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Why Splatoon is Legitimately a Horror Game

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So, I understand how the premise of Splatoon came about. “Let’s try to design a shooter that doesn’t use gratuitous violence as a crutch for fun gameplay.” Cool idea. So, what’s a great alternative for bullet-induced gore? Well, first you’ve got to add a projectile that lands with a softer impact. Something, I dunno, splattable. Then, you’ve got to have lots of color, because the screen isn’t gonna be red from all the blood and stuff.

What’s both splattable and colorful? Ink! Brilliant; but like, humans don’t really shoot ink at each other. Squid do, though. How about a squid/human hybrid? Fantastic. You’ve only gone and done it. Splatoon is born.

The idea of a humanoid squid is pretty terrifying, though. Like, cue The Shadow Over Innsmouth. I’d give Nintendo a free pass, but this isn’t the first time they’ve gone full Lovecraftian. From the eponymous Majora’s Mask’s Cthulhu tentacles to the fact that Pokemon‘s Mewtwo is the result of the kind of cloning that seems to have beaten the antics of Bloodborne’s Healing Church to the punch, Nintendo has always been operating within some pretty weird territory. I’d like to emphasize “weird”, and extend it to “Weird”, because this is absolutely in line with the tenets of weird fiction, and “The Weird.” Overall, pretty weird.

Nintendo is no stranger to Lovecraftian creepiness.

The Shadow Over Innsmouth, for those who have not read it, is based on a small town and its interactions with an alien species who live in the ocean – the Deep Ones. These Deep bois sign a pact with the local townspeople, in which the townspeople agree to cross-breed in exchange for not being annihilated by the Deep Ones. There wasn’t really an alternative. Give us Deep One babies, or we’ll just straight up murder everyone here. The town obliged to commit to the former.

Years down the line, the town of Innsmouth is filled with people with non-functional eyelids, and webbed hands and feet. Not quite squid-people, but definitely some hybrid form of humanity and cephalopods. In Lovecraft’s book, this is supposed to be, and is successfully, utterly horrific. Splatoon doesn’t provide an explanation as to why its squid-people are emphatically squid-people, but I mean, how else would this have come about? It’s the unwritten esoterica that usually contains the stuff that’s a bit weird, so it’s worth speculating. Someone, at some point in time, eyed up a lovely squid and thought, “how you doin’?”

Also, you’ve got the Octarians, who are the bad guys. They’re octopi, as the name would suggest, and they went and stole Inkopolis’ electricity. Dick move, that. Anyway, there’s some fishy stuff going on in Splatoon (Pun intended because you should always own your puns). At the end of the campaign, when you’ve inevitably reclaimed Inkopolis’ supply of electricity, and all of the squid-people are rejoicing, you can hear some pretty messed up sounds. The devs said that they weren’t aware of this, but I’m not so sure. I think that these are the howls of, I dunno, an entire marine race who have just lost their electricity and are now stuck in the Mariana Trench with like, no lights. Done in by the squiddy bois.

In a way, it kind of fulfills the narrative that you’d expect would follow from The Shadow Over Innsmouth. Eventually, you get an army of Deep Ones, who can either ignore or expunge humanity, depending on what side of the seabed they woke up on – yes, I tried Googling “where do squid sleep,” but alas, my research efforts were in vain… Anyway, this army of squiddy bois can pretty easily create a marine empire, what, with their human brains and all that, and that’s kind of what you do in Splatoon. Despite having three hearts, you heartlessly strip an indigenous marine animal of what it needs to survive and go on to celebrate all colonial-like back in your metropolitan haven for Deep Ones. Like, you’re 100% the oppressor.

Nope. Nothing wrong here.

Color and fun aside, just look at Splatoon from the perspective of the Octarians. They’ve got an army of squiddy bois splatting their women and children with ink. Like, they must be absolutely terrified. Just a day in the life when, all of a sudden, you’re under attack. Yeah, they stole the electricity supply, but I think they can plead Robin Hood and say that they needed it more than Inkopolis. After all, the army of Deep One squiddy bois seem to be doing just fine, and their human brains could for sure figure out a way to provide electricity for both parties. That’s not horror for the Octarians, though, is it? Unless they’re getting splatted left, right, and center, this theory doesn’t stand.

Splatoon is great fun, but you’re basically playing as the things that put the horror into of one of the most famous horror stories ever. I know what you’re up to, Nintendo. Don’t even get me started on what it means to catch Mewtwo in Gen I of Pokemon. You’re getting horror, dressing it up in bright colors, and saying, “Hey, look how fun this is.” And it is fun. But, it’s also completely horrifying when you strip the color away and you’re left thinking “Well, shit. That’s a bit mad, actually.”

