Reddit user SuiXcite is a self-professed hip hop and IDM, Chiptunes/Demoscene and Roots Music listener. He cites artists such Kanye West and Kendrick Lamar, as well as “…a lot of assorted underground artists.”

Well, SuiXcite decided to take the plunge on listening to some metal. He then proceeded to narrow it down to, “…Metallica, Iron Maiden, and Opeth. I chose Opeth because I knew the least about them, and I felt adventurous.” Choosing Blackwater Park as his album for the evening, he put it on and started recurring his thoughts for each song. I don’t know why but I found them absolutely hilarious!

Below are his thoughts on the opening track, “The Leper Affinity”. If you get as much of a kick out of it as I did, head on over to this Reddit thread to read his thoughts on the other tracks.

Pre-Start: Wow, metal songs are long. I’m seeing like, 5-10 minute songs here. Are they all like this? I thought Joe Budden (rapper) was ballsy for having one 10 minute long song. Damn.
The Leper Affinity:
(0:00) – OH GOD OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING. There’s this “dread chord” type sound playing and it won’t stop getting louder I’m scared maybe I should turn down my head-
(0:29) SHIT, that’s loud.
(0:30) I’m liking the sound of this. The vocals come in, and I’m pleasantly surprised. The vocals aren’t necessarily harsh or grating. Then again, one of the most vocally grating bands I have listened to “regularly” (moderately listened to Pandora station) is Every Time I Die. I was told they were “mathcore” or something though. This is also produced/mastered pretty well.
(1:25) I don’t really understand what’s happening, but I like it. I’m going to turn the volume up. That’s what I’m supposed to do right? I’ve got Hifiman HE-400s. They can handle this.
(3:17) It’s kinda weird being only a third of the way through the song at this point, but on the other hand I don’t feel like the song should be over.
(4:15) I’m loving the instrumental breaks. I’ve always likened metal to a sort of “classical, technical mentality”+hard rock kind of sound from what little I had heard from it. I’m definitely getting that vibe, but it doesn’t feel over done or pretentious. This is really good.
(4:48) Holy shit I had to pause. There’s actual singing happening here. I wasn’t expecting that after the growling. It’s pretty awesome though, this guy is a great vocalist, and I love the acoustic-sounding guitar interlude he’s singing over.
(5:39) This phrase feels so strong, so moving, I’m getting the feeling of being in a strange place, and something serious is going down. Like, people are dying. Then again, this is called “The Leper Affinity”.
(8:24) The layering of instruments that’s happening here is fucking amazing.
(9:00) Dat piano tho. Things are calming down. Maybe “I”, or whoever can stop running, maybe I’m falling asleep. I picture a kind of grey, cell-like room. Comfortable, cozy but still a sense of dread. Wait. Am I dying? Fuck, I better not be dying.