloodied arm. Or even the ridiculous scene where the duo attempts to simulate a jump scare for their monster movie using embarrassing levels of puppet-on-puppet effects work. But it’s a shame that these elements are shackled to excruciatingly long, though admittedly beautiful, shots of the Nevada setting.
That being said, regardless of certain stilted/unfunny line deliveries and the painfully slow build-up that doesn’t really lead to a horrific finale, Rock is still a skilled enough filmmaker to know that this kind of comedic experience works best in short bursts. That’s why the hour-long runtime comes as a blessing even if it also serves as an example of why the flick would probably have been better off as a short film. As it stands, however, I’d argue that it’s still worth suffering through some of the flick’s cringy moments in order to get to the good stuff.
Ironically enough, I Hate Found Footage will probably only entertain veterans who are already more inclined to forgive the genre’s common pitfalls and recurring tropes. After all, the production was clearly helmed by a team with a deep knowledge of how these movies work and what fans expect to see when they press play on a low-budget POV adventure. While I still think there’s only enough humor and story here to sustain a half-hour-long short, I’d still recommend this feature to die-hard fans who enjoy a healthy dose of silliness alongside their POV scares.
I Hate Found Footage is now streaming on Found TV.

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