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Comics

10 Great EC Comics Stories Not Adapted for ‘Tales from the Crypt’

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EC Comics Stories tales from the crypt should've adapted
The hosts, or GhouLunatics, of EC Comics.

Tales from the Crypt has been influential in keeping EC Comics alive in the public conscience, even after going off the air thirty years ago. That classic horror show pulled from multiple stables within the iconic comic publisher, but it also didn’t adapt everything. Even the ones the producers did pick weren’t always faithfully retold on screen.

So while it might seem like Tales from the Crypt covered plenty of EC Comics’ works, a lot still remains unadapted.

These ten great stories would have made fine additions to the series.


“Bats in My Belfry!” (Tales from the Crypt)

ec comics

When an actor named Harry began to lose his hearing, a friend put him in contact with a special “doctor”. After receiving the gift of super-hearing—a taxidermist implanted a bat’s auditory system inside of Harry—the protagonist learned about his wife’s affair. On top of that, she and her paramour were planning to kill Harry. Of course, they didn’t realize Harry had transformed into a humanoid vampire bat.

Something Tales from the Crypt didn’t do enough of, on account of whatever reason (budget and time restraints seem most likely), was stories about monsters. But Crypt once had the best contacts in the business, so you can bet that were-bat would have been in good hands.


“The Beast of the Full Moon!” (The Vault of Horror)

Tom and his girlfriend, June, were fearful of the werewolf who’d been on a recent murder spree in their area. Tom already suspected his brother Andrew, who may have been infected after a trip to Corocoa. And when Tom had an encounter with the werewolf, he stabbed the creature’s right paw before it could flee. Later, Tom’s suspicions were all but confirmed when he saw Andrew’s bandaged right hand.

So, Tom laid a trap for the monster—a pit—, and he waited nearby with a gun full of silver bullets. One thing led to another, and Tom ended up in the pit with the werewolf. Luckily, someone above shot and killed the beast. That’s when Tom saw Andrew above ground and June in the pit, the latter dead from her gunshot wound.

While Tales from the Crypt did have lycan episodes, like “Werewolf Concerto” and “The Secret”, there was still room for one more. With the comic having such a small cast, though, it may have been too easy to figure out the culprit. But surely someone on staff could have punched up the original story for television.


“Pipe Down!” (The Haunt of Fear)

Lila hated her older husband, Andrew. After beginning an affair with a handyman named Howard, Lila plotted Andrew’s death. She and Howard got away with Andrew’s murder, but now they couldn’t marry for a year; otherwise, it would look suspicious. In the meantime, Lila purchased a pet monkey that was born on the same day that Andrew died.

When Howard found what looked like evidence of Lila having another lover—he spotted a lit cigar and two half-empty glasses—Howard flew into a rage and murdered his girlfriend. That’s when the cops arrived, saying a phone operator reported the disturbance. However, all she heard on the other end of the phone was an animal’s shriek. Once Howard was arrested, Lila’s monkey went back into the house, picked up a book, and smoked a pipe. Just like Andrew used to do.

This story would have fit in with the wackier episodes of Tales from the Crypt. There are quite a few of those—especially later on as the series moved away from the more macabre material. “Pipe Down!” also spices up the typical adultery-and-murder plots that were so common in EC’s output.


“Swamped” (The Haunt of Fear)

Deep in the Okefenokee Swamp, a cannibalistic hermit fed on those who traveled near his shack built over the water. He fed on visiting hunters and then disposed of their remains beneath his home. Anyone who revolted or came after him only ended up in the quicksand. Finally, though, the hermit suffered the same fate as his victims; he, too, slipped into the muddy graveyard below his crumbling shack. Yet now waiting for him were the hungry souls desperate to get back at their killer.

It’s unclear who the writer was behind “Swamped”, but their work here is intense. The insight and colorful descriptions are unexpected for that mere tale of the cannibal who got his just desserts. That kind of writing, along with Reed Crandall‘s artwork, makes this one of the most engaging stories from EC’s horror run.


“The October Game” (Shock SuspenStories)

Mitch, a deeply resentful and growingly mad father and husband, hosted his young daughter’s Halloween party. Kids and other parents soon all piled into the basement. The night of fun then ended with one last parlor game: Mitch passed around the body parts of a witch (an arm, her heart, and so on). One of the young guests assumed these were really things like chicken innards.

Mitch’s wife, Louise, looked for her daughter among the crowd, wondering if Marion was scared. That’s when Louise realized the girl wasn’t there—or alive. She begged everyone not to turn on the lights in the basement, out of fear of them seeing what Mitch had done to her poor daughter. Unfortunately for Louise, her plea was in vain.

