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[Review] Cosmic Horror Courtship Goes Awry in Eldritch Terror Dating Sim ‘Sucker For Love: First Date’

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sucker for love review

I’d imagine the world of dating is more terrifying than ever before in the past two years. All that time cut off from the wider physical world contorts the social experience into a kind of lucky dip. One where you’re less likely to find a diamond, and far far more likely to come away with a maggoty bag of food waste. 

You could totally understand people resorting to more extreme measures to get a little smooch or two. I wonder how many would do what the protagonist of Akabaka’s Sucker For Love: First Date does? He decides to summon a cosmic entity that could destroy him with little more than a cursory glance in his direction, but he’s into that. What’s the end of reality itself when true love could be just a few dark rituals away?

This visual novel dating sim sets out to put the ‘cute’ in Cthulhu (don’t question it, it’s in there) by having our obsessed hunky boy literally risk it all to get a little tentacle action. The result is an endearing mixture of romantic farce and grisly cosmic horror.

Having seen a vision of a cosmic entity, the protagonist attempts to hunt down a copy of the Necronomicon in order to find the correct rituals to summon it. Unfortunately, he’s been conned by internet sellers a few too many times, and when he receives a bright pink ‘Necronomicon’ after forking out an obscene amount of money for it, he’s initially very downhearted. Upon closer inspection, the book turns out to have some merit, containing a variety of rituals, one of which he tries out. The result of that is he summons a shapely eldritch terror known as Ln’ eta. She promises to go on a ‘date’ with him, but if the date goes bad, both his sanity and our reality will be shattered.

This is the first of three ‘dates’ the player can go on (Estir and Nyan being the other potential beastly beaus). The crux of all of them is to perform certain rituals found within ancient tomes exactly as instructed. Failure to do so sees disastrous consequences. The first date eases the player into the flow of things, whilst furthering the romantic story being told. That being of one man and his terrifying eldritch love interest. The rituals usually involve doing some things in the current locale. So for instance, you might need to keep out all light, so you draw the curtains and flick off the lights. Next, you may have to wear certain items or gather the correct offering. Once you’ve ticked off all the criteria, you ‘chant’ the relevant phrase by holding down the left mouse button. then drag the cursor across the text in the book.

Happily, Sucker For Love doesn’t hold you by the hand when it comes to performing these rituals. Little guidance is given beyond the words written in the tomes. The key is to pay attention to exactly what they say and ensure you don’t have a memory lapse that ends up with your mind becoming scrambled eggs. There’s not really a major challenge in these rituals, but they do enough to keep players on their toes. It occasionally throws in the odd timed instance to do so. For instance, several incantations must be performed in quick succession to escape certain doom.

What these rituals do best of all is flavor the dates with something genuinely fresh. Sure, there are other visual novels with twee anime aesthetics that take a dark turn out there. Here, the juxtaposition between goofy dating sim farce and the unfathomable terrors of trying to get close to world-ending creatures is such an exquisitely absurd thing. Something that puts its own unique stamp on the visual novel genre. That is quite the feat considering the wealth of them out there. This is mainly down to the fact it knows what it’s doing with this frothy doom concoction.

Sucker For Love is unafraid to get freaky and weird with its horror element. Better yet, it knows exactly how to pepper that with comedy that focuses on the absurdity of dating eldritch beings with no thought for the wider impact the act causes. The idea that the protagonist is so destructively horny for squid-faced sexytime would be funny enough, but the reality is he only wants to kiss them, and that’s frankly hilarious given the massive gulf that exists between risk and reward. 

Amplifying the usual dating sim awkward obstacles like saying something stupid or making a bad choice on a date by adding body horror and doomsday scenarios is another reason Sucker For Love’s dark humor is something of a winner the majority of the time (yes, there’s the odd fumbled joke or reference).

It’s not a particularly lengthy experience, but Sucker For Love probably doesn’t need all that much more to it. As it is, it’s a punchy, fun, and occassionally grim, dating sim that prefers to steer clear of the darker, dirtier lanes of cosmic horror and the raunchier, saucier side of dating sims. Yet mixes up just enough of both to make for an enjoyable treat for horror fans with a sense of humor.

Sucker For Love review code for PC provided by the publisher.

Sucker For Love: First Date is out now for PC on Steam.

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‘Above & Below’ Review: Antonio Banderas Steals the Show in This Bloody Shark Thriller

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Above & Below Review

Killer shark movies seem to be riding high this year, more in quantity than quality, but still – they’re one of the most ubiquitous subgenres in horror right now. The latest entry comes from Jesse V. Johnson, an established action director dipping his toe into the realm of animal attack cinema for the first time (despite what the titles of his films Savage Dog and White Elephant might suggest). Above & Below features some very hungry sharks alongside a substantial body count, but it’s some very bad men who rack up most of the kills.

