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[Review] Shinedown ‘Amaryllis’

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shinedownamarylliscover

Being a long time Shinedown fan, I was stoked for March 27th. Shinedown was set to release their fourth studio album Amaryllis and I had spent four long years waiting for a strong follow up to the mediocre Sound of Madness. Was it worth the wait? Was my nervous twitching and spontaneous vomiting in anticipation of this musical release all for not? In a word…yes. This album, to be blunt, is an utter piece of human excrement. I had moments where I thought I was listening to Nickelback, Three Days Grace, Lady Gaga, Elton John (the bad songs), or Coldplay. This “album”, if you want to call it that, destroys any respect Shinedown had gained from me following their first three albums. Yea, I realize Sound of Madness was not amazing, but it had its moments that made you realize why you listened to them and it drew more fans to their much better first two albums, Leave a Whisper and Us and Them. But then, this giant piece of monkey shit comes rolling down the old musical highway and crushes any memory of those relics of joy. Amaryllis is so damn annoying that I literally became angry while listening to it. I became irritable, depressed,  and my bowels flared up something fierce. No joke, this album made me take the biggest shit since I decided to take on a Crave Case from White Castle by myself. Why is it bad? Do you think I may be being a little to critical of this piece of garbage? Well let me explain.
First off, Shinedown follows the EXACT SAME FORMULA FOR EVERY DAMN SONG!!! It can be a slow song, it can be a fast song, it can be the damn star spangled banner, but guess what? Shinedown will make them all sound the same! The Shinedown song formula is as follows: Piano or guitar slowly building /  drummer repeatedly hits snare drum / first verse / chorus / second verse / all music drops (EVERY SONG? REALLY?!) / repeat chorus 34x / fade into poopy void of silence (which sounds better than the music). Aside from the formula, Jonathan Barkan (your lovely music editor and my podcast mate) pointed out to me that they did change keys with most songs, which is impressive. But to me, it was all in the key of SHIT. Brent Smith does not show the same fire he once had and the band just seems uninspired. The production quality is sub-par as I had a hard time hearing a guitar solo over the blasting snare drum.

I feel like Shinedown went into the studio and tried to write an album that would make them the favorite band of everyone between ages 12 and 16. The lyrics lack serious depth and have an almost Dr. Seuss feel to them (see songs 1-12 for some awesome nursery rhymes for your toddler!) Songs like, Bully and Enemies are just moronic rhyming while songs such as Miracle are so mushy that most men will need a tampon after listening to it.

The Final Word: In closing, Shinedown‘s Amaryllis is awful. Do not buy it. Do not touch it. Hell, don’t even look at it if you happen to be at the store. This pile of manure made me want to build a time machine so I could travel back to the studio during the recording, kick anyone who thought this was a good idea in the balls, and then drink all their beer as I laugh like Vincent Price in Michael Jackson‘s Thriller.  AVOID THIS ALBUM AT ALL COSTS!!!  To hammer the point home, I am going to show you a picture of my reaction after listening to the album:
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‘Lost Themes IV: Noir’ – John Carpenter Announces New Album & Releases New Music Video!

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(l-r) Cody Carpenter, John Carpenter, Daniel Davies - Photo Credit: Sophie Gransard

John Carpenter has been teasing big news for a couple weeks now and all has been revealed this morning. Carpenter is back with Lost Themes IV: Noir from Sacred Bones Records!

Lost Themes IV: Noir is the latest installment in a series that sees Carpenter releasing new music for John Carpenter movies that don’t actually exist. The first Lost Themes was released in 2015, followed by Lost Themes II in 2016 and Lost Themes III: Alive After Death in 2021.

John Carpenter called the first Lost Themes album “a soundtrack for the movies in your mind.”

From John Carpenter, Cody Carpenter and Daniel Davies, Lost Themes IV: Noir is set for release on May 3 via Sacred Bones Records. The album pays tribute to Noir cinema!

