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“AHS: Delicate” Review – Part One Finale Satanically Conjures a Whole Lot of Nothing

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‘AHS: Delicate’ struggles to practice what it “Preech”-es as generations of Satanic conspiracies bring the audience back to start.

“You’re having a fucking baby. Of course it hurts.”

American Horror Story is no stranger to more intimate seasons that largely rest on the shoulders of one or two characters. This approach can be successful, but this horror anthology series usually feels the most effortless when it operates like a proper ensemble piece. AHS: Delicate has focused almost entirely on Emma Roberts’ Anna Victoria Alcott and the ticking time bomb that gestates inside of her. It’s proven to be a mixed bag of an approach that becomes even more questionable in “Preech,” Part One’s “finale,” which emphasizes that Anna is not in fact special. She’s merely the latest trend in Satanic subjugation as dark forces give their master plan another go. It’s a turn that presents AHS: Delicate as a much bigger story than it’s initially let on. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that it’s a better one and “Preech” reflects a weak formula that’s in dire need of prenatal vitamins to nurse itself back to health.

“Preech” begins with another blast to the past, this time to 1987, as a young Io Preecher (Julie White) experiences her own Satanically-intervened pregnancy. A sprawling exposition dump is never a productive way to advance a story, especially when it conveniently happens out of nowhere. Curiously, Ms. Preecher’s harrowing story isn’t told to Anna, but rather Dex’s mom, Virginia (Debra Monk), which lessens its impact. It feels like AHS: Delicate wants to keep Anna so badly in the dark that it’s willing to give every other character vital information. Virginia has also been subjected to Satanic torture because apparently when it comes to the show’s supporting female characters: all of them witches. “Preech” continues to reiterate the season’s dominant theme wherein “women will do anything for each other,” yet at the same time Anna seethes over Babette Eno’s success and twitches as her pastries get purloined. 

The most fascinating turn of events that’s introduced in “Preech” is one that threatens to undercut the entire season’s message. Matt Czuchry is doing as much as he can with Dexter Harding, but he’s hardly been the season’s breakout character. He’s been given even less to do than Roberts as he perpetually vacillates between supportive and skeptical. This makes it especially confusing to hear that Dex is evidently the most important character in American Horror Story: Delicate and the true cause for everything that’s happened. Anna’s Satanic pregnancy is somehow all just a way to get revenge on Dex for his past life decisions. It’s somehow all-too fitting that this feminist slant on Rosemary’s Baby ends up being all about a man.

Ms. Preecher drops her share of bombshells in “Preech.” Unfortunately, Anna–and by proxy, the audience–remain in a frustrating echo chamber of cheap thrills. AHS: Delicate cycles through the same creepy images and ideas that have been around since the season’s start, whether that’s goat midwives or voodoo Barbies, without really developing them or taking them to fresh places. These visuals are even less effective now than before since the audience has grown numb to them at this point. Anna’s recurring blemish is distressing, sure, but does anyone expect it to pay off in a way that’s better or different than Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark’s “Spider Zit” scene? A PG-13 movie shouldn’t be able to dunk on a M-rated cable series.

The same issues are faced when it comes to Roberts’ languishing performance across this season. Roberts is often one of American Horror Story’s strongest players, but Anna Victoria Alcott is no Madison Montgomery. In fact, there aren’t any characters in AHS: Delicate that truly stand out. The closest success story is Siobhan Corbyn, but even she’s sparse by American Horror Story standards. Kim Kardashian is actually really fun in this episode, especially when she’s bouncing off of Dominic Burgess’ Hamish, but it’s camp over quality. Even Annabelle Dexter-Jones doing double duty as Sonia and Adeline isn’t enough to wake this season up. “Preech’s” last act finally allows Roberts to break out of her shell a little, show some range, and do something different. This hints at a promising return for American Horror Story: Delicate, but the season has just been too slap-dash and reliant on vibes over validity. Remember Cara Delevingne’s weird character, Ivy? Remember when Anna ate a rotting raccoon?

“Preech” puts in its due diligence, but the biggest problem with this “finale” is ultimately not American Horror Story’s fault. “Preech” is just a standard episode that ends without much fanfare. Granted, AHS: Delicate attempts to cram a few more revelations into its final moments, but none of these are the major gamechanger or cliffhanger that the season needs in order to keep audiences invested for whenever Part Two rolls around. “Preech” was never written to function as a finale and it’s only being presented this way because of production complications from the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. It’s an unfortunate situation that American Horror Story finds itself in and I’ll be genuinely curious to see if viewership retains over the season’s second-half. 

Part Two of AHS: Delicate really needs to up its oxytocin dosage and induce labor as quickly as possible.

