Cannes, the Nation’s biggest market, it slated to open their door to buyers this May, but already studios are working overtime to acquire films for release over the next couple of years. One company that always makes the big buys for the horror genre is The Weinstein Company, who we learned is already spending the big bucks on some big films your not gonna want to miss. Read on for the story.

The Cannes Festival runs from May 13-24 and is one of the world’s oldest, most influential and prestigious film festivals alongside Venice and Berlin.

We got early word that The Weinstein Company has been making some huge plays – for French films. With High Lane, Mutants, The Pack, The Horde and Humans (Humains) on the market, word has it that deals are in play to acquire not only the aforementioned titles, but all French horror titles for the next decade.

“I am a huge fan of horror and always have been,” Bob Weinstein tells an associate of Bloody-Disgusting. “And with all of the remakes here in the US, we wanted to tap into the real source of inspiration, and that’s French horror.”

“Remember, I directed the classic horror film The Burning (1981), he explains, “I know quality horror,” adding, “we’ve been in the business a long time and have made it our goal to bring US audiences the best in foreign terror.”

In recent years The Weinstein Company have brought us some phenomenal French films including Inside and the forthcoming Martyrs, while they have also locked in deals for some duds like Dante 01.

“We figured if we just buy EVERYTHING, we’ll get our hands on all of the great films, along with some of the less popular ones,” Bob explains. “This has been a very tricky process, but I think we’re close to making deals with all of the sales agents who represents French horror. We’re going to have it all. The whole enchilada.”

Bob continues explaining that technology is a big factor in the dealings, with the obvious remake potential. He goes over his entire distribution plan with us.

“Have you tried Xbox Live? It’s simply astounding. The process is quite simple. It begins with the DVD — all we have to do is make a DVD cover with some flashy foil and all of the foolish horror fans will purchase immediately,” he continues, “then, we’ll edit all of the films so the MPAA gives them an R-rating and all of the families can get themselves a watered-down version at Wal-Mart, Blockbuster and Netflix. The last step is sticking it on Xbox for immediate streaming, alongside iTunes’ new HD shop.”

Bob continues, “But the kicker is the remake potential. When we get the rights, we also get the remake rights, so we can reboot any of the films we buy. And with the way things have been going, it only makes sense to remake everything.” Seriously adding, “I can’t wait for remakes of classics like Jaws and Jurassic Park, what the heck is taking Spielberg so long?”

Sources close to us were on site when the dealings were in progress and said that they witnessed “a full-blown temper tantrum” thrown by the brothers over a small line in the contract. What exactly caused the outburst? Apparently Bob and Harvey want to not only buy out everything, but they also want an option to return anything they don’t like.

They were heard screaming, “We didn’t like Frontier(s), so we just refused to pay. What are you going to do, sue us? We’re the mother-f*cking Weinsteins!” Harvey adding, “When the Easy Bake Oven was released in 1963, I hated it. So I went to the store with my mom and returned it. If I don’t like a movie I buy (without seeing it), why can’t I return it?”

In case you forgot, Fronteir(s) was eventually released by Lionsgate via After Dark Films after the rights were reverted back to the owners when the Weinsteins refused to pay.

The deal will give the Weinsteins dozens of the French horror movies over the next ten years to dump on DVD via their Dimension Extreme label and remake for Dimension Films (their theatrical label).

“As long as we edit everything like Saw and load the films with teenagers with big boobs, people will come out to see it; that’s why Grindhouse flopped,” he jokes. “American audiences are stupid, we tell them exactly what they want and it works 99% of the time.”

What next?

“We hear Sweden has a lot of good horror films, along with Norway. But that will have to wait until after we take over Spain,” he ends with an evil wink that gave our reporter the chills.

The deal is expected to close on April 1st, April Fool’s Day.