As we’ve already established, 2014 has been good to horror fans. Unfortunately, the bad and the ugly often outnumber the good and the unforgettable, so for every Babadook we’re left with a half-dozen Paranormal Activity Sequel Number Blah: Spooky Boogaloo. Every film geek eventually gets familiar with that horrible feeling you get when the credits roll and you gradually realize you’ve just wasted two hours on a movie that’s particularly awful.
To save your from that unwelcome realization, I’ve decided to make more of an effort than any of the filmmakers did with the movies on this list and come up with a handful of some of the worst horror movies of 2014. I’ve sat through them so you don’t have to.
Extraterrestrial / Alien Abduction
Whether or not you believe in them, the idea of aliens is a scary one. It isn’t their appearance. If sickly creatures with freaky googly eyes terrified us, the Lemur, Mother Nature’s heroin addict, would’ve been the first to go. They’re an unknown, a mystery, and since humanity has an inherent fear in things we don’t understand, that makes them scary. Signs had me until Shyamalan decided to keep the alien on-screen long enough for me to see its goofy face.
2014 may have gifted us with Under the Skin, but it also shat out the twin turds that were Extraterrestrial and Alien Abduction. I won’t even bother separating the two. They each fail spectacularly to make aliens scary. Instead, they take turns falling back on poorly constructed scares, dull characters and weak, uninspired stories.
If it’s a film about aliens you crave, watch Under the Skin. Seriously, go watch it. Forget these films exist and watch it.