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Confessions of a Crack(down) Addict
Hello. My name is Adam and I’m an addict. I’ve been hiding this shameful addiction for some time now but I feel my addiction has slowly begun to overcome me. It’s because of this that I’m reaching to you dear reader, in hopes of finding more hopeless souls like me. You see, I’m not addicted to alcohol or black tar heroin; instead I’ve been struggling with an addiction to something infinitely more destructive.
I’m addicted to Crack(down). No matter how hard I try I just can’t get enough of those orbs. Everything about them brings me in like a moth to a crack pipe. Their alluring glow, the way they tease me by hiding in crazy secluded locations or on the very top of insanely large buildings. I love the sound they emit when I finally get my trembling hands on one, as if to woo me into looking for its lost siblings. At first I put Crackdown into my Xbox so I could enjoy the pure awesome that comes with being a badass super agent. But no more, now I play it to satiate my undying appetite for those shiny things of pure beauty. Back in 2007, Crackdown introduced me to the glorious activity that is orb collecting and since then I’ve been hooked and falling into the abysmal hole that is the never ending search for orbs. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find every orb in the game, and so ended my affair with the game. Three years later and I thought I was in the clear, I hadn’t had any withdrawal symptoms or cravings. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen reared its ugly face: Crackdown 2 was here and it had even more orbs.
I was immediately thrown back in time, the lust for orbs overcame me and my hands shook with what I can only refer to as Orb Fever. My old self was back and there was no stopping him.
I don’t hate Ruffian for ruining what could have potentially become an amazing franchise; I don’t mind that they didn’t improve much over the original or that they recycled the environment from the first game and sprinkled a little destruction sauce on it. I don’t even mind that they somehow managed to
But I can’t gift my forgiveness for the ultimate crime of making the orb hunting exponentially more addictive. There were a lot of orbs in the first game, so what’s the obvious next step? Add a couple hundred more. Better yet, why not tease me and throw in orbs that actually run away from you. If this isn’t the materialization of South Park’s Heroin Hero, I don’t know what is.
Ruffian didn’t stop there, oh no sir. They weren’t content with throwing in teasing renegade orbs, so they tossed in several dozen online only orbs that forced me to share my addiction with my friends. This forced me to bring in friends with the promise of action packed mutant hunting kickassery and instead every few minutes I would yell for them to extract to my location so I could get the Live orb I just found.
Needless to say I lost some friends this way. Every time they would see that dreaded party invite from Baby Colada I pictured them making a face not unlike the one I make when I see a trailer for a new Twilight movie.
As soon as I located the final live orb and heard the satisfying Achievement Unlocked sound I was overcome with a wave of shame, a wave that quickly dissipated when I realized I only had ten more hidden orbs to find. I promised myself I would stop there, but this was the same promise I told myself after I collected every agility orb, renegade agility orb, and live orb after that. But this time’s different, I’m sure I’ll be able to stop after this.
On the other hand, I do only have thirteen renegade driving orbs left…
Sam Neill, the New Zealand actor best known for his role in 1993’s Jurassic Park, has passed away this week at 78 years old. In a statement shared on Neill’s Instagram page this morning, the actor’s family said that his passing was “sudden and unexpected.”
Neill had been diagnosed with a rare blood cancer in 2022, but stated the following year that he was in remission. The family notes that he “remained cancer free” at the time of his passing.
The family statement reads, “It is with immense sadness that the whānau of Sam Neill share the news of his passing on Monday 13th July, in Sydney Australia. Sam was surrounded by family and passed with the dignity that has characterised his whole life. The loss was sudden and unexpected but blessed by the fact that Sam remained cancer free.
“They would like to express their deepest gratitude to the staff at St Vincent’s Private Hospital for their incredible care. More details will be shared later, but for now, on behalf of the family, we ask that you respect their privacy as they navigate this immeasurable loss.”
In addition to his iconic role as Dr. Alan Grant in the original Jurassic Park and the sequels Jurassic Park III and Jurassic World: Dominion, Sam Neill left an indelible mark on the horror genre with memorable roles in Andrzej Żuławski’s Possession, The Omen: The Final Conflict, John Carpenter’s In the Mouth of Madness, and sci-fi horror favorite Event Horizon.
Sam Neill’s vast resume in film and television began in the early 1970s and also includes the films Sleeping Dogs, Enigma, The Good Wife, A Cry in the Dark, Dead Calm, The Hunt for Red October, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Hostage, The Jungle Book, Snow White: A Tale of Terror, The Horse Whisperer, Bicentennial Man, Daybreakers, Escape Plan, and Thor: Ragnarok.
Sam Neill is survived by his four children and eight grandchildren.
Steven Spielberg said in a statement to Variety, “I owe a debt of gratitude to Roger Donaldson, Gilliam Armstrong, Graham Baker and Phillip Noyce for casting Sam Neill in the roles in which he was so brilliant that brought him to my attention and led to his playing Dr. Alan Grant in Jurassic Park. Sam was exceptionally collaborative. It was a stretch for him to play a character who acted as though children were messy and smelly because this was the opposite of the loving father he was to his children. I adored making all the Jurassic movies with him.”
Spielberg adds, “Along with Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum, we will always have our Jurassic family and Sam will never be forgotten by us or his many millions of fans around the world.”
Sam Neill in ‘Event Horizon’
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