A group of friends is enjoying a fun vacation in Mexico when the screw-up of the bunch, Kyle (Diego Llinas), brings them an offer they can’t refuse. They’re being treated to an exclusive cage diving trip on a big, beautiful, luxury power catamaran with a guarantee of seeing some sharks up close. Kyle’s sister, Tatiana (Laura Marano), is hesitant, but she’s overruled by her boyfriend TJ (Donncha Tynan), and their couple friends, Kayle (Christina Ochoa) and Danny (Ryan Bertroche).

Should be fun, why not, what could go wrong, and so on, but then a pair of quiet heavies (Louis Mandylor, Jess Liaudin) with matching Louis Vuitton bags join the passenger list. And then another boat joins them at sea, and three armed men (including a terrifically entertaining Antonio Banderas) climb aboard. And then those hungry sharks aren’t hungry for long.

Like the recent Dangerous Animals and The Bay, Johnson’s Above & Below takes the wise tact of casting its sharks as an underlying threat instead of the main obstacle. They’re both dangerous and deadly when encountered, but the film blends its genre conventions to zero in on mad, greedy, and murderous humans as the true antagonists. It’s a good thing, too, as the actors bringing those villains to life give the film’s best, most engaging performances.

Writer Anthony Steven Giordano doesn’t give this group of friends much to work with – Kyle is a troublemaker, and Tatiana is planning to break up with TJ, but there’s otherwise very little at play between them in regard to drama or depth. The performances, while mostly competent, match that level of detail, and it’s instead the bad guys who find the most to play with as both characters and performers.

Mandylor carries the familiar but fun bulldog persona he’s mastered through a few earlier films with Johnson (including The Debt Collector and its sequel), and his Martin is the villainous loose cannon equivalent of Kyle’s less harmful but more obnoxious pain in the ass. It’s Kyle’s mistake that lands his friends on this boat, but it’s Martin’s error in judgment that signs nearly everyone’s death warrant. Liaudin has the less showier role of the pair as Garrison, but there’s a charismatic gentility about him running in interesting contrast to his muscular frame and cauliflower ears.

It’s Banderas’ Carlos, though, who steals the show in Above & Below and makes it clear why it’s often worth bringing a name talent into the mix for these direct-to-video genre pictures. (That said, they probably should have bumped his paycheck a little bit higher so they didn’t have to use painfully obvious stand-ins when his character is filmed from behind.) He plays the film’s big bad with a joyous sense of life that he can turn on a dime into abject cruelty. It’s fun to watch, and it adds an entertaining bit of craziness into some otherwise serious and occasionally meandering beats.

Less successful, and the film’s biggest issue on the performance front, is Marano’s efforts, particularly when Tatiana’s talking underwater. The SCUBA helmets are wired so divers can talk to each other, and while the scenes are actually shot underwater (and look good as a result), the dialogue performances were clearly recorded later. Nothing wrong with that in theory, but Marano’s recording booth performance never matches or even approaches the intensity of the underwater scenes she’s voicing – bodies are falling around her, sharks are taking bites, and she sounds like she’s lounging in the bathtub on a lazy Sunday afternoon. It doesn’t get much more convincing once she’s back topside, but the script is equally to blame on that count.

Still, flat performance aside, Johnson knows how to craft thrills and suspense infused with character and even the smallest of action beats. Part of the film sees criminal threats on board the boat and shark dangers below, and he cuts between them while rarely losing their sense of tension. The script also succeeds at keeping viewers guessing as to who will survive the excursion, and that’s no small feat for these kinds of films.

While stunts and squibs keep things somewhat lively above the water, Johnson and friends find some solid set pieces below the surface too. The sharks are CG creations, but they look pretty good – it’s really only the CG blood that screams “fake!” every time it appears – and deliver minor thrills as they glide out of the shadows to take a bite or do a quick drive-by. Characters are in a shark cage that’s been dropped to the ocean floor, and as their air tanks run low, they’re forced to exit the cage and retrieve air from the dead, leading to some fun interactions with chewed-upon dummy corpses. One encounter involving Tatiana, Martin, and a Great White shark is a real high point of creativity and execution.

The film is set in Mexico but filmed in Bulgaria and the Canary Islands. Land sequences are limited enough that you probably won’t even notice, and the bulk of the film is convincing with its offshore setting. Similarly, the underwater filming – presumably in a tank – adds an additional layer to the illusion so that you feel the dangerous isolation of it all.

At the end of the day, it’s Johnson’s direction and the performances by Banderas, Mandylor, and Liaudin that might make Above & Below worth your time. The script teases a recurrent theme about the dangerous outcome of keeping secrets, but as with the characters and anything resembling logic, it ultimately does nothing with it. Johnson and his bad guys fight to keep it all afloat, but a better script could have given them even more to work with. Of course, no one comes to these movies for the script anyway, but you’ll still wish there was far more meat on its bones.

Above & Below swims into select theaters today, July 29.

2.5 out of 5 skulls

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