The past few weeks have been very difficult for Australian rockers AC/DC. Vocalist Brian Johnson was let go from the band after they found out doctors had told him that he faced risking total hearing loss if he continued touring, something that they clearly were not comfortable letting happen. Johnson is understandably upset over the situation, as he has been the band’s vocalist for over three decades. And even though he has voiced his displeasure with how things went down, the band is apparently looking to hire a replacement so that they can continue touring. Enter Axl Rose.
The past few weeks have seen rumors that Guns N’ Roses vocalist would be stepping in to replace Johnson as their vocalist. Photographs from TMZ have placed Rose in the same studio at the same time as the rock group and insiders are saying that it’s all but a done deal.
However, we’ve got the inside scoop and we can confirm that Rose is indeed confirmed to join AC/DC…as their kazoo player! Read on for exclusive information that we got from a phone interview!
While GnR is the bread and butter for Rose, his heart has always lied with AC/DC. “Every song of theirs is a masterpiece. Each one is so unique and special. Hearing every song in their library proves that they are master composers. No two songs sound alike.”
Rose has been following the band for years, telling us that he has owned all their albums on every format they’ve been released on, including 8-track. He even trained a cage full of doves to coo out their iconic song “Highway to Hell” on command. He confided in us that this is something he’s been aching to do for years, waiting for the opportunity to show that this is where he truly belongs.
“I’ve been practicing for this moment for years. I’m a perfectionist, you know? I only do things when I’m the best at them,” Rose tells us. “No matter where I am or who I’m with, I’m huffing and puffing on my kazoo. I’ve been honing my skills and I’m now the Beethoven of that instrument.”
For years, Rose has seen people who think it’s him playing the harmonica on Use Your Illusion 1 become upset and disillusioned (pun intended) with his artistic abilities. He decided he couldn’t take it anymore. However, with Rose being such a unique and interesting character, he decided that the harmonica was something in the past and that he needed to look forward, which is why he went with the kazoo. Fan disappointment and personal drive have led him to become a master kazooist.
As shown in the photographs, Rose only uses a 24k gold kazoo because, “…I’m royalty. Fuck Kanye West, I’M the greatest living rock and roll star!”
Rose did me the honor of playing some original kazoo tunes he’d written over the phone. I say with no shame that his dulcet melodies brought tears to my eyes, the songs evoking feelings of nostalgia and longing. For three hours, he played while I sat back and thought about my past and all the places where I’d gone right, where I’d gone wrong, where I’d missed an opportunity… It was magical.
Wrapping up the call, Rose assures me, “You won’t want to miss this. Axl Rose and AC/DC sharing the stage? It’s an event that will shake the pillars of heaven.”
And when it comes to an actual vocalist? “They got some nobody called Ricky Martin. Don’t know who that is.” Rose then dropped the phone and shrieked into the night.
Godspeed, sir. Godspeed.