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10 Upcoming Games That Will Prepare You For The 2012 Apocalypse
It’s no secret the world is ending this year. There are just too many ways for it all to come to a crashing halt, whether it’s by alien invasion, zombie infection, nuclear fallout, or any number of other possibilities — the point is, tell your loved ones how you feel because we’re all going to die. While I’m spreading some truth sauce on you, you should know there’s a pretty good chance a majority of us will die slowly and very painfully. You could be eaten alive by the hungry undead, die of radiation sickness, or you could find yourself in an alien’s sex dungeon where it probes you daily until it grows tired of you and blasts you with its Raygun.
Once January 2013 rolls around there probably won’t be many of us left. Our once glorious civilization, founded on the idea that you can call someone a douchenozzle and not get reprimanded because everything you say online is anonymous. However, there is still some hope. Sure, most of us will meet with gruesome deaths, but there are some here that will survive. How long you survive is entirely up to how intelligent, physically fit, and resourceful you are. If you’d like to increase your chances of making it in the inevitable apocalypse, here are ten games coming out this year that can help you out.
Release Date: Q2 2012
Besides being the main attraction of Xbox Live’s House Party (right alongside Alan Wake’s American Nightmare) that debuts next month, I Am Alive is a post-apocalyptic tale of surviving in a world that’s been decimated by a cataclysmic event that leaves few alive. So far, the game looks like a creepy, atmospheric take on the genre — similar to the Metro series, and even looks a little reminiscent of Silent Hill. It’s also a more realistic take on the genre, so you’re bound to learn how to the resource you need to survive, ya know, the important things like food, water, and porn.
Release Date: Q4 2012
The Last of Us made its glorious — and surprising — debut at the Spike VGAs last month, and while we might know next to nothing about it, the simple fact that it’s being developed by Uncharted developer Naughty Dog is enough of a reason to get excited. What makes it a little more exciting is it takes place in a world where human civilization has been all but wiped out by something (I’m guessing some sort of mutant form of Cordyceps) and now it’s up to an unshaven man and Ellen Page to survive in a hostile world brimming with Smokers.
If you didn’t get that, don’t worry, just know that there are some Left 4 Dead fans who are nodding approvingly at their computer monitors right now.
Release Date: Q3 2012
Lara Croft is getting another makeover, and this time it doesn’t include the addition of more polygons to her torso area. Gone is the cheeky super-chick who runs around tombs shooting stuff while uttering the occasional witty one-liner. That’s since been replaced by a younger and more innocent Lara, a Lara who soon finds herself in a situation that would make a grown man poo himself. A survival horror approach might not have worked for every series that tries to dive into the genre (I’m looking at you, Red Faction), but this looks promising.
Release Date: Q2 2012
If you haven’t had the opportunity to play Metro 2033 than you are officially a total asshole. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s an amazing game you can get for super cheap, so really, there’s no reason not to give it a go. Some of the issues that plagued the original included a frustrating AI and some poor gunplay, but both of those are likely to have been fixed now that THQ’s throwing more money and time into it. If Last Light is even half as atmospheric and unsettling as the 2033, it’ll be a memorable game.
Release Date: April 2012
I’m pretty sure TJ goes to be each night with a pillow next to him that has a screenshot of The Secret World taped to it. I picture him kissing it gently and cooing softly into its fluffy, goose down ear but three words… “Soon, my love.” Then he falls asleep while dreaming about all the things he’ll do to it when it finally comes out in just a few short months.
So yeah, this game looks great, but TJ wants it in his mouth. All I’m saying is if you see him in a GameStop on launch date and there’s only one copy left, watch yourself.
Release Date: September 1, 2012
I loved the hell out of Borderlands, and come September, there’s a pretty good chance you won’t be hearing from me for some time as I roam those gorgeous cel-shaded vistas in search of the ultimate bounty. With new characters, weapons, skills, weapons, quests, and weapons, Borderlands is shaping up to be one of the most exciting games of the year.
Release Date: February 14, 2012
Since there’s a possibility you’ll be chased a lot in the coming apocalypse, it’s good to cover all your bases. You see, for some of the less active people among us, too much running can be an issue that even the mightiest of inhalers cannot solve. Thankfully, Twisted Metal will soon be here to teach us all how to drive really angry. Not angry in the same way that every time I got in a car with my dad the entire drive would be filled with him cursing at every other person on the road — this is the type of angry where you get to ruin other drivers with your heavily armed super-vehicle. Did someone just cut you off? Shove a rocket up their ass.
Release Date: March 20, 2012
Admit it, you saw this one coming. I don’t know how it’s going to turn out, and even after seeing a ton of screenshots and gameplay, I just can’t tell. It could surprise us all and be a fantastic squad-based Resident Evil, or it could suck real hard. I’m hoping on the former while I prepare myself mentally for the latter. At the very least it lets you throw that whole established timeline thing out the window so you can kill major characters like Resident Evil 4’s Leon Kennedy. You can even do it as HUNK. That alone pretty much pays for the $60 asking price.