2.5 out of 5 skulls

Daniel Kurland is a freelance writer, comedian, and critic, whose work can be read on Splitsider, Bloody Disgusting, Den of Geek, ScreenRant, and across the Internet. Daniel knows that "Psycho II" is better than the original and that the last season of "The X-Files" doesn't deserve the bile that it conjures. If you want a drink thrown in your face, talk to him about "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part II," but he'll always happily talk about the "Puppet Master" franchise. The owls are not what they seem.

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‘Killer Klowns from Outer Space’ 4K Review – It’s Time to Upgrade This Movie One More Time

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Scream Factory has just released Killer Klowns from Outer Space in 4K to celebrate its 35th Anniversary, and what an exciting time to be a fan of the 1980s movie. With the recent surge of Klownapalooza happening in the past few years, including tons of merch made available by Spirit Halloween and the much-anticipated video game scheduled to be released next month, it seems apropos for the Klowns to finally make their 4K debut.

In 1988, the Chiodo Brothers (consisting of siblings Stephen, Charles and Edward) took their seemingly ridiculous premise of having otherworldly monsters in the form of circus clowns land on Earth to wreak havoc on a quiet little town and produced it into a full-length motion picture. Inspired by creature features and B-movies alike, their unconventional film with a deliberately hokey title would garner an initially significant following that evolved into a major cult classic close to four decades later.

In Killer Klowns, After seeing what they perceive to be a comet crash down in the woods, Mike (Grant Cramer, Hardbodies, New Year’s Evil) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder, Weird Science, Return of the Living Dead Part 2) investigate, only to find a totally misplaced Big Top circus tent with some high-tech interior décor and loads of cotton candy. It all seems like a fun time for all, until Mike discovers that the cotton candy contains the bloody corpses of local townsfolk.

The couple seek help from the local police, who of course do not believe their whacky tale. It doesn’t help that the officers include the grumpy Curtis Mooney (played by the late John Vernon in a role almost as memorable as the Dean he portrayed in Animal House) and Debbie’s ex, Dave Hanson (John Allen Nelson, former Baywatch hunk). Hanson is more receptive to their accusations, because he still has a huge soft spot for Debbie, but also has some serious ill will towards Mike for being his replacement. This dynamic is understandably super awkward and a nice little subplot to get you to care about those characters, because who doesn’t enjoy a nice little love triangle. On the flip side, Mooney believes it is only a promotional stunt by Mike’s BFFs, the offbeat Terenzi Brothers (Michael S. Siegel and Peter Licassi), who sell ice cream out of their truck adorned with a giant clown head.

Soon the Klowns get down on the town and start their reign of terror. Will they take over the planet and turn it into one giant cotton candy cocoon? Will Dave win Debbie back or just pummel Mike to let his aggression out? Will the Terenzi Brothers score with the ladies without needing to bribe them with unlimited ice cream? Will Mooney ever crack a smile? All these questions and more are answered in the 88-minute running time.

The Chiodo Brothers created a bizarre yet beautiful carnival of creativity with the Killer Klowns universe that is a major part of the film’s appeal and hardcore fanbase. Let’s start with the Klown headliners— Jumbo, Fatso, Shorty (my boo), Rudy, Spikey, Slim, Bibbo, and Chubby. They are all great villains, vastly unique in look, personality, and weaponry. And that weaponry dreamt up by the Chiodo Brothers is as innovative as the Klowns themselves. The Klowns hunt their prey with cotton candy cocoon guns, flesh-eating popcorn, lethal shadow puppetry, super-sized mallets, animated balloon animals, and boxing gloves with some serious extra “pop.” And if you haven’t seen the film and you think those gadgets sound cool, well they are even more awesome to see in action. Even if the special effects are from the ’80s.

All this talk about extraterrestrial clowns and circus weaponry can easily overshadow our human stars. Kramer, Snyder, Nelson, and Mooney are all fantastic as the leads, playing their parts perfectly. And then there are appearances by veteran actor Royal Dano (Ghoulies 2) and Christopher Titus (Titus), well before his popularity hit its stride.

Amazon MGM klowns

Now I am sure you are wondering how Scream Factory did with the transfer, and you will be pleased to know that they did an awesome job. The picture is absolutely gorgeous and quite a step up from the previous Blu-ray release. Considering that legacy Blu-ray looked pretty good, you can imagine how great the Dolby Vision is for this 4K presentation. Wish the audio was Dolby Atmos instead of DTS, but not a deal breaker by any means because the sound is fine.

The 4K also comes with a Blu-ray that houses the bonus features. There are not a ton of extras, but the ones they have are very interesting, even if previously released: a making-of featurette, an SFX featurette and a featurette dedicated to the film’s score. There are also deleted scenes, bloopers, audio commentary with the Chiodo Brothers, Easter Eggs, and more.

If you are ready to open your wallet and grab a copy, there are a few editions to choose from. You can either grab the standard edition, the deluxe edition that includes an exclusive slipcover, two posters and a Prism sticker, or the limited edition SteelBook—which this review is based on.

You can order one of these versions now at shoutfactory.com.

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