Editorials
Trace’s 5 Worst Horror Movies of 2016
5. The Greasy Strangler
There is an audience out there for The Greasy Strangler. I’m just not a part of it. Granted, this is a film that is meant to be seen on the big screen in a sold out theater at midnight. I watched a screener by myself in my living room, so the atmosphere may not have been ideal. On the surface Jim Hosking’s film, about an elderly man (Michael St. Michaels) who covers himself in grease and strangles people when his relationship with his son (Sky Elobar) becomes strained after a woman (Eastbound & Down‘s Elizabeth De Razzo) enters their lives. There are plenty of disgusting moments and gross-out images present in the film, but they’re unable to hold your interest amidst the same jokes that are repeated over and over and over (and over) again. It gets boring after a while, and if a film with as much going on as The Greasy Strangler can bore you then it isn’t very good, no matter how intentional that badness is. If you enjoy The Greasy Strangler, good for you! But I’m going to hootie tootie disco cutie on out of here. I guess I’m just a bullshit artist.
4. Yoga Hosers
As someone who actually likes all of Kevin Smith’s work with the exception of Cop Out and Mallrats (yes, I even like Jersey Girl), I went in to Yoga Hosers with low expectations and somehow still walked out disappointed. The second installment in Smith’s True North Trilogy which began in 2014 with Tusk and will conclude with Moose Jaws* is a sloppy, unfunny inside “joke” that only Smith seems to be in on. This is a film where Smith plays multiple 1′ tall Nazi Bratwursts (Bratzis) that crawl up people’s butts and out their mouths to harass the titular yoga hosers (the two Colleens from Tusk) who are played by his daughter (Harley Quinn Smith) and Johnny Depp’s daughter (Lily-Rose Depp). The film’s 88 minutes are filled with obnoxious Canadian stereotypes (do you think Canadians saying “aboot” instead of “about” is funny? You’re about to hear a lot of it) and some cringe-worthy attempts at humor. The two leads are charming but must work with a script that is so pedestrian that you have to wonder if Smith was trying to sabotage his daughter. It’s telling when the best part of your movie is a music video (of the Colleens singing “O Canada”) shot during the credits.
Call me a glutton for punishment, but I’m still excited for Moose Jaws.
3. Phantasm: Ravager
I will get a lot of shit for this so I’m steeling myself for the comments, but I really did not enjoy Phantasm: Ravager. I am not a fan of the Phantasm franchise, so I’m the last person that should be reviewing the fifth and final entry, but here I am. Had I grown up watching the films my opinion may be different than it is now, but I unfortunately saw the first three films when I was 25 (I have yet to see the fourth). It’s just not my cup o’ tea. That being said, I can’t imagine anyone enjoying this film (though some people certainly have). It plays like a cheaply made student film. While it was made on an extremely low budget over the course of several years, first time feature director David Hartman simply doesn’t have the skill to make this movie. It is clear that a lot of heart is in the film and everyone had good intentions, but it’s a stretch to even call this a film. The editing is atrocious, the acting is sub-par and the script is nonsensical (though that’s sort of a Phantasm trademark). The effects are laughably bad but I won’t hold that against it since that’s the least of the film’s problems. You may think I’m being too harsh on a film whose intentions are so pure, but I just think of how I would feel if another Scream (my favorite horror franchise) film ever got made and turned out like this. As a fan I would feel insulted. This is how Phantasm fans should feel after seeing this movie. I’m genuinely happy for the fans though. They did get an ending to their beloved franchise. I just don’t get it.
2. Cell
Stephen King adaptations are notorious for being hit-or-miss. Cell definitely falls into the “miss” category. While we were gifted this year with Hulu’s amazing adaptation of 11/22/63 back in February, June finally saw the release of Cell, an adaptation that could have afforded to spend a little more time in post-production (or maybe it couldn’t?). After being announced in 2007 (Eli Roth was originally attached to direct it), Cell was stuck in development hell before finally starting production in 2014. John Cusack is doing his best Nicolas Cage impression while Samuel L. Jackson looks embarrassed to be there. The nine-year delay didn’t help things, as Cell was a product of its time, making the film adaptation feel outdated and irrelevant to today’s society. The film starts strongly with a sequence set in an airport that inspires genuine chills, but it’s all downhill from there. Cell is filled with clichés, not very scary and actually pretty silly. This is a film that was slapped together haphazardly in the editing room and dumped quietly on VOD services, showing that no one involved was proud of what they created. And they shouldn’t be.
