Music

Seven Animals That Should Be Metal Singers

Published

13 years ago

December 17, 2010

We live in an amazing world with some of the most diverse forms of life one could imagine. We have plants that eat insects, insects big enough to eat birds, birds that can dive into water to grab fish and so on and so forth. With this vast amount of fauna, it only makes sense to have animals share their feelings and frustrations in one of the ways we do: through song. With that, I present to you seven animals that should be singers for metal bands. Grab your leash and check it out after the jump!

Roosters

That crowing will wake me up ANY morning. Plus, look at that lung control: That rooster can hold his breath longer than Maynard from Tool! The only problem is that he’ll crap everywhere. But if you’re looking for the next G.G. Allin, you’ve got your bird.

Parrots

It might take a few times, but once he memorizes the lines, he won’t forget them. Plus, he’s open to suggestions and rewrites. Also, if you keep him in the cage for live performances, he won’t be able to get any of the girls! More for the rest of the band!

Howler Monkeys

Not only do they look like a hairier Danzig, but they…wait a minute…Danzig, is that you?!?!

Cats

They’ll claw the ever living SHIT out of you if you don’t buy their album/t-shirt combo at their band’s basement gig. Avoid it at all costs my friends, half the album is just them retching up a hairball. Makes me want to throw up each time I hear it.

Dogs

Fierce and loyal, these guys work for dog treats! How great is that?? You keep the money, they get a Beggin’ Strip. I don’t see how the label will have a problem signing you with that clause.

Sharks

Sure they can’t sing, but they’ll eat the hell out of any crowd member that heckles you. And THAT is more important than any octave range.

Godzilla

Do I really need to explain? Okay, I’ll at least say this: the only shows you’d be able to book would be stadium tours. I mean, where else can the big guy fit?

And now, in all seriousness, if you’re tired of metal bands with human singers, here are two that should fill the void for you:

Hatebeak

A metal band that has a parrot as their singer. All the vocals you hear in the above video are parrot. Nothing else.

Caninus

Double the animal vocal power! Two, TWO, pit bull terriers take on the vocal duties in this metal band.

If you’ve got any more suggestions, comment below and one day we may see a sequel article! Also, you can shoot me suggestions via my Twitter.

JonathanBarkan

Managing editor/music guy/social media fella of Bloody-Disgusting

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Movies

‘M3GAN 2.0’ – Ivanna Sakhno and Allison Williams Starring in Horror Sequel

Published

2 days ago

May 1, 2024

John Squires

Pictured: Ivanna Sakhno in 'Let It Snow'

Blumhouse is bringing killer doll M3GAN back to the screen in M3GAN 2.0 in 2025, and Deadline reports today that Ivanna Sakhno (Let It Snow, “Ahsoka”) has signed on to star.

Ivanna Sakhno is said to have a “major role” in the upcoming sequel.

The follow-up from Universal and Blumhouse will release in theaters on May 16, 2025.

Allison Williams and Violet McGraw are back for the sequel, with Akela Cooper (Malignant, M3GAN) once again writing the script and James Wan on board to produce.

SPOILER WARNING: M3GAN ends with the titular doll being destroyed, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned from the Child’s Play franchise it’s that killer dolls can never truly be killed!

M3GAN is a marvel of artificial intelligence, a life-like doll programmed to be a child’s greatest companion and a parent’s greatest ally. Designed by brilliant toy-company roboticist Gemma (Get Out’s Allison Williams), M3GAN can listen and watch and learn as she becomes friend and teacher, playmate and protector, for the child she is bonded to.

When Gemma suddenly becomes the caretaker of her orphaned 8-year-old niece, Cady (Violet McGraw, The Haunting of Hill House), Gemma’s unsure and unprepared to be a parent. Under intense pressure at work, Gemma decides to pair her M3GAN prototype with Cady in an attempt to resolve both problems—a decision that will have unimaginable consequences.

M3GAN 2.0 - Best of 2023