Release Date: TBA 2012
Every once in a while a game comes along that is just so fucking weird that you have no choice but to love it. If you know who Goichi Suda, or Suda51 is, then you probably know that roughly 90% of the weird game market is the product of that crazy bastard. No More Heroes, Killer7, Shadows of the Damned — they all came from that guy. His next project is Lollipop Chainsaw, also known as that game with the best title ever, and believe it or not, it actually looks like it’ll be more bizarre than its title suggests. You have a chainsaw-wielding cheerleader who kicks zombie ass with her cheer moves (and the chainsaw, naturally) while being aided by a disembodied head.
Oh, and there’s totally an evil geek goth who’s also the cause of all this crazy. Delicious.
Release Date: “It’s out when it’s out.” – Blizzard
I saved this one for last because I’m positive that when it does come out, it’s going to blow everyone away, set a new bar for dungeon crawling RPGs, and completely ruin my social life. The weird thing is, I haven’t really had a social life since Skyrim came out, so I can’t afford to spend even more time gaming. It just isn’t healthy. Oh well. I can always justify the inordinate amount of time I spend with this game as a way to prepare for the end of the world. If the 2012 doomsday is of the religious variety, playing Diablo III will teach me how to be a badass demon hunter.
What about you? Out of these ten tasty titles, which are you most looking forward to?
We are now one full month into Spring 2024, which kicked off on Tuesday, March 19 and comes to an end with the start of Summer on Thursday, June 20. This year’s summer movie season has a whole bunch of exciting horror highlights, including A Quiet Place: Day One, MaXXXine, and Alien: Romulus, but let’s hold that particular thought until June rolls around.
We’re here today to talk about Spring 2024 and the many horrors we still have left before the weather gets warmer and we find ourselves in the heat of one hell of a spooky summer.
Here are 12 horror movies you don’t want to miss in Spring 2024!
STING – April 12
Two words: SPIDER HORROR. Writer/Director Kiah Roache-Turner (Wyrmwood) hopes to induce eight-legged terror with his brand new horror movie Sting, only in theaters April 12.
Of particular note, Sting features practical spider effects from 5-time Academy Award Winner Weta Workshop, with the spider in this one inspired by H.R. Giger’s Xenomorph!
In Sting, “One cold, stormy night in New York City, a mysterious object falls from the sky and smashes through the window of a rundown apartment building. It is an egg, and from this egg emerges a strange little spider. The creature is discovered by Charlotte, a rebellious 12-year-old girl obsessed with comic books. Keeping it as a secret pet, she names it Sting.
“But as Charlotte’s fascination with Sting increases, so does its size. Growing at a monstrous rate, Sting’s appetite for blood becomes insatiable.”
BLACKOUT – APRIL 12
Indie darling Larry Fessenden is back with new horror movie Blackout this Spring, Fessenden’s third movie – following Habit and Depraved – to put his own spin on classic monsters.
While Habit was centered on vampires and Depraved was a fresh take on Frankenstein’s Monster, Larry Fessenden’s Blackout is the filmmaker’s contribution to werewolf cinema.
The film follows Charley, an artist whose drinking binges blur with his sneaking suspicion that he might be a werewolf. He distances himself from those he loves and sinks deeper into solitude, his flashes of memory of his nighttime grisly acts manifested through his artwork.
ARCADIAN – APRIL 12
If Nicolas Cage is covered in blood, you better believe we’re going to be watching. Cage gets his own A Quiet Place with Arcadian, a new creature feature coming to theaters April 12.
In Arcadian, which also comes to Shudder later this year, “After a catastrophic event depopulates the world, a father (Nicolas Cage) and his two sons must survive their dystopian environment while being threatened by mysterious creatures that emerge at night.”
Jaeden Martell (IT 2017) also stars in the post apocalyptic monster movie.
ABIGAIL – APRIL 19
If you’re bummed about Melissa Barrera being fired from the Scream franchise, you’ll definitely want to get out to your local theater this month to support Abigail, the new VAMPIRE BALLERINA horror movie from Scream and Scream VI directors Radio Silence.
Barrera stars alongside fellow horror favorite Kathryn Newton (Freaky) in Abigail, which is actually the latest horror movie in Universal’s relaunched Universal Monsters Universe.
In the film, “After a group of would-be criminals kidnap the 12-year-old ballerina daughter of a powerful underworld figure, all they have to do to collect a $50 million ransom is watch the girl overnight. In an isolated mansion, the captors start to dwindle, one by one, and they discover, to their mounting horror, that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl.”
LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL – APRIL 19
One of the most talked about horror movies of Spring 2024 has been the Halloween 1977-set Late Night With the Devil, which has been playing in theaters since its premiere on March 22.
Late Night with the Devil will begin streaming at home on April 19, 2024, less than one month after arriving in theaters. Shudder will be the exclusive streaming home of the movie.
David Dastmalchian (Dune, The Suicide Squad) stars as the host of a late-night talk show that descends into a nightmare in Late Night with the Devil, set on Halloween 1977.
