Editorials
The Alamo Drafthouse Won July Again With “JAWS On the Water”
Every summer the Alamo Drafthouse holds “Jaws On the Water” events in Austin, Texas. At these one-of-a-kind screenings, attendees are invited to watch the greatest shark movie ever made from open water (Well, sort of open. It’s surrounded by a dock.). This year, the newly-minted Birth. Movies. Death. Events presented the series, which has run for the duration of July. Much like the “On the Water” screening of The Shallows that I attended last year, this year’s screening was equally as fun and eventful. Even better is that this year screenings were added for Jaws 2, Jaws 3 and Jaws: The Revenge (that last one was a Master Pancake screening, of course). Rather than see Jaws, however, I jumped at the chance to see Jaws 2, my personal favorite installment in the franchise, on the water.
“But Trace, why are you going to waste your time seeing Jaws 2? Why don’t you see the much better Jaws?“, you may ask (I know some readers just jumped down to the comments to start tearing me apart). That is an excellent question. While I do agree that Jaws is the best entry in the series in terms of quality, Jaws 2 is actually the entry that I would re-watch at any given moment. You see, Jaws 2 is the first Jaws film I ever saw (yes, I saw it before I saw the first one), and as much as I love the original, Jaws 2 is simply a more fun film. I mean it turns into a slasher movie for the last 40 minutes for God’s sake. Sure, it is the epitome of the bloated sequel (it could stand to have about 20 minutes shaved off of its runtime), Jeannot Szwarc’s direction is nowhere near as strong as Steven Spielberg’s and Jaws 2 clearly has a much less original script. All of that being said I still can’t help but love the damn thing. That’s why I chose to see “Jaws 2 On the Water” instead of “Jaws On the Water”. Also, RIP Marge.

The inflatable screen ready to show Jaws 2!
Tickets for these “On the Water” screenings are $55, and while patrons may be turned off by the steep price tag, it should be noted that every ticket includes:
* A shark-approved inner tube that you get to keep.
* Access to Beachside Billy’s (formerly Volente Beach) Water Park fun from 6:00PM – 8:30PM, including the Lazy Lagoon, The Sidewinder, water slides, volleyball, a beachside bar and grill and a whole lot more.
* A screening of one of the greatest films of all time (and its sequels).
* An explosive fireworks finale.
* The chance to be a floating shark snack for a squad of scuba divers to scare.
Oh! And don’t forget the Mondo-designed pint glass, featuring original artwork by acclaimed artist Kevin Tong:

Mondo-Designed Pint Glass featuring artwork by Kevin Tong.
Needless to say, the price of admission is completely justified. And if you have an aversion to water parks, rest easy that the area where you watch the film is actually on the beach on the outer border of the water park (the park is located on the shore of Lake Travis) All of the water running through the park is fresh water from the lake too. So instead of marinating in a chlorinated cesspool of urine, you’re actually relaxing in a lake while watching the film. Upon arriving at Beachside Billy’s, I was prompted to the registration desk where I had to present my ticket. I was also invited to pre-purchase beers that would be handed out during the screening. After paying a reasonable price of $4 per beer (the options were Lonestar and PBR), I was given one rubber bracelet to trade in for beer during the screening (more on that in a bit). I bought three.

My three beer bands.
I was welcome to grab my inner tube at that time, but I figured since I had two and a half hours to go down the water slides and eat some tasty Texas BBQ that I would hold off. I had free reign to the water slides at the park and went down them more than a few times, but my favorite attraction at the park was probably the Sidewinder, a crazy U-shaped slide with a steep drop. If you like roller coasters, this is the slide to go down.

A rear view of The Sidewinder.
After going down the slides a few times I was able to get some food and grab a couple of beers before everyone in the park was encouraged to get in the water for the screening. I ran to get my tube really quick and ran into the water. For a Friday night, it wasn’t that crowded. One of the park employees informed me that they had roughly 200 tickets purchased for Jaws 2 compared to the 1,000(ish) they had for a Jaws screening the weekend before. I don’t know what’s wrong with people. Jaws 2 is such a blast (okay, I’ll stop defending Jaws 2 now)!
Anyway, remember those beer bracelets I purchased upon my arrival? It turns out those were extremely handy during the screening. Rather than have to swim back to shore and go to the bar for a beer, there were beer attendants standing on the dock and waiting to hand you beers in exchange for those rubber bracelets. You simply swim to the dock, hand an attendant a bracelet and get a beer in return. All you had to do was float over to them and a beer would be waiting for you. You can see them parked on the back of the dock with their ice chests here:

