Something about the 80’s and 90’s brought some really crazy yet awesome toys. In fact, I’m really not seeing toys of the same caliber, the same inventiveness, and the same batshit “What were you even thinking?” quality these days. It’s because of this void that I found myself recalling toys that I grew up with or wanting, the toys that seemingly made no sense and yet, at the same time, made all the sense in the world.
Below are five horror toys from the 80’s and 90’s that really stood out to me as being special. I’d love to see them make a comeback, even if most parents would probably say that they’re traumatizing their children. You know what? Fuck those people and fuck PC culture. I want my toys to scream and ooze! I want them to creep me out even if they’re just sitting on a shelf! I want toys that actually make me go “Wow!” Is that really too much to ask?
Inception ain’t got NOTHIN’ on Blurp Balls! It’s a ball within a ball that shoots out when the larger ball is squeezed! Look at the above commercial and tell me that you don’t want one! That commercial was probably the bane of every parent’s existence during Saturday Morning Cartoons.
These things were so crazy and popular that they were turned into a cartoon series AND a video game! Just look at how gross the “sick series” is, especially the one that looks like you’re squeezing its brains out of its head. These are the perfect stress ball for any horror fan!
God, I remember how popular these were but also how it was damn near impossible to find them! It was like finding the holy grail when you stumbled across one in the toy store. For me, the real deal sealer was the box, which was a faux cage meant to “hold” the boglin in place. Such a nifty idea because that made the packaging part of the toy!
Stretch Screamers Blisters
It’s Stretch Armstrong with a horror twist, so how can you go wrong? Look at how colorful the “blisters” get when squeezed! On top of being gruesome, it’s also rather pleasant to look at!
My Pet Monster
Who wouldn’t want a large stuffed ogre-esque creature that had breakaway chained cuffs? Plus, it was large enough that you could use to stomp through your Lego towns and couch forts. What a perfect stuffed animal for causing chaos and then culminating in some harmless snuggling!