In the found footage-style film that captures a period aesthetic, “A live television broadcast in 1977 goes horribly wrong, unleashing evil into the nation’s living rooms.”
INFESTED – APRIL 26
Spring 2024 is all about SPIDERS – sorry, arachnophobes! – with the previously mentioned Sting being followed by the French creature feature Infested (Vermines) later this month.
What’s particularly exciting about Infested is that its director, Sébastien Vaniček, has been hired to direct the next installment in the Evil Dead film franchise, so this will be our first taste of what Vaniček is capable of within the genre. And the buzz for this one is strong.
In his review out of Fantastic Fest last year, for starters, Bloody Disgusting’s own critic Trace Thurman raved that Infested is “one of the best spider attack movies in years.”
In the upcoming horror film, “Fascinated by exotic animals, Kaleb finds a venomous spider in a shop and brings it back to his apartment. It only takes a moment for the spider to escape and reproduce, turning the whole building into a dreadful web trap.”
HUMANE – APRIL 26
The daughter of horror master David Cronenberg, Caitlin Cronenberg is making her own mark in the genre filmmaking space with IFC Films’ Humane, coming to theaters this month.
The film is described as “a dystopian satire taking place over a single day, months after a global ecological collapse has forced world leaders to reduce the earth’s population.”
The wild premise? 20% of the world’s population must VOLUNTEER TO DIE!
“In a wealthy enclave, a recently retired newsman has invited his grown children to dinner to announce his intentions to enlist in the nation’s new euthanasia program. But when the father’s plan goes horribly awry, tensions flare and chaos erupts among his children.”
I SAW THE TV GLOW – MAY 3
Fresh off the haunting and singularly creepy indie We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, Jane Schoenbrun is back with A24‘s I Saw the TV Glow, releasing only in theaters this May.
Meagan Navarro wrote in her Sundance review for BD, “I Saw the TV Glow offers a layered and authentic portrait of identity, wrapped in ’90s nostalgia and surreal imagery that embeds itself deep into your psyche.” Meagan continues, “Schoenbrun delivers a singular vision of arthouse horror that entrances for its fevered dream style and insanely cool imagery.”
In A24’s latest, “Owen is just trying to make it through life in the suburbs when his classmate introduces him to a mysterious TV show — a vision of a supernatural world beneath their own. In the pale glow of the television, Owen’s view of reality begins to crack.”
TAROT – MAY 3
Originally titled Horrorscope, a much better title if you’re asking me, Screen Gems returns to the big screen with studio horror movie Tarot this Spring, a Tarot-card themed spookshow.
When a group of friends recklessly violates the sacred rule of Tarot readings – never use someone else’s deck – they unknowingly unleash an unspeakable evil trapped within the cursed cards in the upcoming Screen Gems horror movie Tarot. One by one, they come face to face with fate and end up in a race against death to escape the future foretold in their readings.
The hook for this one? Artist Trevor Henderson designed the film’s eight monsters!
THE STRANGERS: CHAPTER 1 – MAY 17
Bryan Bertino’s 2008 home invasion classic The Strangers spawns a brand new reboot trilogy this year, with first film The Strangers: Chapter 1 kicking things off in theaters on May 17.
The Strangers: Chapter 2 is expected to follow in Fall 2024.
Madelaine Petsch is the lead of the new reboot trilogy, playing a character who drives cross-country with her longtime boyfriend to begin a new life in the Pacific Northwest.
When their car breaks down in Venus, Oregon, they’re forced to spend the night in a secluded Airbnb, where they are terrorized from dusk till dawn by three masked strangers.
IN A VIOLENT NATURE – MAY 31
Slasher fans who have been hungry for a new Friday the 13th movie won’t want to miss In a Violent Nature, which plays out like a Friday movie… entirely from Jason’s perspective!
IFC Films will release In a Violent Nature exclusively in theaters on May 31.
In the film, “When a locket is removed from a collapsed fire tower in the woods that entombs the rotting corpse of Johnny, a vengeful spirit spurred on by a horrific 60-year old crime, his body is resurrected and becomes hellbent on retrieving it. The undead golem hones in on the group of vacationing teens responsible for the theft and proceeds to methodically slaughter them one by one in his mission to get it back – along with anyone in his way.”
Meagan Navarro wrote in her Sundance review for Bloody Disgusting, “In a Violent Nature may offer slasher thrills and a delightfully gory rampage across the wilderness, but the approach captures the carnage through ambient realism. It results in a fascinating arthouse horror experiment that plays more like a minimalist slice-of-life feature with a grim twist.”
THE WATCHERS – JUNE 14
M. Night Shyamalan returns with the new thriller Trap this coming August, but the road to that film’s release will be paved by the feature debut of his daughter, Ishana Night Shyamalan.
Ishana Night directed The Watchers, in theaters from WB/New Line on June 14.
The film follows Mina, a 28-year-old artist, who gets stranded in an expansive, untouched forest in western Ireland. When Mina finds shelter, she unknowingly becomes trapped alongside three strangers who are watched and stalked by mysterious creatures each night.
Which Spring 2024 horror movies are YOU most looking forward to?
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