Patrons starting to enter the water before the pre-show starts.
Unfortunately it seems that by opting to see Jaws 2 instead of Jaws that I missed out on two things: scuba divers and fireworks. As mentioned above, many (if not all) of the “Jaws On the Water” screenings feature scuba divers who swim around under the water and grab people’s legs throughout the film. Those divers were not present during the one-time-only screening of Jaws 2. Also missing was the fireworks show at the climax of the film when Brody electrocutes the shark (they usually fire them off when Brody blows up the shark in Jaws). These features may have been missing because attendance was so low compared to the Jaws screenings. It was a disappointing, but certainly not deal-breaking, loss.
The lack of scuba divers and fireworks aside, this was still an incredible movie-watching experience and one that I look forward to attending every summer. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually go see Jaws (though I really want to see Jaws 3 on the water since it’s, you know, set in a water park). Also, I managed to snag a few photos before I started making my way through the water park, so please enjoy some more of my excellent photography skills below:
Editorials
The 10 Most Disturbing Moments in ‘Evil Dead Burn’ [Spoilers]
WARNING: The following contains major spoilers for Evil Dead Burn.
Fans of The Evil Dead franchise have become accustomed to an excess of gore. From the low-fi horror of Sam Raimi’s 1981 original and the slapstick comedy of Army of Darkness to Fede Álvarez’s 2013 remake, which literally ends in a rain of blood, grotesque dismemberment and comedic violence are as important to an Evil Dead film as the outline of Bruce Campbell’s iconic jaw.
Sébastien Vaniček‘s franchise installment, Evil Dead Burn, follows suit with wall-to-wall violence and set pieces built around extreme carnage. As the Deadites rise once again, Alice (Souheila Yacoub) must fight to the death against her possessed in-laws hell-bent on punishing her for their family’s sins.
Co-written by Vaniček and Florent Bernard, Evil Dead Burn follows the ill-fated Price family, descendants of Dr. Benjamin Price who discovered an ancient dagger capable of sending Kandarian demons back to hell. Newly uncovered from its protective spell, this dagger has called to the evil dead and led them to the family’s ramshackle home. Keeping plot to a bare minimum, Vaniček fills nearly every scene with powerful Deadites and their dastardly acts as they torture the Prices to find the weapon. Horrific moments like a woman drinking hot wax from a lit candle and a shocking post-credits child murder don’t even crack the top ten of disgusting, painful, and disturbing carnage that floods the film.
In any other franchise, we would be listing the film’s most gruesome kills. But fans of Evil Dead know that when we’re talking about the Necronomicon, mere death is only the beginning.
10 ) Deadites Burn

Though Burn checks off all the Evil Dead boxes, its story is a franchise anomaly. Rather than possessing anyone who crosses their path, Vaniček’s Deadites have set their sights specifically on an unwitting clan, intent on recovering the powerful dagger. Resurrected from a nearby lake, Deadite Jessica (Greta van den Brink) informs us of this plan while murdering the eldest Price son. Will (George Pullar) is speeding down a deserted road when he slams into the malevolent demon standing in the middle of the road. After his car rolls off the deserted road, he awakens to find himself upside down, a strange woman lodged in his cracked windshield.
As he desperately tries to reach his phone, Jessica slowly twists her head, tearing the skin of her distended neck. Completely detached from her shattered body, the demon’s head rolls out the window and begins chanting a Kandarian curse. Will’s car bursts into flames as Jessica vows to seek out the rest of his family. While burning alive, Will learns that he is merely the first on a deadly hitlist filled with the people he loves most.
9) Dinner from Hell

Despite a remarkably streamlined plot, Vaniček hints at the Price family’s extensive dysfunction. An uncomfortable dinner erupts in aggression as they gather for lunch after Will’s funeral. Mother Susan (Tandi Wright) berates her recently widowed daughter-in-law while father Edgar (Erroll Shand) — already under Kandarian influence — blames younger son Joseph (Hunter Doohan) for his eldest son’s death. No one is safe as long-held tensions break through to the surface and family secrets ricochet through the air.
With Edgar behaving erratically, Alice and Thya (Luciane Buchanan), Joseph’s girlfriend, try to move sharp objects out of his reach. But Edgar manages to get a hold of a fork and turns his rage on the family dog. As he stabs Max repeatedly in the face, Joseph tries to pull his father away. Both are injured in the struggle and rush to the hospital, leaving Susan and Alice to deal with the corpse. A horrific moment of animal cruelty, this scene sets up a no-holds-barred film in which anyone can be brutalized. But perhaps most disturbing is the viciousness already lurking in this troubled family, barely concealed resentments that existed long before the Kandarian threat.
8 ) Bathroom Brawl