In conjunction with the announcement, they’ve shared a music video for the album’s first single, “My Name Is Death”, a miniature noir film directed by Ambar Navarro, starring Natalie Mering (Weyes Blood), Staz Lindes (The Paranoyds) and Misha Lindes (SadGirl). “Noir is a uniquely American genre born in post-war cinema,” states Carpenter. “ We grew up loving Noir and were influenced by it for this new album. The video celebrates this style and our new song, My Name is Death.”

Sacred Bones previews, “The scene-setting new single marks new territory for Carpenter and his cohorts, propelled by a driving post-punk bassline that is embellished by washes of atmospheric synth, pulsing drum machine, and, at the song’s climax, a smoldering guitar solo.”

“Sandy [King, John’s wife and producer] had given John a book for Christmas, of pictures from noir films, all stills from that era,” Davies says of the lightbulb moment for Lost Themes IV. “I was looking through it, and I thought, ‘I like that imagery, and what those titles make me think of. What if we loosely based it around that? What if the titles were of some of John’s favorite noir films?’ Some of the music is heavy guitar riffs, which is not in old noir films. But somehow, it’s connected in an emotional way.”

Sacred Bones notes, “Like the film genre they were influenced by, what makes the songs on Lost Themes IV ‘noirish’ is sometimes slippery and hard to define, and not merely reducible to a collection of tropes. The scores for the great American noir pictures were largely orchestral, while the Carpenters and Davies work off a sturdy synth-and-guitar backbone. The noir quality, then, is something you understand instinctively when you hear it.”

“It’s been a decade since John Carpenter recorded the material that became the initial Lost Themes, his debut album of non-film music and the opening salvo in one of Hollywood’s great second acts,” the label explains. “Those vibrant, synth-driven songs, made in collaboration with his son Cody Carpenter and godson Daniel Davies, kickstarted a musical renaissance for the pioneering composer and director. In the years since, Carpenter, Carpenter, and Davies have released close to a dozen musical projects, including a growing library of studio albums and the scores for David Gordon Green’s trilogy of Halloween reboots. It helped that they grew up in a musical environment. Daniel’s dad is The Kinks’ Dave Davies, and he would pop by the L.A. studio – the same one the Lost Themes records are made in today – to jam, or to perform at wrap parties for John’s films. That innate free-flowing chemistry helps Lost Themes IV: Noir run like a well-oiled machine—the 1951 Jaguar XK120 Roadster from Kiss Me Deadly, perhaps, or the 1958 Plymouth Fury from John’s own Christine. It’s a chemistry that’s helped power one of the most productive stretches of John’s creative life, and Noir proves that it’s nowhere near done yielding brilliant results.”

Here’s the full Lost Themes IV: Noir track list:

1. My Name is Death
2. Machine Fear
3. Last Rites
4. The Burning Door
5. He Walks By Night
6. Beyond The Gallows
7. Kiss The Blood Off My Fingers
8. Guillotine
9. The Demon’s Shadow
10. Shadows Have A Thousand Eyes

The following physical variants will be available:

  • Sacred Bones Exclusive Red on Clear Splatter vinyl w/ Screen Printed 7” bonus track “Black Cathedral”, a Silver Foil Stamped Jacket and poster.
  • Sacred Bones Society Exclusive on Black and White Splatter on Clear w/ Screen Printed 7” bonus track “Black Cathedral”, a Silver Foil Stamped Jacket and poster.
  • All retail Transparent Red, with a Gold Foil Stamped Jacket and poster.
  • Indie Exclusive Tan and Black Marble, w/ Screen Printed 7” bonus track “Black Cathedral”, a Gold Foil Stamped Jacket and poster.
  • Rough Trade Exclusive Oxblood Red and Black Splatter, w/ Screen Printed 7” bonus track “Black Cathedral”, a Gold Foil Stamped Jacket and poster.
  • Shout Exclusive Black and Clear cloudy, w/ Screen Printed 7” bonus track “Black Cathedral”, a Gold Foil Stamped Jacket and poster.
  • Black LP, with a Gold Foil Stamped Jacket and poster.
  • CD
  • Tape

You can pre-save Lost Themes IV: Noir right now!

Lost Themes IV Noir

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