A Shitty Supernatural Episode.

After visiting the quiet, foggy town of Silent Hill last week, we’re now heading on a vampire-filled desert road trip in J.S. Cardone‘s dreadfully boring 2001 film The Forsaken.

In the film, Sean (Kerr Smith) is driving cross-country to deliver a vintage Mercedes, but does the one thing he wasn’t suppose to do — pick up a hitchhiker. From that moment on, his road trip is transformed into a surreal and terrifying nightmare. Sean’s new companion, Nick (Brendan Fehr), is not the laid back, aimless traveler he seems to be. He is a hunter. And his prey is a roving band of forsaken youths who feed upon hapless victims found in the dead of the night — in a word, vampires.

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Episode 123 – The Forsaken (2001) feat. Paul Etheredge

Protect your wallets from suspicious drifters because we’re ending April with a boring, unsexy vampire road trip movie: J.S. Cardone The Forsaken! Joining us for this torturous venture is Hellbent director Paul Etheredge!

Join us as we try to determine whether the film is unintentionally homoerotic or just plain bro-y. We’ll delve into Simon Rex‘s ’90s porn career, talk about some of our own porn preferences, and discuss the heavy vampirism-as-AIDS metaphor the film incorporates.

A discussion of The Forsaken can’t be had without discussing kinda-sorta lead actress Izabella Miko and how the film mishandles her character. (She’s nude in her introductory scene, has maybe five lines of dialogue and isn’t given a name until the end credits.) Yay, feminism!

Plus, title card titties, Johnathon Schaech giving a performance, new (terrible) vampire lore, waitresses really concerned about the coffee bill and just how many times can these characters run out of gas? Spoiler alert: it’s a lot.

Cross out The Forsaken!

Coming up on Wednesday: We move the clock back a few years to 1998 to revisit the staff of Herrington High school in Robert Rodriguez’s sci-fi horror film The Faculty!

P.S. Subscribe to our Patreon for tons of additional content! In May we’re doing a Ghosts ‘n Zombies theme with episodes on new films like Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead and Simon Barrett’s Seance, and episodes on “older” films like Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake and Mike Flanagan’s Ouija: Origin of Evil!