As Deadites possess the Price family, Alice barricades herself in an upstairs bathroom. She reluctantly shields her mother-in-law, despite Susan’s atrocious behavior. Almost immediately, Alice regrets this decision when the woman reveals the depths of her hatred. She rejects clear evidence of Will’s domestic abuse, continuing to blame Alice for their troubled marriage. Leaning her cheek against a scalding hot radiator, Susan submits to Kandarian possession and becomes a Deadite before our eyes. Though disturbing on its face, she seems to choose possession over an honest reckoning of her family’s dark secrets.
Now a Deadite, Susan attacks Alice with broken shards of the toilet bowl and wraps the shower curtain around her head. Scampering across the ceiling, she hangs her daughter-in-law by the neck with the plastic sheet as Alice desperately gasps for air. With only her hand free, Alice gouges Susan’s face with a safety razor, finally managing to break herself free. As Deadite Susan taunts her from the corner, Alice revs up a brush trimmer and plunges the circular blade into her shoulder and chest. We cheer for Alice as she finally pushes back against Susan’s passive-aggressive disdain.
7) The Pen is Mightier

In a sea of blood-splattered dismemberment, one scene is so tense that it makes us squirm despite its lack of visual gore. With the family’s ailing matriarch possessed, Deadite Polly (Maude Davey) attacks Alice in the upstairs hallway, pressing her face against the bush trimmer’s still blade. Insisting that Alice has caused Will’s death, Polly invites the grieving woman to avenge her child by turning on the power tool. An instant before her mother-in-law can send the blade tearing into her cheek, Alice manages to escape by jamming a shard of glass into Polly’s eye. But not before the elderly demon can deliver a cringe-worthy injury.
Though Alice struggles with all her might, Polly slowly drives a fountain pen into the younger woman’s ear canal. Ringing blots out all other sounds as Alice’s face twists in pain. We imagine a tiny object bursting through our own eardrums, puncturing the soft tissue lying beneath. Though Alice tries to extract the pen, she only succeeds in breaking it off, leaving half of the quill buried in her ear. She will eventually use tweezers to remove the tip, sparking another moment of deafening agony.
6) Chekhov’s Dishwasher

As Susan prepares for the aforementioned family meal, Vaniček drops a delicious bit of foreshadowing. While the grieving mother thaws frozen food, she absently fills an old dishwasher whose door has long since busted its latch. Reminiscent of a scene from Final Destination, the faulty appliance falls open, leaving a shelf full of gleaming forks and knives suspended a foot above the floor, just waiting for their moment to strike. After returning from a fatal incident we’ll discuss in a moment, Deadite Thya returns to the Price home, hell-bent on retrieving the powerful knife.
As she advances on Joseph, the frightened son retreats to the kitchen and brandishes a carving knife, subtly nodding to an ultra-violent kitchen scene in Álvarez’s Evil Dead. But Thya will not be deterred. Advancing on her boyfriend, the Deadite startles him into tripping on the outstretched door and impaling himself on the upturned utensils. She presses Joseph further onto the blades while he plunges a corkscrew into her throat. But even this will not stop the maniacal demon, who rips her throat open with the wine tool, dripping her blood over Joseph’s upturned face. Adding insult to injury, she marvels at his willingness to kill the woman he professed to love, casting a pall over their entire relationship. Not only gruesome and excruciatingly tense, but this moment plays into Joseph’s insecurities as the failed son of this disturbed family.
5 ) On the Lake

Evil Dead Burn begins on a seemingly peaceful lake overrun with lurking Kandarian demons. Jared (Keanu Karim) is trying to enjoy a quiet day of fishing but can’t stop his friend Leo (Victory Ndukwe) from answering the phone. Along the dock, Jared notices a bite on Leo’s reel and eventually pulls up a severed head savvy viewers may recognize from Lee Cronin’s 2023 sequel Evil Dead Rise. Moments later, Jared finds himself ensnared by reels, hooks digging into the corner of his mouth and eyelid. As the fishing line wraps around his neck, he’s dragged, screaming, into the lake.
Leo returns in the pouring rain and sees Jared desperately calling for help. He quickly boats out to save his friend, but a mysterious force pulls him down into the depths. Leo finally drags Jared back into the boat, only to see that his body has been cut in half, intestines spilling out of his bisected waist. As he struggles to make sense of this carnage, Deadite Jessica emerges from the lake and capsizes the boat, her clenched demon hands causing the water to boil. Though Leo manages to swim to shore, his skin is a blistered and bubbly mess. Deadite Jessica absently steps on his hand, easily peeling away flesh like overcooked meat. This jaw-dropping opener not only sets the stage for a brutal film, but situates the story in franchise lore while simply explaining the Deadites’ return.
4) Car Trouble

