Last night I, along with over 100 million other people, watched Super Bowl XLVI. Did I have any stake or vested interest in either the New York Giants or the New England Patriots? Not really. I honestly rooted for both because they both have Michigan Wolverine alumni on them (go blue!). Also, I wanted to see the commercials (generally a big disappointment this year).
But this isn’t a sports blog or a blog about TV commercials. It’s a blog about music, so I’m going to talk about my reaction to Madonna‘s halftime show and the great many issues I had with it.
1) If you can’t sing, don’t perform
Sorry Madge, but it was PAINFULLY obvious that you were lip-syncing for a great majority, if not all, of your performance. I’d much rather hear you slightly out of tune because then I’d know you were doing your job: being a singer. If you have a CD doing your singing for you and you’re just up there strutting your stuff, what’s the point? Oh, and that brings me to my next point:
2) If you can’t move as lithely as you used to, don’t try
Look Madonna, I get it. You used to move like a damn minx back in the day. Trust me, I noticed. But you’re 53 now and it’s okay to stop trying. You looked awkward and your eyes were saucer dishes of fear whenever you had to move. Raising up one leg like a ballet dancer? Terrified eyes. Having people help you flip and do cartwheels? Terrified eyes. Standing on a raised dias with Cee-Lo? Terrified eyes (although this one would terrify me as well. He looks like a cenobite (see below)).
3) You promised a scandal-free performance. You didn’t deliver.
Okay, this one might cause a bit of contention. For her part, Madonna didn’t do anything that provocative, aside from flashing her panties during a cartwheel (big deal). However, she brought some musical guests with her, namely Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. Nicki was pretty much well-behaved even though she sounded like a yodeler from the Swiss Alps. M.I.A. was another matter though. Yeah, they bleeped out her “shit”, but flipping the middle finger? For all of you who think it’s no big deal, fine, whatever. But keep in mind that she knew exactly what she was doing. It was her 10 seconds on the camera and she knew full well that all eyes were going to be on her, as well as a lot of cameras. So by flipping the bird, she knew it would get on air.
Does it really anger me that much? No, not at all. I’m just bringing up the point. I mean, c’mon, look at this website. Do you think a middle finger can really perturb me that much? I laughed when Jay Hernandez cut off the eye of that Asian girl in Hostel. I’m good! But blatant attempts at causing controversy for no ultimately good reason just irritate me. It’s also not
the first time that M.I.A. did it. Attention whore…
4) What did “World Peace” have to do with anything?
Seriously, can someone explain this to me? We just watched Madonna gyrate with gaudily lavish gladiators, do some shufflin’, pretend she’s a cheerleader, sing with a choir, and then as the last song dies out, out of nowhere, the field has a digital message saying “World Peace”. At what point, in any of the songs she just performed, did world peace come up as an issue? That’d be like watching John Carpenter’s The Thing and the movie ends with “Thou shalt not covet they neighbor’s wife”. If you want to make a political statement, how about actually incorporating that into your show OR do it afterwards when that can be the focus. I’m pretty sure that everyone there was more interested in the final score of the game than in making sure Rwanda calms down or the Middle East gets their shit together.
These were some issues that jumped to mind whilst watching the halftime show. As you can tell, I hated pretty much every moment of it. Was it a grand spectacle? Absolutely. Did everything sound good? Yup, although I’m not happy about that. But did it thrill me? Did it excite me? Did it pump me up for the second half to the damned Super Bowl? Not at all. I felt that it was a giant waste of time and I’d rather have had more commercials.
In any case, be scared of Cee-Lo.