Winston Zeddemore has always been my favorite character in the first Ghostbusters, especially because of the way he’s portrayed.

“If there’s a steady paycheck in it, I’ll believe anything you say.”

Played by Ernie Hudson, Winston comes off like a blue collar everyman – someone we could all relate to. But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, Hudson was a last minute casting decision when the studio allegedly couldn’t land Eddie Murphy. And because Hudson wasn’t the “SNL” vet, they cut his dialogue and role massively. So much so that Hudson feels as if it destroyed his career.

I always give Hudson shit for clinging on to his Winston role, and pimping himself for autographs at every convention in town, but now I actually understand why, and it sucks.

I’ve always thought Hudson was a successful actor – I mean, I see him all over television – but, according to the 68-year-old actor, he’s a struggling actor that’s still waiting for his dream role.

On the film’s 30th anniversary, Hudson wrote a very emotional story in EW about his bittersweet relationship with a beloved franchise.

I look back on Ghostbusters in a very fun way, but it’s got so many mixed feelings and emotions attached to it. When I originally got the script, the character of Winston was amazing and I thought it would be career-changing. The character came in right at the very beginning of the movie and had an elaborate background: he was an Air Force major something, a demolitions guy. It was great.

Now I’ve heard, over the years, that the part had been written for Eddie Murphy—all of which Ivan Reitman says is not true. But it was a bigger part, and Winston was there all the way through the movie. After a long audition process, I finally got the part and made the awful mistake of letting it be known that I really, really wanted it. In Hollywood in those days, you set your quote—so if anybody calls about wanting to work with you, they had to meet your quote. I had just worked with Columbia on Spacehunter, and my quote was pretty decent. For Ghostbusters, they came in at only half of my quote, because they said this role was going to make my career. I said to my agent, “I don’t care. Just take it, because I believe that.” So we go to New York and we rehearse for three weeks or whatever and I’m ready to roll.

The night before filming begins, however, I get this new script and it was shocking. The character was gone. Instead of coming in at the very beginning of the movie, like page 8, the character came in on page 68 after the Ghostbusters were established. His elaborate background was all gone, replaced by me walking in and saying, “If there’s a steady paycheck in it, I’ll believe anything you say.” So that was pretty devastating.

I’m panicked. I don’t sleep that night. It was like my worst nightmare is happening. The next morning, I rush to the set and plead my case. And Ivan basically says, “The studio felt that they had Bill Murray, so they wanted to give him more stuff to do.” I go, “Okay, I understand that, but can I even be there when they’re established?” And of course, he said no, there’s nothing to do about it. It was kind of awkward, and it became sort of the elephant in the room.

…

The sad part is the thing that I thought that Ghostbusters would do, which is really kickstart my career into high gear, it never really materialized. I’ve never been told that I’ve gotten a job because of Ghostbusters; I think there have been a few jobs that I’ve lost [because of it]. Since [the movie], I’ve been given and taken advantage of the opportunity to perform a myriad of challenging roles, so what am I complaining about?

Now 30 years later, seeing little kids with their Ghostbusters backpacks, seeing whole families dress up—the movie has a special place, and I’m very humbled and touched by it. I certainly am thankful to have been a part of it. I love being an actor. I still enjoy the process. I’m still hoping that I’m going to get that one great role that I thought I had in the original Ghostbusters. 30 years later, I’m still looking.

There’s a lot more hurt Hudson is holding onto, and I highly recommend reading the full article for a reality check on how brutal and cold Hollywood truly is.