The shocking trailer to Evil Dead Burns shows the aftermath of a vicious attack. As Deadite Thya crosses the family threshold, the camera reveals a car’s headrest still impaling her face. But this devastating sight merely hints at the cruel circumstances of her actual death. Incapacitated in the disastrous family dinner, Edgar slumps in the backseat while Joseph tends to his wounds. Though seemingly incapacitated, the possessed father snaps to attention and wraps his seatbelt around Thya’s neck, pushing against the back of her seat. Joseph holds a gun to his father’s head, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger.
As Thya tries to escape the car, Edgar viciously slams the door, severing four of her fingers. She manages to trigger a fire extinguisher, filling the car with cloudy white chemicals and giving Joseph a chance to escape. But Thya is not so lucky. Trapped in the car, she screams as Edgar pummels her with a detached headrest, stabbing the poles through her neck and face. Joseph watches from a safe distance as his father beats his girlfriend to death, knowing he was unable to save her life.
3) Head Shots

When Deadite Thya comes stumbling back home, Joseph believes he’s seen the worst. Unfortunately, his misery is only beginning. After fighting off his newly-sadistic undead girlfriend, he tries to flee with his surviving family, only to find Deadite Edgar blocking his path. Flanked by Deadite Max, Edgar taunts his son by insisting that he should be dead in Will’s place and confirming the young man’s greatest fears. Edgar then does what Joseph could not and shoots himself in the head.
The family screams in horror at this devastating sight, then freezes in stunned silence as Edgar does not fall. Grinning, the maniacal father shoots himself twice more, blowing gaping holes in the sides of his head. For the rest of the film, Deadite Edgar will terrorize his family with these unthinkable wounds, even tempting his wife with a bloody kiss. Vaniček mixes emotional devastation with gore as Joseph must watch his father’s suicide while confronting the truth of his own ineptitude.
2) Down Through the Chimney

Along with references to the beloved Ash (Campbell), it’s become tradition for an Evil Dead film to reference the franchise’s signature weapon. But Vaniček subverts our expectations when Edgar’s chainsaw is out of gas. Instead, Alice employs a rusty bush trimmer to fight off her Deadite mother-in-law. Unfortunately, the extended weapon only shreds her flesh, leaving the monstrous woman still able to fight. Trapped in the attic, Alice must clamber out of an upper window with Deadite Susan hot on her heels.
Having dropped the ceremonial knife off the third-story roof, Alice has no choice but to improvise. Toting the bush trimmer, she inches her way down the chimney, pausing to turn halfway down. As Susan follows her daughter-in-law down the chute, Alice turns on the bush trimmer and waits for impact. Vaniček brings us into the living room as buckets of blood and dismembered body parts begin to rain down over the hearth. It’s the kind of moment Evil Dead fans love, gleefully gory carnage via an unexpected power tool.
1 ) Goodbye Stranger

Despite this plethora of grisly gore, Vaniček’s final act tops the list while delivering a poignant beat of empowerment. With the house on fire and the Deadites subdued, we believe that Alice is finally safe. But as she watches the Price home burn to the ground, the corpse of her husband walks out of the flames. He taunts her memories of their abusive marriage, insisting that she stayed because she likes the pain. Demanding the sacred weapon, Deadite Will chases Alice to a construction site and into an open hydraulic press. In the fall, Alice impales her ankle on a massive spike, leaving her trapped as the pit fills with boiling hot tar.
But Alice finds the strength to save herself and pulls her ankle off the bloody spike. She distracts Will with a decoy knife, then pummels his chest with a jackhammer. Exacerbating her emotional pain, Deadite Will reminds her of his love. But it seems that Alice has had enough. She stabs him with the ceremonial blade, then crushes his head as it turns to ash. It’s a well-earned moment of empowerment as our final girl vanquishes her most powerful demon.
Vaniček’s crowd-pleaser continues the Evil Dead trend of gleefully crude massacres. Two extra scenes hint at a continuation of this gruesome massacre, promising more brutality in films to come.
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