Tales from the Crypt usually refrained from child-endangered stories, and it much rather focused on adult characters. But the show also lacked Halloween entries, apart from Season Six’s “Only Skin Deep“. Perhaps the need for Halloween, as a validation of any eerie goings-on, was unnecessary.

This Ray Bradbury adaptation (originally a short found in Weird Tales) is well deserving of a read. It’s a glowing example of suspense storytelling. The comic also never shows a lick of violence, yet it feels incredibly violent.


“Strictly from Hunger” (The Vault of Horror)

ec comics

A posse of men stood before a cave, awaiting something horrible inside. One of the men, Doc, explained the uncanny and dangerous creature; he’d seen it before. Doc told everyone about how his patient, Pete, was diagnosed with a malignant, cancerous lump on his arm. There was nothing Doc could do to help him. Pete then sought assistance from an old witch in the mountain. Using magic, she made sure Pete would never die, although his cancer remained intact and unhealed.

Over time, the cancer cells in Pete’s body consumed all his healthy cells. To keep living, Pete turned into a giant blob that ate others’ healthy cells. Back in the present story, the posse fought the emerging creature until it retreated into the cave. The characters all finally blocked the entrance to prevent Pete from ever escaping again.

Obviously, Tales from the Crypt didn’t have the budget to support a story like this one, but imagine if it did. A body horror episode of this degree could have been fantastic, not to mention outright disgusting.


“Marriage Vow” (The Haunt of Fear)

Martin and Eva’s marriage was no longer a happy one. Eva, who’d become controlling and slovenly a few years after their wedding, refused to let Martin out of her sight. “Till death do us part,” she would always say. Eventually, Martin killed Eva; he loosened the wrought iron bars on the balcony where Eva liked to spend time, and she fell to her death. However, Eva didn’t stay dead, as she came back as a zombie intent on honoring the “till death” part of their vows.

EC did more than its fair share of stories like “Marriage Vow”, as did Tales from the Crypt. Spousal murder was pretty common. This comic, though, delivers a strong implication as the zombified wife tells her husband to “come to bed”. That line makes a reader’s imagination run wild.


“Dog Food” (Crime SuspenStories)

ec comics

A prisoner named Tom swore revenge on the warden, Lester, after a fellow prisoner was tortured and killed under his command. However, to get past Lester’s voracious guard dogs, so that he could enter his house and kill him, Tom started saving meat from his meals. The other prisoners also contributed to his collection.

Tom set off on his journey to Lester’s dog-guarded house, but he ran out of meat before reaching his destination. So, Tom did the next best thing and fed parts of his own body to the dogs.

Once again, Reed Crandall elevated a gruesome, vengeful story with his realistic style. It’s so lurid. At any rate, it was just too graphic for Tales from the Crypt to adapt—and that’s really saying something here.


“Master Race” (Impact)

ec comics

Carl Reissman was on a subway, remembering his “bloody war years” in Germany. Even after a decade had passed, he remained paranoid. And as he spotted a certain other passenger coming his way, a man in all black, Carl became afraid and started running. His mind flashed back to the events of the Holocaust during this “chase”.

Finally, before Carl fell on the tracks and in the path of an oncoming train, he revealed he wasn’t a prisoner in a concentration camp; he commanded one. The stranger in black said to those onlookers, asking what happened; he didn’t even know the victim. This Carl had simply run from him on the platform.

While Tales from the Crypt did occasionally go beyond what was available in their more horror-centric source material—the war-themed Two-Fisted Tales, for instance—it didn’t ever go near Impact. This short-lived series is considered toned down for EC. Even still, that didn’t make “Master Race” any less shocking. It’s a potent entry that wouldn’t have fit in with the Tales from the Crypt show we now know, but nonetheless, it’s a thought-provoking piece of storytelling.


“Forty Whacks!” (Crime SuspenStories)

tales from the crypt

A twenty-two-year-old woman named Fanny was frustrated by her parents; they flipped out when she put on makeup. However, when the daughter discovered a mysterious hatchet in her attic, she became possessed by a strange power and did the unthinkable. One after the other, Fanny used that hatchet to kill her parents.

The detective assigned to Fanny’s case was interrupted by his wife and son. The former had an out-there theory: the hatchet belonged to the infamous Lizzie Borden, and it was now capable of causing children to kill their own parents. The detective didn’t buy his wife’s idea, but that was until his entranced son picked up the murder weapon and took a swing at his pop.

Here, EC dipped into historical crime for a ghoulish story that sounds like something out of Friday the 13th: The Series. Maybe it’s a bit in bad taste, but that has never stopped Tales from the Crypt—which is why we love it.

 

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