1. Cabin Fever
The big question surrounding Travis Zariwny’s remake of Eli Roth’s 2002 gorefest is: Why? The film used the same script but switched out the cast and crew (Roth stuck around to executive produce though). It is essentially the same film but with all of Roth’s trademark humor and playfulness removed, making for a miserable viewing experience. Rather than tackle the screenplay with a different approach, Zariwny is content to sleepwalk through the filming process and play the whole thing straight. It does not improve upon the original in any way. Shockingly, the film is even less gory than Roth’s original. None of the actors look like they’re enjoying themselves. Cabin Fever 2016 is an appalling, pointless and (worst of all) boring film. It may be the worst remake ever made.
I was never against Sony’s initial idea to produce solo movies based on Spider-Man’s most memorable supervillains. After all, a hero is only as good as his Rogues’ Gallery is intimidating, so it stands to reason that there were plenty of dark stories to tell here.
While rushed productions like Morbius and Kraven the Hunter didn’t quite turn out as I had hoped, it’s a relief to see James Gunn and the DC Extended Universe learn the right lessons from Marvel’s flops by investing in supervillain stories that aren’t afraid to step into the horror genre.
The new trailer for James Watkins’ upcoming Clayface movie is a great example of this, as the new footage confirms our suspicions that the movie is set to be a full-on piece of body horror focusing more on telling a standalone scary story than setting up a brand.
With that in mind, I’ve decided to take a closer look at the trailer in order to find out what we can expect from this highly anticipated comic-book adaptation from hell.
So without further ado, here are four things we learned from the new Clayface trailer!
4. Matt Hagen is a Club Vesuvius Regular
A seedy nightclub owned by “former” mobster Johnny Sabatino, the comic books have established Club Vesuvius as a hotspot for criminal activity and metahuman action since 2009. Throughout the years, the club has seen everything from an attempted arson by Firefly to magical acts performed by Zatanna herself.
The trailer for Clayface appears to suggest that Vesuvius will feature prominently in this story as well, as the footage shows us several shots of Hagen (Tom Rhys Harries) casually attending the club as well as a couple of more concerning moments where Gotham City Police roll up to the establishment to deal with some kind of emergency.
3. The Movie Will Not Adapt Any Single Specific Comic
As I mentioned before in my Clayface primer for horror fans who aren’t all that familiar with the character, the initial teaser for the film had me convinced that the project would be more of an adaptation of Batman: The Animated Series’ two-part episode Feat of Clay rather than any specific comic-book.
This latest trailer has only confirmed my suspicions, with Hagen’s predicament here feeling much more in line with Marv Wolfman and Michael Reaves’ sympathetic vision of the character than the more traditional criminal that we usually see in the comics. That being said, I’m curious to see how the filmmakers intend to connect this tragic version of Clayface to the more unpleasant monster we saw in Creature Commandos now that it’s been confirmed that these are indeed the same person.
2. James Watkins is Combining Practical and Digital Effects
I’ll always prefer a well-executed practical effect over CGI simply because the former is closer to the stage magic that inspired early moviemaking. That being said, there’s an undeniable artistry to well-crafted visual effects, and I’d argue that a character like Clayface requires the best of both worlds in order to be convincingly brought to life on the big screen.
I’m clearly not the only one who thinks so, as the trailer has shown us that Watkins is combining digital imagery with prosthetics and plenty of flesh-colored goop to depict Hagen’s unique brand of monstrous body horror. James Gunn had already promised us that the film would feature plenty of old-school practical effects wizardry, so it’s exciting to see that this approach in action.
1. Hagen Will Eventually Transform into Clayface’s Iconic True Form
In the comics, whenever Clayface isn’t pretending to be someone else, the character spends most of his time in his “natural” form resembling a gigantic golem-like monster. This look has certainly evolved over the years, but, at this point, most artists have settled on a vaguely humanoid shape accompanied by a gaping maw (though the villain’s terrifying re-imagining in DC’s Absolute Universe is a bit more complicated than that).
While fans were initially skeptical regarding whether or not the upcoming adaptation would even feature this admittedly outlandish design, the trailer has basically confirmed that Hagen’s condition will get progressively worse until he finally resembles the hulking monstrosity from the comics!
Be sure to comment below if you think we overlooked any interesting details in the trailer, and keep in mind that Clayface will be hitting theaters on October 23.
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